Trust

"I have spent 34 years building peoples’ trust. I do not intend to throw it away."

Far be it from me to doubt the judgement of one of Nanny's chums, but I think you have thrown it away David.

Nanny's Bright Spark

Nanny, as we all know, loves to put her nose into every aspect of her “charges’” lives. She has been busy recently, creating a whole host of special regulations which will further intrude into the daily lives of her “charges”.

In the New Year one of Nanny’s new regulations, covering electrical work in the home, will come into force. The good news is that these rules come under the remit of her “trusted” and “respected” smooth talking bar steward, John Despot.

Mr Despot is concerned about the literally thousands, well ten actually, of people a year who die because of botched domestic electrical work.

Therefore in order to rectify the situation and to “zeroise” the risk, Nanny so hates risk, Nanny has forbidden DIY electrical work. The new rules will ensure that most electrical work, carried out in the home, can only be performed by qualified and registered electricians.

It seems that the days of the DIY electrician are numbered.

As from January, if a householder decides to do the work himself, it will have to be checked by local authority building inspectors.

Oh good, yet another body of much needed inspectors!

Needless to say this new level of bureaucracy does not come for free, the inspectors will charge for their work.

The rules are far reaching, and will cover ALL work carried out in the bathroom and kitchen (this means that, in theory, you can’t change a light bulb in the kitchen!); plus most electrical work elsewhere in the house.

The good news is that Mr Despot will allow the DIY enthusiast to do the work; however, the work will then have to be reported to the local authority which will send a team of inspectors around to certify the work (for a small fee of course!).

Mr Despot realises that some people may have a little trouble understanding these regulations, especially since they emanate from his department; don’t despair, a website will be launched on January 1.

This will provide details of the new rules, and put householders in touch with approved electricians. Mr Despot will even be mounting a publicity campaign.

So that’s clear everyone is it? You will still be able to do the work yourself, so long as you report it.

You will all be reporting it won’t you? Otherwise that would make a total mockery of Nanny’s plans.

Nanny's Titanic

Nanny, as we all know, believes in an open society; she believes that ordinary people should open up their private lives, and that their activities should be scrutinised by the state.

Now some of you may feel that this is a little one sided, and unfair; do not despair, Nanny has thought of that.

In January 2005 her new freedom of information laws will come into force. These laws will allow the ordinary citizen to inspect Nanny’s activities both past and present.

Now these new laws are very important, Nanny does not want their introduction and operation to be “messed up”. She therefore needed someone with impeccable credentials, someone who has the respect of his colleagues, the media and the public to handle their introduction and operation.

Nanny immediately thought of Lord Falconer, her own dearly “respected” Lord Chancellor, as a very safe pair of hands to guide this tricky piece of legislation through the system.

You will of course recall that Lord Falconer has had many “successes” in “managing” contentious political issues:

• He had to apologise to peers for misleading them about the financial state of the Dome, his pet project. It seems that he was mistaken in denying that it was insolvent



• He tried to abolish his own post of Lord Chancellor, then found he couldn’t



• He is involved in Nanny’s pet project for introducing a Supreme Court in Britain, some people have unkindly suggested that this plan is being worked out on the back of an envelope



• He managed to persuade Nanny to exempt members of the judiciary from the £1.5M tax threshold on pension funds, that everyone else is subject to. It was not too difficult to persuade Nanny; she is, as we all know, quite friendly with lawyers and the judiciary

Given these previous successes, Nanny gave Falconer the Freedom of Information Act.

Now, as I mentioned, in theory this will allow ordinary people to ask Nanny and her chums what they have been up to; over 100000 public bodies will be covered by this act. However, it seems that Lord Falconer has other ideas.

He says that the freedom of information laws will not signal a "free for all", because some Government deliberations must remain secret.

He then compared it to an ocean liner, the Titanic in fact; rather an unfortunate comparison don’t you think Lord F?

Lord F went on to say that some aspects of ministers' decisions were “rightfully” exempt from the Act. It seems that to expose some information would “hinder” good government; now you know why Nanny chose him!

"Cultural change in Whitehall is exactly like turning round the classic ocean liner...Opening up Whitehall and introducing freedom of information is a titanic task..”

