Brain Matters

I see that scientists have conducted research that indicates (note I say "indicates") that aggressive, antisocial teenage boys with the condition known as conduct disorder (CD) have differences in the size and structure of parts of the brain that relate to empathy.

The study indicates that the differences are there, regardless of the age at which the patients developed the disorder.

However, it has yet to be "indicated" as to whether these brain differences are the cause of CD or are in fact caused by CD.

Suffice to say (as with so many other "excuses" used by certain parents and those with a political agenda) this research will be used by some to excuse the behaviour, and to abdicate responsibility for the CD of their offspring.

However, life is never really that simple; we cannot simple shrug our shoulders (when someone acts like a git) and say "well, it's genetic there's nothing we can do".

Bollocks!

Human society has been around long enough for each generation to have had its fair share of gits with CD, yet we have managed to survive and deal with those individuals.

The brain (even in those humans classified as super intelligent) is barely used, it has the capacity to achieve far more than we have ever yet tried to do with it. There are many people who have been struck down by strokes, severe autism, disabilities etc who with the correct stimulation can regain part (in some cases all) of their faculties as the brain rewires itself and compensates for shortcomings in certain areas.

As with any animal (humans are but a "nano chromosome" removed from animals) that is "acting up", corrective behaviour can be instilled into the animal via a mixture of kindness, patience, rewards and punishment.

A child that constantly ignores warnings not to put his hand into the flames will one day put his hands into the flames, but once burned he will never do that again.

The responsibility for correcting CD rests with the parents (in extreme cases with the appropriate support of professionals). Where the parents refuse to accept that responsibility, and let the child run amok in the community, then the situation can be addressed by taking away all of the family's "toys".

Specifically institute a family curfew every evening (confine the entire family to their house), and deprive them of their TV's, stereos, pcs, mobile phones etc. They would be forced (like it or not) to face each other very evening, without the distractions of their "toys". Eventually they would have to address (one way or another) their behaviour as individuals and as a group, and the consequences of that behaviour on themselves and others.

One way or another, empathy would be learned (even if the parts of their brains that normally deal with empathy are withered and redundant).

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Councils Are The Enemy of The People II

Yesterday I wrote:

"..Sprowston Parish Council is of the view that the £20 gifts represent a potential breach of the Bribery Act 2010 (intended to prevent corruption in foreign business deals involving UK firms).

The parish council deem these gifts to be a breach of that Act, even though Kenneth Clarke, the Justice Secretary, insisted the other week that the Act would not prevent businessmen and women from giving one another corporate hospitality such as days out watching rugby at Twickenham.

Sprowston Parish Council (who clearly believe that they know the law better than the Justice Secretary) are unmoved:

'Whilst the good intentions of some clubs to reward our staff for their work is appreciated, with the introduction of the Bribery Act 2010 it's requested that this practice ceases at it places the employee in a difficult position. I'm sure you will understand and respect this.'..."

I am gemused to read that the Ministry of Justice have now officially confirmed that:

"A Christmas tip for grounds staff would not constitute a bribe."

As said, anyone with half a brain could have told the council that.

Councils are the enemy of the people!

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Councils Are The Enemy of The People

It never ceases to amaze me how brain dead our local councils have become over the years.

The members of Sprowston Recreation Ground Bowls Club (Norwich) found this out for themselves recently when they fell foul of Sprowston Parish Council, their local parish council.

The bowls club has, for many years, given staff £20 in cash or vouchers at Christmas to thank them for their efforts.

Fair enough?

Not if you are Sprowston Parish Council.

For you see loyal readers, Sprowston Parish Council is of the view that the £20 gifts represent a potential breach of the Bribery Act 2010 (intended to prevent corruption in foreign business deals involving UK firms).

The parish council deem these gifts to be a breach of that Act, even though Kenneth Clarke, the Justice Secretary, insisted the other week that the Act would not prevent businessmen and women from giving one another corporate hospitality such as days out watching rugby at Twickenham.

Sprowston Parish Council (who clearly believe that they know the law better than the Justice Secretary) are unmoved:

"Whilst the good intentions of some clubs to reward our staff for their work is appreciated, with the introduction of the Bribery Act 2010 it's requested that this practice ceases at it places the employee in a difficult position. I'm sure you will understand and respect this."

