And lo there was darkness,
And Nanny looked around and saw what she had done, and was mighty pleased with her work...
Here endeth today's lesson.
Does that sound a little far fetched?
I am afraid not.
For you see ladies and gentlemen, Nanny is very upset about the amount of light pollution that is being emitted these days.
You know the sort of thing, street lamps, car headlights and lightbulbs in houses. All of these add to the general brightness of our surroundings, and enable us to function when the sun sets.
Unfortunately, Nanny is a creature of the night and prefers the embrace of the shadows. To this end her chums in the Campaign for Dark Skies, they fear that the amount of light prevents people from seeing the stars, have scored something of a victory.
As from April 6th light pollution will become a statutory nuisance, and refusal to obey an order from Nanny..."put that light out!"... to dim an offending illumination will be a criminal offence. Nanny will fine you up to £50,000.
The trouble is that it is Nanny, and her ministerial offices in London and the local councils, that are more often than not polluting the night skies.
Anyhoo, that small point is being swiftly swept under the carpet by Nanny. Her chums in the much respected and efficient local councils will police the new regulations.
Complainants will be asked to record the problem with a detailed note of times and dates of nuisance, and take some photographs for evidence.
The light owner will then be spoken to, to see if a compromise can be reached. If this fails, the environmental health officers will then take a decision as to whether the lighting is in fact a nuisance and request that it is abated. If the order is ignored, the local authority may begin legal action.
Pound to a penny that this law will be used in private vendettas between feuding neighbours, and by those who are insane who have nothing better to do than to poke their noses into other people's business.
By the way the following are exempt from Nanny's new law; airports, bus stations, road, rail transport facilities and lighthouses.
It is reported that the first target for the busybodies are the floodlamps used to illuminate Nelson's Column in Trafalgar Square.
As Sir Edward Grey once said:
"The lights are going out, never to be relit in our lifetime".
Nanny is obviously feeling very inadequate if Nelson's fine erection is going to be plunged into darkness. And think of some of the fine buildings, especially churches that are illuminated. Presumably these will all be "turned off" as well (don't complain about any illuminated mosques though - you might be accused of racism).
ReplyDeleteBizarre. I would have thought that with ever increasing energy prices light pollution would be self regulating!
ReplyDeleteAnd now, the end is near;
ReplyDeleteAnd so I face the final (blackout)curtain.
My friends, I'll say it clear,
I'll state my case, of which I'm certain:
THE LUNATICS HAVE FINALLY TAKEN OVER THE ASYLUM.
Let's see what darkness does to the crime rate...
ReplyDeleteNice. The local council round here is just replacing all the stret lights (last replaced not that long ago iirc) with taller ones, now higher than the roof tops so light arrives in more directions than before.
ReplyDeleteI feel a complaint coming on - my back garden never gets dark, especially since my neighbours trimmed one of their trees.
I don't think the dark would make much difference to crime rates. CCTV cameras littering the UK don't seem to have had much of an effect so I don't think light is having an effect either. Other than to clearly identify the type of person a mugger might choose to attack or illuminate the contents of a car that might be worth robbing for example.
As I was told a few years ago by somone who had had their car stereo nicked 3 time in the 6 months since they had installed a security light - they just help the perpetrators to spot the potential and then see what they are doing as they remove their contraband.