Satanic Sluts et al

I know that it is Halloween, and as such Satanic Sluts etc are de rigueur.

However, please could someone explain to me why the arch Nanny herself, Gordon "Smiler" Brown, in the midst of the greatest economic crisis since 1487 (or thereabouts) felt it necessary to take time to intervene in the Brand/Ross "I shagged her" school boy boasting saga?

Surely Nanny has better things to do with her time?

Am I alone in thinking that everyone will do very well out of this financially, and that Nanny Brown has merely added to the PR value of said storm in a teacup?

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Happy Halloween

Happy Halloween folks!

Remember, under Nanny's rules of engagement, in the event you are plagued by children "trick or treating" do not interact with them unless you have had a CRB check and there are independent witnesses on hand.

The Frost household will be telling the little brats to sod off, as "trick or treating" is a vile form of begging/door step intimidation and is not part of the British culture but a ghaslty import from across the water.

Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.

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Celebrate the joy of living with champagne. Click and drink!

Why not really indulge yourself, by doing all the things that Nanny really hates? Click on the relevant link to indulge yourselves; Food, Bonking, Toys, Gifts and Flowers, Groceries

Nanny's Special Little Pledge - Catch Them Young

As we all know, unlike other countries Brits tend not to do "pledges"; regarding them as a tad suspect and reminiscent of tawdry dictatorships that we long ago bombed to oblivion.

Anyhoo, Nanny has decided to change all of that and "re-engineer" our thinking.

Her special little friends from Norwich and Norfolk Racial Equality Council had fun and games recently with a pledge that they tried to make children say during "Local Democracy Week".

"Local Democracy Week"!!!

Pass the sick bag someone!

Nanny's little "pledge incident" occurred during a workshop for children (aged between 6 and 11) organised by Norwich and Norfolk Racial Equality Council.

Many of the children were from Spooners Row Primary School, near Wymondham, Norfolk. Coincidentally residents from there are fighting plans by South Norfolk District Council to build a permanent travellers' site with eight pitches.

Can you guess what Nanny made the children do?

She tried to make them stand on chairs and recite a pledge to be nice to Gypsy and traveller children, welcome them into the community and not bully them. The children were encouraged to put their fingers in the air, or their hands on their hearts, to signify their acceptance.

Rather encouragingly, it seems that none of the children were fooled by this and did not stand up. Nanny went ahead and read out the pledge anyway.

A very low trick by Nanny in trying to brainwash the kids in this way.

Not very democratic was it?

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Balls Talks Balls Again

I see Nanny's best chum, Ed Balls (Education Minister), has opened his trap again and let forth a stream of bullshit.

As ever Nanny and Balls are concerned about our fatness; specifically, they are concerned about the fatness of children.

Nanny, as we know, has already introduced "healthy" meals to school canteens in the hope that she can wean children off their diet of shite.

In theory this may be a noble idea. However, it is destined to fail:

1 Children throughout the ages have always had a predisposition to eat shite (eg crisps, chocolate, gobstoppers and vast quantities of chips etc).

2 The "battle" to make kids eat veg and more "adult" food can only be won on the home front, when they are pre school. Lazy parents who do not enforce eating discipline (ie eating veg), and instead allow the kids to rule the dining table, create a spoilt unhealthy child who will only eat shite who will in turn become a fat unhealthy immature adult.

Anyhoo, Balls wants more than just healthy meals at schools he also wants to ban kids form leaving school premises during lunch breaks (lest they go and buy a bag of chips) and to ban fast food outlets from opening near schools.

Here's why this is bollocks:

1 Schools are not prison camps, yet!

2 Adults also live near schools, and have the right to have free and unfettered access to goods and services; adults should not be forced to take second place to children.

Balls is talking Balls!

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CRB Checks for Swimmers

You know how Nanny is so afraid of anything happening to children that she insists that all who come into contact with them on a professional level (eg teachers, volunteers, coaches etc) have CRB (Criminal Record Bureau) checks done first?

Well, she has thought about it and realised that there is a failure of logic.

Cue the dramatic roll on the drums!



For you see dear readers, teachers, volunteers etc are not the only adults to come into contact with children...are they?

Adults pursuing their ordinary day to day activities may come into contact with children as well.

Thus Nanny is tightening up her CRB rules and insisting that local swimming clubs (who wish to have Swim 21 accreditation) perform CRB checks on all those over 18 who join...lest they come into contact with those in the club who are under 18.

Errmmm...am I alone in thinking that this is not a tad paranoid?

Given that people in the clubs swim together, what precisely could happen in such a group scenario?

I would also note that adults are not placed in the same swim lanes as the under 18's.

Those who join clubs under the age of 18 do not have to have a CRB check. However, as and when they turn 18 they do. Additionally, coaches who wish to teach at more than one club have to have CRB's performed at each club they work at (even though the check is performed by the same police force and same call centre).

Has Nanny totally lost the plot here?

Now here is a little question for Nanny.

You know how much she loves her forthcoming great waste of resources, namely The 2012 Olympics?

Will all British Olympic athletes (and indeed foreign ones too) need to be CRB checked before the London games, given that there are competitors who will be under 18?

This is but the thin end of the wedge, Nanny will soon insist that all adults have a CRB check performed.

Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.

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Show your contempt for Nanny by buying a T shirt or thong from Nanny's Store.

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Celebrate the joy of living with champagne. Click and drink!

Why not really indulge yourself, by doing all the things that Nanny really hates? Click on the relevant link to indulge yourselves; Food, Bonking, Toys, Gifts and Flowers, Groceries

Massaging The Figures

Oh dear oh dear, poor old Plod has been been caught out massaging the figures for violent crime.

Despite no one with half a brain believing Nanny's political "top" cops, when they reeled out figures "proving" that violent crime was on the decline, Nanny continued to insist that things were getting better.

Sadly, she was talking bollocks.

Most people knew that already, and had long since stopped believing the bullshit figures spewed forth by Nanny's "top" cops.

It seems, dear readers, that Nanny and her "top" cops were in fact "misreporting" (I think that means "massaging") the figures (ie they were lying); certain types of violent crime were in fact not included within the violent crime statistics.

My advice to Nanny, and her political game playing "top" cops, is simple.

The role of the police is not to play politics, but to ensure that the streets are crime free and that people feel safe in their own homes.

Stop playing politics, and go back to real policing!

Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.

Visit The Joy of Lard and indulge your lard fantasies.

Show your contempt for Nanny by buying a T shirt or thong from Nanny's Store.

www.nannyknowsbest.com is brought to you by www.kenfrost.com "The Living Brand"

Celebrate the joy of living with champagne. Click and drink!

Why not really indulge yourself, by doing all the things that Nanny really hates? Click on the relevant link to indulge yourselves; Food, Bonking, Toys, Gifts and Flowers, Groceries