"The Act does not signify a `free for all'."

It seems that the new measures will not cover the security and intelligence services, the Special Forces, courts and tribunals.

Additionally, other areas such as; defence, international relations, the economy, law enforcement, health and safety and the Cabinet's collective responsibility for Government decisions are subject to a public interest test.

In other words Nanny will still have the final say as to whether you are entitled to ask a question, and receive an answer.

Nanny's Child Catcher

Nanny’s Children’s Minister, Enver Hodge, is currently recruiting for her much heralded position Children’s Commissioner. The function of this role is apparently to enable children to get their views across to government.

This role will bring in a stonking £100K a year to the post holder, doubtless worth every penny!

It seems that, despite the fact that children neither vote nor pay tax, Nanny feels they have a right to say how the country should be run. Needless to say that by flattering them that their opinion actually matters, which of course it doesn’t, Nanny turns them into loyal future supporters.

Nanny’s friend Enver will be overseeing the recruitment of this new position, and has stamped her own “charming” personality on the recruitment process; by making the prospective candidates face an interview panel of children.

Key personality traits for this “vital” role are that the post holder must not “get stressed out or yell”, nor must he/she “make promises which are then broken”.

Well that rules out all our elected members for sure!

This love and concern for children, being displayed by Enver, should come as no surprise. Less than 20 years ago, Enver was in charge of Islington Council during the period that some 32 council staff were found to be systematically abusing children; some were even running brothels for paedophiles, being “staffed” by children from the council’s children homes.

It has taken a while for Enver to really face up to this problem, even as recently as last year she had to be reminded by one of her victims of the true horror of the situation.

In 2003 she wrote to the BBC; claiming that one of the victims, Demetrious Panton, was “extremely disturbed”. Needless to say this dim-witted outburst backfired, and Enver had to apologise and pay £10K to a charity.

Now that this sorry episode is behind her, who better should be in charge of children’s welfare and selecting the candidate for the new role of Children’s Commissioner?

Blunkett's Bonkers

Oh dear, it seems that the pressure of living up to Nanny’s expectations is beginning to get to one of her lackey’s.

Her dear friend, David “trial without jury” Blunkett seems to be on the verge of a political nervous breakdown and a career implosion.

Need I remind you, that this is the man who claims to value the probity of the law above all else; yet, if the accusations in the press are to be believed, he seems to have taken leave of his senses and has used his office for the benefit of his mistress (Mrs Quinn, not Nanny) rather than for the benefit of the public.

Among the accusations, flying around this weekend, are reports that during his affair with Spectator publisher Kimberly Quinn he:

• Used his position to help Mrs Quinn's former nanny (another Nanny, good grief they are everywhere!) to obtain permission to live in Britain.



• Shared confidential information with her, advising her to tell her parents to avoid a US airport hours before a security scare and telling her in advance about a police raid in Manchester



• Ordered a policeman to stand guard outside her Mayfair home during a May Day anti-capitalist demonstration



• Gave her a first-class rail ticket assigned to him for his work as an MP, and used his government chauffeur to drive her to meet him at his Derbyshire home



• Put pressure on the US Embassy to issue a temporary passport for her son in 2003
  Took her to Spain for a wedding accompanied by four bodyguards and a driver paid for by the taxpayer

As if to pour salt into his own wounds, clearly a man of great moral backbone, he is also seeking to use his own laws to prove the paternity of Mrs Quinn’s two children (a toddler, and her yet to be born child). Mrs Quinn insists that they are her husband’s; however, Blunkett knows best and believes that they are in fact his.

This will get very ugly, and Nanny is going to be highly embarrased.

The question is, do you believe that a man who has clearly taken leave of his senses should be making the law up as he goes along?

As ever with Nanny, it is a case of do as I say not do as I do!

Never mind David, Nanny will kiss it better!

PEOPLE OF BRITAIN WAKE UP!

Those of you who doubt that Britain is becoming a police state, should read the article in this week's Spectator entitled New Labour's Police State.

It scared the hell out of me.

Unless the British people wake up, and throw Nanny and her apparatchiks out, the forthcoming general election in 2005 will probably be the last free elections in this country.