Nanny Bans Free Air

Rather bizarrely, Nanny's chums in Tower Hamlets have banned the good people of Isambard's Cycles from offering customers free air via a pump.

@TowerHamletsNow are fining us for having this free pump outside for cyclists to use. As of next week it will no longer be available #RT pic.twitter.com/SdLB1CN9JN

— ISAMBARD'S CYCLES (@isambardscycles) July 30, 2017

For why?

It seems that the pump is an "obstruction".

However, if the bicycle shop paid Nanny for providing free air the pump would then no longer be an obstruction!

Obstruction of the highway (which oddly ceases to become an obstruction, providing we pay @TowerHamletsNow for the privilege)

— ISAMBARD'S CYCLES (@isambardscycles) July 30, 2017

Councils are the enemies of the people!

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Drink Booze To Stave Off Diabetes

Well slap me with a fish!

It transpires that, contrary to Nanny's warnings, people who drink three to four times a week are less likely to develop type 2 diabetes than those who never drink.

That is the conclusion of Danish research published in Diabetologia.

Wine appears to be particularly beneficial, probably as it plays a role in helping to manage blood sugar.

Prof Janne Tolstrup, from the National Institute of Public Health of the University of Southern Denmark, who led the research, said:

"We found that drinking frequency has an independent effect from the amount of alcohol taken.

We can see it's a better effect to drink the alcohol in four portions rather than all at once."

Suffice to say, Nanny is sulking and has said that this does not constitute a green light to drink more.

Well, she would say that wouldn't she?

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Bring Back The Drunkard's Cloak!

A DRUNKARD'S CLOAK was an old punishment for public disorder in which the victim would be made to wear an ale barrel pic.twitter.com/CVJfcLyEdf

— Haggard Hawks (@HaggardHawks) February 7, 2014

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Nanny Outsources Policing To Public

It seems things are so tight in some of Nanny's police forces (thanks to cuts and mind numbing bureaucracy) that they are being forced to outsource policing functions to the public.

The Mail reports that Wiltshire Police will no longer visits scenes of shoplifting in Swindon. Instead shop owners will be asked to take down the details of any offenders and file their own statement to the police along with CCTV.

This comes months after Leicestershire Police announced they had been refusing to attend attempted burglaries at houses with odd-numbers in their own bizarre cost-cutting measure.

The force trialled the scheme to assess the effectiveness of sending forensic officers to a crime scene and found it had no impact on the number of incidents or victim satisfaction.

The more laws Nanny passes, which are then not enforced because she doesn't have the resources, the more ridiculous and impotent she looks!

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The Bare Faced Cheek of Gnomes

My sympathies to Lauren Perry, a keen gardener living in Wistatston, who has been ordered by Cheshire East council to remove two garden gnomes from outside his house.

For why?

They are baring their backsides to passersby and risk distracting motorists. 

Mr Perry got a stern letter from officials claiming the gnomes could cause a "distraction" to motorists as they light up at night, and warning they would cause an accident.

They told Mr Perry to clear the offending items within seven days or workman would be called out to remove them - and bill him for the cost.

The letter, from Cheshire East Council senior highways officer Andrea Bickerton, is quoted by the Telegraph:

"It has been brought to our attention that several ornamental displays and items have been placed on the highway verge in Wistaston.

I am sure that your intentions are meant to be humorous and light-hearted. Unfortunately, not everyone shares the same sentiment.

You are required to therefore remove them at your earliest opportunity. If you fail to remove them, the Council will remove them and recover from you the expense of doing so."

The question is, who the hell reported the gnomes to Nanny?

Mr Perry said:

"I feel very disappointed. My daughter bought them for Father's Day as a bit of fun as she knows I like a laugh. These things are in discount stores in their hundreds on shelves.

How can they be classed as offensive? I put them up two weeks ago - no one ever approached me to complain or ask for them to be removed. The next thing I know, this heavy-handed letter arrives.

I've worked with others for four years to turn a piece of land which had been left overgrown, covered in broken bottles and bricks, into a more attractive area. It's all been self-funded as we were turned down for funding by the parish council.

We even bought the sign that says 'Wonderful Wistaston' - now I feel like replacing it with one that says 'Miserable Wistaston'.

All we've tried to do over the past four years is improve the area where we live - and it's all been self-funded. I could get many more volunteers if I wanted, the support on the whole in the village has been tremendous.

But not from the parish council. There are certain people who have lived in communities for many years who don't like newcomers, regardless of their experience.

We placed a nice colourful bench on the land, and it was ripped up a few weeks later for no reason! 

We've put it back since, and concreted it in."

A Cheshire East Council spokesman said:

"While we do not wish to spoil people's fun, there is a safety issue here as such objects could easily cause a distraction to motorists and other road users, leading to an accident.

We received a complaint about these ornaments which, while seemingly harmless, are designed to attract attention and light up at night.

Therefore, we have to take steps to have them removed in the interests of road safety and the safety of pedestrians."

A very sad individual with too much time on his/her hands must have reported it. Such individuals are Nanny's eyes and ears!

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The Rise of The Flexitarians

Meat substitute company Quorn Foods says it has seen "unprecedented" global growth in the first half of this year, with sales up 19% worldwide.

The firm says it is benefiting from the rise of the "flexitarian" diet. This means more people have been reducing meat consumption in favour of more sustainable protein sources.

Definition of "Flexitarian":

"A middle class person who virtue signals by pretending to be veggie once in a while."

God save us all!

