Nanny's Knotweed Asbos

I am gemused to see that Nanny has decided to start imposing Asbos and fines on people who fail to control the spread of invasive non-native plants such as Japanese Knotweed.

People can now be fined up to £2,500 for failing to control it and other plants, such as Himalayan balsam and giant hogweed.

It does seem to me that adding yet more legislation to the statute books is a tad unnecessary, given that there are already methodologies in place for people to resolve disputes that involve damage to property etc resulting from the actions or lack of actions of others.


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Alcoholics Paid In Beer To Clean Streets

Here is an imaginative approach to anti social alcoholic behaviour, taken by Amsterdam authorities.

At nine o'clock in the morning in a garden shed behind a house in Amsterdam, a handful of alcoholics are getting ready to clean the surrounding streets, beer and cigarette in hand.

For a day's work, the men receive 10 euros, a half-packet of rolling tobacco and, most importantly, five cans of beer: two to start the day, two at lunch and one for after work.

Gerrie Holterman, who heads the Rainbow Foundation project, financed by the Dutch state and donations is quoted by Times Live:

"This group of chronic alcoholics was causing a nuisance in Amsterdam's Oosterpark: fights, noise, disagreeable comments to women.

The aim is to keep them occupied, to get them doing something so they no longer cause trouble at the park."

An interesting approach to alcoholic anti social behaviour.

Do you think it would work here?

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You Know When You've Been ASBO'd

As loyal readers know Nanny and her minions absolutely love adding new laws to our county's already overburdened statute book, based on the false notion that more laws improve the quality of life and reduce criminal behaviour.

One such avenue regularly pursued by Nanny is that of our dear old "friend" the ASBO.

Step forward Nanny's Anti-Social Behaviour, Crime and Policing Bill, which will give local authorities the right to outlaw certain activities from designated areas.

Public Space Protection Orders (PSPOs) will create new crimes in certain localities, and could be used to prosecute activities such as spitting and begging.

Now all of this is all very well and dandy if it were really going to improve the quality of life etc within a designated area. However, there are a number of problems with such a zealous approach to adding to our statute book:

1 Such powers will, I guarantee, be abused by over zealous officials from our "respected" local authorities to clamp down on whatever irks them at the time.

2 Such powers will be used by local authorities as another means to milk their hapless local electorate via fines (ie it will be another "ker farking ching" tool).

3 Do we not already have numerous laws that deal with begging, street drinking, abusive behaviour and other general annoyances?

4 The rules that already exist are not enforced by the police, why should we expect any further rules to be enforced (other than as a means of milking the local population dry)?

In short the rules will not improve the quality of our lives, but will be abused by petty minded officials with axes to grind and budgets to fund.

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Nanny Wants Kung Fu Fighting - UPDATED

You know when things are really bad, and are falling apart, when Nanny suggests that her own citizens be trained in the "genteel" art of street fighting in order to deal with anti social behaviour etc.

Funny that, I thought that's why we pay taxes for a police force?

Evidently I was wrong, and that it is now our responsibility to deal with "low level" crime.

Anyhoo, according to the Telegraph, Ben Rogers (a former Blair adviser), now a visiting fellow at the Royal Society for the encouragement of Arts, wants people to learn how to restrain offenders, self-defence and how to defuse tense situations.

In  his view, ruling aside the dangers of vigilante gangs, we should show “civic pride”.

Rogers is of the view that the cuts in police budgets means that real police and plastic police are no longer up to the job of protecting us, and that we have to do it ourselves.

Rogers is not alone in wanting people to take the law into their own hands, Nanny's ministers have also said that householders and shopkeepers should be able to use “reasonable force” to tackle burglars.

All very well, maybe, but if the police are so short of staff who exactly is going to train Nanny's citizen army?

Also, given the fact we live in the Nanny state, what about the health and safety implications, insurance issues and risk of being sued?

It is a potty idea that is dangerous, and destined to cause an awful lot of problems if it ever came into being!

