Cauliflowers Are No Laughing Matter!

Kudos and sympathies to Swedish comedian Olaf Falafel, who has won Dave's "Funniest Joke of The Fringe" award at the Edinburgh Festival with the niche culinary pun.

He took the title with the gag:

"I keep randomly shouting out 'Broccoli' and 'Cauliflower' - I think I might have florets".

It is from Falafel's show It's One Giant Leek For Mankind at the Pear Tree (a pub I used to imbibe in regularly when I was a student there in the early 1980's).

Sympathies though to Mr Falafel, who fell foul of the charity Tourettes Action which said the joke was not funny and had received calls to its helpline with people complaining about the gag.

They want him to apologise.
 

Proof, if ever it were needed, that humour will always offend someone.

Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.

Visit The Joy of Lard and indulge your lard fantasies.

Show your contempt for Nanny by buying a T shirt or thong from Nanny's Store.

www.nannyknowsbest.com is brought to you by www.kenfrost.com "The Living Brand"

Visit Oh So Swedish Swedish arts and handicrafts

Why not really indulge yourself, by doing all the things that Nanny really hates? Click on the relevant link to indulge yourselves; Food, Bonking, Gifts and Flowers, Groceries

Nanny Bans Jokes - Sitwell Resigns

Waitrose Food magazine editor William Sitwell steps down after 'killing vegans' reply to freelance pitch https://t.co/eHdWlvf2Hx pic.twitter.com/YxDZbBT2F4

— Press Gazette (@pressgazette) October 31, 2018

It is a sad reflection of our age that a failed joke caused a respected editor to resign.

As Nanny wraps her invasive tentacles ever more tightly around our throats, she drains the joy and humanity from our daily lives!


Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.

Visit The Joy of Lard and indulge your lard fantasies.

Show your contempt for Nanny by buying a T shirt or thong from Nanny's Store.

www.nannyknowsbest.com is brought to you by www.kenfrost.com "The Living Brand"

Visit Oh So Swedish Swedish arts and handicrafts

Why not really indulge yourself, by doing all the things that Nanny really hates? Click on the relevant link to indulge yourselves; Food, Bonking, Gifts and Flowers, Groceries

Meanwhile, In Beijing

Meanwhile in Beijing #FoundOnWeibo pic.twitter.com/585Xj0drE2

— Sam Si (@sam_siruomu) March 6, 2018

Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.

Visit The Joy of Lard and indulge your lard fantasies.

Show your contempt for Nanny by buying a T shirt or thong from Nanny's Store.

www.nannyknowsbest.com is brought to you by www.kenfrost.com "The Living Brand"

Visit Oh So Swedish Swedish arts and handicrafts

Why not really indulge yourself, by doing all the things that Nanny really hates? Click on the relevant link to indulge yourselves; Food, Bonking, Gifts and Flowers, Groceries

Nanny Has Major Sense of Humour Failure

Oh dear Nanny really has a had a major sense of humour failure wrt funds raised for Shropshire Community Health NHS Trust.

It seems that because the funds were raised by men dressed as nurses, the hospital has turned down a donation.

For why?

Nanny believes that their behaviour was "highly-sexualised" and "demeaning".

The Telegraph reports that the men raised £2,500 in the event in Ludlow, Shropshire, which sees them dress up as female nurses and take to the streets with collection buckets.

The fundraising drive for Shropshire Community Health NHS Trust has been taking place without complaint for 30 years, raising around £90,000 in total.

However, Jan Ditheridge, chief executive of the trust, said she is not comfortable with how the event portrays medical staff and refused the donation.

In a letter to the Ludlow Hospital League of Friends, Ms Ditheridge and chair of the trust Mike Ridley, said:

"The presentation of men dressed as female nurse sin a highly-sexualised and demeaning way is wrong, very outdated and insulting to the profession."

Peter Corfield, chairman of the League of Friends of Ludlow Hospital, described the refusal of the cash as "absolutely ridiculous."

He added:

"The event has always run with the full knowledge and support of the hospital and primary care trust management with participation by NHS staff.

The whole thing is a light-hearted fundraiser which has raised between £2,500 and £6,500 each year and so over that period of time it's a very tidy sum."

Ms Ditheridge, chief executive of the trust said:

"It isn't okay to portray healthcare professionals in this way.

We have previously asked that this doesn't happen and therefore don't think it's right to accept any money associated with this activity.

I'm sure the event was organised with the best intentions and we are sorry if it's made people feel uncomfortable or embarrassed.

Many people kindly and selflessly raise money for our organisation, and especially for our hospitals. We are eternally grateful for that."

Dear oh dear :(
 

Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.

Visit The Joy of Lard and indulge your lard fantasies.

Show your contempt for Nanny by buying a T shirt or thong from Nanny's Store.

www.nannyknowsbest.com is brought to you by www.kenfrost.com "The Living Brand"

Visit Oh So Swedish Swedish arts and handicrafts

Why not really indulge yourself, by doing all the things that Nanny really hates? Click on the relevant link to indulge yourselves; Food, Bonking, Gifts and Flowers, Groceries

Auntie Has No sense of Humour

Nanny's aged and senile old chum Auntie has for many years displayed a distinct aversion to "cutting edge" humour, or indeed anything risque.

