Nanny, having spent much time and energy urging us to travel by bike, is very worried about the health and safety implications of bike riding.
Specifically she feels that the lack of a bell on our handle bars could pose a serious threat to our safety. As such, she has decided to make bells compulsory.
The fact that some of the deranged idiots who ride bikes through red lights, and aim their velocopedes directly at pedestrians may in fact not be any safer with a bell attached seems neither here nor there to Nanny.
Bells are now to be de rigeur.
Those who break the bell law will be subject to a jail sentence, of up to 2 years, or a fine of up to 2,500.
The proposals are being considered by the Department of Transport as a response to new regulations from Brussels on the sale of cycles, which come into force in the autumn.
Liberal Democrat transport spokesman Alistair Carmichael said:
"At a time when our country's transport infrastructure
and especially our airports are creaking,
you would have thought that the Department for Transport
would have better things to do with their time.
To call this part of the Nanny state
would be an insult to nannies."
Tory MP Robert Goodwill said:
"If you are riding a bike you can shout and that often has more effect."
A Transport Department spokesman said:
"I wouldn't read too much into this.
The European standards were a chance for us to re-look at a number of our policies.
It is not certain that the regulations will change.
The operational decisions are a matter for the police.
Whether they would devote resources to this,
would be an operational matter for them.
I'm sure common sense will prevail."
Don't make me laugh!