UPDATED

This is what happens when Nanny's citizens take the law into their own hands:

"Overnight, a group entered a lock-up without permission in New Addington in Croydon, south London, where Tia disappeared. 

It led to a confrontation between the garage owner and those keen to find her, including a man who was armed, according to the Croydon Advertiser"

Care to comment Nanny?

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Brain Matters

I see that scientists have conducted research that indicates (note I say "indicates") that aggressive, antisocial teenage boys with the condition known as conduct disorder (CD) have differences in the size and structure of parts of the brain that relate to empathy.

The study indicates that the differences are there, regardless of the age at which the patients developed the disorder.

However, it has yet to be "indicated" as to whether these brain differences are the cause of CD or are in fact caused by CD.

Suffice to say (as with so many other "excuses" used by certain parents and those with a political agenda) this research will be used by some to excuse the behaviour, and to abdicate responsibility for the CD of their offspring.

However, life is never really that simple; we cannot simple shrug our shoulders (when someone acts like a git) and say "well, it's genetic there's nothing we can do".

Bollocks!

Human society has been around long enough for each generation to have had its fair share of gits with CD, yet we have managed to survive and deal with those individuals.

The brain (even in those humans classified as super intelligent) is barely used, it has the capacity to achieve far more than we have ever yet tried to do with it. There are many people who have been struck down by strokes, severe autism, disabilities etc who with the correct stimulation can regain part (in some cases all) of their faculties as the brain rewires itself and compensates for shortcomings in certain areas.

As with any animal (humans are but a "nano chromosome" removed from animals) that is "acting up", corrective behaviour can be instilled into the animal via a mixture of kindness, patience, rewards and punishment.

A child that constantly ignores warnings not to put his hand into the flames will one day put his hands into the flames, but once burned he will never do that again.

The responsibility for correcting CD rests with the parents (in extreme cases with the appropriate support of professionals). Where the parents refuse to accept that responsibility, and let the child run amok in the community, then the situation can be addressed by taking away all of the family's "toys".

Specifically institute a family curfew every evening (confine the entire family to their house), and deprive them of their TV's, stereos, pcs, mobile phones etc. They would be forced (like it or not) to face each other very evening, without the distractions of their "toys". Eventually they would have to address (one way or another) their behaviour as individuals and as a group, and the consequences of that behaviour on themselves and others.

One way or another, empathy would be learned (even if the parts of their brains that normally deal with empathy are withered and redundant).

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The ASBone

My sympathies to Bodhi, a four-year-old Lakeland Terrier, who resides in my home town of Brighton.

Bodhi has fallen foul of the rules imposed by Nanny's chums on our local council, and may be given an ASBO.

Bodhi's crime?

Bodhi likes to use a skateboard when out and about with companion (is it pc to say "owner"?) Jonathan Fell.

Sadly, because when Bodhi uses the skateboard with no lead is attached, the council deem that Bodhi is "out of control".

The council claim that their actions are for the safety of the general public, and has arisen because of a complaint made by one member of the public.

Bodhi is still allowed to skateboard in local parks.

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Treemendous!

Now here's something for the weekend for you to enjoy:)

A wee story that hit the media a few weeks ago about Kim Barrett, and her brush with Nannydom.

Ms Barrett was about her business near Manor School in Melksham, when she saw a small boy stuck up a tree.

Being a decent human being Ms Barrett assisted the boy down, and walked him over to the school (where he was a pupil).

That all sounds reasonable, doesn't it?

Well no actually.

You see my loyal readers we live in the Nanny state, where commonsense and decency are thrown out the window in deference to the rule of the state.

The teachers were already aware of the boy's plight. However, in keeping with "health and safety" (pass the sickbag) guidance, they walked away from the boy and left him up the tree.

It seems that Nanny's rules dictate that such incidents should be "observed from a distance", lest the teachers distract the stranded child.

So, in other words, he is left to his own devices until gravity takes over!

Anyhoo, aside from observing the boy the staff also observed Ms Barrett.

Did they rush to thank her?

No!

