Happy National Masturbation Month!

Apparently May is National Masturbation Month

Who knew?

As such Mark Sergeant, psychology lecturer at Nottingham Trent University, told Metro that a 'masturbation break' would be "very effective" at work and a great way to relieve tension and stress.

This was echoed by psychologist and life coach Dr Cliff Arnall:

Certainly taking a masturbation break for boredom or an escape would increase work focus.

He suggested that a masturbation policy might result in "more focus, less aggression, higher productivity and more smiling".

Okay chaps, what could possibly go wrong?

Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.

Visit The Joy of Lard and indulge your lard fantasies.

Show your contempt for Nanny by buying a T shirt or thong from Nanny's Store.

www.nannyknowsbest.com is brought to you by www.kenfrost.com "The Living Brand"

Visit Oh So Swedish Swedish arts and handicrafts

Why not really indulge yourself, by doing all the things that Nanny really hates? Click on the relevant link to indulge yourselves; Food, Bonking, Gifts and Flowers, Groceries

Fappy The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin Arrested!

Mascot you had one job. pic.twitter.com/gST76s7ZqI

— You had one job (@_youhadonejob) September 25, 2014

Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.

Visit The Joy of Lard and indulge your lard fantasies.

Show your contempt for Nanny by buying a T shirt or thong from Nanny's Store.

www.nannyknowsbest.com is brought to you by www.kenfrost.com "The Living Brand"

Visit Oh So Swedish Swedish arts and handicrafts

Why not really indulge yourself, by doing all the things that Nanny really hates? Click on the relevant link to indulge yourselves; Food, Bonking, Gifts and Flowers, Groceries

What A Wanker!

My eye was caught yesterday by an article in the Herald about a particularly daft and risky piece of "driving" undertaken by Dennis Bruce Godden in Australia a few days ago.

The Herald reports that Godden pleaded guilty to masturbating and reversing a car at the same time, so that he could keep pace with a young woman who was walking near one of Newcastle’s busiest beaches (Newcastle Australia, not Newcastle UK).

Godden had his right hand on the steering wheel and his left on his penis as he reversed his car along Memorial Drive, Bar Beach, in an effort to keep up with the victim.

Police found Godden, of Cecil Avenue, Waratah, near the appropriately named Nobbys Beach about an hour later and arrested him.

Officers noted that his shorts were rolled around the waist that indicated to them that he had hastily pulled them up.

A complete and utter wanker!

I assume there will be some amendments made to Nanny's Highway Code, in order to ensure such dangerous driving does not occur in the UK.

Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.

Visit The Joy of Lard and indulge your lard fantasies.

Show your contempt for Nanny by buying a T shirt or thong from Nanny's Store.

www.nannyknowsbest.com is brought to you by www.kenfrost.com "The Living Brand"

Visit Oh So Swedish Swedish arts and handicrafts

Why not really indulge yourself, by doing all the things that Nanny really hates? Click on the relevant link to indulge yourselves; Food, Bonking, Gifts and Flowers, Groceries

Nanny Sanctions Wanking

In November I wrote about Nanny Cameron's plans for ISP's to block on porn sites:

"Nanny wants all new computers purchased and ISP services signed up for to ask their proud new owners at their first login whether they have children.

In the event the answer is "yes", the parent will be taken through the process of installing anti-pornography filters, as well as a series of questions on how stringent they wish the restrictions to be.

ISP's will also be told by Nanny to prompt existing customers to install the technology to block pornography."

I noted that the plan was of course bollocks and wouldn't work:

"It is quite clear that Nanny doesn't understand how the net works, nor indeed how cunning and bright the average teenager can be when looking to circumvent rules and regulations."

Less than one month on, and I am gemused to see that Nanny Cameron has vetoed the idea.

For why?

1 Parents who were "consulted" on the matter said that they didn't want it and, quite correctly, asserted that it was up to them NOT THE STATE to govern their children.

2 Nanny realised that the plan was bollocks and wouldn't work, it would in fact end up censoring/blocking sites that are designed to help children wrt sex etc.

3 The "danger" of the interent to children lies not so much with bums and boobies, but with those individuals (adults and children) who use it to bully/abuse others (hence parents would be wise to remind their kids not to talk to strangers.....as I was always told in an era gazillions of years before the internet).

So there we are folks, Nanny Cameron was told that the plan was bollocks and we can, for the moment, continue to wank ourselves unconscious in the privacy of our own home when using the net.

