Drink For Britain

In view of yesterday's shocking statistics that the UK as a whole is drinking less than it it used to, I urge you all to take up the challenge and put us back at the top of the drinking league this weekend.

Have it large!

Ken

Do remember to behave politely though.

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Booze Matters

Imagine my delight, and joy, when I read that the Scottish parliament wants to charge only 45p for booze.

My goodness me, what an excellent idea and bargain!

Now imagine my disappointment on reading the article properly, to find that in fact this is 45p per unit. In effect they are putting the price of booze up.

Seemingly, some "study" has "proven" that 50 lives a year will be saved by charging at this rate.

My suspicion is that this charge is bollocks and will achieve now't, other than swell the government's coffers. The Nordic countries have such a policy, yet there are still many heavy drinkers there and indeed many illegal home brew "stills".

Do the MSPs have access to parliamentary bars that are subsidised by Scottish taxpayers?

By the way, by happenstance, I also read that that the amount of booze consumed in the UK has in fact fallen.

Sounds to me as if this pricing policy is utter bollocks, and just a ploy to raise taxes!

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The Dangers of Trampolines

And we're back in the room!

Sorry for the couple of days absence folks, a few matters elsewhere to attend to.

Anyhoo, my thanks to Uncle John for his recent post about London and Quadrant Housing Association (L&Q) in Lewisham.

They have a thing about trampolines, as Sharon Farmer who has erected a 14ft one each year for the past 10 years in communal gardens in Lewisham found out.

Gosh, that's quite an erection!

Anyhoo, being quick off the mark (ten years after the first erection) L&Q have just decreed that this may pose a health and safety risk; they have demanded that it be de erected.

Ten years without incident might give a clue as to how dangerous this erection (which has a safety net around it) really is.

Anyhoo, L&Q have allowed the trampoline to remain until the end of the school holidays.

So, correct me if I am wrong, if this erection is so dangerous why are they allowing it to remain up for a few more weeks?

This makes no sense whatsoever!

BTW, the kids aren't allowed to play ball games there either...what is it, a prison camp?

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Show your contempt for Nanny by buying a T shirt or thong from Nanny's Store.

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Celebrate the joy of living with booze. Click and drink!

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Open Mike

Open mike session today folks, owing to a large volume of work.

Ken

Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.

Visit The Joy of Lard and indulge your lard fantasies.

Show your contempt for Nanny by buying a T shirt or thong from Nanny's Store.

www.nannyknowsbest.com is brought to you by www.kenfrost.com "The Living Brand"

Celebrate the joy of living with booze. Click and drink!

Visit Oh So Swedish Swedish arts and handicrafts

Why not really indulge yourself, by doing all the things that Nanny really hates? Click on the relevant link to indulge yourselves; Food, Bonking, Toys, Gifts and Flowers, Groceries

Bank Holiday

Have a large Bank Holiday weekend everyone!

Don't let the traffic jams, or poor weather dampen your ardours!

Ken

Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.

Visit The Joy of Lard and indulge your lard fantasies.

Show your contempt for Nanny by buying a T shirt or thong from Nanny's Store.

www.nannyknowsbest.com is brought to you by www.kenfrost.com "The Living Brand"

Celebrate the joy of living with booze. Click and drink!

Visit Oh So Swedish Swedish arts and handicrafts

Why not really indulge yourself, by doing all the things that Nanny really hates? Click on the relevant link to indulge yourselves; Food, Bonking, Toys, Gifts and Flowers, Groceries

Prats of The Week - Colchester Borough Council/Essex Police

This week seems to be a week for "Prats", therefore I am happy to announce yet another "Prats of The Week" Award.

This award goes to Colchester Borough Council and Essex police.

For why?

Just ask Dominic Payne of Colchester.

Mr Payne recently claimed that the council and police have wasted taxpayer's money investigating the noise of mating frogs in his garden. He said that he was recently visited by environmental health officers from Colchester Borough Council, who said they had been listening to the mating frogs to get a decibel noise reading.

After that two police officers turned up to investigate the frogs. Seemingly they went round his garden trying to photograph the frogs.

The Marsh frogs, for that is what they are, are classified as a non native species and in theory can be rounded up and "disposed of"...whatever that means.

Colchester Council claim that they have a statutory duty to investigate complaints about noise nuisance. Once they had identified that the noise came from non native frogs they were obliged, so they say, to tell the police.

What a waste of time and money!

Colchester Borough Council/Essex Police, well deserving Prats of The Week.

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The Dangers of Hanging Baskets

Commiserations to Linda Martin of Wilton, who recently fell foul of the knobheads running Wiltshire Council.

Mrs Martin wanted to brighten up the town centre and so put up some hanging baskets around trees in the Market Place, they had small sponsorship signs from local stores on them.

Can you guess what happened next children?

Yes, that's right, the council ordered her to take them down because they are a "health and safety hazard" and may also damage the tress....oh, and the "proper procedures" hadn't been followed wrt placing "adverts" on them.

MP John Glen is of the view that it was a ridiculous way to deal with such a matter.

