C*nts of The Year Award - Torbay Council

Congratulations, and champers all round, to the good people of Torbay Council who have really excelled themselves and won my uber desired, and internationally acclaimed, "C*nts of The Year Award".

Well done lads!

How did they manage this rare feet (or is it feat;)?)

Just ask Craig Hodge, a father-of-three, who recently spent five weeks helping pupils at his own children's school cross the road; ie he stood in for the local lollipop man, who was off sick.

Needless to say Mr Hodge made sure that he had the full backing of the teachers and parents first!

Can you guess what happened next children?

Yes, that's right, the knobheads who run Torbay council decreed that he must stop this immediately. In fact, so incensed were the council that Mr Hodge had used his initiative and thought for himself, that they sent the police round to make sure that he was stopped.

What was Mr Hodge's crime?

Ah my loyal readers, surely you can guess that?

Yes, that's right, he is an adult male who has volunteered to work with children.

As we know, in Nanny's Britain all adult males who work with children are deemed to be paedophiles, unless they can prove otherwise.

Now here's the funny thing, Mr Hodge had actually already been vetted by the Criminal Records Bureau (as being "clean"). Yet Torbay council still insist that he cannot stand in as Lollipop man, because he has not been "checked, vetted and trained".

Quite what the issue is escapes me.

However, it seems that the reason that Torbay found out about this is that some other c*nt phoned them up and reported Mr Hodge.

As noted many times before on this site, the Nanny state loves to make use of interfering busybodies, with zero lives, who have far too much time on their hands.

I do hope that the person who reported Mr Hodge "sleeps well" at night; especially if there were to be a child injured by a car, because Mr Hodge was not allowed to be there to escort that child across the road.

Torbay Council don't give a fark for the welfare of the children. Their response was classic bureaucratic, brain dead BS:

"Road safety is of paramount importance, but while we fully support all schools in their efforts to ensure the safety of pupils and to help us recruit relief patrols, we have a duty to follow all the procedures."

Ah yes, "we were only following orders!"

Classic weasel words from a bunch of worthless pygmies.

Torbay Council well deserving "C*nts of The Year".

Where shall I send the award lads???

Here is their email address fss@torbay.gov.uk

Torbay is another one of the Tory Party's useless local councils.

Here is Cameron's email camerond@parliament.uk

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The Dangers of Balloons

Congratulations to Nanny's Health and Safety Gestapo for once again making utter twats of themselves.

Danny Philpott, a cafe owner in Paignton, fell foul of the Gestapo this week when he tied two balloons to a signpost outside of his cafe to promote his fund-raising coffee morning in aid of Macmillan Cancer Support.

Unfortunately Torbay Council has spies everywhere and, having been alerted to these two extremely "dangerous" balloons (of normal size I would note), they told Mr Philpott to remove them.

For why?

Seemingly, in the eyes of the brain dead council, the two balloons could be deemed to be a hazard to motorists.

How?

The knobheads from the council are of the view that the balloons could obscure a "loading only" sign, thus leading to dangerous or "illegal" parking.

Utter prats by anyone's standards!

When Mr Philpott refused to remove them, the council "official" informed him that he could have him arrested.

Mr Philpott still refused, and now has a court order for his pains.

As ever we see councils using draconian powers over minor matters, that could just be left to resolve themselves. All Mr Philpott wanted to do was leave the balloons up for the day, he would then have taken them down.

Local councils have taken powers and responsibilities that are well beyond their remit, and abilities (let's face it they are not "best in class" when it comes to quality); ie they are well above themselves.

It is time that they were given a good dressing down, their powers removed and are put firmly back in their box.

BTW, Torbay Council is a Tory council.

Here's David Cameron's email to tell him what you think: camerond@parliament.uk

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Visit The Joy of Lard and indulge your lard fantasies.

Show your contempt for Nanny by buying a T shirt or thong from Nanny's Store.

www.nannyknowsbest.com is brought to you by www.kenfrost.com "The Living Brand"

Celebrate the joy of living with booze. Click and drink!

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Nanny Unbans Brian

Congratulations to Nanny's chums on Torbay Council who have just entered the modern world. Thirty years ago they banned "The Life of Brain" from being shown in local cinemas.