They called the police and Ms Barrett was warned about going near the school etc lest she be a paedophile.

Nanny's chums at the school were of the view that Ms Barrett "approached the school in an inappropriate way".

They sent her a letter stating they had reported her to police. The next day, a PCSO visited to say she had trespassed.

The head teacher Beverley Martin was unapologetic:

"We cannot assume that people who enter the school grounds without permission have innocent intentions."

Take a look at the schools where you live, have you noticed that they now all have sturdy iron gates, railings and entry phone systems?

They more closely resemble a prison, rather than a centre of community education. No wonder kids hate going to these places.

My old school was, and still is, open. You can walk in or out of the grounds (not the buildings) without any fuss (subject to you not looking like a complete loon). Indeed the pupils can exit without any fuss either, and go to the pub for lunch round the corner (where they will find a gaggle of masters preparing for afternoon double Latin).

Ms Barrett was given a warning for "anti social behaviour"!

What on earth is going on in the heads of these teachers and our police?

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You Know When You've Been ASBO'd

I see Nanny has introduced yet another variant on ASBOs, her preferred method of "punishing" knobheads and assorted twatery (or is it twattery?), Drinking Banning Orders (DBOs).

These so called "booze ASBOs" in theory are meant to prevent a persistent drunken twat head offender from visiting a pub, club, off licence, ban them from certain parts of a town and from drinking alcohol in public.

Police and local authorities can apply to a magistrate for a DBO if an individual, aged 16 or over, is regularly committing crime or anti-social behaviour while under the influence of alcohol.

All very well, but how exactly is the owner of a pub meant to know if his customer has a DBO or not.

Completely unenforceable in its current form.

I suggest that Nanny follows the recommendation that I made in August 2007 wrt drunken yobbery:

Drunken yobbery can be resolved by a session in the stocks, and by the tattooing (for say a month) on the foreheads of the yobs the following phrase:

"I am a drunken yob"

Any shop or pub found serving people with said tattoo on their heads, would immediately lose their licence.

This is the way to handle the yobs!

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Nanny Bans Sex

I knew that eventually the day would dawn when Nanny would ban sex.

Lo and behold, that day has dawned!

How on earth can Nanny enforce an ASBO that bans you from making "excessive noise" (whatever that means) anywhere in England?

"A woman has been remanded in custody accused of breaching an Asbo banning her from being noisy during sex.

Neighbours complained of hearing Caroline Cartwright, 48, groaning and her bed banging against the wall at her home in Washington, Wearside.

Earlier this month she was given a four-year Asbo banning her from making excessive noise anywhere in England.

But she appeared in court on Monday, charged with three breaches of her Asbo in just 10 days.

She was remanded in custody until 5 May.

Cartwright was convicted of five breaches of a noise abatement notice on 17 April and fined £515.

But Houghton le Spring Magistrates' Court heard police arrested her on 18 April, on 22 April and again on 26 April, after reports from neighbours she was flouting the ban with her husband Steve.

Prosecutor Claire Ward said neighbours complained to police about early morning noises including shouting and groaning coming from the Cartwrights' home in Hall Road, Concord, Washington.

Cartwright elected to be tried by jury and the case will be transferred to Newcastle Crown Court at a later date. "

Source BBC

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Nanny Bans Old People

Nanny views the old and fat in much the same way, of little value and a drain on her time and resources.

Whilst the fat, in Nanny's view, can be bullied into losing weight; the old cannot be made young and productive again.

Therefore it should come as no surprise to learn that Nanny's henchmen from Broomleigh Housing Association, which owns sheltered flats in Mottingham South London, have decreed that the benches that a group of elderly residents sit on to have a chat may be removed.

For why?

Seemingly the noise of them talking annoys other nearby residents.

Nanny believes that the elderly residents who sit and chat on the benches are being an anti-social nuisance.

The housing association claims that has received several complaints over the past two years about noise from the group, the oldest of whom is aged 96.

Ann Reddy, 69, said:

"How could I possibly be capable of anti-social behaviour?

