Nanny is a strange and tormented old soul. On the one hand she berates us for our poor diet of chips, burgers and pizzas; whilst imploring us to eat 5 portions of fruit and veg a day.Yet, on the other hand, she has now decided that fruit presents a clear and present danger to our health.
It seems that Nanny's trolls and goblins in Scotland who work in some of her "educahsional" establishments there, are worried about the threat that free fruit given to their pupils poses to their delicate charges.
It seems that the danger lies not with the flesh, but with the pips. A recent study, carried out for the Executive by the Scottish Centre for Social Research, identified an underswell of worry and concern about the dangers of fruits.
One respondent said:
"We tend not to use stone fruits because of the safety issues. Orange pips fall into that category."
Many of the school staff who responded to the study said that their specific safety concern was fruit stones.
As well as worrying that the delicate and fragile creatures that they attempt to teach would choke to death, some teachers were concerned that they could slip over on dropped fruit, or be allergic to it.
A spokesman for the Executive said that the children were still receiving free fruit, whether it had pips in or not.
"It is up to individual schools what fruit is served. The important thing is that children eat it."
According to the report, 14% of respondents had some fears over health and safety issues. Most worrying were the hygiene aspects of preparing, storing and handling the fruit.
Mankind has managed to survive and flourish for the last 150K years or so, quite happily side by side with fruit.
Why, may I ask, do we now need to fear fruit?
A crucial part of growing up is about learning how to handle accidents and mishaps. Children who are wrapped in cotton wool grow into immature pathetic adults who are incapable of looking after themselves, and who rely on the state for every little thing.
It seems that the real threat to the health and safety of the children comes not from the fruit, but from the brain dead trolls who work in some of Nanny's schools.
>Children who are wrapped in cotton wool grow into immature pathetic adults who are incapable of looking after themselves, and who rely on the state for every little thing
ReplyDeleteYes. But that's the plan isn't it?
Ah! I can just see it:
ReplyDeleteJanuary 2006: Nanny bans incredibly dangerous fruit in schools.
March 2006: Home office reports rise in fruit related violence as school bullies relieve the swotty kids of their dinner money using a loaded Avocado.
June 2006: Schools install 'Fruit detectors' at the gates. Seizures of Lychees at an all time high.
July 2006: As part of the 'Respect' Agenda, government announces that the parents of children found carrying pipped fruits will be sentenced to 2 years inside and confiscation of all assets.
September 2006: Two 17 year olds enter their school in long black coats which conceal an array of lethal fruits. An hour later 15 of their fellow pupils have been savagely smoothied to death and another three are suffering from being squirted by a particularly juicy lemon. Armed response teams describe scenes of utter chaos..."There were Cranberries all over the wall and what they had done with the grapes, it was awful!".
It seems monty python were correct!
ReplyDeleteSelf defence against fresh fruit here:
http://bau2.uibk.ac.at/sg/python/Scripts/Self-defenseAgainstFruit
R
Jeez, what's next? A requirement that children eat with corks on the ends of their forks (assuming that these potential "weapons" are even allowed in schools) to keep the little morons from gouging their eyes out?
ReplyDeleteFurther proof of what happens when society interferes with the process of natural selection.
Ken said:
ReplyDelete"Children who are wrapped in cotton wool grow into immature pathetic adults"
Who are then go to work as so-called "safety consultants" for RoSPA or any of the other many batallions of Nanny's Health and Safety Gestapo.
Ken you rock. I weep for the country I once called home, thank goodness I´m out of it now. Keep up the good work!!
ReplyDeleteChildren who are wrapped in cotton wool grow into immature pathetic adults who are incapable of looking after themselves, and who rely on the state for every little thing
ReplyDeleteYou forgot to mention grow up to take on responsibilities like running the country, passing laws etc, the way these poor little mights will grow up they will be too scared to pass wind never mind laws.