Thirteen men on a dead man's chest,Joh Hoh Hoh and a Bottle of Rum!
Or so the old saying goes.
Britain's wealth is based on the actions of pirates (state sponsored mercenaries who attacked Spanish galleons and colonies), such as Sir Walter Raleigh et al.
Yet now we see Nanny has decided to deny her own past, and ban pirates.
Out...bloody...rageous!
This is what six year old Morgan Smith (Capt Morgan was a pirate too!) found to his cost a wee while ago.
Morgan was getting ready for his sixth birthday party, and the hoisting of a pirate flag in the garden for the event (Morgan likes pirates).
The flag pole was duly erected (can I say erected on this site?), and the skull and cross bones run up the pole in the back garden. Morgan and his parents then waited for the day of the party, when his chums would turn up in eye patches wielding plastic cutlasses.
Unfortunately they reckoned without the intervention of the evil Stafford Borough Council.
For you see ladies and gentlemen, Stafford Borough Council is a local council; and we all know that local councils add zero value to the local community.
Therefore, it should come as no surprise to learn that Stafford Borough Council had something to say about the pirate flag.
Council officials branded the skull and crossbones flag "unneighbourly", and banned Morgan's parents Richard and Sharon from flying it.
It seems that the jobsworths in the council ordered Morgan's parents to apply for planning permission at a cost of £75 (have you noticed that local councils never miss a trick when it comes to screwing money out of their constituents?), and then they have to undertake an assessment of the 5ft by 4ft flag's "impact" on the surrounding area of Stone, Staffordshire.
As Morgan's dad said, citing the reality of the situation:
"It's not as though I'm building a huge extension
which will blight the neighbourhood.
It's a child's pirate flag."
Egg...zact....lee!!!
It's a flag for a child's party for fark's sake, it's not a permanent erection!
I will repeat, for the benefit of the morons from Stafford Borough Council.
It's a flag for a child's party for fark's sake, it's not a permanent erection!
Can I say erection here???
Ironically the family have flown the Union Jack or a St George's flag on the 18ft-high flagstaff at their detached home without a problem. Yet some SOB neighbour, clearly with nothing else in his/her life to do, complained to the council about the Jolly Roger.
It's people like that, who report on every little thing to the state, that enable Nanny to remain in power.
Mr Smith said:
"When the lady from the council came to see me
she said that it was no problem flying
any of the other flags,
it was the Jolly Roger that was of concern."
Councillor Richard Stevens (Lib Dem...that figures!) said the council had objected to the flag because:
"it was unneighbourly
and could open the doors for all kinds of flags".
Errmmmm...ever heard of using common sense, councillor, and taking each case on its own merits?
Silly me, common sense, what was I thinking of?
He's a councillor for fark's sake!
A Stafford Borough Council spokesman, with no sense of irony or pomposity, said:
"A planning application has been made for a Jolly Roger flag
to be flown at a property in Stone.
The application is currently under review
and will include planning officers looking
at the impact the flag has on the area,
with the decision expected by the end of this month.
Legislation requires planning approval
before it can be flown from the flagpole."
Do these people ever listen to, or read, what they say?
Don't they see how ridiculous they are?
Does this council have nothing better to do or spend the tax payers' money on???
Drop the council an email here, telling them what you think of them
- customerContactCentre@staffordbc.gov.uk
Drop councillor Steven a note here: prstevens@staffordbc.gov.uk
FYI, the Jolly Roger dates back to the 1700s when pirates would fly it to make their victims surrender readily.
I would also remind you, this being the 25th anniversary of the Falklands's victory, that the Jolly Roger was flown by H.M.S. Conqueror, the sub that sank the Belgrano, when she returned to Britain (as is the tradition of subs when they have successfully executed a kill).
Would Nanny have banned that too???
Since the Union Jack is not a proper official national flag - as I recall there are quite strict rules about who is really entitled to fly it - perhaps those of us in favour of a nanny-free Great Britain should adopt the Jolly Roger as our own, and fly it at every opportunity. We can use it as an indication of our beliefs to the world in general. I must go and buy one now.
ReplyDeleteA pity there are no longer real pirates who could deal with Councillor Richard Stevens, the other jobsworths of Stafford Borough Council, and the b*****d who complained about the flag in the time honoured manner by making them walk the plank (preferably into a sea full of hungry shark) or, if that wasn't possible, by rel;ieving them of their heads. Either way, I feel sure the good residents of Stafford would be better off!
ReplyDelete"Yet some SOB neighbour, clearly with nothing else in his/her life to do, complained to the council about the Jolly Roger..."
ReplyDelete20% of the population of East Germany were Stazi informers. It wouldn't be any different here, would it?
On the same subject, did you know that on a website of quotes for children,we have the following:fee fy foe fum , i smell the blood of a..... "britishman"?hardly has the same ring as the original , does it.?
ReplyDeleteThese officials are as thick as two planks. Useful then to have on board...........
ReplyDeleteWhere I come from, flying a Union Jack as opposed to a saltire is considered to be a flagrant demonstration of loyalist politics and fondness for marching through the city centre with flutes and drums wearing white gloves and funny aprons shouting "no surrender". It could, on a dark night get you a brick through your window. Yet I note that these guys have their hate marches every summer without so much as a blink from the Local Council: its tradition you see. But if I wanted to hold a carnival celbrating everyone's traditions and to have good food and a bloody good time, they would probably refuse that.
ReplyDeleteI think Ken has come up with a great idea - just get rid of local councils. I wrecked my brains all these years thinking of ways to stop daft, unaccountable mini-dictators from getting too much control, but the answer was staring me in the face all along.
Damn those evil pirates invading the gardens of our Green and Pleasant Land ! How brave of our Councils to fight back and reclaim our gardens from these skull and crossbones waving baddies ! County Councilors of England, take a stand against these small children trying to drag us down into an evil piratanical morass ! Use your red tape and staplers, your blotting paper and date-stamps to erase all rebellious thoughts of enjoyment from young persons across the land !
ReplyDeletewhy do I find myself reminded of this...
ReplyDeletehttp://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Crimson_Permanent_Assurance
The Rum and the Lash would be right up there on Nanny's banning agenda.
ReplyDeleteI'm a bit concerned that the sodomy may be made compulsary...