More EU Clusterfuckery - The Dangers of Violins

Moving on from recent anal discussions, I bring you a fresh serving of "shite" with a continental flavour.

Our old friends in the EU have managed to come up with another set of rules, that I can only describe as being a "Clusterfuck" of ineptitude and stupidity.

It seems that regulations which control the use of certain types of animal tissue, in order to prevent the transmission of harmful diseases, are now in danger of threatening string instruments (eg the violin) that are strung with beef gut.

Apparently strict interpretation of the rules by the EU means that those who make violins, cellos and other string instruments are in danger of contracting Creutzfeldt – Jakob disease (CJD), and that the strict interpretation of the EU rules are threatening the existence of gut string manufacturers.

The regulations were introduced around ten years ago during the mad cow scare, and were "beefed up" (get it!.."beefed up"..oh please yourselves!) in 2009. Up until now companies that make violin strings etc have had dispensations. However, one of Europe's leading gut string manufacturers, Aquila Corde,  was recently told that its dispensation had ended and had not been renewed.

Other companies involved in the business have given up, complaining that they found could not operate under the red tape system.

The British based European Union Baroque Orchestra is also under threat, as are the King's Consort and the Orchestra of the Age of Enlightenment.

The EU is one giant Clusterfuck, from beginning to end!

On the subject of the mad cow scare in the early 90's, when beef ribs were banned, I well remember going to our friendly local butcher with my dad; and the butcher happily selling us illegal cuts of beef still on the bone.

 

Happy days!

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The Dangers of Bleach

As has been discussed many times on this site before, one of Nanny's tricks that she uses to divert people's attention from what she is up to is to fill the nation's TV screens with unrelenting mind sapping shite.

The TV schedules are stuffed to the gunnels with programmes exalting the "virtues" of Z list celebrities, whose only claim to "fame" is being "famous" and coloured orange. Alongside the vapid orgy of celebrity trivia comes a veritable smorgasbord of "reality" TV shows (usually scripted) that claim to portray "real" people in "real" life situations.

Recently joining the list of dross is "Desperate Scousewives" (allegedly featuring "real" people, who happen to be orange, living in Liverpool).

Now, here is where it all gets rather confusing for a simple chap like me. I have not seen the show, however I came upon a review of the first episode. Apparently one key scene within that episode was an earnest discussion about the necessity of having an "anal bleach".

Yes, you did read that correctly!

Aside from the fact that there is a remarkably obvious question, namely:

"What the fark would anyone want to bleach their anus for in the first place?"

There is also a interesting contradiction with Nanny's strict rules of health and safety.

As we all know, Nanny has for years been warning us about the dangers of drinking bleach. Indeed bleach bottles, aside from  having copious warnings about the dangers of imbibing the stuff, are now fitted with such stubborn anti child caps that even a fit adult sometimes has trouble opening the damn things.

Yet here is a Nanny approved mind numbing programme (designed to keep us docile), proactively encouraging the use of bleach on one's bottom.

Call me old fashioned, but if it is dangerous to drink bleach surely it is just as dangerous to squirt a bottle of Domestos up one's bottom?

Please could Nanny issue some much needed guidance on this most pressing of health and safety issues?

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Nanny's Hi Vis Fetish

My thanks to a loyal reader who pointed out that Nanny's Hi Vis fetish has gone Continental.

Apparently, Spanish Nanny is worried about the health and safety of working girls who ply their trade on rural highways. As such, Spanish Nanny has ordered the girls to wear Hi Vis jackets when they are working near highways, such as the rural highway outside Els Alamus near Lleida in Catalonia.

Failure to comply with the law will elicit a fine of Euro 40.

What's the Spanish for Ker Farking Ching?

It is not clear as to whether the girls are meant to keep the jacket on once they are with a customer.

I dare say that the Hi Vis jackets will make them more visible, and to some extent may well lead to an increase in "clients".

In other parts of the world other "marketing" techniques are employed. In Beijing the street girls attract customers by throwing firecrackers on the pavements as people walk by. Quite what the health and safety brigade in the UK would make of girls lobbing "Brocks bangers" at passers by in Shepherd Market etc I don't know!

Ole!

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LOL

SHEPWAY District Council has been named "prats of the week" by a political blogger.

Ken Frost, writing on his site Nanny Knows Best, granted the council the label in response to a story in the Herald's October 13 edition.

1. ​
   "PRATS": Ken Frost awarded SDC the title

We reported on a "shouting lamp post", capable of taking pictures of those passing a row of industrial bins just behind the Old High Street, which had been likened to living in a Communist state by angry traders.

A voice from the FlashCam tells passers-by: "Stop. If you are not authorised to use these bins or you are fly-tipping, your photograph may be taken and used to prosecute. Please leave the area."

Mr Frost claimed it was a "bizarre decision" to install the devices.

He continued: "Shepway District Council, well-deserving Prats of The Week."

An SDC spokesman said: "Our Flashcams are used in areas where residents and businesses have reported problems like vandalism and fly-tipping.

"They have been very effective.


"We think they do a good job and will carry on using them wherever people want them – despite the inane observations of an obscure website."

Source This Is Kent

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Prat of The Week - Karl Turner MP

Congratulations to Karl Turner MP, for winning this week's "Prat of The Week" Award.

For why has he been thusly honoured?

For his sickbag inducing appearance on Channel 4 News last night, in which he bemoaned Jeremy Clarkson's infamous appearance on "The One Show".

Turner kept repeatedly saying that Clarkson should not only apologise, for saying that public sector strikers should be shot, but that he should apologise to all the children who would have seen the show.

What have children got to do with this?

Turner has been infected with Nanny's "Won't someone think of the children?" virus, and deems that all adult actions/discussions in the world must be adjusted to take into account children's reactions.

This mantra is of course bollocks, as we live in an adult world!

Additionally, his notion that children who may have seen the show went to bed fearful that their parents would be taken out onto the street and shot shows that he has zero understanding of how children think or their grasp of who Clarkson is.

It was a completely absurd argument to make, and nauseatingly repetitive.

Karl Turner, well deserving "Prat of The Week"!

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Auntie Suffers Sense of Humour Failure

Unsurprisingly I see that Nanny's best chum, Auntie, suffered a major sense of humour failure over Jeremy Clarkson's comments on "The One Show" in which he said that he would have public sector strikers shot.

Auntie issued an apology, and has withdrawn the show from the BBCi Player.

Censorship Auntie?

Are we not allowed to watch the show and make our own minds up?

Never mind, here is the clip (out of context), before judging it you should also be aware that he prefaced the comments by asserting that he liked the strikers, as the industrial action meant there was no traffic on the roads.

He then went on to say that he had to be balanced as he worked for Auntie, at which point he talked about having them shot.

Could it be that he was having a dig at Auntie's pc attitude as much as at the strikers?

UPDATE

Seemingly Unison (according to Auntie) is "to take urgent legal advice over "appalling" comments made by TV presenter Jeremy Clarkson".

Oh by the way, where was Unison when Ken Livingstone suggested that George Osborne should be hanged?


FURTHER UPDATE

Auntie now reports the following quote from Jeremy Clarkson:

"I didn’t for a moment intend these remarks to be taken seriously – as I believe is clear if they’re seen in context.

If the BBC and I have caused any offence, I’m quite happy to apologise for it alongside them."






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