Nanny Knows Best

Nanny Knows Best
Dedicated to exposing, and resisting, the all pervasive nanny state that is corroding the way of life and the freedom of the people of Britain.

Wednesday, September 18, 2019

India Bans Vaps


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Tuesday, September 17, 2019

Nanny's Fat Shaming Makes Things Worse


James Corden makes a very good point:
"It's proven that fat shaming only does one thing.

It makes people feel ashamed and shame leads to depression, anxiety and self-destructive behaviour - self-destructive behaviour like overeating.

If making fun of fat people made them lose weight, there'd be no fat kids in schools."
Nanny might want to consider that she has added to the problem, rather than helped people improve their health.



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Thursday, September 12, 2019

Trump Bans Vapes Not Guns


Seemingly vapes are more deadly than guns!


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Wednesday, September 11, 2019

Nanny Bans Fireman Sam


Fireman Sam has now been deemed outdated, and has been banned from promotional material by  Lincolnshire Fire and Rescue (LFR).

LFR made the decision after it received negative feedback regarding Sam not being inclusive enough. The character had previously been used by the fire service for station open days and advertising materials.

Instead LFR has introduced new mascots in the form of gender-neutral blue, red and yellow fire extinguishers called Freddy, Filbert and Penelope.

Chief fire officer Les Britzman is quoted by the Independent:
Firefighters nationally and residents locally have raised some concerns that ‘Fireman Sam’ doesn’t reflect the fire service today, in terms of both the job itself and our workforce.

It’s important to us that our open days and community events don’t make anyone feel excluded and therefore we took this decision."
They are rather missing the more relevant point, that as Sam is made of plastic he would melt as soon as he went anywhere near a fire!

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Tuesday, September 10, 2019

Nanny To Ban Watches In Exams


Watches are now so sophisticated, that Nanny feels that all watches should be banned from exam halls to discourage cheating. Thus says an inquiry into the extent of malpractice in exams taken by pupils across the UK.

Smart watches, connected to the internet, are already banned from use by students taking public exams.


The review, commissioned by exam boards, says it is becoming difficult to distinguish between hi-tech and traditional watches.

Review chairman Sir John Dunford called for a "blanket ban" on watches.

In my day, the best you could do was write some answers on your wrist, or stuff a piece of paper into your tie (programmable calculators had been banned).

It is a fair point, but I cannot help to feel that if a child successfully manages to cheat (without being detected) then that child is destined for high political office or a senior executive role!

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Thursday, September 05, 2019

Nanny's Snack Tax


As per the Guardian:
"A snack tax of 20% on biscuits, cakes and sweets would have “a huge impact” on obesity levels in the UK and be more effective than the current levy on colas and other sugary drinks, say experts."
These "experts" do know that 20% VAT is already levied on snacks don't they?

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Monday, September 02, 2019

Free Parking In Brighton For All!


Brighton's beloved Green/Labour council have granted free parking for all (anywhere you want)..apparently!

See story here.

Welcome to Skidrow-On-Sea!

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Friday, August 30, 2019

David T C Davies Nails It!



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Friday, August 23, 2019

Cannibalism To Save The Planet


I will leave this here....

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Thursday, August 22, 2019

Brexit Makes Auntie Squirm


Last night's 10PM news broadcast from Auntie was, for once, quite amusing.

As she always does Auntie launched into a report about no deal Brexit, and the possible food and medicine shortages arising from no deal Brexit.

Yet, despite her best efforts, the professionals she interviewed in both the food and medicine industries said that there would be no shortages and that the matter was in hand.

It was a delight to see Auntie squirm and look so deflated!

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Tuesday, August 20, 2019

Cauliflowers Are No Laughing Matter!


Kudos and sympathies to Swedish comedian Olaf Falafel, who has won Dave's "Funniest Joke of The Fringe" award at the Edinburgh Festival with the niche culinary pun.

He took the title with the gag:
"I keep randomly shouting out 'Broccoli' and 'Cauliflower' - I think I might have florets".
It is from Falafel's show It's One Giant Leek For Mankind at the Pear Tree (a pub I used to imbibe in regularly when I was a student there in the early 1980's).

