Nanny Iceland Bans Hot Cross Buns

In a move that has left traditionalists fuming and devout bakers clutching their apron strings, Nanny in the form of Iceland, the supermarket chain, has committed an egregious act of culinary sacrilege. Brace yourselves, my fellow bun enthusiasts, for the hot cross bun has been defiled! The iconic cross, a symbol that has graced these spiced Easter delights for centuries, has been unceremoniously ousted and replaced with a mere tick. Yes, you read that correctly—a tick! It's as if the pastry gods themselves are weeping into their flour sacks.

The Great Bun Betrayal

Picture this: you stroll into your local Iceland, nostrils flaring in anticipation of that sweet, cinnamon-infused aroma. Your eyes lock onto the familiar golden orbs, nestled in their plastic packaging. But wait! What's this? Instead of the revered cross, you're met with a smug little tick, perched atop the bun like an overconfident squirrel on a power line. The audacity! The gall! It's enough to make a baker's rolling pin tremble.

The "Research" Ruse

Iceland claims this sacrilege is backed by "research." Apparently, a fifth of their customers harbour secret desires to abandon the cross. Really? Are we to believe that there's an underground movement of hot cross bun rebels, covertly plotting to overthrow the centuries-old tradition? Perhaps they meet in dimly lit bakeries, whispering, "Down with the cross! Bring forth the tick!" It's absurd.

The Wrath of the Faithful

But let's not mince words. The tick, a symbol typically associated with correctness or approval, has ignited a firestorm of righteous indignation. Angry shoppers have taken to social media, their keyboards clattering like a hailstorm on a tin roof. Accusations of "woke" behaviour and "virtue-signalling" have been hurled like stale breadcrumbs. Even Reform UK MP Lee Anderson has weighed in, decrying this "namby-pamby" assault on British tradition. And Jacob Rees-Mogg, ever the eloquent wordsmith, quipped, "Who would buy a frozen tick bun?" Indeed, sir, who indeed?

The Soul of the Bun

Let's pause for a moment and reflect on the essence of the hot cross bun. It's not merely a confluence of flour, currants, and spice. No, it's a sacred ritual—a nod to history, faith, and the changing seasons. That cross, etched into the dough, represents the crucifixion of Christ. It's a solemn reminder of sacrifice, redemption, and the promise of resurrection. And now, Iceland has replaced it with a tick—a symbol more at home on a grocery list than a bun.

Conclusion

So, dear readers, as you nibble on your hot "tick" buns this Easter, spare a thought for tradition. Remember the generations who kneaded, baked, and broke bread before us. And if you happen upon an Iceland executive, brandishing their tick-adorned bun, give them a piece of your mind. Tell them that some things are sacred—crosses, buns, and the collective memory of a nation. And then, my friends, march forth with your rolling pins held high, for the battle of the buns has just begun.

*Disclaimer: No actual buns were harmed in the making of this rant.

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