Nanny Knows Best

Nanny Knows Best
Dedicated to exposing, and resisting, the all pervasive nanny state that is corroding the way of life and the freedom of the people of Britain.

Thursday, June 04, 2020

Spanish Nanny's Masterclass In Covid-19 Statistical Manipulation


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Wednesday, June 03, 2020

Stunning and Brave - NOT!

Who would have thought that trout lips were the way to happiness and mental well being?

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Tuesday, June 02, 2020

Jobs Galore - But We Don't Know What or Where


Directors (various opportunities across Government)

Cabinet Office

Apply before 11:55 pm on Sunday 14th June 2020

 

Reference number

53706

Salary

£100,000
(Circa salary)

Grade

SCS Pay Band 2

Contract type

Permanent
Fixed Term
Secondment

Length of employment

To be confirmed at a later stage following completion of the selection process

Business area

Other

Type of role

Analytical
Operational Delivery
Policy
Project Delivery

Working pattern

Flexible working, Full-time, Homeworking, Job share, Part-time

Number of posts

10

Location

East Midlands, Eastern, London, North East, North West, South East, South West, West Midlands, Yorkshire and the Humber

About the job

Summary

It’s a very rare organisation that can point to its mission as the defining leadership challenge of a generation. With the impact of COVID-19 being felt in every area of public life, the Civil Service in England can do just that.

The unprecedented scale and complexity of this fluid challenge are bringing together leaders from all over Government, and we’re now looking to add to them with the highest calibre professionals.

Whether your experience is from inside or outside of the Civil Service, what’s on offer is a career-defining experience. Your inspirational leadership qualities, fresh perspectives and ability to work on a multitude of emerging priorities will be hugely influential in shaping the Government’s response to the pandemic.

We have Director opportunities across multiple departments, including the Department for Business, Energy & Industrial Strategy (BEIS), the Department for Health & Social Care (DHSC), the Department for Transport (DfT) and the Ministry of Housing, Communities and Local Government (MHCLG). These organisations have very substantial budgets, complex cross-cutting programmes and a nationwide remit you simply won’t find anywhere else.

We’re looking for significant experience of engaging at executive and board levels, excellent relationship and influencing skills across organisatons, and the ability to work creatively at very fast pace. You’ll need to see ambiguity as an opportunity for innovation and be motivated by the chance to help guide the nation through complicated and uncertain times.

In return, you can look forward to an impressive package including valuable Civil Service pension, generous annual leave and much more.

"At this stage we are unable to say specifically where successful candidates may be posted but roles are likely to be available in a range of departments."

In the old days I would have taken this to be an advert for The Service.

However, we are not  in the old days any more.

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Monday, June 01, 2020

Define "Safe"

There is no such thing as "safe", merely varying degrees of risk measured against the costs of doing or not doing something.

We all have a different view as to what is "safe" and different risk appetites, like it or not the country will move forward at a pace that is too fast for some but too slow for others.

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Friday, May 29, 2020

Thursday, May 21, 2020

Auntie's Noble Gesture

 
I have asked Auntie the following:

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Wednesday, May 20, 2020

The Virtual University of Cambridge

It would seem that those who expect to have a full and fruitful university education had better avoid Cambridge, as it has set out measures for the full 2020-21 academic year, announcing that it will move all “face-to-face lectures” online for the duration. The institution added that it was “likely” social distancing would continue to be required.

The university said lectures would continue virtually until summer 2021, while it may be possible for smaller teaching groups to take place in person if it “conforms to social-distancing requirements”.

Given that primary schools (aside from those held by rebel councils) are going back next month, and secondary schools will be going back in Autumn, it beggars belief that one of Britain's leading universities (founded in 1209)  feels that it is not up to the logistical challenge of managing to hold lectures in a socially distant fashion.

Were I a student of the above body, I would demand a hefty discount on my fees!


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Tuesday, May 19, 2020

Trump Gives WHO a Public Kicking

 
That is why it is my duty, as President of the United States, to inform you that, if the World Health Organization does not commit to major substantive improvements within the next 30 days, I will make my temporary freeze of United States funding to the World Health Organization permanent and reconsider our membership in the organization.

Trump has just given the WHO a public kicking, as to whether the USA will really leave WHO remains to be seen.

However, loyal readers know that the WHO has featured here on this site on more than one occasion, eg when it appointed Mugabe as goodwill ambassador. As such, I have every sympathy with Trump's views about the organisation!

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Monday, May 18, 2020

South African Nanny Bans Booze and Fags


For reasons best known to herself, South African Nanny has instituted prohibition, and banned booze and fags during the Covid-19 lockdown.

