Nanny Knows Best

Nanny Knows Best
Dedicated to exposing, and resisting, the all pervasive nanny state that is corroding the way of life and the freedom of the people of Britain.

Monday, November 28, 2011

Nanny Bans Sanity Clause

Tis soon the season to be miserable etc, as Nanny and the ongoing global financial crisis do their respective bests to undermine any feeling of joy and hope.

In this respect it should come as no surprise whatsoever to learn that Nanny's little helpers are doing their best to put the mockers on the old tradition of sitting on Santa's lap (an old fat guy with a bright red face).

Schools up and down that land, feeling festive and frivolous, have been allowed to dispense with a Criminal Records Bureau check on those seeking to play Santa in the school grotto.


However, this being Nanny Britain, many schools are erring on the side of caution.

As such, they are imposing rules on "grotto behaviour".

Children will be banned from sitting on Santa's lap, and will not be allowed to be left alone with him.

That's a nice message to send kids, isn't it?

Quite what the schools think Santa can do, given that the parents are within earshot and visual range of their kids I don't know.

The schools are not entirely to blame for this, government guidance states: 
Under no circumstances must a volunteer who has not obtained a CRB disclosure … be left unsupervised with children.” 
Thus, one can assume that the rule applies to Santa!
Le's face it, subjecting a child to physical contact (eg a hug, lap sitting etc) by a well meaning adult is guaranteed to leave them emotionally scarred. Far better that they receive absolutely no physical contact at all, ever.

That way they will grow up to be well balanced, emotionally mature adults!

Errrm...hang on a minute??

However, it's not all bad news. That other staple of the British Christmas season, panto, is still being allowed to continue.

Panto is where the principle boy, played by a girl in a short tunic, gets to kiss the leading lady, and where a middle aged bloke gets to dress in women's clothes and make jokes loaded with sexual innuendo.

Six miles to London, and still no sign of Dick!

Hoh hoh hoh! 

Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.

Visit The Joy of Lard and indulge your lard fantasies.

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  1. So the CRB have got a list and they're checking it once to see if Santa's nice or a nonce, have I got that about right?

  2. Even my Catholic Church is calling the Christmas Bazaar the Chrisdingle event. I find that offensive; who do I tell and where do I get my Com-poo-sation from?

  3. Anonymous1:54 PM

    @ Tonk

    In Germany they will be celebrating Weihnachten, in France Noël; Italy will have Natale whilst Spain will have Navidad.

    All these countries have a fair share of other religions but do not feel the need to rename their Christmases.

    I imagine that if Britain decided to censor references to Mohammed (and let’s face it, his antics as a paedophile are ripe for censorship), then a few Imams and their followers may be a bit miffed.

    So at times like this Christians might turn to their spiritual leader for inspiration; but what is the bearded buffoon Rowan Williams doing? He is using his position that he cannot be made redundant from to make ill-informed speeches about the Global credit crisis, before going home to his palace that cannot be repossessed.

    If he can’t give a flying fuck about the very core of his religion being censored in such a way, then why should anyone else?

  4. Lord opf Atlantis2:11 PM

    Well, let's face it, according to nanny and her followers, all men are evil paedophiles, so I am not in the least bit surprised by this development.

    'That's a nice message to send kids, isn't it?'

    What, all adults in general, and men in particular, are perverts? No, that's an awful message!

    'Let's face it, subjecting a child to physical contact (eg a hug, lap sitting etc) by a well meaning adult is guaranteed to leave them emotionally scarred.'

    No it's not! If anything, many children are emotionally scarred because they DON'T receive a hug now and then from their parents or anyone else!

    'That way they will grow up to be well balanced, emotionally mature adults!'

    Really? I should have thought quite the opposite is likely to be the case. Is it not more likely that this lack of affection will leave many children emotionally scarred?

  5. Lord of Atlantis2:24 PM

    Tonk. said...
    'Even my Catholic Church is calling the Christmas Bazaar the Chrisdingle event. I find that offensive'.

    Me too! I cannot see other countries changing the names of their religious festivals because they might offend someone!

  6. As a Pastafarian, I don't celebrate Christmas, I celebrate Holiday.

    I am pleased to see an outbreak of Pastafarianism as many greetings cards etc are re-branded to remove references to "Christmas" and replace it with "Holiday".

  7. Mjolinir4:13 PM

    @Tonk - My mind generates a totally inappropriate image of "chrisdingle" (if one existed, it would be decorated with a very different sort of 'berries'

    OTOH - "Christingle" - glossing 'the light of Christ' is nowadays a quite respectable celebration (although more common in non-conformist & evangelical than Catholic churches)

    [As yet Nanny hasn't 'banned' the flames - but special 'glow-candles' can be obtained for H&S enthusiasts]

  8. Anonymous6:34 PM

    A few weeks ago the checkout girl solemnly informed me that the supermarket was really busy because next day was the Hindu Christmas...

    To my question, "So, how does that work, then?" she replied, "Well, they have it twice a year instead of just once, like us" thus betraying her ignorance of Hinduism, Christmas and pregnancy. Bless :)