Nanny Knows Best

Nanny Knows Best
Dedicated to exposing, and resisting, the all pervasive nanny state that is corroding the way of life and the freedom of the people of Britain.

Thursday, December 08, 2016

Speed Bumps Are Dangerous


In a move that will piss off the "won't someone think of the children?" brigade, the National Institute for Health and Care Excellence (Nice) have decreed that speed bumps should be removed from roads in order to cut thousands of deaths from air pollution each year.

Seemingly measures which help motorists stay at a constant speed, rather than accelerating and decelerating, are preferable to humps; in other words never ever slow down!

It follows a study earlier this year by Imperial College which found that forcing drivers to slow down and speed up again produces significant of harmful emissions.

Other schemes proposed by Nice include separating cyclists and cars using foliage; moving living rooms to the rear of houses away from busy roads and banning ‘car idling’ outside schools and retirement homes.

How the fark does Nice intend to force people to move their living rooms?

Will Nanny send Living Room Inspectors around to check?

Sigh!

The cause of air pollution is cars, trucks, buses and planes. Nanny has no intention of removing those, as she knows there would be a riot. Hence her obsession with fags!

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Wednesday, December 07, 2016

What's In Santa's Magic Sack?


Oh dear, be careful what you pull out of Santa's sack this Christmas everyone!

Parents in Pill were in for a rude surprise on Saturday when they discovered that some of the goodies given to their children by the local Santa in a Salvation Army hall were distinctly adult-themed.





Salvation Army Officer Nicholas Ward lis quoted by the Bristol Post:
"It has come to our attention that some children received inappropriate toys from Father Christmas at tonight's 'Santa's Grotto'.

We are very sorry for this and will take this issue up with the Christmas Lights committee, who provide the toys for Father Christmas to distribute.

That said, we would like to thank Santa for his time and for all the families who shared in our Winter Wonderland.

We hope you had a good night and please accept our apologies for any offence these toys might have caused you and your children."
For a pleasant change, people took this cock up with good humour and didn't play the "won't someone think of the children?" card!

Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.

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Tuesday, December 06, 2016

Prats of The Week - Veolia

It seems to me that at times, Nanny is completely bonkers.

How else can this sorry tale of stupidity be explained?

Dave Clark, Rob Jefford and Alex Steven have been sacked from the bin collecting jobs in Chatham for helping an elderly man clear bags of rubble from him garden. They were fired for gross misconduct after trying to go above and beyond the call of duty for residents.

They were in fact fired on the same day (7 November) that their employer Veolia published a newsletter containing a note from a resident praising their work.

How did this come to pass?

One resident (clearly with nothing better to do with his/her life) complained after the guys helped clear the rubble. Veolia reviewed footage taken from a dust cart camera, which is fitted on all vehicles, showing the crew, who operated in Chatham, Kent, collecting extra items of waste including bags of rubble.

A spokesman for Veolia told the Mirror they could not comment because the matter is part of an ongoing internal investigation.

Veolia, well deserving Prats of The Week!

Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.

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Show your contempt for Nanny by buying a T shirt or thong from Nanny's Store.

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Monday, December 05, 2016

Brexit Stress Counselling For Snowflakes



FFS!

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Millennials Don't Do Irony



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Thursday, December 01, 2016

Mighty Meaty Fivers


The farcical fuss over the traces of tallow in the new Fivers has prompted Vice to calculate the cow content of a fiver.

Here is their calculation:
"Tallow is rendered cow or mutton fat, but for the sake of argument let's go with cows here.

How much do cows weigh? Between 1,100kg for a male (bull) and 720kg for a female. So, on average, a cow weighs 910kg.

The body fat content of an average cow is 25 percent. Therefore, the amount of fat in an average cow's body is 227.5kg.

How many kilograms of this fat is contained in offcuts you could use to make tallow? About 40kg, according to a man at the James Elliott butcher in Islington.

How much tallow is used in one note, according to the Bank of England? "A trace", which chemically means less than 100 parts per million, or 0.01 percent. A polymer consultant I called confirmed that the tallow present in a given polymer would be a fraction of a single percentage.

New £5 notes weigh 0.7g, therefore there is roughly 0.00007 g of tallow present in one £5 note.

How many fivers are in circulation now, and therefore will be around by May of 2017, when all the old paper ones have been phased out? 329 million notes.

To work out how much tallow will be used in total in all of these fivers, we need to multiply 0.00007g by 329 million, which gives us 23,030g, or 23kg.

And if you get about 40kg of tallow-worthy fat from the average cow, how many cows would you need to make every single £5 note in circulation?


JUST OVER HALF OF ONE COW"
Maybe people should turn their minds to other more pressing issues?
 

Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.

Visit The Joy of Lard and indulge your lard fantasies.

Show your contempt for Nanny by buying a T shirt or thong from Nanny's Store.

www.nannyknowsbest.com is brought to you by www.kenfrost.com "The Living Brand"

Visit Oh So Swedish Swedish arts and handicrafts

Why not really indulge yourself, by doing all the things that Nanny really hates? Click on the relevant link to indulge yourselves; Food, Bonking, Gifts and Flowers, Groceries