Aside from having a detrimental effect on people's stress levels (fags and booze, like it or not, help people get through stressful situations), the totally expected effect of bootlegging and the rise of criminality (criminal gangs supplying booze and fags) has occurred.

Pound to penny those in the South African government who ordered this absurd prohibition are happily boozing and smoking their way through lockdown!

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Friday, May 15, 2020

Boris Declares War on Fat


I see that Boris's brush with death, and a look at the Covid death statistics, has convinced him and the government that obesity is one the prime causes of a Covid death.

As such, he appears to want go hell for leather with an anti obesity campaign.

I am not a doctor, but I dare say obesity may well have a part to play in the deaths. As to whether an anti obesity campaign and "sin" taxes will make the slightest difference, I have my doubts.

Nanny has been lecturing us for years about our ever expanding guts, with little or no success.

I suspect this will be a fruitless war that will achieve very little.

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Thursday, May 14, 2020

Brighton Jetty Continues To Be Blocked For Health and Safety - #JettyGate


Loyal readers may recall that in January I wrote the following:
"A jetty over Brighton Queen’s Park pond is set to open in March – almost a year late following health and safety delays.

The jetty was built in 2019 after park visitors were asked to choose how to spend money contributed by local developers – either to rework its quiet garden to open it up and deter drug users, or to create a dipping platform.

The platform project was chosen and the jetty was completed to the original designs by May – but a surprise inspection by the Royal Society for the Prevention of Accidents meant it has remained fenced off ever since."
A few weeks later the barriers were then unceremoniously thrown into the pond, and access to the jetty was restored. Then a fortnight ago I saw that the barriers had been re-erected, and restored to their position in front of the jetty blocking access. Two days later they were moved allowing access.

Great, common sense prevailed!

Sadly not, for this morning I see that one of the "safety" barriers has again been re-erected, and placed in front of the jetty blocking access (before and after pictures above).

Just to remind you, this jetty was meant to open in March 2019!


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Wednesday, May 13, 2020

Anti Smokers Talk Bollocks


The headline is in itself utter bollocks, as is the concept of raising the price of fags.

As studies have noted, those who smoke seemingly reduce the risk of dying of Covid-19.

I have no idea why though!

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Monday, May 11, 2020

#StayAlert - Take Responsibility




Phase two requires people (apart from Ian Blackford) to

- Exercise common sense.

- Take responsibility.

- Act like adults.

Like it or not, until a vaccine is found, this disease isn't going anywhere and all that can be done (as has been done) is to "flatten the curve" and ensure the NHS isn't overwhelmed at any point in time.

The mortality rate is not yet clear, but appears to range between 2% - 0.1%. This will give rise to a UK toll of between 1M - 54K assuming an 80% infection rate.


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Thursday, May 07, 2020

The Invisible Pandemic

As per The Lancet:
"Everyone will be exposed to severe acute respiratory syndrome coronavirus 2, and most people will become infected. COVID-19 is spreading like wildfire in all countries, but we do not see it—it almost always spreads from younger people with no or weak symptoms to other people who will also have mild symptoms.
This is the real pandemic, but it goes on beneath the surface, and is probably at its peak now in many European countries. There is very little we can do to prevent this spread: a lockdown might delay severe cases for a while, but once restrictions are eased, cases will reappear.
I expect that when we count the number of deaths from COVID-19 in each country in 1 year from now, the figures will be similar, regardless of measures taken."
Johan Giesecke is a Swedish physician and Professor Emeritus at the Karolinska Institute in Stockholm.

From 2005 to 2014 he was the first Chief Scientist of the European Centre for Disease Prevention and Control (ECDC).

He is a member of the WHO Strategic and Technical Advisory Group for Infectious Hazards (STAG-IH).

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Tuesday, May 05, 2020

Two Metre Rule Conjured Up Out of Nowhere


Like many of Nanny's rules and regulations it appears that the two metre rule is in fact bollocks, and based on no scientific evidence whatsoever.

As per Robert Dingwall, of the New and Emerging Respiratory Virus Threats Advisory Group (NERVTAG) :
I think it will be much harder to get compliance with some of the measures that really do not have an evidence base. I mean the two-metre rule was conjured up out of nowhere.

Well, there is a certain amount of scientific evidence for a one-metre distance which comes out of indoor studies in clinical and experimental settings. 

There’s never been a scientific basis for two metres, it’s kind of a rule of thumb. But it’s not like there is a whole kind of rigorous scientific literature that it is founded upon.
Well then!


