Auntie's Views On Cleavage

I understand that a particularly popular show on Auntie's network is The Voice (something that I have never watched, nor ever intend to watch).

Apparently this show attracts an audience of around 7-8 million.

The final, shown last Saturday, attracted a grand total of 139 complaints about the plunging cleavage of someone called Holly Willoughby (who?).

Roughly speaking 139 as a percentage of 7.5 million is less than 0.002%, yet Auntie kowtowed to the "pressure" and (after spending time, effort and licence payers' money on meetings and discussions) issued an apology:

"We're sorry if some viewers found Holly's dress to be unsuitable.

Holly enjoys fashion and we felt the dress she wore for the live final of The Voice UK was glamorous and wholly appropriate for the occasion."

May I ask why people who choose to watch shite are in the slightest bit surprised when they end up being "offended" by something within the programme?

 
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Kowtowing To Hi Vis

I know that loyal readers of this site have a somewhat healthy "antipathy" towards the quasi authority status of those who don Nanny's uniform of "power", namely hi vis wearers.

However, there are some who are prone to kowtow to wearers of this garb. Therefore it should come as no surprise to anyone to learn that an "artful rapscallion" in Ramsgate has come up with a ruse, whereby he dons a hi vis jacket and pretends to be a dog warden.

What does this fake dog warden do?

Slap £50 on the spot fines on local dog owners for imaginary offences!

The local council have said that dog wardens are not empowered to issue on the spot fines. I dare say that is true. Unfortunately Nanny has empowered many other "wardens/community officers etc" with the power to slap fines on us that it hard to tell them apart.

I dare say Nanny will, in due course, empower dog wardens with the "right" to issue fines!

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Anti Salt Zealots

Oh dear I see that Nanny's anti salt zealots, not content with buggering up HP sauce, are intent on destroying the great British breakfast fry up.

Nanny is setting targets for lower salt content of the key ingredients (eg sausages) that will destroy the flavour, and result in people simply putting more salt on their breakfasts.

BTW, salt also acts as a preservative.

Seemingly around 80% of sausages sold in Britain currently fall short of Nanny's 2012 salt target.

Bacon doesn't fare much better.

Here's how some current products compare with the 2012 targets

Sausages
2012 target: 1.13g salt per 100g
Richmond thick sausages 2.3g
Sainsburys Butchers Choice large pork sausages 2.2g
Tesco Finest traditional pork sausages 1.3g
Walls Thick pork sausages 1.7g
Waitrose British Pork Sausages with Mustard & Onion 1.4g

Bacon 
2012 target: 2.88g salt per 100g
Asda Extra Special Bacon Unsmoked 4.7g
Sainsbury's ultimate oak-smoked bacon 3.7g
Tesco smoked back bacon 3g
Waitrose unsmoked back English bacon 3.5g
Walls unsmoked bacon 7g

However, before the anti salt zealots have a stroke they should remember that most people do not eat a full fry up for breakfast everyday anyway.

A little of what you fancy does you good!

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Fat Tax

I see that various "health experts" have been recently rather vocal about the "need" for a "fat tax", ie a tax on food that Nanny believes is bad for us.

Seemingly, according to the "experts", if we do not stop eating the "wrong" kind of food 46% of us will be "obese" by 2030. Seemingly the NHS will fall apart caring for so many fat people...errmmmm....are we also not warned that the NHS will fall apart caring for the increased elderly population?

So what is it to be, die fat and young or live skinny and old? Either way the state seems to loath us!

Ho Hum! moving on, may I therefore ask what exactly the "wrong" sort of food is?

Let's assume it is food that contains fat, salt, sugar etc.

Most foods, in some form or other, contain traces of at least one of the above. Therefore are we to see a tax imposed by the state on all food?

Ker Farking Ching!

Failing that, would it be only on food that the "elite" don't eat (eg the fried chicken type of fast food)?

As ever Nanny is missing the rather obvious point, the food itself is not evil but it is the quantities consumed and the sedentary lifestyle of the consumers of that food that causes weight/health problems.

Therefore, taking this to its logical conclusion, why tax all of us for the indulgences of others? Instead of taxing the food, why not simply tax people who are obese (a variation of the poll tax)?

Needless to say, there then comes the tricky question, who exactly defines what obesity actually is?

Given that many of our politicians are rather portly, they are not really in the best position to tell us that we are fat!

Better still, why not simply let us get on with our lives in peace!

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The Enemy of The People

It never ceases to amaze me how our "beloved" and "respected" local councils deem themselves to be above the financial realities of day to day life (namely that one's expenditure should not exceed one's income).

