Auntie Bans Dr Who

As we all know, Nanny and Auntie (the BBC) are great friends. They share many similar ideals and views; especially the idea that they know what is best for the public as a whole.

Therefore, it should come as no surprise to hear that Auntie has managed to get her bloomers into a twist over the new series of Dr Who.

This timeless (get it? Timeless! Time Lord..oh please yourselves!) classic has been brought out of retirement by Auntie, in her campaign to rid the TV screens of Ant and Dec (ITV's Saturday night attempt at "entertainment").

Aficionados of the learned Dr, know that the optimal viewing position for the show is that of crouching from behind the sofa.

Unfortunately Auntie, who doesn't really like the show anyway, does not seem to realise this.

Hence her pronouncement this week, that Dr Who is not suitable for those children under the age of 8; Auntie, in fact, says that they should be banned from watching it.

This outburst was at the behest of 50 parents who rang in to complain that their little darlings would not go to bed after last Saturday's episode, which featured zombies in Cardiff (there's a joke there somewhere folks!).

Let us put this in context, 50 people out of an audience of 8 million...Auntie is scared by that!

She does not deserve to have a broadcasting licence, if that is how she reacts to such a muted response.

Now I would venture the following, if Auntie is so keen to warn people about the dangers of Dr Who then she should do the same for other programmes.

My parents, who are in their eighties, love to scare themselves witless by watching Crimewatch. Once they have spent an hour or so ingesting the latest scare stories of criminality, so expertly reconstructed by our dear old friend Auntie, they are in a right old state.

Therefore I humbly submit that Crimewatch should also have a warning, stating that it is not suitable for people over the age of 60.

On the subject of my parents, you will recall that I have said before that my father (who served in the Atlantic convoys during World War II, and therefore has experience of fighting dictators) is of the opinion that Britain has sunk to the level of a tin pot dicatoriship.

I can confirm that, subsequent to my recent visit to the parental bunker, he still holds this view. He urges us all to do our bit to fight back, and restore freedom to this land.