Saturday, February 18, 2006
How To Protect Yourself From a Suicide Bomber
Nanny has been making much, over the last year or so, of her plans for improved security and ID cards; all of these security "improvements" will allegedly deter the suicide bombers, that she claims are threatening our very existence.
Well I have a much simpler, cheaper and easier solution to face down this "threat"; one that will not affect our civil liberties.
My solution assumes that the suicide bomber is a religious zealot, programmed to believe that on his death he will go the heaven to meet a collection of virgins.
The people who believe this also believe that if they touch an unclean animal or part of a unclean animal (ie a pig) at the moment of death, then they will not get into heaven.
Therefore all we need to do is to carry around a very small sealed container, no bigger than a pill box, of a pig's blood.
In the event that a suicide bomber were to detonate himself in the vicinity of someone with the pig's blood, the bomber would be splattered with traces of the blood and he would not be able to go to heaven.
Fine you say, but you do not want to be blown up merely to prevent the bomber from going to heaven.
This, ladies and gentlemen, is the clever bit.
All that we have to do is to ensure that a statistically significant number of people carry around a pill box of pig's blood, and ensure that this is publicised as widely as possible.
The result would be that the suicide bomber could never be sure that he would not be splattered with pig's blood, on detonation of his bomb. Hence he could never be sure that he would go to heaven, and therefore would not be "motivated" enough to commit suicide.
Is this a plan, or is this a plan?