When I told my doctor that we might be having our benches taken away, he asked me if I had been drinking. We don't drink and sit on walls throwing cans of lager around the place.

We don't sing in the middle of the night. It's unbelievable."

Julie Schoon, assistant director of supported housing at Broomleigh, said:

"As a registered social landlord we are responsible for ensuring that any complaints of noise nuisance or other forms of antisocial behaviour are acted upon.

Following a number of complaints from residents over the last two years we have worked hard to try to mediate between those involved.

We are very reluctant to remove any of the benches and would view this as a last resort. We are currently talking to residents and considering various solutions to try to resolve the issue."

The lesson from this sorry little tale is clear, once you become old you are considered to be a bloody nuisance and a waste of space.

They shoot horses don't they?

I suspect that were the "chatters" to be under the age of 16 (and thus falling within the "what about the children?" child centric policy of Nanny) the benches would most certainly not be removed.

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A Conundrum

Nanny, the media, the butchers' profession, Tesco and other "experts" have been working themselves up into a bit of a frenzy recently over booze and its "alleged" effects on people's behaviour.

In Nanny's view, booze is the root cause of many of society's ills eg; violence, crime, anti social behaviour etc.

Now herein I would like to present a counterpoint, based on my own modest contribution to the "booze debate".

On Friday I dined in Londinium with an old chum of mine from my days in KPMG. An excellent evening was had by all, first in the Red Lion then in Le Boudain Blanc (I will be adding a review about that to my Restaurant Reviews site in due course); an elegant sufficiency of booze was consumed by all.

I personally rounded off the meal with an Irish coffee (in honour of being half Irish, and it being St Patrick's day on Monday) and four double Remy Martins (the singles looked ridiculous in the glass).

After that I wended my way back to Croydonia, using the underworld railway and Network Snail.

Now, despite having consumed an elegant sufficiency of alcohol, I still managed to get home perfectly safely WITHOUT:

1 Assaulting anyone

2 Stamping on anyone's head

3 Vomiting or collapsing in the street

4 Passing myself off to police as Euan Blair, or a minor member of the royal family

5 Pissing against a wall

6 Vandalising the tube or train

7 Inflicting any form of anti social behaviour on my fellow passengers

8 Putting my feet up on the seats

9 Swearing loudly, or talking on my mobile phone

10 Being attacked, mugged, robbed, assaulted or buggered about with in any way

Now the thought occurs to me, if I a shy, retiring, reserved, middle aged accountant (who wouldn't say boo to a goose) can manage to do that, despite having consumed more than Nanny's preferred/recommended quantity of booze, why is that the yoof of this country (who are less than half my age) cannot manage to do the same having consumed a few water based, fizzy, sugar added shitty drinks flavoured with sub standard vodka?

The answer my friends is this...

It's not the booze, its the personalities that causes the trouble.

The badly behaved scumbags that litter the streets of Britain on Friday and Saturday are badly behaved, because they are badly behaved per se. They are ignorant yobs who have not been brought up properly by their parents to respect others, to respect themselves or indeed to be able to drink in a sensible manner.

The root cause of Britain's behavioural ills lies not with booze, but lousy parenting.

Curing that will require a lot more effort than merely farting around with headline grabbing taxes on alcohol flavoured fizzy water.

ASBO's 'R Us

As I have long suspected, and warned about, ASBO's are being used by people to settle personal petty vendettas.

Take for instance a case recently reported concerning Oliver Morris and Hazel Ross, graduates of the Royal Northern College of Music. They are two of Britain's most promising young classical violinists.

However, they are in trouble with Nanny's minions; and have been threatened with a visit by the ASBO officers, who may seize their instruments.

Their crime?

They play Mozart and practice their scales at home.

They insist that they rarely practise at home for more than two hours, and not every day, or in the evenings. However, one of their neighbours has decided to bring in the state; he has complained to Manchester City Council.

The council have issued a formal warning that their behaviour is unacceptable, and must stop. Further breaches will lead to a noise abatement order, and forcible entry to their flat to seize their violins.

