Nanny's New Dog Shit Law

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Nanny Hates Fags - Jack Wilshere Apologies For Having a Fag

I find Nanny's hatred of fags to be absurd and stifling in the extreme.

It now transpires that the incorruptible beautiful game has been tarnished, in Nanny's eyes, by the fact that Arsenal and England player Jack Wilshere was seen smoking whilst on holiday in a hot tub in Vegas.

FFS!

So what!

Sadly, for reasons that I don't understand, Wilshere has apologised.

Why????

He is quoted by Sky Sports News:

“I made a mistake then, and I made a mistake again – people make mistakes. 

I’m young and I’ll learn from it. 

I realise the consequences it has and the effect it has on the kids growing up. 

I’ve got kids myself, and I don’t want them to grow up thinking that their dad smokes and that it’s OK for footballers to smoke, because it’s not. 

It’s unacceptable. I’ll accept the consequences and move on.”

Absurd, he has nothing to apologise for!

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Bring Back Bowing!

I am gemused to see that Nanny is so worried about the potential transference of germs, via handshakes, that she wants us to greet each other in a less physical manner.

Scientists at Aberystwyth University have shown that a shake transfers more bacteria than other forms of hand-on-hand action. That I would have said is rather obvious, given the sweatiness and filthiness of the part of the body being grasped.

The boffins have therefore advised that, especially during flu and Ebola season, we bump fists instead.

Not wishing to be outdone, Public Health England wants us to return to the Victorian-age of bowing or curtsying.

I'm all for it, the avoidance of sweaty handshakes and worst of all faux European cheek to cheek kissing is surely a good thing!

Therefore, in future, whenever I enter a room I suggest that you all genuflect.

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Nanny Hates Fags - Plain Packaging Encourages People To Smoke

As loyal readers know, Nanny hates fags.

This is rather ironic given that she makes a fortune from taxing them, but hey hoh who are we to judge Nanny's reasoning?

Anyhoo, one of her favourite ideas to lessen people's usage of the demon weed is to introduce plain paper packing. Apparently we are so excited by the stimulating packaging designs, that we are tempted to smoke.

Quite!

Ignoring the poor logic of Nanny's reasoning,  Australia Nanny has already introduced plain packaging.

How's it going then downunder?

Well, as expected, not too well. For you see dear readers plain paper packs are easy to counterfeit.

Can you guess what happened children?

Yes, that's right, there has been an explosion of counterfeit fags hitting the streets.

Channel Seven News note that the policy has boosted counterfeiting and smuggling by about 40 percent.

Seizures of illicit sticks is up from 82 million in 2012 to 200 million last year. Local Police Officer Rodney Smith said that no one could be sure what the counterfeit cigarettes contained, although in laboratory tests they are regularly found to contain chemicals that are not allowed to be added by legitimate manufacturers.

In fact Aussie media is full of stories reporting that smoking is up after plain packaging was introduced 18 months ago.

Great diea Nanny, well done!

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Screen Five Year Olds For Coordination Problems

It seems that as a result of certain issues, eg the reduction in time spent playing outside and crap parenting, large numbers of children nowadays apparently have lousy physical coordination (eg they cannot sit still, stand upright or hold a pencil).

Sally Goddard Blythe, director of the Institute for Neuro-Physiological Psychology in Chester, said that all infants should be given physical checks at the age of five, because large numbers of children with basic developmental problems were “slipping through the net”.

Fair enough, maybe.

However, once a problem has been identified what exactly will Nanny do to correct it?

Is this not an issue that the parents should be addressing?

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You Are A Fat Bastard!

Oh dear Nanny really can't stop from interfering in our lives, yet again she is fretting that we are a nation of fat bastards.

Thus Nanny intends to issue fat bastard warnings on till receipts, as and when we buy products that she doesn't approve of.

The plans are currently being developed by Nanny's chums from Public Health England, which apparently works on ways to improve the nation’s health and deal with inequalities. Errmm, I thought we have an NHS that is meant to deal with health matters, why do we need a quango doubtless subsidised by the taxpayer?

Duncan Selbie, the Public Health England’s chief executive, said the warnings on till receipts were a way of using behavioural techniques to nudge people towards choosing more healthy eating outcomes.

He is quoted by the Telegraph:

“We need to find four or five big corporates that are relevant to people – so Sainsbury’s, Tesco, Lidl have millions of people on their databases – to reach people.

So let’s say I went to Tesco on Sunday and I got a till receipt and it said I bought various things, and it said you’ve saved £2.21. I think Sainsbury’s do the same thing.”

Selbie said that Public Health England was considering giving supermarkets its algorithms or mathematical codes for working out sugar and fat content in people's shopping baskets.

“What if we gave Sainsbury’s the algorithms that they could personalise to their customer database, so they give their customer base advice about how they could improve their health?

It doesn’t have to cost customers anything more, but it may help them make choices that are better for their health.”

Doubtless Nanny will start accessing the supermarkets' databases in order to "help" her design these algorithms.

I have a simple message for Nanny:

Fuck Off!

We are fed up with you sticking your nose into our lives.

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Knobheadery

As loyal readers know I have written several times about the daft rule introduced last year by Nanny, that forbids parents to take their kids out of school during term time, lest they be punished by a fine and possible criminal record.

As I have noted, when was a wee nipper it was a simple matter of common sense and a discussion between the parents and the school as to whether it would be permitted.

However, under the iron rod of Nanny (can I say "rod" before the watershed?), common sense has long since been abandoned. Sadly there is yet another case of absolute buffoonery caused by Nanny's daft rule, as Maxine Ingrouille-Kidd has found to her and her son's cost.

Ms Ingrouille-Kidd has been threatened with a fine of up to £120 and possible prosecution if she takes her son Curtis (13, who is a blind quadriplegic and has cerebral palsy) out of school during term time.

Doctors have given Curtis a few years to live, and warned he may only survive until his late teens.

Ms Ingrouille-Kidd is quoted by the Telegraph:

“My son is 14 in October and this may well be his last holiday.

I asked for a holiday request form and was absolutely flabbergasted and shocked when the response was ‘no’.”

Unsurprisingly, following media pressure and a campaign on Facebook, Somerset Council has now said it would speak to the school regarding the case.

It is quite ridiculous that this issue has arisen in the first place, common sense dictates that this should be a simple matter of a discussion between the school and the parents.

It is knobheadery in the extreme!

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The Heroism Bill

Chris Grayling, the Justice Secretary, is putting forward a bill before Parliament today entitled "Social Action, Responsibility and Heroism Bill".

Grayling is of the view that that society has become “too inclined to blame someone else”, and wants to (as per the Telegraph) "slay the health and safety culture".

The Bill will protect people from being sued if something goes wrong when they try help in an emergency. It is also intended to give teachers confidence that they will not face legal action if they have taken reasonable safety steps when organising a school trip.

Grayling said:

“This is a Bill that’s out to try and slay the health and safety culture.

It is about trying to restore common sense to the kind of situations which happen all too often and very seldom get to court - where somebody has an accident at work, it’s entirely their own fault, they have got a perfectly responsible employer who has the normal health and safety procedures in place but that person does something dumb, hurts themselves and sues the employer anyway. 

For responsible small businesses it is a real headache and most of the time they just pay up because it is less hassle to do so. This is meant to be a big message to them because if you do the right thing, we are making sure that the balance of the law is in your favour.”

I wish him well, if the Bill  does what he claims it will do. However, it is "ironic" to say the least that legislation has to be used to restore "common sense".

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