Nanny Bans Vacuum Cleaning

Nanny has surpassed herself on this one, mark my words.

You will all have doubtless in your lives used a vacuum cleaner at some stage, for cleaning or pleasure?

No doubt you felt that the activity was entirely safe, and risk free?

Hah!

Not for Karl Walker!

He was told by Apollo Cleaning, for which he works, that at the tender age of 16 he is not old enough to use hot water, washing up liquid, furniture polish, empty bins or to use cleaning equipment such as vacuum cleaners.

The firm claims that it is following government guidelines by insisting on safety clearance.

I should note that at 16 people in the UK can bonk, join up and play the lottery.

Karl is unimpressed:

"I just don't understand what is going on. How can I be too young to use a vacuum cleaner? It is so stupid.

I want to earn a living."

Nanny doesn't want people to earn a living, as that would make them responsible for their own lives. Nanny wants people to rely on her to support them, thus she will have control over them for the rest of their lives.

Paul Lundy, boss of London-based Apollo Cleaning, said:

"When an employee is only 16 we have to be very careful with the tasks we set them as their bodies are not yet fully formed.

But I am sure once the proper checks have been completed there will be no problem in re-employing these young people."

Snort!

How "fully formed" (a rather odd phrase to use, given the tasks Karl was meant to perform) do you need to be to wash dishes?

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Nanny Wastes Your Money

It is always reassuring to know that as Nanny's best chum, Gordon Brown, prepares to raise taxes that the money he is taking from us is being spent so wisely.

I was particularly heartened to read the other day that unemployed single parents are receiving free massages and beauty treatments, paid for by the taxpayers.

Seemingly Nanny believes that these treatments, labelled "pamper days", will boost their confidence. To date around 1,000 people, mainly women, have had a "pamper day".

By the way, can you guess what is the name of the overall project that "pamper days" are a part of?

Yes, that's right:

Big Brother

The scheme is currently being tested in Hereford, Worcester, Northumberland, Durham and Greater Manchester. Any single parent over 18 who has been unemployed, or on disability benefit, for at least six months con choose from a range of treatments, including a massage, a haircut, new make-up, a facial, a manicure and even ear-piercing.

On top of that, they can also claim a separate £30 to spend on a shopping trip for new clothes, and are eligible for free lunches and childcare.

The Big Brother scheme is run by Inspire2Independence, a private company based in York.

So, I suppose the scheme is at least keeping some people off the dole?

A Nation of Beggars II

Further to my previous article about Britain being turned into a nation of beggars, those of you who fear that this policy might in some sense exclude those who are newly arrived in this country need have no fear.

It emerged at the end of last year that immigrants wanting to settle in Britain are to be questioned not on British history, but on how to claim benefits.

Doctor John Reid's much "respected" and "world class" Home Orifice, announced that it was extending the scope of the "Britishness" exam. The exam will now include questions on what benefits you are entitled to, and how to lodge a claim.

The subject areas include; the right to housing, healthcare and an education, and equal rights and discrimination. There will of course be no place in the exam for British history.

It seems that the Home Orifice is worried that migrants settling in the UK do not have sufficient knowledge of British law and culture; as noted earlier, we are now a nation of beggars with our arms outstretched from cradle to grave.

Therefore, it is only right and fitting that immigrants be indoctrinated into our ways as well so that they feel that they are one of us.

Unfarkingbelieveable!

One in three households across Britain is now dependent on the state for at least half its income.

Over seven million households are getting most of their income from government handouts.

Nanny is buying votes, and turning us into a nation of beggars with our hands outstretched.