Sympathies though to Mr Falafel, who fell foul of the charity Tourettes Action which said the joke was not funny and had received calls to its helpline with people complaining about the gag.

They want him to apologise.
 

Proof, if ever it were needed, that humour will always offend someone.

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Friday, August 16, 2019

Chlorinated Chicken Crisis Resolved


Those of you fearful of eating American chlorinated chicken, that will be force fed you post Brexit, need fear no more.

Simply rinse it under the tap in British chlorinated water!

Oh..hang on a minute....


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Thursday, August 15, 2019

Racist Fried Chicken Box Message


As to whether an anti knife crime message on the inside of a fried chicken box will help lessen knife crime, I cannot say.

However, to call it racist implies that only non white people eat fried chicken; which is in itself appears to be racist.

I eat fried chicken, and have done so since I was a kid (though I have never carried a knife).

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Wednesday, August 14, 2019

Nanny May's Legacy


As per the Guardian:
"Two television ads, one featuring new dads bungling comically while looking after their babies and the other a woman sitting next to a pram, have become the first to be banned under new rules designed to reduce gender stereotyping.

The Advertising Standards Authority banned the ads, for Volkswagen and Philadelphia cream cheese, following complaints from the public that they perpetuated harmful stereotypes.

The new rules, introduced at the beginning of the year, ban the depiction of men and women engaged in gender-stereotypical activities to help stop “limiting how people see themselves and how others see them and the life decisions they take”.

The ad for Volkswagen’s electric eGolf vehicle showed a series of scenes including a man and a woman in a tent on a sheer cliff face, two male astronauts, a male para-athlete and a woman sitting on a bench next to a pram. Text stated: “When we learn to adapt we can achieve anything.”

Complainants said the ad showed men engaged in adventurous activities, that unlike her male counterpart, the female rock climber was “passive” because she was asleep, and that the woman with the pram was depicted in a stereotypical care-giving role.

Volkswagen said its ad was not sexist and that caring for a newborn was a life-changing experience about adaptation, regardless of the gender of the parent depicted."
May's legacy will be with us for years!

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Tuesday, August 13, 2019

Nanny's War on Meat Has Begun - Fight Back!

 

As I noted the other day:
"The UN issued a report yesterday that noted meat has a role to play in global warming, but it went on to say that "animal-sourced food produced in resilient, sustainable & low-GHG emission systems present major opportunities for adaptation & mitigation while generating significant co-benefits in terms of human health".

The media and cult leaders have spun it that we should eat less meat/no meat at all!"
Unsurprisingly Nanny's acolytes have sprung into action, step forward Goldsmiths, University of London, which is removing all beef products from sale.

The college's new head, Prof Frances Corner, said
"The growing global call for organisations to take seriously their responsibilities for halting climate change is impossible to ignore.

Though I have only just arrived at Goldsmiths, it is immediately obvious that our staff and students care passionately about the future of our environment and that they are determined to help deliver the step change we need to cut our carbon footprint drastically and as quickly as possible."
If the students really are that impassioned about the environment, and truly believe that eating burgers destroys the environment, why did you need to ban them?

Surely the students would have simply stopped eating them?
 
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Monday, August 12, 2019

WTF Is a "Working Class Officer"?

1 What is it?

2 Why does the club need one?

3 I thought everyone was middle class these days (according to Blair when he was PM)?



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Friday, August 09, 2019

Nanny Hates Meat



The UN issued a report yesterday that noted meat has a role to play in global warming, but it went on to say that "animal-sourced food produced in resilient, sustainable & low-GHG emission systems present major opportunities for adaptation & mitigation while generating significant co-benefits in terms of human health".

The media and cult leaders have spun it that we should eat less meat/no meat at all!

In honour of the report, above I present a video of pork chops and stuffing I made the other week.

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Thursday, August 08, 2019

Cult Leader To Set Sail For The States

Good luck with that then, two weeks in a small yacht on the Atlantic is no easy journey!

Anyone know how much carbon was expended in building the yacht?


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Monday, August 05, 2019

Irony's a Gas

It is somewhat "ironic" that despite many people getting very hot under the collar about pollution, plastic, litter and poisoning the environment; when they get pissed and high, their worthy ethical values desert them.