However, make the most of it whilst you can, as ever with Nanny and her acolytes she doesn't like it when her plans are thwarted. The NSPCC is already trying to rubbish the consultation, by claiming that parents' voices were not properly heard (I assume they mean the voices of those parents who agree with Nanny's plans).

This isn't over!

Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.

Visit The Joy of Lard and indulge your lard fantasies.

Show your contempt for Nanny by buying a T shirt or thong from Nanny's Store.

www.nannyknowsbest.com is brought to you by www.kenfrost.com "The Living Brand"

Visit Oh So Swedish Swedish arts and handicrafts

Why not really indulge yourself, by doing all the things that Nanny really hates? Click on the relevant link to indulge yourselves; Food, Bonking, Gifts and Flowers, Groceries

Waitrose's Fantasy Birds Wank Mags

Following on from last week's articles about WH Smith banning under 14s from buying magazines about hunting and shooting, and placing the magazines on the top shelf with the wank mags, I am advised by a loyal reader that Waitrose are doing the same.

Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.

Visit The Joy of Lard and indulge your lard fantasies.

Show your contempt for Nanny by buying a T shirt or thong from Nanny's Store.

www.nannyknowsbest.com is brought to you by www.kenfrost.com "The Living Brand"

Visit Oh So Swedish Swedish arts and handicrafts

Why not really indulge yourself, by doing all the things that Nanny really hates? Click on the relevant link to indulge yourselves; Food, Bonking, Gifts and Flowers, Groceries

National Wanking Month

As loyal readers know this site tends to concentrate on UK Nanny (quite simply put I would be writing articles 24/7 if I covered international Nanny). However, sometimes there comes piece of international Nannyism that is worth mentioning (even if it is just for a laugh).

My thanks therefore to A Modern Military Mother for alerting me to the fact that for the good people of the USA it is National Wanking Month.

Time was, in the UK anyhoo, that Nanny preached about the evils of wanking wrt it causing madness, blindness, fatigues etc. Some schools went as far as sewing up the pockets of schoolboys, lest they inadvertently fiddle with themselves.

How times have changed, now you can visit video chat rooms and be confronted with wall to wall wanking (whether you want to see it or not).

Anyhoo, the fact that Nanny is now telling us to do something that she once told us not to do just shows how ridiculous she is, and also demonstrates that we should always take her advice with a large pinch of salt (which she also doesn't approve of).
 
Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.

Visit The Joy of Lard and indulge your lard fantasies.

Show your contempt for Nanny by buying a T shirt or thong from Nanny's Store.

www.nannyknowsbest.com is brought to you by www.kenfrost.com "The Living Brand"

Visit Oh So Swedish Swedish arts and handicrafts

Why not really indulge yourself, by doing all the things that Nanny really hates? Click on the relevant link to indulge yourselves; Food, Bonking, Gifts and Flowers, Groceries

Nanny Is Mother, Nanny Is Father

Nanny does not believe that, despite 50000 years or more of breeding, the human race is capable of rearing its offspring without her "wise" counsel.

To this end Nanny, in the guise of The Department for Education and Skills, has launched the Dad Pack.

The what?

The Dad Pack, an illustrated guide to the wonderful world of having children.

In this wise book, men (another subject that Nanny hates) are told "not to have affairs" while their wives are pregnant (it's OK to shag around when your wives aren't pregnant chaps!).

FYI this fine piece of literature has cost us £50,000. It is illustrated with cartoons and proffers such advice as "Bite your lip, not your partner, when she is ratty".

Other gems include:

"Shop, clean, decorate.

When knackered, try not to say 'who is having this baby, you or me?"

The Dad Pack says that men will tire of "taking themselves in hand" when their wives are too weary for sex, but they need to give their wives the "feel-good factor".

Quote:

"We're talking massaging her, hot baths together - but no sex, no pressure

(if that makes you horny, sort yourself out beforehand)

Don't have an affair."

10,000 copies are being distributed through hospital maternity units, nurseries, children's centres and prisons (eh?).

Norman Wells, the director of Family and Youth Concern, is unimpressed he said:

"Patronising packs laden with cartoons and celebrity comments are likely to achieve very little.

The Government is throwing money at a problem its own policies have helped to create.

In previous generations, fathers were well able to fulfill their responsibilities without state-funded advice."

Coming soon, The Joy of Wanking and Nanny's Great Big Book of Wanking.

What utter Bollocks!