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Monday, May 04, 2020

Nanny Warns of The Dangers of The Clap


As per Dr John Wright of Bradford Royal Infirmary:
"People might need to be a bit more cautious, especially if they've been sitting down all day and then get up to clap. It might be one of the only times older people come outside and so there is a risk of falling and I'd just remind people to take care."
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Thursday, April 30, 2020

All Deaths Are COVID-19 According To The BMA


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Westminster Clappers Banned


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Friday, April 17, 2020

COVID Police Guidance Issued


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Wednesday, April 15, 2020

BOLLOCKS!

- German Measles
- Spanish Flu
- Hong Kong Flu
- The Plague of Justinian
- The Black Death
- The Italian Plague etc etc



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Friday, April 10, 2020

What is a Non Essential Aisle?


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Nanny Is Becoming Confused!


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Monday, April 06, 2020

Advice To Scottish Nanny


Don't dictate to others how they must live their lives, if you don't follow those rules yourself!

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Friday, April 03, 2020

Furloughing Nanny



Do the decent thing, and pay Nanny whilst she/he is unable to work your you.

Don't burden other taxpayers with an indulgence that you can well afford!


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Thursday, April 02, 2020

BAT To The Rescue?

 
Well here's a thing, BAT (the scourge of Nannies around the world) is working on a cure for COVID-19.

As per BAT:
"BAT’s US bio-tech subsidiary, Kentucky BioProcessing (KBP), is developing a potential vaccine for COVID-19 and is now in pre-clinical testing. If testing goes well, BAT is hopeful that, with the right partners and support from government agencies, between 1 and 3 million doses of the vaccine could be manufactured per week, beginning in June.

While KBP remains a commercial operation, the intention is that its work around the COVID-19 vaccine project will be carried out on a not for profit basis.

The vaccine in development uses BAT’s proprietary, fast-growing tobacco plant technology which has several advantages over conventional vaccine production technology:
  • It is potentially safer given that tobacco plants can’t host pathogens which cause human disease.
  • It is faster because the elements of the vaccine accumulate in tobacco plants much more quickly – 6 weeks in tobacco plants versus several months using conventional methods.
  • The vaccine formulation KBP is developing remains stable at room temperature, unlike conventional vaccines which often require refrigeration.
  • It has the potential to deliver an effective immune response in a single dose. "
Smoking saves lives!

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Wednesday, April 01, 2020

Smoking Saves Lives!


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Tuesday, March 31, 2020

India Opens The Booze Taps To Conquer Coronavirus Depression


The southern Indian state of Kerala has witnessed more people who died of depression over not being able to consume alcohol than due to the coronavirus.

With the increasing number of suicide case in Kerala, after liquor shops were closed during the lockdown, State Chief Pinarayi Vijayan directed the Excise Department, which controls the sales and distribution of liquor, to provide liquor to alcoholics, with medical prescriptions.

Kerala has the highest number of alcoholics in the country with 1.6 million consuming it on a daily basis. The state government has also asked the Excise Department to provide free counselling to those with withdrawal symptoms in its de-addiction centres.

Vijayan has said the government was also considering the option of online sales of alcohol as the sudden unavailability of it could lead to social problems.

Meanwhile in Britain, the police dye a river black and ban the purchase of Easter eggs!

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Wednesday, March 25, 2020

XR Just Made Itself Extinct!


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Monday, March 23, 2020

Woke Twattery


There is a corner of Facebook (that shall remain nameless) where a certain woke bunch of people are earnestly stressing over the rights and wrongs of buying food, and other items, in a popular and well run local shop that sells the Sun and has and advert for the Sun on its shop front.

Some people are going to have a very rude awakening to the reality of life in the coming weeks!


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Thursday, March 12, 2020

Nanny Bans Entrepreneur

Oliver Cooper was sent home from school for charging students to use hand wash. Credit: SWNS

Commiserations to Oliver Cooper, who fell foul of Nanny's chums at Dixon's Unity Academy in Leeds.

He bought a £1.60 tub of Johnson's child hand wash from a Tesco store, as he waited for the school bus, before charging his fellow students 50p a pop to use it.
The enterprise earned him a £7.40 profit, however, he was subsequently sent home for breaching school rules.

Oliver now faces a day in isolation followed by a two-hour detention, which he branded a 'ridiculous' punishment.
 
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Wednesday, March 11, 2020

Whatever You Do, Don't Tell St Greta of Thunberg!


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Why not really indulge yourself, by doing all the things that Nanny really hates? Click on the relevant link to indulge yourselves; Food, Bonking, Gifts and Flowers, Groceries

Monday, March 09, 2020

French Ignore #COVID19


There's stupid and then there's the French!