Actually, I know full well why council deem themselves to be above financial reality; they know that they can simply raise taxes (either directly via council tax, or indirectly via ludicrous fines) to cover any shortfall.

That being said the arrogance of those running our local councils does still take my breath away. The Telegraph recently reported that, despite orders to cut spending by around 30%, council executives (let us be clear it is not the councillors but the executives that they employ) are happily spending lavish sums on dinners at Michelin-starred restaurants, leisure trips and expensive gifts (eg iPads and video games).

The travel bill over the last three years has topped £2M to places such as Thailand, Kenya and Bermuda.

Councils have also spent £2M on hotel bills, £2.6M on dinners, £0.5M on gifts etc etc.

The Telegraph estimates that credit card spending by local councils over the last 3 years has topped £100M. Note, some of this will be legitimate and specifically related to genuine business expenditure.

That being said I am at a loss to understand why Horsham Council used a credit card to spend £1150 on two llamas.

The executives of local council are quite clearly taking the piss.

Councils have become the enemy of the people!

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Bin Brother - Nanny's Immoral Bin Tax Scrapped

On the face of it, and I will wait to see the reality before celebrating (politicians never are entirely truthful), there may be some cause for celebration wrt one of Nanny's stealth taxes being abolished.

Central government will, apparently, stop local councils fining people for petty infringements of bin rules.

Ministers will limit local authorities' power to impose "immoral" charges and fines for minor mistakes to do with recycling and rubbish.

Only the most severe cases of fly-tipping will be subject to penalties.

However, as stated, I will only believe it when I see it. Councils cannot resist finding new ways to tax their long suffering taxpayers, remove this stealth tax and they will find another way to rob us.

Councils have become the enemy of the people!

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Prats of The Week - CPS

Goodness me, the week is almost over and I have yet to award one of my prestigious and internationally renowned "Prats of The Week" Awards.

This week it goes (somewhat belatedly, as the story is a tad past its prime) to the Crown Prosecution Service (CPS).

For why?

Ask Michael Thompson, who was recently prosecuted at the behest of the CPS.

What did he do?

Way back in July 2010 he was driving through a police speed trap in the Grimsby area, and flashed his headlights to warn fellow knights of the road about a mobile police speed gun.

The police flagged him down and charged him, peding CPS approval.

Note, he wasn't prosecuted by the CPS for speeding but for warning other motorists.

Nanny's chums at Grimsby Magistrates' Court have fined Mr Thompson £175 plus £250 costs plus a £15 "victim" surcharge ("victim"? what "victim"??), on the basis that he was wilfully obstructing a police officer in the course of her duties.

Mr Thompson is of the view that it was his civic duty to warn others.

Here's my view, the CPS and police are fooling no one with this prosecution. The theoretical purpose of speed traps etc is to ensure that motorists adhere to the speed limit.

Therefore if motorists know that there is a speed trap they will slow down, thus ensuring they keep to the speed limit and satisfying the alleged purpose of the speed trap.

However, the reality is that speed cameras and traps are a nice little earner for the state and local police forces (cameras have raised £100M in fines since they were introduced in the 90's). The reason for the prosecution was that Nanny was furious that one of her ways of making money out of us was thwarted.

Ker farking ching!

Mr Thompson should be praised for his actions!

The CPS, well deserving Prats of The Week!

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Bin Brother - Ker Farking Ching

I see that Nanny's chums in Islington council have come up with a terrific money making wheeze.

The council will fine people £110 if they put rubbish in the wrong bins, that's £30 more than fines levied on shoplifters.

Allegedly the fines will help save the planet!

Bollocks!

The money is being used to pay the wage bills of people who add zero value to the community, such as the spies who will monitor adherence to this new rule.

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Un Farking Believable!

Many thanks to all of you yesterday who wrote in with suggestions as to what the "3000" story was about.

Sadly, I am still at a loss as to what I was going to write about.

Could it be senility kicking in?

Anyhoo, moving on, I read that we live in the age of miracles where limbs grow back as if by magic.

That at least is the view of Nanny's chums from Nottinghampshire County Council, as Lance Corporal Johno Lee has discovered to his cost.

Lance Corporal Lee lost one of his legs in Afghanistan in 2008, trying bravely on the instructions of our "beloved" government to bring a country still in the Middle Ages into the 21st century.

For reasons best known to the council they have denied him a disabled parking badge three times, as such he has clocked up £800 in fines for parking in disabled bays in his home town of Newark.

Seemingly the council are of the view that Lane Corporal Lee is "young", and "may get better".

Yes, they really did say that!

I know the Pope is coming and all that, but even his presence will not gestate the regrowing of a limb.

