Nanny Bans E

Oh dear it seems that Nanny has entered some sort of timewarp and reverted to the 1990's.

For why?

She has muddled up e-cigarettes (the popular and safe means of weaning oneself off fags) with the 1990's craze for E (a psychedelic drug).

Yes, Nanny Europe is threatening to ban e-fags, or rather classify them as a medicine, on the grounds that they might be harmful and that children will be lured into smoking by the sight of an adult looking like a complete wazzock "smoking" and posing with one of these things!

No self respecting child ever wants to emulate an adult who looks like a wazzock!

Nanny really needs to get out more.

Naughty naughty, very naughty....

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CCTV Free Pubs

I am pleased to see that pubs in England and Wales with no history of trouble will no longer be forced by local authorities to install CCTV systems, that at least is what Nanny has said she wants.

The Information Commissioner had said it was seriously concerned by the number of new CCTV cameras being foisted on trouble free pubs; as such the Department for Communities and Local Government is to issue new guidance to licensing authorities.

The new code of practice is aimed at encouraging police and local authorities to consider whether putting in new cameras is "appropriate" in all cases.

Community Pubs Minister Brandon Lewis is quoted by the BBC:

"CCTV has a role to play in stopping and deterring crime in anti-social behaviour hotspots.

But well-run community pubs that don't have a public order problem shouldn't be tarred with the same brush."

As to whether local authorities pay heed to the proposed new guidance of course remains to be seen!

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Hoozah!

I am pleased to hear that Cameron thinks that we have a "relatively honest" police force!

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I See A Blue Lagoon and I Want To Dye It Black!

I am hugely gemused to read of the fun a games that High Peak Borough Council has had trying to stop swimmers taking a dip in the "Blue Lagoon" (a quarry pool at Harpur Hill near Buxton).

The pool's turquoise waters are irresistible to swimmers, yet lurking beneath the tranquil surface lies hidden dangers including, but not limited to; an abandoned car, rubbish, dead animals and a pH level akin to bleach (this is in fact akin to the average British beach, except there seems to be no excrement in the "Blue Lagoon"!).

Last year the council erected (can I say "erected" before the watershed) warning signs, to no avail as swimmers kept taking a dip.

This year the council came up with a terrific wheeze, dye the water black to make it less appealing.

This, seemingly, has worked and the number of swimmers has decreased.

A High Peak Borough Council spokeswoman is quoted by the Telegraph:

“It has similar pH levels to bleach and is extremely cold. 

There are also a number of hazards, there was a car abandoned in there and all sorts of rubbish, but it still looked a lovely turquoise colour.

We are trying to find ways of discouraging people from finding it attractive. 

There is already some anecdotal evidence that this is working as residents said that over the weekend people were coming up as they normally do to swim and then very quickly turning around again when they saw the water.”

I wonder if anyone had actually injured themselves whilst swimming this "lake"?

Irrespective of the foolhardiness or not of taking a dip there, I have to admire the British spunk being exhibited by those swimmers who were not afraid of the bleach or corpses!

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Ker Farking Ching! - Making Death Pay

As the old saying goes "the only certainty in life is death and taxes".

Kudos therefore to Nanny for finding a way of taxing even the dead, as per this story that was pointed out to me by a loyal reader.

Around 40 people attending a funeral service were somewhat "underwhelmed" when a traffic warden placed a parking ticket onto a funeral limousine outside St Saviours Church on Lewisham High Street.

The Sun claims that, when confronted, the traffic warden said:

“I am doing my job.”

Ah yes, that rather familiar refrain!

Funeral Director Nicki Dunphy said:

“Everyone is outraged. 

She brazenly put the ticket on the car when the family hadn’t even gone into the church. 

We, and other funeral directors, have to stop to unload coffins and to let grieving families exit the cars. 

There are funerals every week at St Saviours Church and dozens of other churches all over the borough and I’ve never heard of this happening before. 

