Nanny Knows Best

Nanny Knows Best
Dedicated to exposing, and resisting, the all pervasive nanny state that is corroding the way of life and the freedom of the people of Britain.

Wednesday, July 18, 2018

The Joy of Rationing - Nanny's Brexit Excuse



It seems to me that Nanny is positively champing at the bit to introduce rationing of dairy products, sugar, salt, booze, fags etc etc - for the "good" of our health.

Brexit gives her the perfect excuse!

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Tuesday, July 17, 2018

Sugar Is Not The New Cigarette!

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Monday, July 16, 2018

Coke Is Healthier Than Orange Juice


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Friday, July 13, 2018

The Trump Balloon Baby



As people, on both sides of the argument, get very worked up over the Trump Baby Balloon let us not forget that political satire in the form of grotesque parody is a long running British tradition.

Hogarth, Gilray, Scarfe, Spitting Image etc etc have viciously lampooned our political masters and their allies over the centuries.

Let us not lose our sense of humour, or our sense of proportion, over what is in effect part of a fine British tradition of freedom of speech!

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Wednesday, July 11, 2018

St Jamie of Oliver's Sugar/Booze Laden Treats - Only For The Middle Classes!

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Thursday, July 05, 2018

How Very Un PC


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Wednesday, July 04, 2018

Nanny Bans The Easter Bunny


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Tuesday, July 03, 2018

Nailed It!


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Monday, July 02, 2018

Proof That The Human Race Is Being Dumbed Down!


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Friday, June 29, 2018

Nanny Hates Poor Fat People



Data, from Public Health England (PHE), compared levels of deprivation with numbers of takeaways such as chip shops, burger bars and pizza places and found that deprived areas such as Blackpool and parts of Manchester and Liverpool have five times more fast food outlets than affluent areas.

As a result PHE wants local authorities to ban new takeaways.

PHE chief nutritionist Dr Alison Tedstone is quoted by the BBC:
"Local authorities have the power to help support people in making healthier choices. 

They need to question whether these fast food hotspots are compatible with their work to help families and young children live healthier lives."
The use of the word "choice" seems disingenuous, given that Nanny wants to ban certain food types from the diets of "poor" people.

If people want to eat themselves to death, why shouldn't they be allowed to?

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Wednesday, June 27, 2018

Happy 70th Birthday To The NHS

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Truss Nails It!


Liz Truss is right, the government should F Off!

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Tuesday, June 26, 2018

Warm Weather and The Rail Network


Nanny gets so worked up over a little warm weather, not only is she advising us to stay indoors but she is also telling us that the rail network will grind to a halt (will anyone notice?) because of the heat!

FFS!


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Monday, June 25, 2018

Nanny Bans Sweets


Nanny has pledged to "help close the deprivation gap" by looking at why children from poorer areas are more than twice as likely to be overweight.

Nanny's plan is to encourage all primary schools to introduce a daily "active mile" for children. Official advice recommends children should do 60 minutes of activity per day.

The measures, which will open for consultation by the end of the year, include:
  • Banning the sale of sweets and snacks at checkouts, shop entrances and in buy-one-get-one-free deals
  • New restrictions on advertising unhealthy food to children on TV and online, which could include a pre-9pm ban
  • Clear calorie labelling in restaurants, cafes and takeaways, to help families know what they are eating
  • Ending the sale of energy drinks containing high levels of caffeine, to children
It beggars belief that a Conservative government is now so obsessed with micro managing people's lives!

The above restrictions won't make the slightest difference; it is not the state's role to manage what kids eat, it's the parents who should manage their kids' diets.

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Thursday, June 21, 2018

Oh The Irony!


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Another Day, Another New Addiction - Cryptocurrencies!


It seems we can become addicted to anything these days, hot on the heels of the usual suspects (eg social media, watching TV, porn etc) comes the latest addiction - cryptocurrencies.

There is even a test that you can take, to determine if you are addicted!