Whilst I do not think people should be hunkering down for the apocalypse and panic buying toilet paper, a degree of common sense would not go amiss.

Couple this with the pre announcement by the Italians of the lockdown in the North, thus enabling "spreaders" to board trains and disperse to other parts of the country, and I wonder if some countries/governments are a bit thick!

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Why not really indulge yourself, by doing all the things that Nanny really hates? Click on the relevant link to indulge yourselves; Food, Bonking, Gifts and Flowers, Groceries

Friday, March 06, 2020

WTF Is Going On Here?


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Thursday, March 05, 2020

Scotland's Minimum Booze Pricing Causes Jump In Booze Sales


As per The Retail Data Partnership Ltd:
"..the value of alcohol sales  in our 280-strong segment of convenience stores in Scotland has increased by 9.9%. 

The total sum of units sold has risen by 7.75%. Sales for beer are up 11.92%, as are spirits (9.1%), and wine (9.33%)."

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From The Man Who Lived a Lie For Years....


Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.

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Why not really indulge yourself, by doing all the things that Nanny really hates? Click on the relevant link to indulge yourselves; Food, Bonking, Gifts and Flowers, Groceries

Friday, February 28, 2020

Nanny Wants To Shrink Your Drink


Nanny doesn't believe that we are capable of controlling ourselves, as such she wants to do it for us.

Our old friends from Public Health England have decreed that wine glasses in restaurants should be no bigger than 250ml, to prevent binge drinking, and wants Nanny to pass the relevant legislation.

It seems that researchers from the University of Cambridge found that people who eat out in restaurants drink less when they are given a smaller glass.

In restaurants, when glass size was increased from 300ml to 370ml, wine sales increased by 7.3 per cent. Reducing the glass size to 250ml led to a drop of 9.6 per cent.

Unless I have have missed something, it is not illegal to drink (yet!).

Nanny can keep her interfering nose out of our dining and boozing habits!

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Show your contempt for Nanny by buying a T shirt or thong from Nanny's Store.

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Why not really indulge yourself, by doing all the things that Nanny really hates? Click on the relevant link to indulge yourselves; Food, Bonking, Gifts and Flowers, Groceries

Thursday, February 27, 2020

Auntie's Diversity Grid


Here's how Auntie gets herself into all sort of knots over who to select for shows such as Question Time, as per The Guardian:
"A whiteboard would be marked up with a clumsy grid system. The grid would revolve around a set of key identities such as “woman”, “northern” or “poc” (person of colour). These would then be cross-categorised with political stances such as “Brexiteer”, “Tory” or “progressive”. Our task would then be to ensure that any proposed panel contained a complete balance of all these attributes. 

On daily programmes, where a different panel needed to be booked five days a week, these grid meetings often descended into the sort of charade that certain rightwing columnists dream about. One notable incident came when in order to find an “authentic” northern voice, all plausible interviewees who displayed any obvious erudition were vetoed. In their place, newspaper owner Danny Lockwood was slotted into the identity sudoku, as his tone was seen to more directly signal his real northern identity. Several producers thought fit to mention that said individual was, in fact, a reactionary whose past achievements include mocking the “Zorro” outfits worn by some Muslim women. But the grids didn’t have any disqualifying categories."

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Why not really indulge yourself, by doing all the things that Nanny really hates? Click on the relevant link to indulge yourselves; Food, Bonking, Gifts and Flowers, Groceries

Wednesday, February 26, 2020

Ban Drinking On Flights?


As if flying wasn't awful enough, the Guardian (the moral conscience of the left) asks if it is time to ban drinking on flights.

After mentioning a few incidents involving booze it then concludes that there actually isn't much of a problem.
"Real trouble is far less common. “I think high-end abuse is very rare,” says my first insider. “I haven’t encountered it personally … Most of the time it is a case of rolling my eyes and getting on with it.”
All very well and good, doubtless it filled a quarter of a page of the paper, but it has put the idea into Nanny's head!

One thing is for sure, if it ever were banned I would never fly again!

Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.

Visit The Joy of Lard and indulge your lard fantasies.

Show your contempt for Nanny by buying a T shirt or thong from Nanny's Store.

www.nannyknowsbest.com is brought to you by www.kenfrost.com "The Living Brand"

Visit Oh So Swedish Swedish arts and handicrafts

Why not really indulge yourself, by doing all the things that Nanny really hates? Click on the relevant link to indulge yourselves; Food, Bonking, Gifts and Flowers, Groceries

Tuesday, February 25, 2020

Scottish Nanny's Money Making Scam


Scottish Nanny is becoming increasingly worried about her future finances, what with the possibility of independence etc.

