Happy Easter

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The Joy of Caffeine

As loyal readers know, Nanny has numerous bees in numerous bonnets about food, drink and drugs.

She likes nothing more than to try to ban us from imbibing something that she defines as "dangerous". The reality being that, much like religious zealots, Nanny hates things that give people pleasure.

Like it or not human beings are genetically programmed to seek out things that give pleasure.

Why?

At a guess I would say that it is in order to maintain our sanity, and to divert us from realising that 70 years or so of living on a rotating sphere in an ever expanding universe that is 13 billion years old is all that there is.

Anyhoo, that aside, I see that Nanny recently got over excited about another dangerous drug; this one being caffeine.

Step forward Dr Jack James editor in chief of the Journal of Caffeine Research (there's a magazine devoted to caffeine? Good grief don't these people have lives?), who says says that the stimulant is causing ‘untimely deaths’ and that its 'lethality' is being underestimated.

Well I dare say that, like any other drug/food, if you overdose on it you will damage/kill yourself.

However, sensible people who have half a brain in their heads tend not to overdose on caffeine and manage to live their lives into a "happy/healthy" old age, where their only fear is being taken into care by Nanny.

Anyhoo, Dr James believes the risks caffeine poses to our health are so great that products that contain it should be taxed and restricted like cigarettes and alcohol. Sales to children in particular should be restricted.

Yawn.

The fact that it is found in all sorts of things, even cold remedies, is of particularly concern to him.

Well personally speaking I rarely drink coffee (only the occasional Irish coffee), therefore my caffeine intake is restricted to the coke that I mix with my vodka and the occasional cold remedy that I take.

That being said, I fail to see why yet another substance that the vast majority of people use without any ill effects should be treated as an illicit and dangerous threat to our well being.

Rather amusingly he also notes that caffeine is used as a cutting agent in illegal drugs.

Errmmm...so he wants to tax the legal drug in the illegal drug?

How's that going to work then??

Oh, and of particular amusement is the "research" that shows that caffeine increases the risk of having unprotected sex!

It's extremely simple, eat, drink, smoke, snort whatever you want; but in moderation. Those who overdo things will, by definition, cause harm to themselves; but sensible people know that already!


Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.

Visit The Joy of Lard and indulge your lard fantasies.

Show your contempt for Nanny by buying a T shirt or thong from Nanny's Store.

www.nannyknowsbest.com is brought to you by www.kenfrost.com "The Living Brand"

Visit Oh So Swedish Swedish arts and handicrafts

Why not really indulge yourself, by doing all the things that Nanny really hates? Click on the relevant link to indulge yourselves; Food, Bonking, Gifts and Flowers, Groceries

Nanny Bans Ungoogleable

As loyal readers know, Nanny is fond of banning certain words and phrases lest they cause offence (eg because in her view they are non pc).

However, sometimes Nanny is not always looking at a word or phrase from the "pc" perspective, but sometimes Nanny looks at it from the "corporate perspective".

Step forward Google (the epitome of free speech) which had a bone to pick with the good people from the Language Council of Sweden

Every year the Language Council publishes its top 10 new words that have entered the Swedish language, with the objective of showing how language and culture develops and changes (the reverse of what the French language police do;)).

Anyhoo last December one of the words that appeared in the list was "ungoogleable" (ogooglebar in Swedish), defined by the Council as "something that cannot be found with any search engine".

Sadly for the Swedes Google was not best pleased, it raised an objection.

For why?

Trademark issues.

Google wanted the meaning to relate only to Google searches. It called for changes to the Language Council of Sweden's definition and asked for a 'disclaimer' stressing that Google is a trademark.

All very well, but the word is used by Swedes to mean something that cannot be found with ANY search engine; ie in order to comply with Google's diktat the Swedes would have had to alter the meaning (much like the language censors in Orwell's 1984 did).

Therefore, in order to avoid a lengthy legal battle and in order to maintain their integrity the Swedes removed it from the list, but did so publicly.

A statement on the Language Council of Sweden's website, as per the BBC:

"Who decides language? We do, language users. We decide together which words should be and how they are defined, used and spelled."

In response, a Google spokesperson told the BBC:

"While Google, like many businesses, takes routine steps to protect our trademark, we are pleased that users connect the Google name with great search results." 

Wasn't it Google that also once said "don't be evil"?

Plus ca change!

Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.

Visit The Joy of Lard and indulge your lard fantasies.

Show your contempt for Nanny by buying a T shirt or thong from Nanny's Store.

www.nannyknowsbest.com is brought to you by www.kenfrost.com "The Living Brand"

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Why not really indulge yourself, by doing all the things that Nanny really hates? Click on the relevant link to indulge yourselves; Food, Bonking, Gifts and Flowers, Groceries

The Danger of Cows

A rather sad tale in the Telegraph about police shooting an escaped cow which, seemingly, posed a threat.

Oddly enough, the police marksman missed on his first attempt.

Poor cow!

"The Belgian blue female was killed after police chased the animal for two hours across Grantham, Lincolnshire.