Courtesy of Castle Craig Hospital:
      • Do I spend a lot of time thinking about different types of cryptocurrency?
      • Am I spending large amounts on cryptocurrency?
      • Have I tried to slow down or completely stop cryptocurrency trading – but not been able to?
      • Do I become restless or irritable if I try to cut down my screen time related to cryptocurrency?
      • Do I jump on the computer and start trading in cryptocurrency to escape from life’s problems or to try to elevate my mood?
      • Do I carry on trading in cryptocurrency after losing money – to try to gain it back?
      • Have I ever fibbed to other people about how much time or money I spend trading in cryptocurrency? Have I ever taken money unlawfully to fund my cryptocurrency addiction?
      • Has my cryptocurrency trading habit had an effect on my relationships or my job?
      • Do I try to get other people to lend me money when I have lost on investment?
  • Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.

    Visit The Joy of Lard and indulge your lard fantasies.

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    Wednesday, June 20, 2018

    Drink Booze To Minimise Risk of Cancer



    Oooh errr..Nanny won't like this at all!

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    Tuesday, June 19, 2018

    You Can't Legislate Against Stupidity




    Three graffiti artists were killed yesterday by a freight train on tracks in south-west London.

    British Transport Police (BTP) found the bodies of three men believed to be in their 20s after being called at 7.34am on Monday, when a train driver noticed them on tracks between Brixton and Loughborough Junction stations. Spray cans were found close by and officers were seen photographing graffiti as part of their inquiries.

    A BTP spokesman said the force was trying to trace the train that hit the men and it was not clear what time the incident happened. Rail industry sources told the Guardian that the incident occurred at about 5am, before passenger services were running in the area. They believed the victims may have been caught in the slipstream of a passing empty train.

    Who would have thought that arsing around near rail tracks would increase the risk of being hit by a train?

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    Monday, June 18, 2018

    Ban Puddings - Serve Quinoa and Spinach


    I pity the poor kids who end up with quinoa and spinach in their lunchbox.

    My mum would pack me banana sarnies, cup cakes and home-made crisps.

    On the subject of puddings, well clearly if someone is overweight then eating a pudding is not going to help them. However, puddings have been served in school canteens since time began; yet it is only in the last decade, or so, have kids become corpulent.

    Methinks it's not the puddings which should be blamed for the outbreak of corpulence!

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    Friday, June 15, 2018

    Straws Are Us



    Very noble, now instead of plastic polluting the earth we will increase deforestation in order to keep the straws coming.

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    Thursday, June 14, 2018

    Nanny Bans England Flags On Royal Mail Vans



    The Royal Mail has banned postal workers from flying flags on their delivery vehicles during the World Cup.

    Postal chiefs said flags could distract drivers or “pose a potential hazard to other road users” if they came loose, and that the decision was made to uphold the company’s duty of care to employees and the public.

    I wonder how it was Postman Pat was allowed to drive a van with a cat companion?

    Anyhoo, about 125,000 delivery staff across 1,400 depots nationwide will be affected by the ban. However, 25,000 backroom staff will be allowed to display flags in offices.

    All in all, whether this is "'elf and safety gone mad" or not, it is academic as England will probably crash out of the World Cup soon enough!

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    Wednesday, June 13, 2018

    Holy Shit Nanny Ireland


    Nanny Ireland proves that the state can fine you even for things that don't exist!

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    Thursday, June 07, 2018

    You Can't Legislate Against Stupid, But Wouldn't It Be Nice If You Could?



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    Wednesday, June 06, 2018

    Victorian Risk Assessment



    Absolutely imperial!


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    Tuesday, June 05, 2018

    You're Crackers!



    Seemingly a new "test" has been developed to determine if your body processes carbs efficiently, if The Mail is to be believed:
    "Simply chew on a plain cracker until it changes in flavour from a bland biscuit to quite sweet. If the taste changes in less than 30 seconds, your body probably processes carbs quite effectively.

    More than 30 seconds, you’re not a great processor of carbs so the body is less able to use the excess as energy, and so stores it as fat. So you can have just 125g of carbs a day (around three slices of wholewheat bread)."
    Surely a more accurate determination would be gained by determining if you are fat or not?

    In the event you are fat, and want to be slim, then adjust your diet and take more exercise.

    Simples!

    Doubtless many people will now be rushing to the cracker barrel and stuffing themselves with crackers, only to gain weight from their cracker binge.

