Nanny Bans Panto - Health and Safety

"Oh No You Didn't!

Oh Yes I Did!"

Ah tis panto season again, the time when middle aged men dress as women, attractive young women dress in tights posing as men and get to kiss/make out with the leading lady who is also an attractive young woman....and we take our children to watch this.

This time honoured tradition has been going on for centuries, and nothing has stopped it until now. For you see dear readers, Nanny has got the wind up her bloomers over the health and safety issues of panto.

The panto players of Peterculter, Aberdeenshire, have performed for the last 17 years in their local village hall without any problems until now when Nanny's chums from Aberdeen City Council recently threatened them with a police raid.

For why?

Cross dressing adults?

No!

Woman to woman kissing?

No!

The show contravenes health and safety laws, because the show (Aladdin) was not licensed. The council had claimed the show did not have a "proper licence" under rules laid down in 1968.

Peterculter Theatre Club has a public entertainment licence for the show, but not a theatre licence (which would take 3 weeks to process).

One might ask why it is that this rule has only just been thrown in their face by the the council?

A spokesman for the Council said it had a duty to report licensing breaches to the police. In true Nanny style he said:

"We have no discretion in this matter. There is a minimum 14-day notice period for application for a theatre licence, which is laid down by statute and cannot be waived.

The legislation is in place to ensure the safety of people attending public buildings. In respect of a theatre licence, this includes checks on technical issues such as moving parts on stage, lighting safety curtains etc.

All of these have the potential to go wrong with serious implications for public safety."

Only obeying orders!

Surely the hall has a fire certificate etc?

Seemingly some form of solution was agreed upon, re the firebrigade checking all was in order, and the show went ahead.

Why could the council not have come up with that solution in the first place?

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Nanny Bans Swords

Oh dear, Nanny really has trouble distinguishing between what is important and what is trivial.

It seems that Nanny's dreaded health and Safety Gestapo have put their size ten jackboots into the affairs of The Carnon Downs Drama Group (at Perranwell Cornwall).

The group are performing Robinson Crusoe, but have had to adjust their security arrangements a little bit as the Health and Safety Gestapo don't like the fact that the play requires the use of plastic swords.

They have been told by Nanny to lock up its two plastic cutlasses, six wooden swords and a toy gun when they are not in use and appoint a "responsible guardian" for them.

The group, because of 'elf and safety diktats, were forced to report to the police that they were using replica weapons.

Nanny's finest then had to issue them the rather absurd instructions about locking the plastic weapons up.

The rather odd thing is that the frying pans, used as weapons in the play, are not considered dangerous.

A co-director, Linda Barker, said:

"In some scenes pirates hit each other with frying pans and saucepan lids but there's no problem with them.

We have got several wooden and plastic swords, two plastic spears and a gun that cost £2 from a joke shop. But now we need to keep them locked away."

As ever, Nanny ensures that only the most important and pressing issues are regulated and enforced.

Not!