Mr Morris said:

"Everyone has a right to live their lives

as they wish but we only ever practise after 9am,

never after 7pm,

not every day and very often we are away during the day."

Oddly enough the building where they live, Woodlawn Court, is home to other budding young musicians who also practice.

One neighbour has found the violins not to his taste, and has banged on their front door and launched into an aggressive rant.

The council have accused them of missing a meeting to discuss the issue. However, they said that they have never received an invitation.

Mr Morris said:

"How can they say our behaviour is unacceptable

when all the evidence they have is based

entirely on somebody else's assessment?"

That's the joy of ASBO's, they don't need an onerous burden of proof. Hence they can be used by vindictive people to settle scores.

By the way, there is also one other rather worrying issue here.

Did you spot it?

Yes, that's right..we now have new body of Nanny's enforcers on the streets...ASBO Officers.

Are they trained?

Are they an amateur version of the police?

Are the linked to the "plastic police"?

I find this to be rather worrying.

ASBO's 'R Us

Between 1999 and 2005 7,356 ASBO's were issued.

The figure now runs at over 4,000 per year.

Are we feeling any safer?

Have the yobs been banished from our streets?

Errrmmm...no!

ASBO's are just another example of Nanny's eye catching "solutions", that don't work, to complex problems.

ASBOS 'R Us

In Nanny's world councils have been given, or shall we say believe that they have been given, a hell of a lot of power over us.

Now, as we all know, power can corrupt; it would seem that one of Nanny's "respected" local councils has found that to its cost.

Manchester City Council has recently been admonished by the Local Government Ombudsman for an "abuse of power of nightmarish proportions", having given a woman an Anti Social Behaviour order (Asbo) based on false allegations made against her. As such, the council will pay £2K in compensation to the woman.

Council officers were called in, in June 2004, when a woman known as Miss A complained she was being subjected to anti-social behaviour by her neighbour, Mrs X.

Miss A claimed that as a result of the behaviour, which she alleged included threats of violence, intimidation, verbal abuse and playing music too loudly, she had become ill.

However, the report revealed there were no attempts to corroborate the claims with either neighbours or the police.

Mrs X was only made aware of the allegations when she was served court papers for a hearing in December 2004, which led to an interim Asbo being granted.

She contested the decision and more than 20 letters were written in her defence, leading to the Asbo being withdrawn, in court, three months later.

Ombudsman Jerry White said:

"It is extraordinary that the allegations

were never put to Mrs X before the council

sought an Asbo against her, at first behind

her back and then by serving papers on her

just days before a court hearing.

It is extraordinary too that it never

sought corroboratory evidence from third parties.

This was an abuse of nightmarish proportions."

The council was found guilty of maladministration, and told it should review the way in which cases like these are handled.

Deborah McLaughlin, council director of housing, said:

"We have learnt lessons from the way we dealt

with Mrs X in 2004.

In 2005 we fully reviewed our procedures."

Then she went on to more or less claim that they did everything by the book, which kind of undermines her apology:

"we should also point out that our initial

application for an anti-social order was

confirmed by the court in the face of

convincing evidence and was not something

carried out in isolation by our officers."

Seems to me that she is disputing the Ombudsman's ruling.

That's the trouble with acting as judge, jury and executioner; it just leads to trouble in the end.

You've Had Your Chips

Oh dear, there really are some prissy people in some (Hah!...let's be clear...ALL) of our local councils.

It seems that in the Royal Borough of Maidenhead, there is something of a row going on about the opening of a fish and chip shop in Clifford Crescent.

A relatively harmless enough business venture, one would have thought?

Not if you are a Liberal Democrat.

Councillor Humaira Jared (Liberal Democrat) is against the shop.

For why?

Chip shops, according to the councillor, encourage rats, obesity in children and risk an increase in anti-social activities.

What a load of bollocks!

Isn't it funny how that party more often than not seeks to curtail individual freedoms and liberties, hardly very liberal or democratic is it?