People expect a bit of respect - this isn’t just a public car.”

Unsurprisingly, following a hoo hah, Nanny's chums from Lewisham council have since apologised:

“We apologise for any distress the issuing of this parking ticket has caused. 

Funeral hearses and limousines are exempt from parking restrictions and the Penalty Charge Notice should not have been issued. It has now been withdrawn.”

Proof positive that Nanny will try every trick in the book to raise money from her "loyal" subjects!

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Educashun - Back To The Future

I am gemused to see that as from 2015 (the 200th anniversary of the Battle of Waterloo) GCSEs will move from coursework and continuous assessment to exams at the end of two years.

Pupils will face more rigorous content, with those studying English, for example, having to read a 19th-Century novel and a whole Shakespeare play; then having to write an essay.

Gosh, is that not what I had to do all those years ago when I took my O Levels?

Progress is marked by the realisation and admission that sometimes what was done in the past was better than what we are doing in the present.

Amo
Amas
Amat
Amamus
Amant etc!

Caesar's De Bellum Gallico here we come!

Oh and by the way, with reference to the above clip, those who bemoan the fact that Faecesbook, Twatter et al have given bullies the chance to ply their evil ways really should remember that bullying has been around far longer the the internet and that kids can be right little gits to each other.

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CASHing In On Publicity

I see our old "chums" from Consensus Action on Salt and Health (Cash) are up in arms again about the "dangers" of salt.

I do wonder, given how many very real threats there are in the world that we should really be worried about, how it is a group of people have ganged up together to fret about salt; they must have very empty lives?

Anyhoo, it seems the latest "threat" from salt comes in the shape of biscuits such as "Butterkist". CASH are howling with anxiety that parents should not feed their kids too many biscuits, because they contain salt.

Amusingly some major brands seemingly contain more salt than chicken nuggets.

As per the Telegraph Asda’s fun size mini milk chocolate digestives were the worst offender, with 0.4g of salt per 25g bag. Sainsbury’s giant white chocolate and raspberry cookies packed 0.39g per 60g biscuit. McVitie’s mini gingerbread men had 0.3g of salt for every 25g pack while its dark chocolate hobnobs delivered 0.2g per 19g biscuit.

For comparison, a Birds Eye fish finger contains 0.2g of salt per 28g finger. A Sainsbury’s chicken nugget has 0.24g of salt per nugget. The adult recommended daily allowance is 6g, but for under-threes it is just 2g.

Graham MacGregor, professor of cardiovascular medicine at Queen Mary, University of London who by happenstance runs CASH said:

“With salt hidden in sweet foods as well, how can parents be expected to prevent their children from eating too much, putting them at risk of high blood pressure as adults?” 

FFS!

Parents, if they have any commonsense, won't be feeding their kids these things night and day. In the event they are, it won't be the salt that kills them it will be their obesity.

On that note, if CASH is so worried about the salt, why don't the manufacturers simply add some more sugar to counterbalance the salt?

At this point I ask myself if only human beings were able to excrete excess salt in some way, like animals do; eg via sweat or their kidneys?

Oh, hang on a minute.....

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Big Brother - Beware Nanny's Back Passage

As internet companies fall over themselves to claim that Nanny USA doesn't have direct access to their networks, I would advise you to look very carefully at how they phrase their statements; who is to say that there is not a "back passage"?

As per the Wall Street Journal:

"One former government official and cybersecurity legal expert said the companies are likely carefully parsing their words. This person said it is likely that the government is able to get copies of data in real-time or near real-time without accessing the Internet companies' central servers. 

The Internet companies didn't answer questions about these potential side doors into their data."

Meanwhile on this side of the Atlantic, Nanny UK is scrambling to assure us that GCHQ has not been accessing Nanny USA's data trawled from people's electronic communications.

Such is the modern world of technology, it gives us immense freedom to communicate but also has the power to enslave us!

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