Greetings loyal readers, midway between the pig out of Christmas and the alcoholic oblivion of New Year, I am paying a brief visit online to warn you that Nanny has been busy this festive period.
Barrow Borough Council have decreed that the age old tradition of throwing boiled sweets at pantomime audiences is a health and safety risk, and have ordered actors to use marshmallows.
Pantomime, for those not familiar with the British tradition, is where parents take their children to watch the principal "boy" (an attractive young woman dressed as a man in thigh length leather boots) kiss the leading lady and the "dame" (a middle aged man dressed in an outrageous female costume) make some very risque camp jokes.
That dear readers is why so many Brits have sexual hang ups!
Anyhoo, for good measure aside from banning boiled sweets being thrown into the audience of Aladdin, Nanny has also forbidden the squirting of water into the auditorium and the flash of fireworks and puff of smoke when Aladdin's genie appears.
What a bunch of knobheads!
Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.
Visit The Joy of Lard and indulge your lard fantasies.
Show your contempt for Nanny by buying a T shirt or thong from Nanny's Store.
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Ken,
ReplyDeleteI wonder just how many members of panto audiences have been injured in the past, by the sweets thrown into the stalls by the actors?
I have never heard of anyone being injured by the sweets thrown during a panto.
My Christmas has been slightly spoiled this year, because I see that Nanny, in the form of Dot Gov, has been filling ad breaks on my favoutie radio station, UK Gold, with her patronising messages; Drink hot drinks when it's cold to keep warm, put on extra layers of clothing to keep warm when it's cold, buy low energy lightbulbs to save the planet, ask Nanny how to keep your home safe for your kids......I really don't know how I've survived all these years with out having the minister for the bleeding obvious to give me advice all the time!!
Happy New Year Ken and all.
Just laugh at hi-viz!!
The biggest threat to elf'n'safety comes not from pantomimes, and the various hilarious and enjoyable activities associated with them, but from these elf'n'safety
ReplyDelete"experts" whose only pleasure seems to be making everyone else's life a misery. The most appropriate comment to make to these jobsworths would appear to be 'Boo! Hiss!' Certainly, I find them far more scary than any pantomime villain!
Tonk. said...
"Ken, I wonder just how many members of panto audiences have been injured in the past, by the sweets thrown into the stalls by the actors?"
Almost certainly none, nor by any of the other activities these so-called experts are trying to ban. Those doing pantomimes should just ignore these killjoys or, better still, throw a custard pie at them!