Nanny has started the New Year as she means to go on, by getting a little bit above herself.NHS patients in the Ashfield and Mansfield districts of Nottinghamshire are to be banned from smoking in their own homes, if they are due a visit from a careworker.
Nanny has ruled that when a patient refuses to obey her instructions, the visit will have to take place on neutral premises.
Under Nanny's new rules, healthcare workers can ask a patient to stop smoking when they enter their home. Failure to comply will mean that the patient will have to go to an alternative venue for treatment.
Barbara Brady, Nanny's senior public health manager who produced the policy, said:
"If a patient or a family member is smoking during a home visit, NHS staff may be subjected to environmental tobacco smoke through passive smoking or secondhand smoking.
Tobacco smoke contains over 4,000 chemicals
in the form of particles and gases and some of the immediate effects of passive smoking include eye irritation, headache, cough, sore throat, dizziness and nausea."
Nanny also plans to ban healthworkers from smoking in their cars, if they use the vehicle during their work.
How the hell will Nanny enforce that one then?
In Scotland Nanny will send smokers a letter asking them not to light up for one hour before a council worker or health worker calls round.
In Scotland, Nanny will produce a map identifying where smokers live.
Doesn't this all sound rather Orwellian?
The instructions that Nanny has produced, covering the creation of this list, are a work of art in themselves:
"Does your organisation know which of the homes visited by its staff are occupied by smokers?
If not, it would be advisable to develop such a list.
Once the situation relating to individual properties is ascertained, steps can be taken to reduce the exposure the staff might face."
The smokers on Nanny's map would then be sent letters asking them not to smoke for one hour before a council worker or health worker called round.
Public bodies have also been advised to use the map to ensure that any workers who suffer from breathing problems are kept away from the homes of smokers.
This is going to cost a hell of a lot of money.
What about Nanny compiling other lists and maps?
-Those who eat too much fat?
-Those who drink?
The possibilities are endless!
I was just now composing a letter to our local micro rag on a similar theme.
ReplyDeleteI would like a map of all those who spit in the street, both where they live and where they have spat in the last 24 months - on a rolling 24 month basis.
That should keep the unemployment figures down.
Grant
Maybe nanny will have to introduce a camera into patients homes to check up on them before a visit. It could be fitted with a screen to provide public information and morale raising films.
ReplyDeleteYou must understand that Nanny is only looking after the health of her workers. All risks must be controlled.
ReplyDeleteOver the next few months they will be compiling lists of people with:
Aggressive flatulence
Pointy elbows
A tendency to use coarse language
Uncomfortable furniture
Pets that hump your leg
Slight wrinkles in hallway carpets
Disturbing ugliness
Bad breath
Steep stairs
Slippery lino
Rude neighbours
Subsidance
Row after row of really creepy dolls
Cats that must be addressed as "Mr"
Hideous decor
In this way the physical and psychological wellbeing of staff can be protected.
You have missed the associated story regarding MSPs, who, while discussing the forthcoming Scottish smoking ban, decided that the provision of special smoking rooms was "against the spirit" of the legislation and was to be severely frowned upon. Fair enough, but then they spolit it by approving plans for a special smoking room for themselves - to be built in the Scottish Parliament building, no less.
ReplyDeleteThis is Scottish Nanny at her hypocritical best ;-)
Thanks Paul
ReplyDeleteI was not aware of that piece of Nanny nonsense!
Ken
Just a mo - I think Nanny has slipped up here.
ReplyDeleteIf Nanny's people might be adversely affected by smoking patients I would imagine the noxious stuff they have to breath whilst journeying to an appointment could threatent the health just as readily.
And from the reports of a couple of friends who regularly work with a number of people requiring home visits for health care of one sort or another there may be all sorts of health issues that are more life threatening than smoking would be in a large number of the places they visit.
So surely all visits should stop ... ?
Grant