Town councillor Peter Edge said:

"The sponsorship signs were the size of a Post-it Note and the wiring wasn't damaging the trees in any way.

Somebody at Wiltshire Council wants to get a life."

A Wiltshire spokesman said:

"The town council asked us to look at their concerns regarding the way the baskets were attached to the young trees. We confirmed that they could harm the trees and were a potential hazard to pedestrians, especially the partially-sighted.

We are here to support people who want to make a positive difference to their communities and we are happy to work with the town council to find an alternative way of displaying the baskets."

Bollocks!

If someone is that poorly sighted, then they are just as likely to walk into the tree anyway. Therefore the logical conclusion would be to chop down the trees.

I suspect that some sad loser didn't like the fact that "permission" had not been formally given for the adverts, and that the health and safety issue is being used as cover for a jobsworth's spite.

Councils, as ever, demonstrating that they have become the enemy of the people!

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Prats of The Week - Thurrock Council

Congratulations to Thurrock Council for winning, by a landslide, this week's "Prats of The Week" Award.

For why?

Ask Kevin Coombes, of Ockenden, who was getting brassed off with "vandals" continually ripping off his Neighbourhood Watch stickers from the door of his council flat.

He decided to complain to the council, who told him that his caretaker had been instructed to rip the stickers off the doors.

For why?

Seemingly, in the eyes of the council, these stickers are a fire hazard.

Mr Coombes then called his local fire station, the firemen there are of the opinion that the stickers are not dangerous.

Thurrock Council are unyielding, they now claim that if Mr Coombes is allowed to put his stickers up then other people will be encouraged to stick things to their doors too.

The official quote from the council, supplied to the Mail, is somewhat ambiguous:

"We do not have a policy in place on stickers/notices in communal areas but there is a general presumption against stickers in communal areas due to fire hazards."

(Ken says: this is contradictory, if there is no policy then they can't have a "presumption against".)

"Mr Coombes is at liberty to place the sticker in his own window and the council is happy to meet with Mr Coombes to discuss this face to face."

What is the difference between a window and a door?

Surely, if these stickers are as dangerous as the council claims, then window stickers are just as "lethal" as door ones?

Thurrock Council, well deserving Prats of The Week!

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Prats of The Week - Morley Town Council

My thanks to a loyal reader who has nominated Morley Town Council for my prestigious, and internationally renowned "Prats of The Week" Award.

For why?

Well, let him explain in his own words:

"Morley Town Council have just published their annual report for 2010 and the balance sheet doesn't balance.

Why not?

Because they have hidden bits of it.

Worried about the consequences of revealing a confidential compromise settlement with the former Town Clerk after losing a tribunal, they decided that they would create a bit of Accountancy history - by publishing their balance sheet without a balance.

Already a laughing stock in rapidly spreading beancounter circles, the Audit Commission isn't overly impressed either. They described it as "unusual" and have fired a shot across the bows with this rather ominous remark:

'One would hope, however, that any financial information presented in an annual report would be both complete and consistent with the audited statutory accounts of the body.'

By September 30th, the council will have to reveal these numbers they are hiding, when they publish the audited accounts.

So why delay the inevitable?

Eventually, one concerned citizen (me) took a trip to the local library and found the figures in amongst old agendas & annual reports. They had been approved in open session back in May!

By their cack-handed handling of this the council have drawn more attention to themselves, and the issue is the talk of the Facebook Morley message boards.

There remains a big question about which side wanted confidentiality and why - something they are keeping very quiet on.

But can a public body use confidentiality to hide what may be very poor decisions?

Not for ever!

The Town Council is ran by a strange collective of independents who formed their own party, the Morley Borough Independents. (There is one British Nasty party member, but she has been successfully frozen out by them refusing to second her onto any committees). Morley's six City Council Members are also MBIs on the Town council but their influence in Leeds varies with whatever the latest power struggle is in a Council with a very tiny party majority."

Morley Town Council, well deserving Prats of The Week!

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Bugger Bognor!

Congratulations to the town council of Bognor for winning my rarely awarded prize of "Pompous Twats of The Year".

For why?

Well, way back in 1929 George V allowed the town of Bognor to call itself Bognor Regis.

The city councillors are now having a touch of the Hyacinth Buckets (pronounced "bouquet";)) over the fact that the vast majority of the world calls the pace "Bognor", rather than "Bognor Regis".

Now in the real world, where we are rather worried about the level of public spending, the economy, etc, etc this would not matter one jot.

However, in the rarefied world of Bognor's council (sorry Bognor Regis's council) it matters more than life itself.

As such "officials" from the council have (at no expense to themselves, but at expense to their taxpayers) written to public bodies across Britain asking for the "rude" practice of shortening the name to stop.

The campaign was initiated at a council meeting, where councillors enthusiastically supported the action.

Factoid: George V on his death bed, when being told he would soon be well enough to revisit the town, replied:

"Bugger Bognor".

Maybe the council will be contacting him via a spiritualist, to correct his mistake too and to elicit an apology from beyond the grave?

As noted, Bognor Town Council well deserving "Pompous Twats of The Year".

Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.

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Fleck Off!