Educashun

Nanny's approach to child "discipline" has always been a tad schizophrenic. On the one hand she is a strong advocate of ASBO's etc for all manner of offences (ranging from vandalism, to simply kicking a football around in the street), yet on the other hand she strongly disapproves of parents or teachers administering anything resembling a cuff round the back of the head etc.

It is hardly surprising then that children grow up confused and aggressive, they have no boundaries and are given the impression that the teachers/parents are a soft touch.

Nanny has recently added to this confusion, by issuing new guidance on school discipline. This "guidance" advises teachers against repeatedly praising only "the same good pupils", er isn't that called encouragement?.

Nanny has a "brilliant solution" to this evil encouragement of good pupils, she suggests that rewards also be given to persistent miscreants who show an improvement in behaviour...no matter how small.

Coming soon, "good news" postcards:

"Little Johnny did not swear at teacher today...hoorah!"

According to Nanny:

"This can help improve relations with parents

who have become tired of receiving letters

and phone calls when things go wrong."

What about the teachers who are "tired" of being on the receiving end of all of that shit?

By the way folks, teachers are now expected to take account of race/culture when giving a telling off. Seemingly, if you come from a "loud" culture, then it's alright to be a loud git.

Th concept of integration (where people integrate into the British culture) hasn't quite reached Nanny yet, has it? It seems that the British culture must adapt to others.

Nanny emphasises that teachers should understand the importance of showing respect to children from racial or religious backgrounds, for whom public humiliation is seen as particularly shameful.

Errmmm again, this shows a remarkable misunderstanding of how children function. Humiliation is the most effective means of controlling badly behaved children, by forcing them to act within limits set by the cultural/social norms of their peer groups and society.

Nanny's guidance is, without a doubt, a recipe for disaster.

Nanny's Special Little Friend

"Even the most glittering and glorious of reigns must come to an end."

So it will soon be for Bliary Poppins, as she shuffles off into the sunset; leaving "Smiler" Brown in charge of the country.

Bliary insists though that she leaves a strong legacy, she cites her "achievements" re; anti social behaviour, the "respect" agenda, educashun and the health service.

Errrmmmmmm...run those by me again????

Poor old Bliary, it happens to all leaders past their sell by date, her memory seems to have failed her; surely the above issues haven't quite been "addressed" to everyone's satisfaction?

Oh, and by the way, aren't there a few other things that she will be associated with (she's far too modest in not mentioning those items)...what were they now???

Oooh ooh, I remember; cash for honours and the Iraq war.

How could she forget those two "legacies"?

Whilst we are on the subject of legacies, I would be remiss not to mention Bliary's special friend across the pond.

W is leaving office next year, and part of his legacy seems to be tad intertwined with out own "beloved" Prime Minister. Now W is working hard to try to fix one part of his legacy, namely Iraq.

The troop surge has, so he says, improved the security situation there; despite the fact that around 200 people were blown to bits in a Baghdad market the other day, and despite the fact that the "surge" will not reach its "climax" (can I say climax on this site?) until June/July (surely "surge" is a misnomer?).

Anyhoo, one teeny piece of information that W and Bliary haven't quite told the world relates to troop numbers.

Now, we know that British troops are being pulled out as fast as Smiler Brown can get them out (so that he doesn't have to face the issue when he is PM), and we know that the Iraqi leadership has said that security will be handed over within the year etc etc.

We also know how many US and British troops are in Iraq, don't we?

Post "surge" there will be 170,000 US troops and several thousand UK troops, right?

Right?

Wrong!

For you see dear reader, there are other US troops there as well; these troops are not included in the official reporting or body count figures when they are killed.

Why is that?

Easy, they are working for Balckwater and other private US companies (including one run by Halliburton, Dick Cheney's old company).

So how many private mercenaries are in Iraq then, on top of the 170,000 official US troops?

100,000!

That is the figure according to Jeremy Scahill in his book Blackwater: The Rise of the World's Most Powerful Mercenary Army.

