Nanny is a strange and tormented old soul. On the one hand she berates us for our poor diet of chips, burgers and pizzas; whilst imploring us to eat 5 portions of fruit and veg a day.
Yet, on the other hand, she has now decided that fruit presents a clear and present danger to our health.
It seems that Nanny's trolls and goblins in Scotland who work in some of her "educahsional" establishments there, are worried about the threat that free fruit given to their pupils poses to their delicate charges.
It seems that the danger lies not with the flesh, but with the pips. A recent study, carried out for the Executive by the Scottish Centre for Social Research, identified an underswell of worry and concern about the dangers of fruits.
One respondent said:
"We tend not to use stone fruits because of the safety issues. Orange pips fall into that category."
Many of the school staff who responded to the study said that their specific safety concern was fruit stones.
As well as worrying that the delicate and fragile creatures that they attempt to teach would choke to death, some teachers were concerned that they could slip over on dropped fruit, or be allergic to it.
A spokesman for the Executive said that the children were still receiving free fruit, whether it had pips in or not.
"It is up to individual schools what fruit is served. The important thing is that children eat it."
According to the report, 14% of respondents had some fears over health and safety issues. Most worrying were the hygiene aspects of preparing, storing and handling the fruit.
Mankind has managed to survive and flourish for the last 150K years or so, quite happily side by side with fruit.
Why, may I ask, do we now need to fear fruit?
A crucial part of growing up is about learning how to handle accidents and mishaps. Children who are wrapped in cotton wool grow into immature pathetic adults who are incapable of looking after themselves, and who rely on the state for every little thing.
It seems that the real threat to the health and safety of the children comes not from the fruit, but from the brain dead trolls who work in some of Nanny's schools.