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Nanny Fines Five Year Old - #LemonadeGate

Nanny and her councils can be nasty pieces of work, as Andre Spicer's five year old daughter found to her cost.

My thanks to a loyal reader who pointed me to a summary of what occurred.

The girl was fined £150 by Nanny's gestapo from Tower Hamlets for trying to sell lemonade in the street.

Andre Spicer said his daughter burst into tears and told him “I’ve done a bad thing” after enforcement officers read out a lengthy legal letter before issuing him the notice.

Mr Spicer said four officers stormed up to the table just 30 minutes after the pair had set up the stand, where they were selling one large cup of the fizzy drink for £1 and a small glass for 50p.

The five-year-old and Mr Spicer, a professor at City University, were given the fine for "trading without a permit" after they set up the make-shift stall near their home in Mile End.

After it was contacted by the Standard, Tower Hamlets Council promised to cancel the fine "immediately" and said it would contact the family to apologise.

No surprises there then, when Nanny is confronted she backs down!

A spokeswoman for the council said:

“We are very sorry that this has happened. We expect our enforcement officers to show common sense, and to use their powers sensibly. This clearly did not happen.   

The fine will be cancelled immediately and we will be contacting Professor Spicer and his daughter to apologise.”

As I have repeatedly said, councils are the enemies of the people!

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Auntie's Socialist Tendencies

 

It seems that Auntie's solution to the gender pay gap (exposed yesterday) is not to increase the salaries of female presenters, but to cut the pay of the male ones.

BBC director of radio and education James Purnell said pay cuts were part of the solution.

He told the BBC's Newsnight programme:

"Quite a lot of men have been taking pay cuts; John Humphrys said that today on air."

Auntie's socialist tendencies are being exposed here, where everyone is dragged down to a lower level.

Errmm..let's see how that works in reality shall we?


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BBC Stars' Pay To Be Revealed At 11:00BST

#BBCpay Tweets

The pay received by the BBC's top stars is to be revealed Auntie's annual report. 

It is the first time this information will be made public.

The review, to be published at 11:00 BST, will list the 96 stars who earn more than £150,000 a year.

Follow the action and reaction live here.

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At Last, A Safety Video That People Might Actually Watch!

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Pressure Too Much For Robot - It Drowns Itself

My commiserations to the Knightscope K5 security robot which was supposed to patrol the Georgetown Waterfront, a  shopping-and-office complex along the Washington Harbour in D.C.

Unfortunately the pressure of work became too much, and the robot rolled into a fountain and drowned itself!

Looking like a mutant hybrid of R2D2 and a Dalek, the K5 was built to be a crime-fighting robot that could rove the streets and monitor for suspicious activity. It has been used in some offices and malls across America.

ZeroHedge quotes the robot's maker, Knightscope, describes itself as "an advanced security technology company that uses Software + Hardware + Humans to provide its clients with advanced anomaly detection capabilities. Knightscope's long-term vision is to predict and prevent crime utilizing autonomous robots, analytics and engagement." 



All very well and nice, so long as they don't malfunction, are not hacked and don't become self aware.

In the meantime, I dare say some people will now call for support groups for stressed out robots to be set up!

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Chinese Nanny Bans Winnie The Pooh

Chinese Nanny appears to have banned Winnie The Pooh from the internet.

For why?

Pooh has been used in the past in a meme comparing him to Chinese President Xi Jinping.

Poor old Pooh!

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Nanny Bans Ladies and Gentlemen

The phrase 'ladies and gentlemen' is being scrapped from tannoy announcements on London Underground.

Tube bosses want to make the service more gender-neutral and have told staff to use phrases such as "good morning everyone" instead.

We want everyone to feel welcome on our transport network. We have reviewed the language that we use in announcements and elsewhere and will make sure that it is fully inclusive, reflecting the great diversity of London.

– Mark Evers, Director of Customer Strategy at Transport for London

Please can someone tell me why the phrase "ladies and gentlemen" is so offensive, when it is clearly being used in a polite manner?

I really don't understand this, am I so old and out of touch?


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Nanny Says "Run Like Hell!"

The chair throwing bouncers, and Millwall fan clearly didn't watch this!

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Euro Nanny Hates Booze

My thanks to a loyal reader who pointed me in the direction of an article in the Independent that warns about nanny having a go at drinkers again.

A report by United European Gastroenterology wants alcohol sales to be restricted and minimum pricing introduced.

For why?

Seemingly Europe needs to be weaned off its “deeply embedded” fondness for alcohol.

Apparently Europe drinks more alcohol than any other part of the world and consequently has the highest rate of ill-health and premature death linked directly to it.

Seemingly the Brits are to blame in part (a swelling of national pride!) because of the 24-hour availability of alcohol in the UK. However, we only rank eight in the boozer league (Lithuania comes out top).

Notwithstanding that, Euro Nanny wants evening sales banned, minimum pricing introduced etc etc.

Euro Nanny can F Off!

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How Far Is Too Far For A School To Be?

One on TV turned a flat down because it was too far from the kids school a mile away. Kids where I live do a 10 mile round trip from age 5

— Sian Rodgers (@sianrodgers) July 5, 2017

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Safety Fork

Citizens! Behold the new EU Safety Fork. Never poke yourself in the eye again when eating. pic.twitter.com/eQaxi09V8u

— Mark Sparrow (@Markgsparrow) July 3, 2017

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Glastonbury Irony KLAXON

Making no comment...cc @jeremycorbyn pic.twitter.com/AZgHyrc9Zt

— Lord Ashcroft (@LordAshcroft) July 2, 2017

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