Nanny To Ban Straws

Plastic straws, drink stirrers and plastic-stemmed cotton buds could soon be banned from sale in England under a plan drawn up by Nanny.

Theoretically, the move is aimed at protecting rivers and oceans from the growing problem of plastic pollution. However, it will also enable Nanny to meet the requirements of a 25-year plan to eliminate avoidable plastic waste.

As we know, Nanny loves ticking boxes!


Subject to a consultation which is to be launched later this year, the products would be banned from sale and officials would work with industry to develop alternatives.

I was offered a reusable perspex straw in a pub on Monday, I would have had to pay a £2 deposit. I asked how they cleaned them, with a small brush apparently. Suffice to say I declined.

Once Nanny has banned everything on the planet, all she will have left to ban is life itself!

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Lancet Lie Lanced

Last week I wrote:

"A study, published in The Lancet, of 600,000 drinkers found that drinking five to 10 alcoholic drinks a week was likely to shorten a person's life by up to six months.

So farking what!

Allegedly this risk increases with higher alcohol consumption, with those who have 18 drinks or more losing up to five years of life.

For every 12.5 units of alcohol people drank a week it raised the risk of:

• Stroke by 14%
• Fatal hypertensive disease by 24%
• Heart failure by 9%
• Fatal aortic aneurysm by 15%

Suffice to say every crackpot, single issue obsessive and teetotaler will use this to push their anti booze agenda."

As was obvious, this was bollocks research.

Now it emerges that the Lancet article itself proves that the research was bollocks, as it seems that those who don't drink and have never drunk were excluded from the study group.

As per the Spectator:

"With the non-drinkers included, we can see that the new study does not contradict the existing evidence. The mortality risk of those who have never drunk alcohol is 20 per cent higher than that of those who drink 100g per week (12.5 units) and is the same as those who drink 300g per week (37.5 units). (NB. Forget about the ex-drinkers who have an even higher risk because some of those will be former heavy drinkers. It is the never-drinkers who are the relevant control group.)

The study’s authors got rid of the J-Curve by cutting off part of the J! Instead of using non-drinkers as their baseline, they used the most moderate of moderate drinkers and buried the findings for non-drinkers in the appendix. If you look at the data in the study and ignore the editorialising of its authors, the study doesn’t tell us anything we did not already know. 

Moderate drinking reduces mortality risk and is particularly good for the heart. Light drinkers have the best outcomes, but drinkers who consume double the 14 units recommended by the Chief Medical Officer do better than those who do not drink at all."

I concur with the Spectator in that not only were the headlines misleading and wrong, the authors knew that their "research" would produce such headlines; ie the authors were well aware that their study was bollocks!

It's the lie that gets you!


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Millennials Too Scared To Touch Meat

It has come to this, millennials are now so scared of touching meat that Sainsbury's has decided to pack chicken in a pack to pan package so that people don't have to touch the meat.

It said that many shoppers under the age of 35 were afraid to touch raw meat. The pouches known as “doypacks” in the industry are designed to allow consumers to cook meat without coming directly into contact with it.

Katherine Hall, product development manager for meat, fish and poultry at the retailer, told The Sunday Times:

"Customers, particularly younger ones, are quite scared of touching raw meat. These bags allow people, especially those who are time-poor, to just ‘rip and tip’ the meat straight into the frying pan without touching it”. 

One small problem, the very same millennials are now complaining that the packages are not environmentally friendly!

When I was a kid, my dad was chums with a butcher and I would often visit his refrigerated room to look at the hanging carcasses of pigs and lambs. Something that maybe should be made mandatory for kids these days, so that they understand where food comes from!

Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.

Visit The Joy of Lard and indulge your lard fantasies.

Show your contempt for Nanny by buying a T shirt or thong from Nanny's Store.

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Nanny Hates Booze and Hates People!

A study, published in The Lancet, of 600,000 drinkers found that drinking five to 10 alcoholic drinks a week was likely to shorten a person's life by up to six months.

So farking what!

Allegedly this risk increases with higher alcohol consumption, with those who have 18 drinks or more losing up to five years of life.

For every 12.5 units of alcohol people drank a week it raised the risk of:

• Stroke by 14%
• Fatal hypertensive disease by 24%
• Heart failure by 9%
• Fatal aortic aneurysm by 15%

Suffice to say every crackpot, single issue obsessive and teetotaler will use this to push their anti booze agenda.

Oh, and for the record, increased risk (from a very low base point) of earlier death is not the same as "direct/certain cause of death".

The effect of this pathetic scaremongering by the ignorant and the bigoted, will mean that "sensible" health warnings and advice will simply be ignored.

The fact is, irrespective of what the "experts" say, people have a right to live their lives however they choose. We are all going to die one day, far better to enjoy your life than add a few months extra to live a miserable existence!

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Australian Nanny Bans Smoking In Drug Dependence Injecting Centre

So, Daniel Andrews’ new drug injecting centre *will* let you inject ice, but *won’t* let you smoke a cigarette afterwards - because smoking is bad for your health.

You couldn’t make this up.#springst pic.twitter.com/1oErgD7ekO

— Michael O'Brien (@michaelobrienmp) April 11, 2018

In Australia the state government injecting room regulations, released quietly on Tuesday night, will allow any drug of dependence, which includes ice, speed and other amphetamines. The irony being that those who use the injecting centre in North Richmond will be banned from smoking, as it is bad for their health!

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Street Lights Don't Cause Cancer Nor Induce Nosebleeds

Sadly Nanny has created such a nation of morons and simpletons, that Gateshead council has had to issue a public notice stating that street lights don't cause cancer.

I dare say this notice will immediately be used by the conspiracy theorists as further proof of the "conspiracy".

Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.

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Why not really indulge yourself, by doing all the things that Nanny really hates? Click on the relevant link to indulge yourselves; Food, Bonking, Gifts and Flowers, Groceries