Prats of The Week - Sutton Council

Ooh my Golly Gosh!

It has been a wee while since I have awarded my prestigious, and internationally renowned, "Prats of The Week" Award.

This week I have absolutely no hesitation whatsoever in awarding it to the Prats on Sutton Council.

For why?

For their knobheaded decision to ban a poster advertising "Anybody for Murder?", a comedy performed by Croydon based Exit Theatre amateur dramatics group.

The dickheads in Sutton Council deemed that the poster might "offend" residents, as it showed actress Red Cook in a swimming costume coming out of the water.

Evidently the councillors of Sutton don't get out that much. As an ex resident of Croydon I would note that the ladies who go out and about partying there at night wear a lot less, and show a lot more, than Red Cook.

Were Nanny to try to ban everything that might be deemed to be "offensive" there would be no TV/radio, no printed media, no internet and no religion (banning the latter may well be a good idea come to think of it:)).

Sutton Council, well deserving Prats of The Week!

Drop them a line via this link (btw it took quite a lot of finding, evidently Sutton don't like people writing to them) Sutton.

Anybody for Murder? is at the Charles Cryer Studio Theatre, Carshalton from February 17 to 20. Call the box office on 020 8770 6990.

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Nanny Bans Open Air Smoking

Oh dear oh dear, Nanny really is fixated with smoking. Not content with banning it inside public buildings, and trying to prevent firemen from entering the homes of smokers, Nanny is now trying to ban smoking in the open air as well.

Nanny's chums in Sutton council want to introduce a smoking ban in children's open air play areas.

Why do we need local councils?

Needless to say councillor Bruce Glithero, the person leading the hysterical calls for an open air ban, belongs to the party with a name that is a contradiction in terms...Liberal Democrat.

Isn't it funny how the Liberal Democrat party is always at the vanguard of calls for restrictions on people's liberties?

Why don't they change their name to something that actually reflects their true political leanings, eg The League of Interfering Fascists?

Anyhoo, Glithero said:

"As the father of four daughters we often like to go to the park, but recently I was sitting at the side of the sandpit when I turned around to see one of my four-year-old twins spluttering.

At first I thought she had swallowed some sand, but then I realised she was coughing because smoke from a woman sitting nearby was blowing directly into her face. It seemed so unfair.

The main reason people go to the park is to enjoy some fresh air, and this move aims to protect that."

What a prat!

There is ample fresh air for everyone and life, by the way, is unfair; so stop whinging!

The council has approved Glithero's plans, and the scheme will be trialled at Beddington Park.

Needless to say, the sign printing industry will be doing very nicely out of this. Signs will be erected (can I say erected?) informing smokers of the new rules, which will be enforced by Safer Neighbourhood Teams.

Safer Neighbourhood Teams?

Has anyone ever heard of these people?

Who are they, what do they do and are taxpayers paying for them?

Now, here is where this scheme of Glithero falls apart.

Can you guess what the fundamental problem is with his scheme?

Yes, that's right, it's not be legally enforceable.

The council clearly is inhabited by a complete bunch of tossers, how do you enforce a non legally enforceable rule?

Seemingly Glithero expects the public to co-operate.

The costs of the signs for this unenforceable rule run to £860. This money could have been spent on improving the playground facilities for the kids.

This not the first time that Sutton council has done something stupid. In 2006 Sutton councillors tried to stop people smoking in their own homes.

Under the proposal, council tenants would not have been allowed to smoke while being visited by health workers and staff such as those delivering meals on wheels. Needless to say the scheme was deemed to be bollocks by people who live in the real world, and had to be withdrawn in the face of fierce opposition.

Funny how the phrase Liberal Democrat is such a contradcition in terms.

The trouble with Liberal Democrats and indeed local councils is that common sense, and practicalities are irrelevant to them.

As I often ask on this site; what is the farking point, use or value of local councils (or for that matter Liberal Democrats)?

With regard to the absurd scheme of Sutton council, I suggest that a bevy of smokers descend upon the park and light up; let's see what happens then.

Nanny Bans Dummy

Nanny's strict rules about racial/sexual diversity don't just apply to people, they apply to dummies too.

In Nanny's world we are all equal, even the dummies.

Thus it has come to pass that the police mascot, known as Steve, has been labelled by Nanny's lickspittles as being too male and white.