Scahill says that private contract companies take up to 40% of all of US money spent in occupying Iraq. These armies are expensive partly because the mercenaries who work for them earn around $100K, far more than the ordinary GI Joe.

Despite the costs, there are several advantages to using these private armies:

• The body count figures, reported by the media and Pentagon, exclude the 770 mercenary deaths.



• The mercenaries are unaccountable to public oversight by Congress, re their actions and their costs.



• When W announces in the future with great flourish that the US is pulling out of Iraq, the mercenaries will be left there continuing the war.

Quote:

"Blackwater has secured a position of remarkable power
and protection within the US military apparatus.
This company's success represents the realisation
of the life's work of the conservative officials,
including Rumsfeld, who formed the core of the Bush
Administration's war team. While initial inquiries
have focused on the complex labyrinth of secretive
subcontracts under which it operates in Iraq,
a thorough investigation into the company reveals
a frightening picture of a politically connected
private army that has become the Bush Administration's
praetorian guard.

Blackwater was founded in 1996 by conservative
Christian multimillionaire and ex-Navy SEAL Erik Prince,
the scion of a wealthy Michigan family whose generous
political donations helped fuel the rise of the religious
right and the Republican revolution of 1994..."

As the old saying goes:

"Judge a man by the company he keeps"

Bliary's legacy will be judged on his choice of friends, most notably his special little friend across the pond.

What a legacy to be proud of!

Nanny Bans Chests

Nanny is going back to basics, do you recall that John Major doomed his Prime Ministership by doing the same?

However, this time the "back to basics" campaign is nothing to do with toilets (or is it loos?...ah well, I guess that I will never be able to marry into the royal family for not knowing that) or road cones.

This time Nanny is going back to the halcyon days of the British Empire, ie the Victorian/Edwardian period, when people covered themselves and their chair/piano legs up from top to toe.

Nanny is outraged at the amount of flesh that is publicly on display these days, specifically in the summer months. She is not bothered about what the ladies wear, but is highly concerned about the predilection (can I use a word containing "lic", so early in the morning?) of the cream of British manhood to remove their shirts and expose their pale pink flabby beer guts.

I have to say, I am inclined to agree with Nanny that the sight of wide open empty rolling beer guts is not a pleasant sight for man nor beast.

However, quite how you can legislate against it or enforce a "no chest" policy is beyond me. We aren't a fanatical religious state are we?

Anyhoo, practicalities have never stopped Nanny from coming up with some serious time wasting ideas. Nanny's chums in local councils are considering imposing new local laws banning the exposure of chests and beer guts.

These new laws, how many we do have, would stop men stripping off their shirts in crowded town centres and give powers to police to remove any who defy the cover-up laws.

It's not as though the police have anything better to do is it? After all, there are no crimes in Britain's urban centres these days!

Seemingly Nanny is going to try to use the Anti Social Behaviour concept to ban topless guts. Do you see how politicians bend and twist laws, intended for one thing, to suit their own purpose?

The "masterbrain" behind this "wheeze" is former local government minister, Nicholas Bennett.

Quote:

"There is a problem.

In my part of the country we are trying

to revitalise the main shopping precinct.

But one of the things that is depressing

for anyone going shopping is the numbers

of shaven-headed men, mainly in their 30s and 40s,

who seem to think people want to see their torsos."

Whilst I can empathise with the sentiment, I cannot see how in reality this could be enforced. The baring of torsos is down to "public standards" of "good" and "bad" behaviour. The best way to effectuate change in this respect is to make such behaviour socially unacceptable, thereby shaming people into conforming.

We are already overburdened with petty and vindictive laws, how many more does Nanny intend to impose on us?

ASBO's R'Us

One of Nanny's proudest accomplishments, in her view anyway, is the introduction and extensive use of Anti Social Behaviour Orders (ASBO's).

This brilliant legal instrument, designed to short circuit the tedious process of using the legal system and "due process", was designed by Nanny to bring control back to the streets and enable people to ASBO those elements of society that they don't like; eg noisy neighbours, teenagers and scum.