Viz Brighton Beach post Pride:










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Thursday, August 01, 2019

Global Warming Irony Alert



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Wednesday, July 31, 2019

Tolerance Spoils Ill-minded People


A lesson from the past, seems as relevant now as it was then.

As per the Korea Times King Sejong of the Joseon Kingdom (1392-1910), who sat on the Korean throne for over 31 years from 1418 until his death in 1450, launched a crackdown against crime in the last three years of his reign, according to a recent study.

Cho Byung-in, a former senior research fellow at Korea Institute of Criminology in Seoul, said he discovered that 550 prisoners were executed during King Sejong's final three years. The figure is nearly four times the average number of criminals who faced execution during his previous 28 years.

The capital punishment figure reached its peak with 233 in 1448, the 30th year after Sejong ascended to the throne. Most of the criminals who faced execution were burglars.
"The high rate of capital punishment that came later in his tenure is associated with the shift of policy focus from tolerance to severe punishment."

Why this change?

It seems that the King's earlier policy of tolerance and minimal executions gave rise to an increase in criminal activity, eg the advent of "fire thieves" who carried torches whenever they attacked people and stole their wealth and belongings, terrifying the residents of the capital city Hanyang.

In other words if you give criminals an inch, they will steal a mile!

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Tuesday, July 30, 2019

Alexa Licensed To Spy


The Sun discovered an English-speaking Amazon team in Bucharest, Romania, monitors thousands of Alexa recordings — and has heard private moments including family rows, money and health discussions — and couples having sex.

A 28-year-old female former analyst there said: “It’s been said that couples having sex and even what sounded like a sex attack have been heard by staff."

Basically anyone with an Alexa, Siri or similar device in their homes has consented (whether they know it or not) to having corporate spies listen to their daily activities. That is the very least of the issues of having one of these devices in your home.

Add in the risk of hacking and the state listening in, and you have basically installed a spy in your home. 

Ditch these devices now!

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Monday, July 29, 2019

Nanny Hates Biscuits


Nanny's Chief Medical Officer, Dame Sally Davies, has claimed that women are eating 'two biscuits too much each day' and that we need to be 'honest' about weight.

'I do think we have to be honest about it and not pretend people aren't overweight or obese.

What makes this happen is, on average, women eat one or two biscuits too much each day. 

So we need people to think about [eating] a little less every day so that they're stable and [eating] a little less than that every day to steadily drop [their weight]'.
This means that Nanny thinks that it's okay for men to eat as many biscuits as they wish.

It is clear that our eating, drinking and smoking habits won't kill us; we will die of misery instead!

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Thursday, July 25, 2019

Warm Weather Advice - Don't Put Ice Lollies in Your Vagina


As per The Metro:
"There are many things that should never go near a vagina, and ice lollies are up there." 
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Wednesday, July 24, 2019

Who Smokes?


Maybe Nanny should realise that smoking is relaxing. 

Hence, the more stressed or crappy someone's life is the more likely they are to continue smoking (irrespective of Nanny's lectures).

The solution?

Make everyone Middle Class, and they will migrate from fags to daily wine and spirit drinking!


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Tuesday, July 23, 2019

Nanny Wants Your Views About Tobacco Legislation

Nanny sent me this by email:

Have your say on the impact of tobacco legislation  
Dear Reader

Smoking remains the biggest cause of death and disability in England. Over recent years a range of legislation has been introduced to discourage young people from taking up smoking, encourage existing smokers to quit and to protect others from the harmful effects of cigarette smoke. This has included a ban on display of tobacco in shops, increase in the age of sale of nicotine-inhaling products and a ban on smoking in cars with children. 

The government is reviewing the legislation above which came into force between 2010-2016 and as a result we'd like to hear your views. 
Image


Consultation closes on
Sunday 15 September at 11:59pm. 

Contact Us

Complete our web form or write to us at:
Ministerial Correspondence and Public Enquiries
Department of Health and Social Care,
39 Victoria Street,
London
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Monday, July 22, 2019

Draw Your Curtains - Warm Weather Coming


In response to the possibility of a couple of days of warm weather (in the summer, who knew?), Nanny's chums in Public Health England (PHE) have issued a level-2 ‘alert and readiness’ warning with older people urged to close their curtains (are we expecting and air raid?) and avoid going outside during the hottest part of the day.