The fact that people could simply travel to a nearby town to see it, at the time, didn't make the councillors think that they or their ban looked ridiculous (councillors are so thick skinned aren't they?). However, 30 years on, they have finally lifted the ban.

May I take this opportunity to extend a very warm welcome from the 21st century to the councillors of Torbay!

The banning of something inevitably gives it a huge amount of publicity, and creates an increase in demand for the product or event.

When will Nanny learn that basic rule?

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A Nation of Beggars

Congratulations to Kizzy Neal, from Torbay, who got herself pregnant at the age of 13. She says that having a baby is now regarded as "fashionable" among schoolgirls.

So much so in fact, that four of her classmates have also got themselves pregnant since Christmas.

Here's a radical suggestion, stop paying benefits; that might cure a few people of the delusion of a "fashionable" pregnancy.

We have become a nation of beggars, on our knees with our hands outstretched from cradle to grave.

Get off your knees, and take responsibility for your own lives.

Nanny Bans Palms

Remember how dangerous Nanny thought that conker trees were?

Now she has set her beady little eyes on palm trees, along the seafront of Torbay.

Nanny's chums in the local council have written to the chamber of trade saying that the trees are a potential hazard, because their sharp leaves could cause injuries to
eyes or faces.

Torbay council's senior urban design and landscape officer, Paul Osborne, said in his letter that the trees needed to be "carefully and appropriately used".

He said:

"They can cause maintenance problems and,

as they have very sharp leaves,

need to be carefully used in the streetscapes,

where they could cause injury to eyes/faces if inappropriately placed."

Clearly Osborne doesn't get out much!

Colin Charlwood, a Liberal Democrat councillor and another friend of Nanny, said:

"The truth is that, like everything else,

health and safety regulations mean we have to be mindful

that palm trees could be dangerous.

What if one of those leaves caught a child in the eye,

for example?

It is a little bit like keeping tigers:

they are beautiful to look at

but you wouldn't want them wandering the streets."

Tigers?

Is this man on drugs?

As with all of Nanny's daft ideas, there are a lot of "what if's" but precious little hard facts.

A Small Victory

This being the 200th anniversary of the Battle of Trafalgar, it seems appropriate to report a small victory in the ongoing war against Nanny and her trolls.

You may recall that sometime ago, in June, I wrote about Nanny's chums in Torbay Council who had decided that the display of a five foot crucifix in their crematorium was offensive to non Christians, and therefore decided to remove it.

Well, needless to say, this daft decision caused such a barrage of complaints; that Nanny has had to back track.

Common sense has now prevailed, and the crucifix is back; this time shrouded by a curtain, as and when people request that it be covered.

You see, with determination and perserverance, Nanny can be defeated.

Nanny On The Cross

Nanny, as we all know, is very worried about causing religious offence.

She is keen to pass a bill that would outlaw any form of "religious hatred", needless to say precisely what constitutes "religious hatred" has yet to be defined.

As with everything that Nanny does, details are left to fate and to bureaucrats to decide.

In the spirit of her new found "religious zeal", Nanny has been getting rather worked up over the offence that the crucifix may cause to non Christians.

After all, we are a Christian country, it is very wrong of us to expect others to tolerate our beliefs and practices.

Nanny's chums in Torbay Council have decided that the display of a five foot crucifix in their crematorium is offensive, and therefore have decided to remove it.

It has also announced that the chapel would in future be known as the ceremony hall.

Alan Faulkner, Torbay Council's executive member for Environmental Services, said:

"We live in a diverse, multi-faith society and many people have no specific beliefs at all. The facility at Torquay Crematorium is a ceremony hall, it is not a chapel."

Mr Faulkner said that crematorium staff had received a number of requests to have the cross removed, even though this posed a danger to staff; who had to climb a ladder to take it down.

Ah ha!

Nanny had to break Health and Safety rules to remove the cross, maybe she will get sued?

Faulkner added:

"While I am a Christian, I fully support this decision as I recognise we have a duty as a council to cater for everyone. It is not our intention to offend or upset anyone by removing the cross from the wall."

Needless to say, Nanny has offended a large number of people.

However, as you may have already gathered, Nanny doesn't give a monkeys!