The trouble is, it is also a remarkably tempting weapon to be used by people who have "old scores" to settle.

When the Nazis occupied the Channel Islands it was remarkable how many anonymous letters the Gestapo received from resident's informing on fellow islanders, ie they were using the new regime to settle old scores.

Unfortunately thus it is for ASBO's.

Nanny would have you believe that ASBO's are generally meted out to troublesome annoying ruffians, who are out to destroy society.

As ever in Nanny's Britain, what she says and what the reality is are two very different beasts.

A recent set of statistics on ASBO's in Eastbourne shows that people aged 50 and over are getting more of them, than unruly teenagers.

Over 50% of the Asbos in Eastbourne are given to the over-50s

One police officer was quoted as saying:

"You automatically think of rowdy teenagers

being the main source of problems.

However, in Eastbourne, it seems a lot of cantankerous

old folk are causing real headaches for their neighbours.

I know the town is called 'God's waiting room'

but it's no fun being in any sort of room

if your next-door neighbour insists on playing

her Des O'Connor collection at full blast at 4am."

in fact, most of Eastbourne's adult Asbos are due to nuisance behaviour, such as the man who did DIY jobs too noisily or another who aggressively pushed his gardening business with door-to-door visits.

The question is, is it right to use the law to settle old scores or conduct vendettas?

That's what happens when you try to limit "due process".

Nanny is Mother, Nanny is Father

Nanny has an almost messianic belief that she would make a better parent to people's children, rather than the parents themselves.

As such it should come as no surprise to learn that Nanny's special little friend, Children's Minister Beverley Hughes, wants to force parents to go to special classes to learn to sing their children nursery rhymes.

For farks sake!

In Nanny's view, those who fail to read stories or sing to their youngsters threaten their children's future and the state must therefore "correct" their inadequate parenting.

Now, I fully agree that interacting with children by reading stories etc is a good thing. However, how precisely will the state determine if a parent is interacting enough?

Cameras in people's homes maybe?

Encouraging children to nark on their own parents, as they did in Nazi Germany and in Orwell's "1984"?

Nanny Hughes said in November that the state would train a new "parenting workforce" (who the fark thinks these phrases up?). This "parenting workforce" would ensure that parents who fail to do their duty with nursery rhymes are found and "supported".

How will Nanny "find" these non singing parents?

What constitutes "support"?

Bliary Poppins, the man who invaded Iraq and caused countless deaths of women and children, says that he believes strongly in family values. He is now backing a variation on the ASBO, the FASBO.

A FASBO is a pre-emptive ASBO, designed to "correct" (whenever the state uses the word "correct" I immediately wretch) the lives of children who are likely to fail even before they are born.

How can you possibly identify a failure before they are born?

In Victorian times there were those who believed that criminal behaviour could be identified, by reading the bumps of people's heads. It seems that we have a new breed of "bump readers".

Parenting orders are now likely to be directed against parents whose children have committed no criminal offence.

Nanny Hughes gave details of the new Nursery Rhyme directive, when she outlined details of Bliary's "national parenting academy" in November. This is the body that will train teachers, psychologists and social workers to intervene in the lives of families and become the "parenting workforce".

Quote:

"Some parents already know that reading

and singing nursery rhymes with their young children

will get them off to a flying start

often because this is how they themselves were brought up.

For other parents without this inheritance

these simple techniques are a mystery

and are likely to remain so

unless we act and draw them to their attention."

Nanny Hughes condemned the way governments before 1997 (ie she took a cheap swipe at the Tories) thought they had no role in the upbringing of children, which it "regarded as the entirely private arrangements families make."

The reason that governments pre 1997 thought that it was a private matter, is because it is!

Herein we see the fundamental problem with Labour, they believe that they know better than the individual as to what is best for the individual.

When the state thinks that it knows better than the people who elect it, then we really are in trouble.

Nanny Hughes then said that without Labour's policies:

"We would be on the road to ruin..."

Hah!

The arrogance of the woman!

Pass me the sick bag someone.