Nanny Knows Best

Nanny Knows Best
Dedicated to exposing, and resisting, the all pervasive nanny state that is corroding the way of life and the freedom of the people of Britain.

Monday, December 04, 2006

Nanny's Inactive Banana

Nanny's Inactive BananaNanny is a strict mistress, when it comes to the discipline of her underlings. She believes that they should devote 100% of their mental energies to their work, without any form of distraction.

Therefore Nanny's chums in HM Revenue & Customs management, in North Wales, have introduced a regime that includes a ban on family snaps on the workstations of their processing staff. The ban also extends to food veto, with workers restricted to one cup, a pen and a pencil.

Mark Serwotka, general secretary of the Public and Commercial Services Union, said:

"This brave new world is not only de-skilling

hard-working staff but dehumanising them.

It's ridiculous that this group of

'plan to improve service' workers

is being banned from having things

such as a photo of a loved one on their desk
."

Mr Serwotka has hit the nail on the head, Nanny believes that the best form of control can be achieved via dehumanisation.

A memo, sent to Nanny's staff in Wrexham and Rhyl, lists essentials and those items that are forbidden for workstations:

"Essential: a computer, document holder, calculator, pens, desk and chair.

Non-essential: personal papers, memorabilia, packed lunches, personal shopping, handbags or money
".

One hapless employee had a banana on his desk, and was asked whether it was active or inactive. Once the banana was identified as being inactive, the worker was told to move it or eat it.

What utter bollocks!

I wonder which consultancy company is growing fat on the profits made from selling this load of old tosh to Nanny?

4 comments:

  1. Grant2:09 PM

    What is a 'plan to improve service' worker?

    Why would it be a problem if one of the least regulated and most empowered bodies in the UK were to lose a few staff? (Especially 'plan to improve service' workers.)

    Obviously not a job for me ...

    Sound like a god move really. Nothin to put on a desk means no desk is required. More people packed into a building. Lower energy cost per head in winter. Planet saved. Less tax required. People not needed..

    Obvious really

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  2. "One hapless employee had a banana on his desk, and was asked whether it was active or inactive. Once the banana was identified as being inactive, the worker was told to move it or eat it."

    I wonder if the hapless employee proposed that - rather than move or eat the banana, he might instead activate the banana up his employer's mailchute. Of course, his employer might have been hinting at this from the beginning. Oh well, it is a step toward promotion.

    From the boss's perspective, family photos belong on every peon's desk, as they serve to remind the peon just why it is that he's toiling away in his crap job. In other words, they're good for morale.

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  3. "One hapless employee had a banana on his desk, and was asked whether it was active or inactive. Once the banana was identified as being inactive, the worker was told to move it or eat it."

    This is an excellent example of government employers caring about their employees. They were obviously worried that prior to that point that the banana may have been in the company of Russian ex-spies and was thus quite radio-active or may have been a cunningly disguised WMD smuggled in by Al-Qaeda hence the enquiry as to whether it was active or not. If it was ascertained to be active, ie glowing nicely with that aura that only Polonium 210 can give or just likely to go off with an un-bananalike bang then immediate action to close the office and shut down everything within a hundred mile radius at the tax payers expense would have been taken. Nanny could then take draconian measures banning bananas as WMDs and send what is left of the army, navy and airforce that isn't footling round Afghanistan or Iraq to launch strikes on the 'terrorist' banana growers of the world. The members of the COBRA group could have enjoyed another afternoon in a bunker somewhere enjoying custard creams and Garibaldis also at the tax payers expense.

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  4. Nothing worse than so-called efficiency experts who don't know the first thing about how to motivate workers!

    ReplyDelete