Australian Nanny Bans Talking

 

Australia bans talking in supermarkets even when mask, which are mandatory. Heard this on GB News.

— Robert Miller (@prisoner1968) July 21, 2021

Australian Nanny appears to have gone mad!

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North Sydney Nanny Only Represents Non Smokers

“When asked where people that usually smoke outside their office buildings are now supposed to go, the Mayor said: 'That's not really Council's problem.'” The council only represents nonsmokers? https://t.co/vySVIJzboy

— Christopher Snowdon (@cjsnowdon) September 26, 2018

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Australian Nanny Bans Smoking In Drug Dependence Injecting Centre

So, Daniel Andrews’ new drug injecting centre *will* let you inject ice, but *won’t* let you smoke a cigarette afterwards - because smoking is bad for your health.

You couldn’t make this up.#springst pic.twitter.com/1oErgD7ekO

— Michael O'Brien (@michaelobrienmp) April 11, 2018

In Australia the state government injecting room regulations, released quietly on Tuesday night, will allow any drug of dependence, which includes ice, speed and other amphetamines. The irony being that those who use the injecting centre in North Richmond will be banned from smoking, as it is bad for their health!

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Australia's Banned Film Poster Words

This list of words not allowed on film posters is the most Australian document ever writtenhttps://t.co/x8OjSwMXBU (from @Benjungles) pic.twitter.com/36x2nGw9qE

— The Poke (@ThePoke) April 6, 2018

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Meanwhile In Australia..

The Independent reports that an Australian activist with a doctorate in early childhood studies, Dr Red Ruby Scarlet, is calling for Father’s Day to be renamed ‘Special Person’s Day’ so that children without dads don’t feel left out or upset by their situation.

Appearing on Today Tonight, the university academic explained that shifting the language around events like Father’s Day will help instil a better sense of belonging.

All very well and nice, but what about Mother's Day, Valentine's Day, Christmas Day, Easter etc etc?

A better solution would be the banning of the sales of cards and other useless merchandise, designed to push people into wasting money, on these days.

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The Empire Strikes Back - Imperial Tobacco Circumvents Nanny

Kudos to the good people of Imperial Tobacco who have come up with a way of circumventing Australian Nanny's health warnings on fag packet laws.

The solution?

Packs of 20 Peter Stuyvesant cigarettes - manufactured by Imperial - are being sold with a lift out soft pack inside the olive boxes mandated by the Rudd/Gillard Government in 2011.

This means that fag lovers can throw away the cardboard box carrying warnings of cancer, gangrene, blindness and heart disease and instead use a shiny silver pack to carry their fags.

As per Chinchilla News a spokeswoman for Imperial denied the company was breaking the law before adding:

"we are providing a fresher, premium product to consumers."

Now here's a thought, British Nanny wants plain packaging. Why not simply insert a nicely designed colourful inner container into the dowdy Nanny pack, so that fag smokers can show their true allegiance after purchase and throw the Nanny pack away?

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Fags Before Food

@TenNewsSydney a lot of places are just banning eating outside and letting the smoking continue pic.twitter.com/VAiQ4XgrcN

— andrew reed (@andrewreeeeeeed) July 10, 2015

Congratulations to Australian Nanny for making a prat of herself.

She has banned smoking in commercial dining areas.

Can you guess what the response of many organisations has been?

Yes, that's right, they have banned eating outside so that people may continue to smoke!

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Hoh Hoh Hoh - Australian Nanny Bans Santa

My commiserations to the good people of Australia who have to endure Nannyism every bit as annoying as our Nannyism.

Now that we are approaching the season of goodwill etc, it should come as no surprise to learn that Australian Nanny wants to ban the traditional activity of kids sitting on the lap of an overweight, red faced stranger.

Step forward child protection activist (what is a child protection activist, is this an official role or something that she has made up?) Hetty Johnston who is quoted by The Courier Mail:

“What we would like to see is shopping centre owners updating their child protection policies.

The directive would be for children to stand beside Santa, unless parents or children request to sit on his knee. Shopping centres have duty of care to protect children on premises.”

Given that the knee sitting takes place in front of the kid's parents and assorted elves etc, what exactly does she think Santa is going to do to the kids?

The lesson that the kids will learn is to never trust any adult. That is not a healthy lesson!

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Nanny Hates Fags - Plain Packaging Encourages People To Smoke

As loyal readers know, Nanny hates fags.

This is rather ironic given that she makes a fortune from taxing them, but hey hoh who are we to judge Nanny's reasoning?

Anyhoo, one of her favourite ideas to lessen people's usage of the demon weed is to introduce plain paper packing. Apparently we are so excited by the stimulating packaging designs, that we are tempted to smoke.

Quite!

Ignoring the poor logic of Nanny's reasoning,  Australia Nanny has already introduced plain packaging.

How's it going then downunder?

Well, as expected, not too well. For you see dear readers plain paper packs are easy to counterfeit.

Can you guess what happened children?

Yes, that's right, there has been an explosion of counterfeit fags hitting the streets.

Channel Seven News note that the policy has boosted counterfeiting and smuggling by about 40 percent.

Seizures of illicit sticks is up from 82 million in 2012 to 200 million last year. Local Police Officer Rodney Smith said that no one could be sure what the counterfeit cigarettes contained, although in laboratory tests they are regularly found to contain chemicals that are not allowed to be added by legitimate manufacturers.

In fact Aussie media is full of stories reporting that smoking is up after plain packaging was introduced 18 months ago.

Great diea Nanny, well done!

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Nanny Bans Scousers

I see that ITV recently had an attack of Nannyitis, and decided that a comedy show’s creators should be banned from using the word “Scouser” or describing a drunk character as Australian because the terms had "racial" connotations.

Laurence Marks, the co-creator of Birds of a Feather, said it was “odd” that British broadcasters would allow four-letter tirades on air but baulked at traditional humour playing on national and regional stereotypes.

The Telegraph reported that he said he was told that it was “unacceptable” racial stereotyping to say somebody was Australian and drunk.

On another occasion, he said he and his writing partner Maurice Gran fell foul of rules prohibiting the use of the word “Scouser” to describe someone from Liverpool.

Calm down!

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What A Wanker!

My eye was caught yesterday by an article in the Herald about a particularly daft and risky piece of "driving" undertaken by Dennis Bruce Godden in Australia a few days ago.

The Herald reports that Godden pleaded guilty to masturbating and reversing a car at the same time, so that he could keep pace with a young woman who was walking near one of Newcastle’s busiest beaches (Newcastle Australia, not Newcastle UK).

Godden had his right hand on the steering wheel and his left on his penis as he reversed his car along Memorial Drive, Bar Beach, in an effort to keep up with the victim.

Police found Godden, of Cecil Avenue, Waratah, near the appropriately named Nobbys Beach about an hour later and arrested him.

Officers noted that his shorts were rolled around the waist that indicated to them that he had hastily pulled them up.

A complete and utter wanker!

I assume there will be some amendments made to Nanny's Highway Code, in order to ensure such dangerous driving does not occur in the UK.

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