Now the media are crawling all over the case the council's Service Director, Paul McKay, said:

"We are looking into the matter and have arranged for a member of staff to meet Mr Lee to review the situation. We will urgently assess whether he meets the criteria for a disabled parking badge as laid down by the Department of Transport."

Call me simple, but either he has two legs or he doesn't?

Un Farking Believable!

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Fleck Off!

Dear oh dear, what a remarkable waste of people's time and energy!

I read recently that Kay Balsdon and her partner Chris Bates of Aldershot were visited by the police, and fined £80 for 'criminal damage'.

Their crime?

They had been painting their fence, and a few flecks of paint had spattered the neighbour's side of the fence.

The neighbour complained to the police, and the police duly threatened the couple with a court appearance etc if they didn't pay the on the spot fine.

Guess what?

After the rumpus in the media over this case, Hampshire Police have now decided to refund the fine.

What does this tell us about the "legality" of on the spot fines?

What does this tell us we should do when confronted with an on the spot fine?

I look forward to reading your answers to the above questions;)

As said though, a remarkable waste of time and energy.

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Nanny Bans Lap Dancing

I see that Nanny's chum Chris Grayling, the employment minister, has decreed that job centres will no longer be able to display adverts for strippers, topless barmaids and lap-dancers.

All very well, but what gives Nanny to "moral" right to decree what jobs she defines to be "acceptable" or not?

A few factoids for Nanny:

1 Strippers et al are human beings too.

2 We are being told by Nanny that she wants less people claiming benefits, isn't the role of the job centre (aside from humiliating those who pass through its doors) to publicise all jobs that are available (irrespective of the personal prejudices/"morality" of Nanny and those who work in the job centres)?

3 Given Nanny's distaste for lap dancers etc, why is it that she is still happy to tax their earnings? Is that not somewhat hypocritical?

4 I take it then that not one single MP has ever visited a lap dancing club, watched a stripper or visited a brothel then? (Yes, I am being "ironic"!)

This is a small minded ban, that is totally pathetic.

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Bin Brother - Nanny Bullies Pensioner

As we all know, despite our "brave" new government's promise to scrap the bin tax this week, local councils view refuse collection as an easy way to screw their local residents out of money.

It should therefore come as no surprise to learn that Swansea council tried to bully and intimidate a 95 year old grandmother (name not supplied) the other week, over the "heinous bin crime" of putting a plastic butter tub in the wrong recycling bag.

Residents of West Cross (Swansea) are provided with a staggering seven recycling bins, and a set of 'rubbish rules' that they are ordered to follow.

Failure to follow the deliberately complex rules results in fines and prosecution.

Ker Farking Ching!

The lady had washed 15 tins (for fark's sake, why the fark are we having to waste water washing tins that will only be chucked in a landfill in India anyway?), and put them in a green bag for collection. However, she had mistakenly added an empty butter tub, which should have gone in the pink bag.

The ever vigilant bin police saw the container (quite how they have the time to go rummaging through people's rubbish I don't know), and left a legal notice advising why they had not collected the bag and warning that mixing up recycling can lead to prosecution.

Swansea Council, having been outed in the media, were quick to backpedal:

"It was never our intention to prosecute the lady and we would like to apologise for any confusion and distress this may have caused her or her family.

We hope this doesn't discourage her or any other residents from recycling. Councils have challenging recycling targets to meet and we want the public to work with us to reduce the amount of waste we send to landfill."

Of course it was their intention to prosecute, otherwise why place a legal notice on her rubbish bag?

Local councils are conning us wrt refuse collection, as has been reported on TV large amounts of refuse (allegedly intended for recycling) has been sold by councils to companies who then sell it on to India where the rubbish is buried in landfill.

This is nothing short of a con trick and extortion racket perpetrated by local councils; with the sole objective of screwing us for as much money as possible, in order to pay for their final salary pension schemes (which are severely underfunded).

Local councils should be told to fark off!

They cannot function without the placid acceptance of their rules and regulations by their residents, it is time that the residents took charge and stood up to them.

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Nanny Bans Dwile Flonking

Nanny's minions from Norfolk District Council have managed to put the jackboot into a centuries old sport that held its inaugural world championships this Saturday at the Dog Inn pub, in Ludham, Great Yarmouth.

The sport?

Dwile Flonking.

What is Dwile Flonking?

"Flonkers" use a pole to propel a beer soaked cloth at opponents, with the aim of slapping them in the face.

In the event that a flonker misses his/her target twice in a row, the flonker must drink a "pot" (half pint) of ale in one go.

Seems fair enough, yes?

