What The Fuck Were You Thinking Nanny?

Nanny has, so she would like us to believe, our best interests at heart. One aspect of our lives that she is particularly concerned about, is the housing shortage.

It has not escaped her attention that Britain's population is rising, it now stands at around 58M; not bad for a tiny island!

Those of you who enjoy statistics may enjoy these:

• Sweden is a very large country, several times the land mass of Britain, its population is only 8M



• 100 years ago Britain's population was less than 25M, and people still felt the need to emigrate because they felt that it was overcrowded!

I could go on, but let us return to Nanny's little problem. Obviously, people need to live somewhere; as the population rises, so does the need for accommodation.

Now, I don't think that it will come as any surprise to you that Britain has been "enjoying" a property price boom over the last few years. This is great for those of us who own a home, but not so great for those trying find their first home (rental or purchase).

The situation is especially problematic in the South East; where, seemingly, everyone wants to live.

Nanny has decided that this is a time for resolute action, she loves to show that she is determined and "in charge". In view of this, she has decided that there is only one man capable of handling this "Gordian Knot" of a problem.

Who, I hear you ask, is this Superman?

Why none other than Nanny's old friend, and "smooth talking bar steward", John Despot.

You remember him, don't you?

He was the bloke that successfully scuppered the plans for a Northern Regional Assembly.

Mr Despot has analysed the housing issue from all angles, for at least an hour, and has come up with a brilliant idea.

Build more houses!

Now there's an original thought.

Fear not, it gets better.

Instead of spreading the building work across the country, he will ensure that these new houses (some 200000 by the way) will all be built in the South East.

The houses, by the way, will be "affordable"; that means they will be "jerry built", and presumably rot and fall down in 10 years or so. However, no matter to Mr Despot, he will have retired by then.

Disregarding the disaster that is inevitable whenever a government tries to "fix price mechanism of the market", there are a number of "small flies" in Mr Despot's considerably large pot of ointment:

• The South East does not have the infrastructure to accommodate 200000 more houses, and their occupants. Anyone who seriously believes that, for example, Nanny will spend money on improving the transport network to service these houses is living in fantasy land.



• Failing examples of "the rush to build" can be seen littered around the country. I cite my own town of Croydon as a fine example of politicians' egos coming before common sense, in respect of planning, design and infrastructure (see www.croydoniscrap.com).



• There are thousands of unoccupied, derelict and rotting homes in other parts of the country. These should be renovated and occupied first.



• Build new houses and people will occupy them, government attempts at social and demographic engineering are doomed to failure. Let the market determine where people live and work.



• 10000 of Despot's new homes are to be built on flood planes. That means they will be uninsurable, and presumably uninhabitable.

In short, Despot's scheme is utter "cack".

For pity's sake Nanny, "what the fuck were thinking" in appointing Despot to this job?