We all know that Nanny is constantly haranguing us about discrimination and bullying in the workplace.
These are behaviour patterns that she simply won't tolerate.
In fact, she is so upset by these lamentable human traits that she has passed a whole raft of laws designed to stamp the problem out. Indeed Nanny is always more than ready to stick her nose into the activities of private companies, when there is the slightest hint of bullying or discrimination.
Now, it seems, that the boot is on the other foot. One of Nanny's own departments has been accused of having an ingrained bullying culture.
Can you guess who runs this department?
Yes, that's right, John Prescott - Nanny's Smooth Talking Bar Steward.
The Commons Select Committee on the Orifice (oops, sorry, I meant office!) of the Deputy Prime Minister (ODPM) has ruled that the Smooth Talking Bar Steward must take urgent action, to crack down on bullying and discrimination in his department.
Who would have thought that such a mild mannered man, as the Smooth Talking Bar Steward, would have run a department with such an abysmal track record of bullying and discrimination?
According to a survey of staff, 10% of the workers at ODPM said that they had been bullied in the past year, and one in twelve had experienced discrimination.
The survey, carried out last summer by ORC International, also showed that 6% had reported harassment and 22% had witnessed unfair treatment. Black and disabled people were more likely to have faced discrimination than other staff.
Details of the survey were published yesterday, by the Commons Select Committee on the Office of the Deputy Prime Minister, as part of its response to John Prescott's annual report and accounts for last year.
"The department should take steps immediately to reinforce the message that bullying and intimidation is unacceptable.
It should ensure all staff are confident such reports will be taken seriously."
The culture of companies and departments are a reflection of the "quality" of the leadership and the behaviour of the people at the top, so I think it is very clear who we can blame for this!
The survey went on to show that many staff were unhappy about the lack of leadership, visibility and openness of senior officials at board level.
"Only 20% believed the board had been open and honest in communication with staff.
This figure is 20% less than the benchmark for comparable central government surveys."
The committee then went on to further put the boot into Prescott and his useless department, by stating that the ODPM is spinning out of control and that its annual report showed "an unjustifiable presentation of its achievements"; ie the ODPM has an inflated ego, is all mouth and no trousers and is lying.
One example cited of Prescott bullshit was the reporting of efficiency gains totalling £150K per year as "noticeable" progress towards a target of £620M by 2007-2008!
What a bunch of dishonest, useless wankers!
It also seems that the ODPM has been double-counting its resource management.
"Through our efforts to secure further information about the real nature and extent of the department's efficiency plans,
we were able to establish that there is an overlap between two reported efficiency targets."
Needless to say, in keeping with the character of the man, the Smooth Talking Bar Steward has never deigned to appear before the committee; he claimed that he was busy with Britain's presidency of the EU.
We all know that was a useless waste of 6 months, but at least we now know who to blame for it!
The committee then decided to have a go at the ODPM's ability to deal effectively with other departments.
I like this committee, a rare example of a cross party group of MPs united in trying to improve something.
"Stronger leadership and greater clarity about the importance of this objective will help the department win its case."
The ODPM was specially created by Nanny as a sop to keep the Smooth Talking Bar Steward happy. It now employs over 6000 people, and claims to be involved in every aspect of life of this country.
"Creating sustainable communities"
sounds very nice.
Yet no one knows what that means, I certainly have no idea what the ODPM is meant to do, indeed the survey of staff revealed that a staggering 40% of the ODPM staff did not understand what they were meant to be doing either.
Just think abou that for minute or two, 40% of the staff don't know what they are meant to be doing! That is disgusting, our money is being poured into this pile of shit and they don't even know what they are there for!
If anyone actually knows what the ODPM is actually on this planet for, please can they enlighten the rest of us; indeed please can you also enlighten the ODPM, via this email address email@example.com
In the meantime, I am sure that I don't need to remind you that my fine range of T shirts, thongs and coffee mugs bearing the face of our beloved and competent Deputy PM are on sale via this link Bollocks To The Bar Steward.