However, as Auntie is now cowed by single issue angry and easily offended people from all manner of religions races and walks of life, she has now taken her anti humour policy one step further.

Chris Sussman, an executive editor for comedy at the BBC, speaking recently at a Bafta event about free speech and television has disclosed the absurd procedures adhered to by Auntie, as executives fear causing a national scandal with an off-key joke.

Saying particular jokes have to go through “quite a lot of layers” to see the light of day, he said some had to be checked personally by the director of television and even Lord Hall himself.

All because Auntie is now extra-wary of causing offence in a post-Sachsgate and Twitter world.

He is quoted by the Telegraph:

"At the BBC, it’s been a difficult few years and I think that is reflected internally in terms of the processes and procedures we go through when we’re making programmes. 

Certainly since I’ve been there it’s been, I would say, a tougher environment than it has been for a while.

To get a certain joke on air, to get a joke approved, we have to go through quite a lot of layers. 

We have editorial policy advisors, we have legal advisors, we have to run jokes past the channel. In certain circumstances they’d have to run jokes past the director of television. I’ve been involved in a programme where it’s gone all the way up to the director-general.” 

It is a fundamental tenet of a free society that people should be allowed to cause offence, as to deny them that right would place society in the hands of single issue fanatics.

Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.

Visit The Joy of Lard and indulge your lard fantasies.

Show your contempt for Nanny by buying a T shirt or thong from Nanny's Store.

www.nannyknowsbest.com is brought to you by www.kenfrost.com "The Living Brand"

Visit Oh So Swedish Swedish arts and handicrafts

Why not really indulge yourself, by doing all the things that Nanny really hates? Click on the relevant link to indulge yourselves; Food, Bonking, Gifts and Flowers, Groceries

Nanny Bans Gorillas

I am gemused to see that Nanny's chums in Transport for London have had a major sense of humour failure over some prank fake notices/warnings (aka "Guerilla stickers") being posted around the Tube network eg:

- "No eye contact. Penalty £200"
- "We apologise for any incontinence caused during these engineering works."
- "Peak hours may necessitate you let other people sit on your lap."


They are amusing and clearly take the edge off the "joy" of traveling by Tube. Unfortunately Nanny regards them as nothing more than vandalism. As per the BBC British Transport Police (BTP) warned:

"The costs of graffiti are substantial for the railway industry in terms of repairs and clean-up, and can leave permanent scars on the infrastructure."

Examples of the stickers can be seen here: Stickers On The Central Line.

The world would be a much happier place if Nanny developed a sense of humour and a sense of proportionality.



Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.

Visit The Joy of Lard and indulge your lard fantasies.

Show your contempt for Nanny by buying a T shirt or thong from Nanny's Store.

www.nannyknowsbest.com is brought to you by www.kenfrost.com "The Living Brand"

Visit Oh So Swedish Swedish arts and handicrafts

Why not really indulge yourself, by doing all the things that Nanny really hates? Click on the relevant link to indulge yourselves; Food, Bonking, Gifts and Flowers, Groceries

Olympics Madness

I have a sneaking suspicion that Nanny is taking the forthcoming Olympics Greedfest a little too seriously.

As Helen Perry of Bridlington discovered recently, when she made a wee joke on Faecesbook about squirting the Olympic flame out with a water pistol.

Can you guess what Nanny did children?

Yes, that's right, she was threatened with arrest by Humberside police.

Good grief!

I trust I am not alone in regarding the forthcoming Olympics as being a colossal waste of time and money?

Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.

Visit The Joy of Lard and indulge your lard fantasies.

Show your contempt for Nanny by buying a T shirt or thong from Nanny's Store.

www.nannyknowsbest.com is brought to you by www.kenfrost.com "The Living Brand"

Visit Oh So Swedish Swedish arts and handicrafts

Why not really indulge yourself, by doing all the things that Nanny really hates? Click on the relevant link to indulge yourselves; Food, Bonking, Gifts and Flowers, Groceries

Nanny Bans Racks

Loyal readers may recall that back in March I wrote the following:

"Nowadays some students seem to take themselves far too seriously, as Madeline Grant (who is reading English lit and languages at St Hilda's Oxford) found to her cost recently.

Miss Grant was standing for election as Oxford Union Librarian, and her election flier stated:

“ I don't hack, I just have a great rack."

She went on to say that she was " committed to helping members pull" after she organised a "sell-out Valentine's social".

Needless to say some Nanny brainwashed students had a major sense of humour failure, and branded the material as "deeply offensive".

Fellow students accused her of "damaging the perception of women" and showing a “distinct lack of judgement”.

Miss Grant's manifesto was therefore censored ."

Unfortunately for Ms Grant, her student Union seems to be run by a right bunch of humourless individuals. Not content with censoring her manifesto, and disregarding the fact that she lost, the Union summoned Ms Grant to appear before a committee recently.

They subjected her to a four-and-a-half hour grilling, then fined her £120.