Not if you are Tony Gent, the council's licensing officer. He read about the contest and immediately contacted Lorraine Clinch (landlady of the Dog Inn), to tell her that the contest contravenes Nanny's laws on speed drinking.

New laws introduced in April, by the last bunch of twats in parliament, banned; drinking games, including time limit, all-you-can-drink offers, free alcohol prizes and binge drinking promotions.

Breaches of the law can lead to pubs losing their licences, fines of up to £20,000 for landlords and six months in prison.

For the record, not that Nanny gives a fark, Dwile Flonking is believed by some to have been played in Norfolk and Suffolk since the middle ages (others think it was invented in 1966).

A spokesman for the council droned on and claimed that the pub was visited by the local Nannies for the pub's own good, so that the rules could be then be adapted satisfactorily.

The contest did take place, six teams of 10 battled it out. However, Nanny did win, no beer was downed in one; only ginger beer.

As ever, a local council proves once again that the state is the enemy of the people.

Local councils, what are they good for?

Absolutely nothing!

Feel free to write to Tony Gent via his email tony.gent@north-norfolk.gov.uk.

Editorial note

The video above shows "Dwile Flunking" a variation on the sport, being played in 2008 at the Lewes Arms (Lewes) some 10 mins by train from me.

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Cry Freedom

I am pleased to see that Nick Hogan, the pub landlord from Bolton who was jailed for "fag offences", has been freed 11 days into his six month sentence.

For why?

Bloggers had promoted his cause and raised over £10K, enough to pay off Nanny's fine.

This of course will give Nanny an idea as to how to screw us for even more money. Issue fines to activists, and wait for their supporters to bail them out.

Ker Farking Ching!

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Nanny Hates Fags

My sympathies to Nick Hogan, a former pub landlord from Chorley, who is the first person in the UK to be jailed after flouting the smoking ban.

Mr Hogan was sentenced to six months in prison, for failing to pay fines for smoking ban breaches at his two Bolton pubs. He was found guilty of breaching the smoking ban in January 2008 at the Swan and the Barristers pubs he ran.

On the day the ban came into force he organised a "mass light-up" in the two pubs.

He was fined £3,000 and ordered to pay £7,136 in costs.

Following the conviction, Mr Hogan lost his job and was unable to keep up with the £125 a week fine payments.

He was jailed last Friday by magistrates in Bolton.

There is now a fund being raised to pay off the fine.

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Fines

Fining people for ending up drunk in hospital?

Errmm...don't we pay National Insurance (the greatest con trick perpetrated on the British people in 60 years) to cover hospital treatment?

Will Nanny be fining us for eating too much fat in the future?

What an absurd policy!

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Sefton Council Loves To Watch

Beware motoring in Sefton.

For why?

Well it seems that the council there is considering enforcing Nanny's "statutory idling offence" (introduced by stealth by ZaNuLabour in 2002).

What's that then?

Well my loyal readers, those of you who leave your car engine idling on a cold and frosty morning to warm up and clear your windscreen will face fines of up to £40 for pollution.

Far better you drive with impaired vision, and crash the car!

Ironically, according to some informed observers, the worst offenders for "idling" are in fact police cars and other police vehicles. Will the council be fining them then?

The fact that the owner of the vehicle has paid for his fuel, and therefore has the right to do with it whatever he so chooses seems to have escaped the good people of Sefton council.

I assume another branch of council snoops will be created to enforce this absurd rule?

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Nanny's Council Spies Screw Up

You know how proud Nanny is of her extensive, and ever growing, network of CCTV cameras that follow our every move?

Well, my loyal readers, a rather large fly landed in Nanny's oinkment the other day in the shape of The Thirst.

The Thirst are a Brixton rock band, who were performing a gig at a pub in Chasetown, near Cannock on November 21.

Having duly "gigged", they were making their way back to their vehicles when 30 armed members of Nanny's "finest" (Staffordshire police), dog handlers and a helicopter "greeted" them with the well worn phrase:

"Down on the bloody ground!"

The Thirst were then taken off to the local nick and had their DNA taken.

Was their performance really so bad?

Errmmm...no, not quite!

Seemingly a member of the local council CCTV monitoring department saw one of The Thirst with a "gun" earlier in the evening.

Nanny's finest leaped to action, after allowing the performance to go ahead, and nicked them.

A few small points to raise at this point:

1 It was not a gun, but a set of jump leads for a flat battery

2 The police, for reasons that escape me, did not look at the CCTV footage themselves; they took the word of a council employee as gospel

3 Having not found any gun, the police still took DNA samples

Am I alone in finding this more than a tad "worrying"?