Dear oh dear, what a remarkable waste of people's time and energy!

I read recently that Kay Balsdon and her partner Chris Bates of Aldershot were visited by the police, and fined £80 for 'criminal damage'.

Their crime?

They had been painting their fence, and a few flecks of paint had spattered the neighbour's side of the fence.

The neighbour complained to the police, and the police duly threatened the couple with a court appearance etc if they didn't pay the on the spot fine.

Guess what?

After the rumpus in the media over this case, Hampshire Police have now decided to refund the fine.

What does this tell us about the "legality" of on the spot fines?

What does this tell us we should do when confronted with an on the spot fine?

I look forward to reading your answers to the above questions;)

As said though, a remarkable waste of time and energy.

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Celebrate the joy of living with booze. Click and drink!

Visit Oh So Swedish Swedish arts and handicrafts

Why not really indulge yourself, by doing all the things that Nanny really hates? Click on the relevant link to indulge yourselves; Food, Bonking, Toys, Gifts and Flowers, Groceries

Prats of The Week - Plymouth City Council

Well done Plymouth City Council for winning this week's "Prats of The Week" Award.

Russell Burt, aka the "Owl Man", had been walking his feathered friends around Plymouth on his shoulder for almost 10 years without any mishaps.

However, the lump heads in the council recently banned him from doing so, lest the owls "run amok".

Has anyone ever seen an owl "run amok"?

How often do I get to use the word "amok"?

I really must use it more often!

Anyhoo, there was a public outcry and Mr Burt received overwhelming support for his owl walking. The council were trashed in the media, and by local residents.

Can you guess what happened next children?

Yes, that's right, the council back tracked (because they are a bunch of spineless knobheads, who hadn't any real justification for banning the owl walking) and have now allowed Mr Burt to walk his owls (aside from near busy roads).

Plymouth City Council, well deserving Prats of The Week!

I believe they are a Tory council, yes?

By the way, how come owls can be banned but pit bulls can't?

Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.

Visit The Joy of Lard and indulge your lard fantasies.

Show your contempt for Nanny by buying a T shirt or thong from Nanny's Store.

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Celebrate the joy of living with booze. Click and drink!

Visit Oh So Swedish Swedish arts and handicrafts

Why not really indulge yourself, by doing all the things that Nanny really hates? Click on the relevant link to indulge yourselves; Food, Bonking, Toys, Gifts and Flowers, Groceries

I Have A Little List

Ooh, doesn't Nanny just love her secret little lists?

It seems that those who call 999, to report a crime, are being asked for their ethnicity and date of birth.

For why?

These details are being stored, without consent, on a database which also holds details of suspected criminals.

Nanny's chums in North Yorkshire Police, for instance, have a database of 181,917 callers compared to 38,259 suspects.

North Yorkshire Police claim that they are following national guidance. The information is held for a minimum of 15 years, and can be stored for up to 100 years in the most serious cases.

However, the data request is not compulsory; therefore do not provide the data in the event you need to call 999.

By the way, a very small point occurs to me, in the event someone is ringing to report a real time crime being committed "live"; does not the time taken to ask these questions and answer them, actually waste valuable seconds in dispatching the police to apprehend the criminals?

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Booze Matters - Advice To David Cameron

I see that the media reports that David Cameron has said that he would look sympathetically at local initiatives to tackle "deep discounting" on booze (ie cheap booze offers).

Correct me if I am wrong, but do our "beloved" MPs not benefit from access to bars in the Houses of Parliament that are open all hours, that serve "deep discounted" booze courtesy of subsidies provided by the taxpayer?

Why are MPs allowed to buy "deep discounted" booze, but not the people who elect them?

MPs are not in a position of moral superiority to lecture us on what/how much we eat, drink, smoke or snort...PERIOD!

Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.

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Celebrate the joy of living with booze. Click and drink!

Visit Oh So Swedish Swedish arts and handicrafts

Why not really indulge yourself, by doing all the things that Nanny really hates? Click on the relevant link to indulge yourselves; Food, Bonking, Toys, Gifts and Flowers, Groceries

Prats of The Week - Southampton City Council

..and we're back in the room!

It "only" took me an hour to access the net today!

Anyhoo, tis time methinks to award another "Prats of The Week" Award.

This week it goes to Southampton City Council (who seem to feature on this site with depressing regularity).

It seems that Southampton City Council have a bee in their bonnet about the length of skirts that some female staff wear.

As such, a memo has recently been issued (some 50 years after the mini skirt came and went into/out of fashion) telling staff that skirts must be of "reasonable" length.

It seems that the skirts must "show respect to children and families."

Eh?

Sixty years too late folks!

Southampton City Council, well deserving Prats of The Week!

Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.

Visit The Joy of Lard and indulge your lard fantasies.

Show your contempt for Nanny by buying a T shirt or thong from Nanny's Store.

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Celebrate the joy of living with booze. Click and drink!

Visit Oh So Swedish Swedish arts and handicrafts

Why not really indulge yourself, by doing all the things that Nanny really hates? Click on the relevant link to indulge yourselves; Food, Bonking, Toys, Gifts and Flowers, Groceries