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    Monday, June 04, 2018

    Nanny Exterminates Dalek Cakes


    Nanny is getting worked up over a Doctor Who chocolate Dalek cupcake, which has more calories than three McDonald’s burgers, which the BBC's CBBC is showing kids how to make.


    Noel Janis-Norton, of the Calmer, Easier, Happier Parenting Centre, said:
    You would expect the BBC to know better than to be putting out unhealthy recipes like these.” 
    Tam Fry, chairman of the National Obesity Forum, said:
    It is irresponsible of the BBC to promote these recipes. 

    They are loaded with unhealthy ingredients.
    FFS!

    On the assumption that these are only eaten once in a while as treats, the evil sugar and calories will pose no problem.

    Teaching kids how to cook, and to ensure they understand how to eat responsibly and not like pigs is a good thing!


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    Friday, June 01, 2018

    St Jamie of Oliver Admits He's a Hypocrite


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    Thursday, May 31, 2018

    St Jamie of Oliver Bans Tony The Tiger, But Offers Job To Furi



    Saint Jamie of Oliver has called for a ban on cartoon characters promoting junk foods to tackle child obesity.

    He told MPs cartoon characters should only ever be used to promote fruit, veg and porridge not to “peddle rubbish”.

    Thus we will see an end to Tony The Tiger and The Milky Bar Kid.

    But wait!

    What's this I see?

    A cartoon character (Furi a Moshi character) being used by St Jamie of Oliver to promote a high calorie vegetable muffin...surely not?!

    Maybe we might all be better off without Nanny using the whims of celeb chefs to guide her food fads!

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    Tuesday, May 29, 2018

    Obese Kids and Nanny's Targeted Interventions



    Nanny says that more than 22,000 children will leave primary school dangerously obese this year.

    The number of 10 and 11-year-olds classed as severely obese, the most overweight scale, in the final year of primary school is also nearly double that of those in reception.

    More than 22,000 out of 556,000 of children in Year 6 are classed as severely obese, a significant increase on the 15,000 four and five-year-olds in the category.

    The Local Government Association (LGA), which obtained the figures, said this showed children were gaining weight at a drastic rate as they went through school.

    The first data of its kind for 2016-17, obtained by the LGA and supplied by the National Child Measurement Programme (NCMP), show that a total of 22,646 out of 556,452 10 and 11-year-olds (4.1 per cent) are classed as severely obese. For children aged four and five, reception class age, the figure is 14,787 out of 629,359 in total (2.35 per cent).

    Severe obesity rates are highest in children living in the most deprived towns and cities, and those from BME groups, which the LGA suggested shows a need for more targeted interventions.

    Nanny just loves targeted interventions.

    Two points:

    1 As we all know, BMI is a bollocks way to determine obesity.

    2 As In noted last week, childhood obesity figures are bollocks!

    However, Nanny doesn't care because she wants to have her targeted interventions.

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    Thursday, May 24, 2018

    Nanny Bans Bacon and Booze



    Nanny's chums from The World Cancer Research Fund (WRCF) have conducted a study into cancer and have determined that, if we follow a strict no booze no bacon diet, then we can live to a ripe old age and feel thoroughly miserable.

    For good measure WRCF say that all sugary drinks should also be shunned, people should “stick to water” as part of efforts to cut their risk by up to 40%.

    They have issued a 10 point plan (diktat) that Nanny will doubtless try to enforce.

    Cutting cancer risks | 10 recommendations

    1. Be a healthy weight. Keep your weight within the healthy range and avoid weight gain in adult life
    2. Be physically active. Be physically active as part of everyday life – walk more and sit less
    3. Eat a diet rich in wholegrains, vegetables, fruit and beans. Make wholegrains, vegetables, fruit, and pulses (legumes) such as beans and lentils a major part of your usual daily diet
    4. Limit consumption of ‘fast foods’ and other processed foods high in fat, starches or sugars. Limiting these foods helps control calorie intake and maintain a healthy weight
    5. Limit consumption of red and processed meat. Eat no more than moderate amounts of red meat, such as beef, pork and lamb. Eat little, if any, processed meat
    6. Limit consumption of sugar-sweetened drinks. Drink mostly water and unsweetened drinks
    7. Limit alcohol consumption. For cancer prevention, it’s best not to drink alcohol
    8. Do not use supplements for cancer prevention. Aim to meet nutritional needs through diet alone
    9. For mothers: breastfeed your baby, if you can. Breastfeeding is good for both mother and baby
    10. After a cancer diagnosis: follow our recommendations, if you can. Check with your health professional what is right for you.
    I for one will do exactly what I have always done when it conmes to Nanny's advice, ignore it.

