Nanny Bans Standing

My thanks to the multitudes of you (well two actually), who wrote to me this morning telling me about this particularly daft scheme of Nanny and her acolytes in the police.

As we all know, Nanny has something of a problem with regard to drinking; on the one hand she is happy for 24 hour drinking, but on the other hand she believes that this should only be for those of us who indulge in a small glass of Chianti.

Drinking amongst the working classes is absolutely frowned upon; as we all the working classes can't handle their drink.

Anyhoo, as part of Nanny's ongoing scheme to turn us into middle class Chianti drinkers her chums in Preston police have decided that it is illegal to stand at the bar drinking.

Nanny wants us all to sit down at the table, and sip our drinks in a leisurely fashion.

Now a couple of points here...the British pub is specifically designed for drinking at the bar; the barmaids are selected for their cleavages (to encourage men to gather round the bar), the bar is long enough to allow many to stand there and only the "continentals" sit at tables drinking wine.

As such the scheme is utter BOLLOCKS!

Notwithstanding that, Nanny's police in Preston have renamed standing at the bar "Vertical Drinking".

Prats!

They argue that drinking while standing in a like-minded group is a contributor to booze-fuelled violence.

Nanny's NHS primary care trust also got in on the act, and the police want a "no standing" drinking rule imposed on the city by the autumn; they want customers to be served only if they have a seat.

Police in Preston already have an alcohol harm reduction and prevention team. Sergeant Andy Hobson, the team's alcohol project manager, said:

"If people are sat down there is less potential for flashpoints than with vertical drinking.

This is not designed so much to affect the amount they drink;

it is the proximity of other people when you are stood up, which is where the problems can start.

People go into these places and crowd round the bars,

then the next you know somebody gets a push,

the pint goes over and that's it."

We pay them for this shite?

-How do you get served if you are sitting down?

-How do you enforce a no standing rule in a pub?

Publicans have dismissed the scheme as bollocks.

Ryan Wood, manager of Yates's pub, said:

"They have completely missed the point.

If anything it is going to cause more friction because people are not going to like being told to sit down every five minutes.

It's almost impossible to enforce."

I would also remind Nanny that many years ago, I was sitting at a table in a bar and had imbibed quite a few. When I stood up, I fell over. Now, if I had been standing that would never have happened!