Anyone with half a brain can see that gifts of £20 are not in the same category as bribes to dodgy foreign governments and businessmen. However, as has been seen many times on this site, councils and certain "jobsworths" do not have half a brain.

Councils do not operate by commonsense, instead they believe in the unattainable mantra of "zero risk". Nothing that even hints of risk to the individual or council can be allowed to happen, therefore they "play safe" (without bothering to understand the law or practice commonsense) and ban everything.

Councils have become the enemy of the people, and should be treated with the same contempt as one would treat a rabid dog!

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A Nation of Brain Dead Numpties

As I have often stated on this site, living in the Nanny state (where everything is spoon fed to you, people are obliged to follow petty rules and procedures and we are discouraged from thinking for themselves) rots the brain.

Hey ho...and here we have proof, if it were ever needed, that the Nanny state really does rot the brain.

Jaz Bhogal, 15, found this to his cost the other day when he went to his local 99p store at Wisbech Cambridgeshire to buy some wine gums.

Can you guess what happened next loyal readers?

Yes, that's right, the shop assistant refused to sell them to him because Jaz was under 18.

Factoid: wine gums do not contain alcohol.

A cursory glance at the list of ingredients of said packet could have verified that, not to mention the fact that most people with half a brain know that.

However, living in the Nanny state rots the brain and the fact that the word "wine" was in the label ensured that an automatic "you're underage" mindset kicked in.

Not surprisingly the store owners have realised that they look like numpties and have apologised. Seemingly there was a "glitch" in the electronic till which flagged the product as "booze".

So that's alright then?

No it's not, because commonsense should have told the shop assistant that the till was wrong!

As noted, we have become a nation of brain dead numpties thanks to Nanny.

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The Dangers of Balloons

Congratulations to Nanny's Health and Safety Gestapo for once again making utter twats of themselves.

Danny Philpott, a cafe owner in Paignton, fell foul of the Gestapo this week when he tied two balloons to a signpost outside of his cafe to promote his fund-raising coffee morning in aid of Macmillan Cancer Support.

Unfortunately Torbay Council has spies everywhere and, having been alerted to these two extremely "dangerous" balloons (of normal size I would note), they told Mr Philpott to remove them.

For why?

Seemingly, in the eyes of the brain dead council, the two balloons could be deemed to be a hazard to motorists.

How?

The knobheads from the council are of the view that the balloons could obscure a "loading only" sign, thus leading to dangerous or "illegal" parking.

Utter prats by anyone's standards!

When Mr Philpott refused to remove them, the council "official" informed him that he could have him arrested.

Mr Philpott still refused, and now has a court order for his pains.

As ever we see councils using draconian powers over minor matters, that could just be left to resolve themselves. All Mr Philpott wanted to do was leave the balloons up for the day, he would then have taken them down.

Local councils have taken powers and responsibilities that are well beyond their remit, and abilities (let's face it they are not "best in class" when it comes to quality); ie they are well above themselves.

It is time that they were given a good dressing down, their powers removed and are put firmly back in their box.

BTW, Torbay Council is a Tory council.

Here's David Cameron's email to tell him what you think: camerond@parliament.uk

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A Nation of Paedophiles - Nanny Sh*ts Herself II

Pass the sick bag someone, I had the great misfortune to watch Ed Balls (Children's Secretary - whatever that really means?) and Sir Roger Singleton, chairman of the Independent Safeguarding Authority, on TV last night trying to squirm their way out of the avalanche of criticism being heaped upon Nanny's head over her "Won't Someone Think of The Children?" database.

Balls now states that it is "tremendously important" to ensure the "right balance" has been struck and was relevant to "real life".

Sick bag again please!

When did this lousy government, and its brain dead apparatchiks, ever bother applying "real life" to their rules and diktats?

Balls droned on about what constitutes the difference between infrequent and frequent contact with children, as per Nanny's rule that frequent contact requires registration on her database.

Seemingly, in the eyes of Balls, 3 times a month would require registration.

