Nanny Knows Best

Nanny Knows Best
Dedicated to exposing, and resisting, the all pervasive nanny state that is corroding the way of life and the freedom of the people of Britain.

Saturday, February 18, 2006

How To Protect Yourself From a Suicide Bomber

Suicicde Bomber Protection
Nanny has been making much, over the last year or so, of her plans for improved security and ID cards; all of these security "improvements" will allegedly deter the suicide bombers, that she claims are threatening our very existence.

Well I have a much simpler, cheaper and easier solution to face down this "threat"; one that will not affect our civil liberties.

My solution assumes that the suicide bomber is a religious zealot, programmed to believe that on his death he will go the heaven to meet a collection of virgins.

The people who believe this also believe that if they touch an unclean animal or part of a unclean animal (ie a pig) at the moment of death, then they will not get into heaven.

Therefore all we need to do is to carry around a very small sealed container, no bigger than a pill box, of a pig's blood.

In the event that a suicide bomber were to detonate himself in the vicinity of someone with the pig's blood, the bomber would be splattered with traces of the blood and he would not be able to go to heaven.

Fine you say, but you do not want to be blown up merely to prevent the bomber from going to heaven.

This, ladies and gentlemen, is the clever bit.

All that we have to do is to ensure that a statistically significant number of people carry around a pill box of pig's blood, and ensure that this is publicised as widely as possible.

The result would be that the suicide bomber could never be sure that he would not be splattered with pig's blood, on detonation of his bomb. Hence he could never be sure that he would go to heaven, and therefore would not be "motivated" enough to commit suicide.

Is this a plan, or is this a plan?

9 comments:

  1. Anonymous1:24 PM

    Oh I think this is a brilliant idea!

    It won't affect our civil liberties at all, unless of course
    Nanny requires a national pigs blood database.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Anonymous6:50 PM

    you're sure there's no loophole in muslim martyrdom law that doesnt mind the unclean pigs blood factor if it's for a "good cause", that being the death of all us infidels?

    other than that, it's insane enough that it may actually work... although, we would have to keep the blood warm somehow so it doesnt dry

    ReplyDelete
  3. Anonymous9:02 PM

    I have seen a web site selling pens with a seperate section for the pigs blood so the idea seems to be catching on.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Anonymous11:08 AM

    A Cunning plan, m'lord.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I hate to say it, but you might be on to something here. Anonymous does make a good point, though in all of my years of studying Arabic and the Islamic faith I never heard of any specific exemptions to what is "haram." I'll have to look into that further.

    Menstrual blood could be substituted for pig blood if none is available.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Of course in the absence of pigs blood we could all make sure we are carrying a hamburger at all times thus protecting ourselves from religious zealots *and* annoying nanny at the same time.

    ReplyDelete
  7. On a serious note regarding this 'hyping up' of terrorism by Bush and Blair (oh, and now I see that Brown is starting his leadership bid) for their own political ends, please do read this excellent article which appeared on the Times Online yesterday at http://www.timesonline.co.uk/article/0,,2088-2047134,00.html.

    This states what many of us also believe!!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Great read! If only...

    ReplyDelete
  9. I think that being infidels or 'kuffar' makes us unclean in the same way as pigs and dogs, therefore they must have some kind of exemption clause. it could be that the blast will surely distribute the blood away from the bomber and any way, I heard that they'd run out of virgins.

    ReplyDelete