PSCO Steve was created by the Metropolitan Police to visit primary schools. Unfortunately Steve is male and white. Nanny hates white males, because they represent a part of society that she cannot understand and will not accept.

Therefore the Met has been ordered to spend £15K of our money replacing Steve with non male non white alternatives.

The much "respected" and "popular" head of the Met, Sir Ian Blair said:

"These characters will be more representative

of London's population and the diverse range of police personnel."

FYI, the original PCSO Steve costume was based on a real person (Sutton borough police community support officer Stephen King). Unfortunately Nanny hates reality, and prefers instead to create and live in a fictional world.

Pc Geoff Parker, who works in Islington, thinks that the whole idea is bollocks.

Quote:

"One of the things that is damaging our job

and our relations with the community is this

constant overbearing political correctness.

We seem to be taking the issue to the extreme,

and pandering to every whim and gripe.

We need to take a sensible approach to this

and stop over-reacting."

A foolish waste of money and effort, but when did Nanny ever worry about wasting money?

Nanny Bans Black Sheep

Nanny is a firm believer in the principle that if she starts moulding a child at a young enough age, then she will have that child for life.

Therefore it should come as no surprise that Nanny seeks to interfere in the education and development of pre school toddlers.

Nanny's best friend Stuart Chamberlain, manager of the Family Centre in Abingdon and the Sure Start centre in Sutton Courtenay Oxfordshire, has decided that traditional nursery rhymes are no longer "PC". As such he has decided to rewrite a few old classics, lest the originals "cause offence" to children.

Ladies and gentlemen I present Chamberlain's version of "Baa Baa Black Sheep"; altogether now:

"Baa Baa Rainbow Sheep..."

Enough of that crap!

It seems that Chamberlain is worried that the word "black" is racist, what a prat! By the way, what the f**k is a rainbow sheep anyway?

Chamberlain justifies his inane idea in an interview with a local newspaper:

"This is fairly standard across nurseries.

We are following stringent equal opportunities rules.

No one should feel pointed out because of their race, gender or anything else."

In addition to black sheep being banned, poor old Humpty Dumpty loses his raison d'etre and no longer has "a great fall"; as Nanny feels that children will be upset by the idea of him falling off a wall.

I would remind Nanny that whilst she saves children from the trauma of an imaginary egg man falling off a wall, the same children are happily subjected to daily diet of violent abusive shit such as EastEnders on the TV.

Which is worse, I wonder?

By the way, in case your wondering, Snow White has lost her seven dwarfs!

Nanny's lackeys in Ofsted, the watchdog which inspects Sure Start centres, confirmed the new policy; it seems that centres are expected to "have regard to anti-discrimination good practice" and that staff should "actively promote equality of opportunity".

The DfES washed their hands of the matter, in true Nanny style, by saying:

"We don't support this approach to the teaching of traditional nursery rhymes,

but any such decision would be taken locally."

In case you are wondering, "Baa Baa Black Sheep" was written in 1744 as a political protest about wool imports; ie it has nothing to do with racism, but of course Nanny is too lazy and too stupid to bother checking that out.

Nanny Misuses ASBO

You will doubtless recall that when ASBO's (Anti Social Behaviour Orders) were introduced, Nanny assured us that they were to be used to improve the quality of life eg; noisy neighbours and unruly teenagers would be disciplined by the serving of these legal instruments.

There were those that doubted Nanny's good intentions; they suspected that the ASBO could, and would, be used for other matters.

Now we see that they have been used for other matters, entirely unrelated to the original stated intention of these legal instruments.

It is reported that Kim Sutton, a suicidal woman, with a predilection for trying to jump into rivers etc has had an ASBO served on her.

The ASBO bans her from jumping into rivers and canals, or from going on to railway lines. Additionally, it forbids her from going alone to multi-storey car parks.

Seemingly Sutton faces jail if she breaches the terms of the two-year order.

Now it is very clear that the lady needs some help.

However, how on earth does the issuance of an ASBO, with a threatened prison term, help her?

Marjorie Wallace, the chief executive of Sane, said:

"An Asbo is a quite inappropriate way of dealing with someone with mental issues and could make that person even more determined to go through with a suicide attempt."

This is only the thin end of the wedge. I suspect that we will see ASBO's used more and more in a variety of "innovative" ways both by Nanny, and by people looking to settle old scores.