Since when were council staff members of the police?

Since when was it standard practice to nick, and DNA someone without any evidence?

Suffice to say a full apology has now been given, and an investigation is underway.

However, what would have happened if The Thirst had not been so co-operative?

This could have turned into a very ugly incident, all down to the say so of a council employee.

CCTV is not the be all and end all of law enforcement.

The pictures are invariably lousy, the "evidence" suspect and the fact that CCTV does not deter that many crimes (displacement, zero real time deterrent etc) indicates that it is a poor substitute for real, properly trained officers on the beat.

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Nanny's Early Morning Call - Cambridge Council's Gestapo Tactics

I have to say that were this story to have appeared only in the tabloid press, then I would have dismissed it as nonsense; it is something that quite frankly should be unbelievable, given that we live in a country that is meant to be a democracy. However, it has also appeared in the broadsheets, therefore I will work on the assumption that it is true.

Thomas Catcheside, a 67 year old who lives in Cambridge, received a Gestapo style dawn raid at his home at 5.35AM from the police.

He was frog marched to his bedroom, where his wife was still sleeping, and ordered to get changed before being driven away in a cage in a police van.

Mr Catcheside was then held in a windowless cell for six hours, had his fingerprints and a DNA swab taken, before being issued with an £80 fixed penalty notice and released.

What was his crime?

Terrorism?

No!

Murder?

No!

He had sworn at a council official six days earlier.

Yes, you did read that correctly!

The swearing incident had been the culmination of a 3 year dispute with the council, he is the chairman of the local residents group, over slippery stairs in his council block.

Mr Catcheside has been campaigning for safety improvements to the internal flight of stairs. However, when a council official visiting the site stopped him from following him downstairs to listen to a phone call to his supervisor on October 30, he lost his temper and swore.

The Telegraph quotes him:

"Don't you tell me what I can and can't do in my own fucking place."

He was arrested 6 days later on suspicion of "causing harassment, alarm or distress in a public place".

The experience so shocked Mr Catcheside that he had a panic attack in police custody, and had to be seen by a police doctor.

Cambridgeshire police claim that they had been following "national policy".

Is it now national policy to barge into people's homes at 5:30AM, and arrest them for not kowtowing to their local councils?

Seemingly it is!

The police will have us believe that they were "responding to reports of an assault, which is a serious offence."

Since when was swearing an assault?

Why arrest a man for swearing, when a simple word in his ear might have resolved the issue?

Why did the council report this trivial issue?

Oh, and here's the killer point, the police then went on to say:

"There was not enough evidence to suggest he had committed an assault but he admitted to being abusive and was issued with a fine and words of advice about his behaviour."

NOT ENOUGH EVIDENCE!

Why did the police arrest him in the first place, if there was not enough evidence?

Who are the police working for these days, the people or the politicians?

It seems to me that Mr Catcheside should sue the police for wrongful arrest, and make sure that the council and local political party that "runs" the council suffers extreme humiliation and long term political defeat.

The police, by the way, also added:

"National policy states anyone arrested will have a sample of their DNA taken."

Pathetic!

BTW, you may be wondering why the Gestapo (sorry, "police") raided his home at 5:30AM. Seemingly it was the only "convenient time".

Well, that's alright then!

A bare faced lie if ever I have heard one, they simply could have chosen another day when their officers were not busy hunting down murderers, robbers, muggers etc.

Do you all recall, my loyal readers, that the Telegraph recently said that I had "lost all sense of proportion" when I used the word ZaNuLabour?

Tell me, now that we have dawn Gestapo raids at the behest of our "respected" local councils, have I really "lost all sense of proportion"?

OK, to be fair, Cambridge is in fact a Liberal Democrat council (it is hardly "liberal" or "democratic" employing Gestapo tactics like this!).

Councils and police should not be colluding to arrest people, they most certainly should not be practising Gestapo tactics.

Here is the council's email enquiries@cambridge.gov.uk.

The state has become the enemy of the people, politicians and their organs of state should be ignored and resisted at every opportunity.

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The Dog's Bollocks

I see that on the 9th of November, our illustrious MPs discussed (or rather "read") this weighty issue!

Surely they not have rather more pressing issues to discuss?

How would Nanny enforce this one then?

Letterbox inspectors and letterbox fines?



Ker Farking Ching!

Preliminary Business
Notice of Presentation of Bill
1 INSTALLATION OF LETTER BOX GUARDS (PROTECTION FROM DOGS)
[No debate]

Ann Coffey

Bill to require householders to fit a letter box guard if they are in possession of a dog; and for connected purposes.

Formal first reading: no debate or decision.

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