Netweather charts show high humidity could make temperatures 'feel like' 111F (44C) before the end of the week.

Well then, I will not bother closing the curtains but I will drink more lager!


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Friday, July 19, 2019

Nanny To Ban New Drivers From Driving at Night


Those of you who though that the departure of Nanny in Chief May would mean the end of Nanny nonsense are in for a shock.

It seems that her busybody tendencies will live on, as she intends to ban new drivers from driving at night.

Plans for a graduated licence system to restrict novice drivers in England, Scotland and Wales were announced by the Department for Transport (DfT).

How exactly this will be enforced springs to mind?

I would also note that people drive at night not just for jolly, but because they have to eg go to or come back from work.

Exactly why should these people be banned from driving?

Also, what happens in winter when it gets dark around 4PM?

A bloody stupid idea!

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Wednesday, July 17, 2019

The Telegraph Doubles Down On Stupidity

Here's why the Telegraph is talking bollocks:

1 No one forced anyone to drink the champagne.

2 People are entitled to choose what they wish to drink/eat or not drink/eat.

3 The players who walked away, walked away as adults with dignity, good grace and without complaint.

4 Imposing blanket bans on drinks/food because a number of people cannot or will not eat/drink them is absurd, as it will lead to all types of food and drink being banned (eg those with allergies, vegans and the fastidious will have to be accommodated).

All in all the Telegraph's article is insulting, ignorant and divisive!

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Tuesday, July 16, 2019

Brighton Gets Things Arse About Face - 'Elf and Safety Strikes Again


In Brighton, seemingly, things are built before checking the health and safety requirements.

The lovely Queens Park has had a wooden jetty built by the side of the pond. The project started at the end of March this year, and was meant to be completed within five weeks.

Fast forward to today's date (mid July) and, as you can see, the project remains unfinished and boarded off. Completion expected end of August!

For why?

It seems that health and safety concerns have been raised by the Royal Society for The Prevention of Accidents, eg the need for child proof gate etc.

The need for gates etc may be all very well and necessary in this risk averse age (no doubt). However, to my simple mind, should these issues not have been raised during the design phase?


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Monday, July 15, 2019

Nanny Wants To Put Us All To Sleep


Not content with telling us what to eat, smoke and drink, Nanny has now decided to tell us how to sleep and how long we should sleep!

The Guardian reports that a leaked draft of a public health green paper, due to be published by Nanny's health secretary, Matt Hancock, says that Nanny will review the evidence on sleep and health.

It suggests the minimum amount will vary depending on how old someone is, and the paper will give advice on “sleep hygiene”, according to the Times, which obtained the document.

It was reported the guidance was likely to state regularly getting less than seven hours’ sleep a night could damage most people’s health.

The leaked draft says:
This is with a view to informing the case for clear national guidance on the daily recommended hours of sleep for individuals in different age brackets, and to raise awareness of the key ‘sleep hygiene’ factors that can support healthy sleeping.”
As with all of Nanny's busybody interventions, she tries to justify this by saying it will save the NHS money.

The fact is if we all dropped dead now, the NHS would also save lots of money!

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Thursday, July 11, 2019

Fruit Juices Cause Cancer...Except They Don't!


In a veritable media splurge, lead by the Mail, hapless fruit juice drinkers (remember folks fruit juice is part of Nanny's Five a Day!) have been confronted with lurid headlines telling them that fruit juice will give them cancer.

All very frightening and worrisome, until that is you bother to check what the actual risk of getting caner is..according to the BMJ it is 1.12%!

Nanny and her lickspittles in the media do themselves no favours by this nonsensical and idiotic scaremongering!


Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.

Visit The Joy of Lard and indulge your lard fantasies.

Show your contempt for Nanny by buying a T shirt or thong from Nanny's Store.

www.nannyknowsbest.com is brought to you by www.kenfrost.com "The Living Brand"

Visit Oh So Swedish Swedish arts and handicrafts

Why not really indulge yourself, by doing all the things that Nanny really hates? Click on the relevant link to indulge yourselves; Food, Bonking, Gifts and Flowers, Groceries