Police said the cow had become aggressive, charging at several members of the public and a police officer, before jumping the fence into the car park of Belton Lane Community Primary School.

A first shot fired from the top of a large white van parked near to the children’s school missed.

The van was driven around the corner to get firearms officers closer and the second shot fired killed the cow.

Police said children and staff were evacuated and moved to a safer area in the school while the operation was taking place.

One mother said: "The cow had been on the loose for more than two hours and had charged at several members of the public, including me as I innocently walked down Harrowby Lane to collect my kids from school.

"Thank god I didn't have my kids with me at the time, I dread to think what could have happened."
Helen Green, a local resident who saw the chase, said: “We saw three police cars chasing it down the road, which must have scared it away and it just got lost. [Police] must have thought ‘oh, it’s an animal in a place where it shouldn`t be so of course we`ll kill it.”

One local farmer said: "You don't shoot a cow. It's a living animal. Just because you can't catch it doesn't mean you have to shoot it, should have given me a call and I bet I could have caught it."
A spokesman for Lincolnshire Police said the cow was followed around residential streets after it escaped on Monday afternoon, before becoming increasingly distressed and aggressive. It then jumped fences and charged at members of the public and police officer.

Police officers consulted the RSPCA and the owner of the animal in an effort to resolve the situation peacefully.

Superintendent Phil Vickers said: “It is regrettable and sad that the incident ended with the escaped cow being dispatched by an armed police officer with a rifle.

"We tried everything we could to capture the animal but it became increasingly distressed, aggressive and unpredictable. The cow was shot in the grounds of Belton Lane Community Primary School when the pupils and most of the staff had left the area.

"I would like to thank the local community for their cooperation and understanding during the course of the incident. The safety of the public was paramount in our thinking throughout the event.”

Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.

Visit The Joy of Lard and indulge your lard fantasies.

Show your contempt for Nanny by buying a T shirt or thong from Nanny's Store.

www.nannyknowsbest.com is brought to you by www.kenfrost.com "The Living Brand"

Visit Oh So Swedish Swedish arts and handicrafts

Why not really indulge yourself, by doing all the things that Nanny really hates? Click on the relevant link to indulge yourselves; Food, Bonking, Gifts and Flowers, Groceries

Nanny Bans Triangular Flapjacks

I am hugely gemused to see that Nanny's chums from Castle View School on Canvey Island have got their collective knickers into a twist over triangular flapjacks.

For why?

It seems that the little "scamps" who attend the school have been lobbing them around, and a pupil was slightly injured.

What is Nanny's solution?

Cut the triangles into squares or rectangles!

One small problem, does not a square/rectangle also have sharp corners?

However, kudos to Nanny's Health and Safety Executive for rushing to defend flapjacks:

"We often come across half-baked decisions taken in the name of health and safety, but this one takes the biscuit. The real issue isn't what shape the flapjacks are, but the fact that pupils are throwing them at each other - and that's a matter of discipline, and has got nothing to do with health and safety as we know it. We're happy to make clear that flapjacks of all shapes and sizes continue to have our full backing."

Whilst we are on the subject, I have never eaten a flapjack in my life; and I don't think I ever will! I have, however, eaten pancakes.

Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.

Visit The Joy of Lard and indulge your lard fantasies.

Show your contempt for Nanny by buying a T shirt or thong from Nanny's Store.

www.nannyknowsbest.com is brought to you by www.kenfrost.com "The Living Brand"

Visit Oh So Swedish Swedish arts and handicrafts

Why not really indulge yourself, by doing all the things that Nanny really hates? Click on the relevant link to indulge yourselves; Food, Bonking, Gifts and Flowers, Groceries

Nanny's Shit Database

I am highly gemused to see that Nanny intends to expand her ever growing network of databases.

This time she intends to create one containing dog shit.

Yes, you did read that correctly!

Nanny's chums from the Isle of Wight Council want to create a database containing the DNA taken from dog shit.

For why?

Seemingly this will be used to prosecute dog owners who allow their mutts to befoul (there's a good word!) the pavements.

David Pugh, leader of the Isle of Wight Council, as per the Telegraph told a council meeting:

"We could test samples against the database and trace it to the dog's owner. I imagine we would see an immediate cessation to the problem. 

It's something we would have to pilot, and I'm not wishing to make policy on the hoof."

Seemingly the shit can be matched to individual dogs using samples of fur or saliva taken from animals.

Owners must give consent for the DNA sample to be taken from their pet, but it can them remain on the database for the rest of their life.

Well, given that permission is required first, I don't see this as getting anywhere.

I would also ask that, given that we are facing years of austerity and cuts, where exactly is the money coming from to fund this?

Barking mad!

Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.

Visit The Joy of Lard and indulge your lard fantasies.

Show your contempt for Nanny by buying a T shirt or thong from Nanny's Store.

www.nannyknowsbest.com is brought to you by www.kenfrost.com "The Living Brand"

Visit Oh So Swedish Swedish arts and handicrafts

Why not really indulge yourself, by doing all the things that Nanny really hates? Click on the relevant link to indulge yourselves; Food, Bonking, Gifts and Flowers, Groceries