Ooh err Missus!
It has been a wee while since I have awarded my prestigious, and internationally renowned, "Prats of The Week" Award.
This week it is a double award, going to Bexley Borough Council and Bexley Police.
Well, my old muckers, as we know Nanny and her minions have something of a bee in their collective bonnets over booze.
Aside from the usual rules and regulations that Nanny imposes on us, and attempts to enforce, allegedly designed to make us drink less there is also the time honoured rule that publicans ought not to serve people who are clearly "out of their box".
Break this rule, and the hapless publican will be fined £80 on the spot and possibly another £1000.
So, guess what Bexley Borough Council and Bexley Police did?
They hired two sober actors (a rarity) to visit 10 pubs in Bexley. They ordered drinks whilst swaying and announcing to bar staff in a slurred voice "I'm hammered", reeking of alcohol, slurring their words, fumbling their change and shoving other customers on their way to the bar.
They were served in every pub.
The actors then gave a repeat performance at a conference for local publicans, and bar managers who stated that they would be refused service and asked to leave.
Nanny had them at her mercy, the police proudly stood up and said:
"You've already served them."
I bet that gave the police a real "rush", you can almost see them drooling in anticipation before they made that announcement.
Clive Cain, head of public protection (what the fark is "public protection" by the way?) at Bexley Council, said:
"Whilst it is illegal to serve a drunk, the law does not define when someone is drunk. This pioneering initiative has demonstrated the ease with which drunks can be served. It has highlighted the urgent need for improvements in training, advice and managerial support for bar staff."
Ah so there we see the problem that Nanny needs to overcome, when is a drunk a drunk?
Under normal circumstances this judgement would be left to the commonsense of the publican. However, as we know, Nanny has banned commonsense.
A couple of rather obvious points re this particular case, that Nanny might like to remember:
1 The police are not allowed to use entrapment to obtain a conviction.
2 The actors were not actually drunk, therefore no crime has actually been committed.
Maybe the publicans could hire actors to pretend to be publicans, whilst serving pretend drunks, and the police could pretend to arrest them etc?
Needless to say, Bexley Police are planning to step up their undercover initiative for the World Cup.
Can the police charge the police with wasting police time?
Bexley Borough Council and Bexley Police, well deserving "Prats of The Week".
Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.
Visit The Joy of Lard and indulge your lard fantasies.
Show your contempt for Nanny by buying a T shirt or thong from Nanny's Store.
Visit Oh So Swedish Swedish arts and handicrafts