Mankind has been creating, and living with, fire for thousands of years. How foolish of us to mess around with such a dangerous creation. However, we are very fortunate to be living in the age of Nanny.
Nanny has recognised that fire is bad, and that it should be extinguished at all times.
Hence, Nanny has decided that the candles are a dangerous product. In view of the danger represented by candles, Nanny has decreed that the candles used in the Christingle service at Chelmsford Cathedral (first begun in 1747) should be banned.
The children carrying the candles at the Christingle service may set fire to their hair.
The fact that there have never been any incidents of children running screaming from the cathedral with their hair ablaze does not concern Nanny.
She is adamant that the candles must be banned. However, fear not, Nanny has thought up an ideal alternative solution to real fire.
She will replace the candles with fluorescent glow sticks, set in oranges!
How very "Nu Labour"!
Eric Pickles, MP for Brentwood and Ongar, thinks that the idea is bollocks.
"Eventually, they will work out a way to take all the fun out of Christmas.
Health and safety will ban everything.
I would be kind of interested to hear when the last time an orange
and a candle set fire to a child's hair."
Richard Spilsbury, one of the organisers, said some parents had raised concerns about their children's hair catching fire.
Parents who deny their children any form of responsibility for their own safety are denying them the right to grow, develop and learn; in effect they are stunting their growth.
Isn't that a form of abuse?