As such, she has been looking around for ways and means to boost her revenues; having had a go at booze, by setting minimum prices, she is now looking at that other wonderful cash cow smoking.

She has come up with a cunning plan to fine people for smoking outside of hospitals. Not just a wee fine, but a bloody stonking huge fine.

Doctors have backed plans to enforce no-smoking zones around hospitals with fines of up to £1,000 for breaking the rules.

The Royal College of Physicians of Edinburgh (RCPE) said they were supporting the Scottish government’s fines for smoking near hospitals.

Under the proposed system those caught smoking within 15 metres of a hospital building face financial penalties of up to £1,000, while staff who failed to enforce the ban could have to pay more than twice as much.

Easy money!
 
Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.

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Show your contempt for Nanny by buying a T shirt or thong from Nanny's Store.

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Why not really indulge yourself, by doing all the things that Nanny really hates? Click on the relevant link to indulge yourselves; Food, Bonking, Gifts and Flowers, Groceries

Friday, February 21, 2020

We Won't Keep The Home Fires Burning


First they came for the coal, and I said nothing.

Then they came for the wood, and wrecked my cosy Sunday evenings!

Bastards!

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Thursday, February 20, 2020

Universities No Longer Teach Tolerance


It is more than disheartening to see that people who are in "higher education" are no longer prepared to accept that others may hold different political views to them.

What kind of people will they become when they hold positions of responsibility, if they manage to qualify and get a job?


Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.

Visit The Joy of Lard and indulge your lard fantasies.

Show your contempt for Nanny by buying a T shirt or thong from Nanny's Store.

www.nannyknowsbest.com is brought to you by www.kenfrost.com "The Living Brand"

Visit Oh So Swedish Swedish arts and handicrafts

Why not really indulge yourself, by doing all the things that Nanny really hates? Click on the relevant link to indulge yourselves; Food, Bonking, Gifts and Flowers, Groceries

Tuesday, February 18, 2020

Extinction Rebellion Vandalise Cambridge Lawns

How very good for the environment!


Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.

Visit The Joy of Lard and indulge your lard fantasies.

Show your contempt for Nanny by buying a T shirt or thong from Nanny's Store.

www.nannyknowsbest.com is brought to you by www.kenfrost.com "The Living Brand"

Visit Oh So Swedish Swedish arts and handicrafts

Why not really indulge yourself, by doing all the things that Nanny really hates? Click on the relevant link to indulge yourselves; Food, Bonking, Gifts and Flowers, Groceries

Monday, February 17, 2020

Extinction Rebellion Blocks Ambulance's Route


Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.

Visit The Joy of Lard and indulge your lard fantasies.

Show your contempt for Nanny by buying a T shirt or thong from Nanny's Store.

www.nannyknowsbest.com is brought to you by www.kenfrost.com "The Living Brand"

Visit Oh So Swedish Swedish arts and handicrafts

Why not really indulge yourself, by doing all the things that Nanny really hates? Click on the relevant link to indulge yourselves; Food, Bonking, Gifts and Flowers, Groceries

Friday, February 14, 2020

Prohibited Items When Flying In Pakistan


Good to know!

Source

Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.

Visit The Joy of Lard and indulge your lard fantasies.

Show your contempt for Nanny by buying a T shirt or thong from Nanny's Store.

www.nannyknowsbest.com is brought to you by www.kenfrost.com "The Living Brand"

Visit Oh So Swedish Swedish arts and handicrafts

Why not really indulge yourself, by doing all the things that Nanny really hates? Click on the relevant link to indulge yourselves; Food, Bonking, Gifts and Flowers, Groceries

Wednesday, February 12, 2020

The 'Elf of Safety Strikes Again In Queens Park Brighton



I see that the 'Elf of Safety Officer from Brighton council has erected (can I say erected before the watershed?) another set of "safety " barriers for the one year behind schedule Queens Park jetty.

Let us trust that they don't suffer the same fate as the last set of barriers, namely get thrown into the pond!
Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.

Visit The Joy of Lard and indulge your lard fantasies.

Show your contempt for Nanny by buying a T shirt or thong from Nanny's Store.

www.nannyknowsbest.com is brought to you by www.kenfrost.com "The Living Brand"

Visit Oh So Swedish Swedish arts and handicrafts

Why not really indulge yourself, by doing all the things that Nanny really hates? Click on the relevant link to indulge yourselves; Food, Bonking, Gifts and Flowers, Groceries