What has caused this funking outbreak?
Well, it seems that the media have been reporting that they are about to ban hoodies.
Hoodies are the latest fashion accessory for the feckless youth of Britain. So lacking in self esteem are our youth, that they choose to hide themselves away under shapeless and ugly hoods; rather than expose themselves to the public gaze.
Now, the media have been running a story that the Bluewater will ban this street attire as, so the story goes, customers are frightened by the sight of spotty faced feckless idle youths congregating in the shopping centre.
I can exclusively reveal that the media have got this story totally wrong.
The hoodies that the Bluewater want to ban are not those worn by teenagers, but the plastic rain hats worn by OAPS.
You see Bluewater know that the highest spending group are in fact teenagers, so spoilt and idle are this group that they have nothing better to do with their money than waste it on overpriced crap; such as mobile phones and the latest five minute fashion "must have".
In effect they are a shopping centre's dream customer.
Don't you find it rather scary that the UK economy is underpinned by the spending habits of teenagers?
On the other hand, elderly shoppers are a veritable pain in the butt.
- They don't spend money
- They moan and complain about prices and quality
- They block the walkways, as they go round in groups complaining and intimidating the young
- They pose a clear and present danger to those on foot, as they recklessly speed around the walkways in those electric buggies; at speeds well in excess of 5 mph
They are banned, and the easiest way to ban them is to ban the wearing of plastic rain hoods.
As we all know, elderly people cannot go anywhere without these!