    The more strident and restrictive her advice, the less likely people are going to follow it!

    There is absolutely no point living to a ripe old age, if you are going to have to live a life of misery to get to that old age.

    Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.

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    Wednesday, May 23, 2018

    Reality Check - If You Are Bright Enough You Will Get In!

    Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.

    Visit The Joy of Lard and indulge your lard fantasies.

    Show your contempt for Nanny by buying a T shirt or thong from Nanny's Store.

    www.nannyknowsbest.com is brought to you by www.kenfrost.com "The Living Brand"

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    Monday, May 21, 2018

    Childhood Obesity Figures Are Bollocks!




    As per Christopher Snowdon:
    "I argued last month that Britain’s childhood obesity statistics are worthless. They are based on an unjustifiable assumption about the scale of child obesity in 1990 and that error has plagued every subsequent measurement. A flawed methodology has led to the number of obese children being greatly exaggerated.

    I suggested that the true number is less than half that suggested by the official statistics. We are told that one in five children are obese by the time they leave primary school. I believe that the true figure is closer to one in twenty and I have the evidence to back me up.

    To recap, the normal body mass index (BMI) cut-off of 30+ does not work for children so we have to improvise. The current British system defines children as obese if they have a BMI that would have put them in the heaviest five per cent of their age group in 1990.

    Were five per cent of children obese in 1990? No. How many children were obese in 1990? We don’t know, but we do know that barely one per cent of 18 year olds were obese and we know that obesity tends to increase with age, so it seems certain that fewer than two per cent of children were obese in 1990."
    Nanny's figures are bollocks.

    The reason that she still uses them is because they suit her purposes, and they enable her to bully people!

    Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.

    Visit The Joy of Lard and indulge your lard fantasies.

    Show your contempt for Nanny by buying a T shirt or thong from Nanny's Store.

    www.nannyknowsbest.com is brought to you by www.kenfrost.com "The Living Brand"

    Visit Oh So Swedish Swedish arts and handicrafts

    Why not really indulge yourself, by doing all the things that Nanny really hates? Click on the relevant link to indulge yourselves; Food, Bonking, Gifts and Flowers, Groceries

    Wednesday, May 16, 2018

    Question for Nicola Sturgeon



    Given that you and St Jamie of Oliver are so keen to stop Scottish people enjoying "two for one " and discount deals on pizzas etc, will you also be banning GroupOn from offering a discount deal on meals at St Jamie's?

    Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.

    Visit The Joy of Lard and indulge your lard fantasies.

    Show your contempt for Nanny by buying a T shirt or thong from Nanny's Store.

    www.nannyknowsbest.com is brought to you by www.kenfrost.com "The Living Brand"

    Visit Oh So Swedish Swedish arts and handicrafts

    Why not really indulge yourself, by doing all the things that Nanny really hates? Click on the relevant link to indulge yourselves; Food, Bonking, Gifts and Flowers, Groceries

    Tuesday, May 15, 2018

    Scottish Nanny Bans Two For One Pizzas



    Scotland, the land that gave the world deep fried Mars bars and deep fried pizza in batter, is to face a major culinary upheaval.

    Nicola Sturgeon has met St Jamie of Oliver, and he has told her to ban two for one deals on pizzas etc.

    This is kind of ironic, given that St Jamie has happily told the press that he lets his kids eat burgers etc at home and that his recipes contain high levels of sugar, fat and salt.


    Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.

    Visit The Joy of Lard and indulge your lard fantasies.

    Show your contempt for Nanny by buying a T shirt or thong from Nanny's Store.

    www.nannyknowsbest.com is brought to you by www.kenfrost.com "The Living Brand"

    Visit Oh So Swedish Swedish arts and handicrafts

    Why not really indulge yourself, by doing all the things that Nanny really hates? Click on the relevant link to indulge yourselves; Food, Bonking, Gifts and Flowers, Groceries

    Monday, May 14, 2018

    Nanny Ivy Bans Flaming Sambucas



    Eva and I dined in the recently opened Ivy in Brighton on Friday, nice meal etc (a review of which can be seen here).

