An Exercise in Futility

I must commend Nanny's latest initiative on trying to persuade smokers to quit the evil habit.

Nanny has set up a special website (www.packwarnings.nhs.uk/index.aspx) which asks smokers and non smokers to fill in a questionnaire about their smoking habits, job and ethnic origin.

It then takes the respondee onto a page showing a series of photos that Nanny wants to print on fag packets. The smoker/non smoker is invited to select the one that is most likely to put them off smoking.

The "winning" photo will then be printed on fag packets next year.

One small point about this rather odd site. The smokers who respond to the survey are well aware of the dangers of smoking, and by definition will not be deterred from smoking by seeing a photo that they have already chosen; those who don't smoke have no ability to determine what will put smokers off smoking.

An exercise in futility if ever there was one.

Nanny Bans Rudeness

Following on from yesterday's article about Nanny's Driver and Vehicle Licensing Agency (DVLA) setting up a Diversity Awareness Unit, it seems that our good friends in the DVLA have also been worrying about our moral well being as well as our diversity.

Nanny's trolls in the DVLA have banned thousands of number plates, because they're too rude.

The DVLA has drawn up a blacklist (hasn't Nanny banned that word?) which includes registration numbers such as AA55HOL (asshole) and D055ERR (dosser).

Small point here, personalised plates are part of the "free market" whereby we as consumers can buy and sell what we want.

Quite Why Nanny chooses to interfere in the workings of the free market I have no idea.

Anyhoo, plates such as M1 BUM (my bum) and HO03 KER are also banned.

In addition to "rude" words, the ban covers plates with religious connotations such as JE55USS or references to terrorism such as HA06MAS (Palestinian group Hamas) and registrations which could be traded by far right groups like AU55WTZ (Auschwitz) and GO05TEP (goosestep).

H8 GAY was withdrawn last month, because it can be read as "hate gay". Even number plates from the 1930's such as AR53 are being withdrawn.

The DVLA said:

"We'll withhold any plate that causes offence or embarrassment."

Twats!

Who decides what is offensive then Nanny?

Small point, why is it I can go out and have a T shirt printed with any of the above and walk around the street wearing it (maybe I get a sound kicking, but that is my choice); yet I am not allowed to put it on my car?

Nanny doesn't get this freedom of speech thing does she?

DVLA Spends Your Money Wisely!

It is good to know that Nanny tries hard to spread her "diversity" awareness attitudes to every part of her bloated bureaucracy.

Her minions in the Driver Vehicle Lincensing Authority (DVLA) have been labouring hard to prove to their mistress that they are as aware of diversity issues (ie the fact that everyone is different), as any other part of Nanny's bureaucracy.

As such the DVLA opened a £224K a year diversity unit in 2004.

Now that is rather old news, is it not?

However, the reason that I am writing about it now is that the cost of this daft waste of time and money has only just been unearthed via the Freedom of Information Act.

This Diversity Unit, what a splendid piece of nonsense, consists of nine people which replaced the equal opportunities unit in September 2004.

Aside from the annual cost of this unit, a further £50K is being spent on making the DVLA's 7,000 staff more aware of diversity issues; eg it is introducing systems to let Muslim women customers show their faces only to female staff.

This is all very well, but there are other issues that Nanny's trolls might like to address instead; eg complaints to the DVLA have gone up from 1,468 in 1997 to 4,777. Furthermore, the DVLA admits that it "loses" 734 documents annually.

The trouble is, resolving problems such as incompetency requires time, effort and skill. The fact is Nanny doesn't give a stuff, and prefers to waste her time and our money on pointless "easy" activities such as Diversity Units.

Nanny's trolls in the DVLA said:

"Diversity for DVLA means understanding and valuing

the full diversity of the community it serves."

No, I have no idea what that means either!

What they should have said is that the DVLA will endeavour to improve its appalling performance.

One other point, if the DVLA believes that its staff are not sufficiently "diversity aware", what have Nanny's other agencies such as the Commission for Racial Equality been doing?

Criminal Are Us

Despite the fact Blairy Poppins and many of her friends, even her wife, are connected in some way or other with the legal system; she seems to have a real grudge against due process, and prefers instead to dish out instant justice.

I wonder if this is related to something that happened in her dim and distant childhood?

Anyhoo, it was recently reported that Nanny's most respected and efficient Home Office had wrongly labelled 1,500 people as criminals in the Criminal Records Bureau (CRB) database.

This blunder has led to some people being turned down for jobs, or university places.

Nanny's Home Office said that the errors arose when personal details were similar to a recorded conviction, but represented "a tiny proportion of cases"; in other words they cocked it up.

The Home Office went on to say that 90% of disputes were resolved within 21 days and, while regrettable, it would not apologise for "caution".

It said it made "no apology for erring on the side of caution".

One of Nanny' trolls from the Home Office said:

"The Criminal Records Bureau's first and foremost priority is to help protect children and vulnerable adults

by assisting organisations who are recruiting people into positions of trust.

These cases are clearly regrettable,

but represent a tiny proportion of cases

0.03% of the nine million disclosures issued by the CRB since it began operating in March 2002.

We err on the side of caution in these rare cases precisely

because it is vital to ensure that the disclosure individuals do not fraudulently try to claim they have no criminal convictions when in fact they have."

Now here is the rub, Nanny wouldn't apologise for this as she is of the firm belief that it is better to put innocent people in jail rather than allow criminals to walk free.

That concept may play well in the tabloids, who routinely scream for blood, but it overturns centuries of jurisprudence in this country. The very bedrock of our justice system is that you are innocent until proven guilty, and that it is better for a guilty man to walk free rather than for an innocent man to go to jail.

Nanny has reversed that, and has set us on a very dangerous downhill course towards dictatorship.

I hope to God that we are soon rid of her and her nasty, headline chasing, acolytes.

Nanny's Toilet Training

Those of you who think that Nanny is a tad anally retentive may well be right.

She has become somewhat vexed over our use of toilets; specifically she is worried that we don't know how to use them. Nanny's trolls in Tayside NHS trust have decided that we need a bit of toilet training; they have issued an instruction book on how to use the toilet.

Nanny's trolls have issued a four page leaflet entitled Good Defecation Dynamics, complete with a diagram.

Can you believe it!

The book reminds you to breathe when sitting upon the throne. Wise words indeed Nanny!

Posture is also important:

"Do not slump down but keep the normal curve in your back.

Keep your mouth open as you bulge and widen.

You should aim to do this every time you open your bowels."

The book adds:

"When you sit on the toilet make sure your feet are well supported;

you may need to use a small footstool."

Money well spent!

Instant ASBO's

Blairy Poppins has new plans for her beloved ASBO's, she intends to give the police powers to impose them on the spot without recourse to the courts.

Nanny's scheme has been dubbed "instant ASBO's".

Correct me if I am wrong, but isn't this another example of Nanny's drip drip drip erosion of due process?

Maybe she has watched Judge Dread a few too many times?

I guarantee, much like all of Blairy's "ideas", this will come to now't.