Nanny Bans Bonking

WARNING THIS ARTICLE CONTAINS PHRASES OF A SEXUAL NATURE

Those of you who wish to indulge in the traditional British Saturday night pastime, of having a few drinks then having a bit of rumpy pumpy, may find themselves a little disappointed.

Nanny has decided to interfere in our sex lives, and has issued some guidelines as to what we have to do before indulging in our sexual pecadildos. In fact we will all have to complete some paperwork before we get our legs over in the future.

In Nanny's view we are simply too irresponsible to be allowed to have sex on our own (not literally folks!), in future it will have to be under her strict supervision. I always thought that she had voyeuristic tendencies.



To this end Nanny's chums in the Home Office are launching a £500K publicity campaign telling men to ensure that a woman has consented to sex, lest they be accused of rape.

The campaign will start next week and will feature; radio adverts, ads in men's magazines, stickers on condom machines and posters in pub toilets.

Nanny believes that we are all "confused" about sex, or rather the implications of her Sexual Offences Act 2003.

In other words, Nanny knows that her act if taken literally (which happens all to frequently these days with her daft laws) will cause almighty problems for us mere mortals. Another example of a badly drafted piece of legislation, which we have to suffer.

The act states that the burden to prove consent lies with the man, who has to show that he had taken 'reasonable steps' to ensure that the woman had consented to sex.

In other words, all men are rapists until they prove otherwise.

One of Nanny's troglodytes in the Home Office said:

"Giving consent is active not passive, and it's up to everyone to make sure that their partner agrees to sexual activity."

The act also states that a person must have the freedom and capacity to consent to sex, which means that if a woman is drunk she has not the ability to give consent.

Now think about that for minute will you, Nanny is saying that women once they have a few drinks are too stupid and irresponsible to be allowed to make decisions. Nanny says that only the man, even if he himself has had a few, can actually be relied upon to make a rational and informed decision. In a nutshell, Nanny believes that women are not able to look after themselves.

Ladies, may I ask, how do you feel about that?

Are you not capable of looking after yourselves, under normal circumstances, on an evening out?

Don't you think that Nanny is being a tad patronising here?

I would also note that the presumption that the man has to prove that consent was given, means that the concept of "innocent until proven guilty" has been abandoned.

Nanny really does hate "due process"!

The only, and most effective, way that people can be sure that they will not fall foul of this daft law is for each party to the rumpy pumpy session to sign a waiver before they "get down to it".

I would also note another problem with Nanny's view of sex, what about lesbians and gays?

Who in the coupling there takes the "man's" role of protector of the "weak and feeble" woman in Nanny's distorted and confused view of sex?

The law is a total arse, Nanny has forgotten the fundamental rule governing British society; namely that British people can only have sex when they are pissed out of their brains.