    However, on ordering some flaming Sambucas (the flaming process helps the coffee beans add their flavour) I was told that they could not be flamed.

    For why?

    Health and safety!

    Which was kind of ironic, given that one of the Ivy's special desserts is flambéed!

    Anyhoo, I did attempt to ignite them myself with Eva's cigarette lighter but failed dismally, which was probably just as well as I understand from Eva that the bar staff were looking alarmed that I might succeed.

    The Ivy is the only restaurant I have ever been to, thusfar, where Sambucas won't be flamed due to health and safety.

    Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.

    Visit The Joy of Lard and indulge your lard fantasies.

    Show your contempt for Nanny by buying a T shirt or thong from Nanny's Store.

    www.nannyknowsbest.com is brought to you by www.kenfrost.com "The Living Brand"

    Visit Oh So Swedish Swedish arts and handicrafts

    Why not really indulge yourself, by doing all the things that Nanny really hates? Click on the relevant link to indulge yourselves; Food, Bonking, Gifts and Flowers, Groceries

    The Hypocrisy of St Jamie of Oliver

    Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.

    Visit The Joy of Lard and indulge your lard fantasies.

    Show your contempt for Nanny by buying a T shirt or thong from Nanny's Store.

    www.nannyknowsbest.com is brought to you by www.kenfrost.com "The Living Brand"

    Visit Oh So Swedish Swedish arts and handicrafts

    Why not really indulge yourself, by doing all the things that Nanny really hates? Click on the relevant link to indulge yourselves; Food, Bonking, Gifts and Flowers, Groceries

    Friday, May 11, 2018

    Babies Should Give Consent For Nappy Changing!


    Feel free to express you opinions!

    Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.

    Visit The Joy of Lard and indulge your lard fantasies.

    Show your contempt for Nanny by buying a T shirt or thong from Nanny's Store.

    www.nannyknowsbest.com is brought to you by www.kenfrost.com "The Living Brand"

    Visit Oh So Swedish Swedish arts and handicrafts

    Why not really indulge yourself, by doing all the things that Nanny really hates? Click on the relevant link to indulge yourselves; Food, Bonking, Gifts and Flowers, Groceries

    Thursday, May 10, 2018

    In Which The Guardian Crafts a Headline That is Both Racist and Misogynistic



    Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.

    Visit The Joy of Lard and indulge your lard fantasies.

    Show your contempt for Nanny by buying a T shirt or thong from Nanny's Store.

    www.nannyknowsbest.com is brought to you by www.kenfrost.com "The Living Brand"

    Visit Oh So Swedish Swedish arts and handicrafts

    Why not really indulge yourself, by doing all the things that Nanny really hates? Click on the relevant link to indulge yourselves; Food, Bonking, Gifts and Flowers, Groceries

    Korean Nanny Bans Smombies


    Doubtless UK Nanny will one day follow suit.

    All very well, maybe, but sometimes it may be urgent to use the phone when walking/running (eg if you are being attacked!).

    Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.

    Visit The Joy of Lard and indulge your lard fantasies.

    Show your contempt for Nanny by buying a T shirt or thong from Nanny's Store.

    www.nannyknowsbest.com is brought to you by www.kenfrost.com "The Living Brand"

    Visit Oh So Swedish Swedish arts and handicrafts

    Why not really indulge yourself, by doing all the things that Nanny really hates? Click on the relevant link to indulge yourselves; Food, Bonking, Gifts and Flowers, Groceries

    Wednesday, May 09, 2018

    Joe Haines Proves Nanny Is Talking Out of Her Arse!

    Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.

    Visit The Joy of Lard and indulge your lard fantasies.

    Show your contempt for Nanny by buying a T shirt or thong from Nanny's Store.

    www.nannyknowsbest.com is brought to you by www.kenfrost.com "The Living Brand"

    Visit Oh So Swedish Swedish arts and handicrafts

    Why not really indulge yourself, by doing all the things that Nanny really hates? Click on the relevant link to indulge yourselves; Food, Bonking, Gifts and Flowers, Groceries