I have no idea if Ms Grant paid the fine but, quite rightly she has quit the Union.

What ever happened to students having a sense of humour and supporting free speech eh?

Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.

Visit The Joy of Lard and indulge your lard fantasies.

Show your contempt for Nanny by buying a T shirt or thong from Nanny's Store.

www.nannyknowsbest.com is brought to you by www.kenfrost.com "The Living Brand"

Visit Oh So Swedish Swedish arts and handicrafts

Why not really indulge yourself, by doing all the things that Nanny really hates? Click on the relevant link to indulge yourselves; Food, Bonking, Gifts and Flowers, Groceries

Humourless Students II - Nanny Bans Crossdressing

Oh dear, it seems that the attack of "humourlessness" that has affected the students of Oxford University has spread to those who study at Exeter University.

For reasons best known to themselves, the leaders of the university's Student Guild, recently got their knickers in a twist over cross dressing and decreed that it could be deemed as offensive as ‘blacking up’.

Now, in my simple mind, I thought that students were rather open minded and that if chaps wished to put on dresses and ladies wished to put on trousers, then that would be perfectly acceptable so long as it didn't frighten the horses.

Apparently not, for it seems that some chaps want to dress up as ladies purely for fun (eg post sporting event or pre celebration).

As we know, "fun" has been banned by Nanny's humourless students!

Nanny's Student Guild was worried that cross dressing would be deemed insulting to ‘gender-queer’ students.
Quote:

“The Guild is aware that there are several trans-identified students at Exeter and more who express their identity as gender-queer.

To parody this appearance is crass and offensive on the same level as ethnicity.


While 'blacking up' in various guises is not unlawful...by parodying an appearance you are taking on the public performance of a group of persons in a stereotypical or (sometimes) mocking way. 

The Guild does not act in disciplinary fashion against members of the student body for performances of this nature, but we do express disapproval of unthinking and insulting appearances against minority student groups in particular - before you dress up in this fashion we would ask that you reconsider your actions and act in a culturally sensitive way so as not to give offence. 

The Guild is not demanding that all such performances stop. We are merely asking for your consideration in making sure that your own individual behaviour is not harming, insulting or mocking another student."

On this basis I assume that "Little Britain", "The Two Ronnies", Danny La Rue films, all pantomimes etc etc are all banned on campus?

My advice to the students of Exeter, loosen up a bit; if you are this "anal" at your age, what will you be like when you are my age?

Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.

Visit The Joy of Lard and indulge your lard fantasies.

Show your contempt for Nanny by buying a T shirt or thong from Nanny's Store.

www.nannyknowsbest.com is brought to you by www.kenfrost.com "The Living Brand"

Visit Oh So Swedish Swedish arts and handicrafts

Why not really indulge yourself, by doing all the things that Nanny really hates? Click on the relevant link to indulge yourselves; Food, Bonking, Gifts and Flowers, Groceries

FO The Pope

Once in a blue moon Nanny really does surprise me.

Thus I see blue moon in the heavens, as Nanny (or rather a very small part of Nanny) has shown that she has a sense of humour.

Gosh!

Nanny, or rather her chums in the Foreign Orifice (FO), has issued a rather amusing internal spoof memo relating to what should be done with the Pope when he visits the UK later in the year.

Seemingly a Papal Visit Team has been set up (money and time well spent!), to ensure that the Pope's visit goes smoothly and without any embarrassment.

Therefore, in order to ensure maximum yield from the visit, the bright young things in the FO decided to imagine an "ideal" visit (from a satirical point of view), and accordingly drafted a memo.

The memo included such highlights as:

- The Pope blessing a gay marriage

- The Pope opening a child abuse helpline

- The Pope blessing an abortion clinic

- The Pope launching "Benedict Condoms" etc.

Needless to say the memo duly leaked, and now there is a right old Hooh Hah!

Sadly for the younger members of the FO there are still those in the establishment without a sense of humour. The FO senior mandarins have grovelingly apologised to the Vatican (kind of ironic given that the Pope has yet to apologise for the role of the church in covering up child abuse) and Auntie (the BBC) is with "hushed tones" asking "what will the Vatican say in response?".

Ermmm...who cares?

However, based on past form, certain cardinals may well attempt to blame the Jews, media and gays again for this.

I dare say that the FO juniors who out this memo together will have rather "sore bottoms" today (so to speak), which is not surprising but rather sad.

Nanny and Auntie really ought to develop a sense of humour.

Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.

Visit The Joy of Lard and indulge your lard fantasies.

Show your contempt for Nanny by buying a T shirt or thong from Nanny's Store.

www.nannyknowsbest.com is brought to you by www.kenfrost.com "The Living Brand"

Celebrate the joy of living with booze. Click and drink!

Visit Oh So Swedish Swedish arts and handicrafts

Why not really indulge yourself, by doing all the things that Nanny really hates? Click on the relevant link to indulge yourselves; Food, Bonking, Toys, Gifts and Flowers, Groceries

The Speed Bandits

Beware, I have learned of a vicious plot by Nanny to introduce Draconian new restrictions on speeding.

Watch the video to see the chilling details of her plan.