Nanny Knows Best

Nanny Knows Best
Dedicated to exposing, and resisting, the all pervasive nanny state that is corroding the way of life and the freedom of the people of Britain.

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

Nanny Protects Her Pussy

Nanny Protects Her PussyIt is reassuring to note that Nanny, in her ongoing crusade to make Britain a "better" pace to live in, has not forgotten her furry friends.

No, I don't mean Prescott and Brown!

Nanny's chum Margaret Beckett, the Environment Secretary, is to produce detailed codes of conduct telling pet owners how to feed their animals and where they should go to the toilet, along with ways of providing "mental stimulation". Owners of "sociable" pets should provide them with playmates, the codes will say.

No, I am not drunk.

There really is to be a code of conduct for the treatment of pets!

Every domesticated animal will have a code of conduct tailored to their species (for goodness sake!), each of which is expected to run into dozens of pages - no surprise there then!

This will form part of Nanny's Animal Welfare Bill, expected to clear Parliament in the next few months.

Nanny's Department for Environment, Food and Rural Affairs will tell the owners of Britain's ten million cats, eight million dogs and one million rabbits of their new obligations in a series of pamphlets distributed to vets, pet shops, kennels and over the internet.

The first code of conduct has been produced for cats, it is 18 pages long and contains such gems as:
  • Dogs should be introduced to cats very carefully


  • The dog should be on a lead at first so that it cannot chase the cat


  • Keep cats indoors at night to protect them and the local wildlife


  • Neuter cats at four months old. Females can produce up to 18 kittens a year, the code says, and motherhood takes a lot out of a cat. Cats advertise their availability by screeching, fighting and wandering off


  • Provide areas where cats can hide, such as an enclosed bed or box, or a high ledge where they can escape from children and other pets


  • Ensure that cats have enough mental stimulation so that they do not become bored or frustrated


  • Use lightweight rolling balls, or toys that stimulate catching behaviour, such as fishing rods


  • Make sure that cats do not become overweight, and know their ideal weight at every stage of their life


  • Ensure that cats' preference for privacy is met by giving them a hidden away place with cat litter to relieve themselves. This advice forms part of a nine-point guide for going to the toilet

Although any breach of these codes is not an offence in itself, failure to observe elements of the code will count against defendants in court.

There are five freedoms laid down in the Animal Welfare Bill: appropriate diet, suitable living conditions, companionship or solitude as appropriate, monitoring for abnormal behaviour and protection from pain, suffering, injury and disease.

Nanny will create a body of enforcers known as the "pet police"; needless to say they will be our old "friends" council employees, with powers to enter property and seize animals.

Up until now prosecutors have had to prove that a domestic animal was being mistreated.

I, for one, believe that pets should be properly treated; however, the fact that Nanny is devoting so much time and resources into this leads me to conclude that it is in fact just another means for her to regulate and pacify us. The shift in emphasis of proof is one of her favourite tools, eg tax matters, and should be rested at all costs.

Janet Nunn, chief executive of the Pet Care Trust, said that owners should keep all vets' bills and other documentation to prove that they were looking after the animal properly.

It is a snoops' charter, and will be used by neighbours in their own petty vendettas.

By the way, the Bill currently applies to all vertebrates, but a code of conduct for invertebrates, such as lobsters, may follow.

They may one day have a bill for humans too!

8 comments:

  1. We have never had a large creature as a pet although the kids had hamsters for a couple of years or so and we did have a goldfish for 13 years.

    The first hamster was pregnant when purchased, unbeknown to us, so we ended up with 2, keeping on of the litter. The Mother only survived about 6 months but we have no idea how old she really was. The offspring about the average - 18 months. At end of life the £1 hamsters cost several tens of pounds in vets bills.

    The goldfish was cheaper to run in terms of vet bills (none) but more expensive in terms of my time (cleaning the tank as nobody else could or would do it) and, as it got sick at the end, medicines and chemicals.

    But the most costly direct expense was for tanks (a second tank required as it grew) and pumps and filters and the other paraphernalia required.

    We have friends whose cats and, especially, dogs, have cost them significant amounts over the years.

    Cats also have this annoying habit of eating at 'home' and spending the rest of their time with others.

    I suspect this legislation, awesomely pointless as it is, is really a health thing in that the fewer disease and flea carrying creatures there are around the home and crapping all over the streets and parks the healthier we might be. Of course the main benefits would be in the home since wild animals are not yet included in the legislation and so will be free to crap and despoil wherever they please. How long before householders have to provide 'stimulation' for any wild creatures visiting thei property? Or the council increased Rates to fund their 'duty of care' to squirrels in the parks?

    Perosnally I would I would not be upset if keeping pets was banned. It could be an amendment to the ban on smoking. Since people will pretty much only be able to smoke at home the danger to the pets of smokers is obvious, so a ban on smoking if you have any sort of pet in the house seems reasonable.

    Likewise if the house contains anyone suffering from asthma (should just about cover most properties these days) keeping pets should be disallowed. The NHS can't afford it.

    Right.

    Now for plants, keeping of. These poor living things are our friends and are sorely abused by most peoople with whom they come into contact. I feel a need for a book of guidance ...


    Grant

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  2. Use lightweight rolling balls, or toys that stimulate catching behaviour, such as fishing rods........

    OK, so I've bought my bored moggie a fishing rod and all the accoutrements. Does it need a rod license and a day ticket or are felines exempt? My wife has told 'Fluffykins' that she will not be allowed to store her maggots in the fridge. Should I report my wife to Nanny?

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  3. Grant2:03 PM

    "My wife has told 'Fluffykins' that she will not be allowed to store her maggots in the fridge. Should I report my wife to Nanny?"

    Yes and no.

    Yes because your wife is quite clearly hindering Fluffykins' personal development (though I rather suspect that "keep cats in at night" has a similar effect ...) and should be severely punished. On the other hand she is clearly demonstrating an understanding of the needs of maggots, and possibly fish too, and so should be applauded.

    The logical solution is that you should buy a 'maggot' refridgerator but not use it. This would also make you subject to Fossil Fuel demerits (the manufacture of the fridge) but merits for not using it and so saving energy.

    On the other hand the suggested use of a fishing rod may be an advanced test of what to do with fishing rods once they have also banned fishing.

    Personally I think there are much better things that could be done with fishing rods when in the proximity of our current flock of politicians and their advisors.

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  4. Anonymous2:31 PM

    What will come next?
    Passports for Hamsters, Waterproof ID cards for goldfish. Micropchipped pet owners?

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  5. Chris2:36 PM

    "What will come next?"

    Probably a total ban on satire.

    Fortunately none of the council inspectors will be capable of recognising satire even after a long and very expensive traininng course.

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  6. Grant5:03 PM

    "Fortunately none of the council inspectors will be capable of recognising satire even after a long and very expensive traininng course."

    [img]http://www.eaudrey.com/myth/images/satyr.gif[/img]

    Hmm. You're probably right.

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  7. Anonymous9:16 AM

    "By the way, the Bill currently applies to all vertebrates"

    So politicians are excluded then?

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  8. Anonymous12:20 PM

    under this animal protection act,will livestock be given the same protection ,with regard to the abomidable practice of halal slaughter? or are the muslims as usual exempt from our laws?

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