The Enver Hodge Approach To Parenting

Nanny has many helpers and sprites, who are willing to do her work for her. One of her special little helpers is Margaret “Enver” Hodge, the minister for children, who is due to introduce parenting classes.

Nanny has for sometime known that the “peasants”, people who do not live in Islington, make lousy parents. Nanny already operates a compulsory parenting policy for the parents of truants and thugs.


However, nanny feels that these lessons need to be “made available” (for that read “made compulsory”) for the parents of her friends and acolytes living in Islington, and other middle class areas, as well.

You see nanny knows that the best way to keep her job, and be loved forever by her charges, is to ensure that they are totally dependant on her; so that they can never leave the nursery.

Nanny also believes that a parent, who never asks for help, is probably not doing their job right.

That is where Enver Hodge comes in; she, as you will remember, had something of a success in the 1980’s and 90’s with her childcare policy in Islington. In Islington a number of children, in nanny’s care, were abused by some 32 members of staff; yet Hodge did not act. Indeed when the Evening Standard started to report the issue in 1992, she accused it of “gutter journalism”.

She then managed to further pour salt in the wounds, by writing to the BBC in 2003; claiming that one of the victims, Demetrious Panton, was “extremely disturbed”. Needless to say this dim-witted outburst backfired, and Hodge had to apologise and pay £10K to a charity.

In addition to allowing systematic abuse to occur, whilst under her “watch”, Hodge managed to bankrupt Islington council. During her period in office she made sure that her own children were kept well out of the clutches of nanny, by sending them to fee paying schools.

Her nickname, coined by her own staff, during this period was “Enver Hodge”; a reference to the Stalinist dictator of Albania.

With credentials like that, nanny knew that Enver Hodge was the ideal person to lecture parents on how to bring up their children. Indeed nanny lived in the same street in Islington as Enver Hodge, they were special friends.

One of the vital lessons that Hodge will impart to parents, is that fathers should turn their mobile phones off when talking to their children. Enver Hodge will also show them how to change a nappy.

May I ask how is it that the human race managed for the last several thousand years, before nanny and her acolytes came along?

However, I must not be so critical of Enver Hodge, you see Enver Hodge is basing these classes on her own experience of raising children:

“I remember going home with my first child, It’s so exciting. Then you get home and you haven’t a clue.”

That’s comforting isn’t it?