That would of course mean, for instance, that shopkeepers who serve kids would have to register...wouldn't it?

This scheme is unworkable.

Aside from all the other points raised earlier on this site as to why it is wrong, can you seriously imagine that this government is capable of designing and building a database that can hold the details of 11 million people without there being some major cock up?

What government IT scheme has ever come in on time, on budget or on specification?

Take a look at HMRC or the NHS for "fine" examples of Nanny's failure in IT.

Anyhoo, dear old Ed (scared shitless by the public outcry, as I noted yesterday) has said he will review this lousy scheme.

Unfortunately he has passed the responsibility for the review to Sir Roger "The Dodger" Singleton (who has set the thing up). "The Dodger", who doesn't exactly exude charisma, bleated helplessly that this legislation was passed by parliament three years ago and that it was our "beloved" MPs who put this scheme together.

One might ask where were the Tories and Liberals then, and why didn't they kick up a fuss?

BTW folks, I warned about this in May 2008.

One might also ask why is it that our MPs are incapable of passing legislation that isn't full of holes?

As noted yesterday, Nanny is wounded. However, she is not yet ready to surrender, this needs to be taken to its final stage; to this end I suggest that you bombard your MPs, Balls and the media with your views as to why it is wrong.

It will be the only way to kill off this dangerous idea.

Here's Ed's addy ed@edballs.com, and here's his orifice dcsf.ministers@dcsf.gsi.gov.uk.

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Can You Ride Tandem?

Tour De France - The funniest home videos are here
I see that the arch enemy of Nanny, McDonald's the purveyor of all things "evil" (foodwise that is), has gone over to the dark side and joined Nanny.

Tom Halsall and Mark Dixon were riding their tandem some 5 miles from Chorley, and decided to pop into the drive through McDonald's in Leyland.

Can you guess what happened next children?

Yes, that's right, McDonald's refused to serve them.

For why?

Seemingly the tandem was deemed to be a health and safety hazard, and McD's didn't want to be liable if the tandem was hit by a car.

Surely the issue would lie between the car that hit the tandem (and its insurance policy) and the tandem riders, not Mc'D's?

Given how risk aware McD's now pretends to be, why is it Ronald McDonlad is allowed to wear such oversized shoes?

Surely this constitutes a trip hazard?

A silly reaction by McD's, symbolising how brain dead many of us are becoming.

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A Nation of Paedophiles

It is official, Nanny has decreed that all British adults are paedophiles unless they can prove otherwise.

That is the conclusion that we must draw from the absurd rules being imposed by Reigate and Banstead Council, which insists that all football players in the local park (Woodmansterne Recreation Grounds in Banstead) have a criminal records check.

Now why is this such an idiotic rule?

Just ask Darren Chapman, who was trying to play football with his children and their 7 year old friends.

Can you guess what happened children?

Yes, that's right, because Mr Chapman refused to have a CRB check he was arrested when trying to play football with his own family. He spent 5 hours in jail for his "crime" of not obeying the council.

The council demands that all players must undergo a criminal records check, pay for insurance (aha...kerching!!!!) and apply for formal permission for the game.

Mr Chapman, who was eventually released without charge, said:

"All we want to do is have a kickabout with the lads twice a week so they can keep sharp for when their league's training starts again, and we can't."

The troubles began when Mr Chapman began staging regular games for his children and their seven-year-old friends at Woodmansterne Recreation Grounds in Banstead, Surrey.

The local council, Reigate and Banstead Council, told him in February to stop the activity immediately and demanded proof of a Criminal Records Bureau check, insurance and that he make a formal request to use the park area for organised training activities.

Mr Chapman ignored the knobheads in the council, and continued the games regardless. On July 1 Mr Chapman organised a protest picnic, the police arrived at the grounds and arrested him.

Seemingly the police had it in their minds that Mr Chapman was threatening to cause "criminal damage".

A jobsworth from the local council said:

"Unfortunately, although Mr Chapman has been advised on how he can work with the council to obtain the authorised use of the designated areas, to date he has failed to comply with the council's usual procedure."

There you are folks, if you don't obey your local council's rules and regulations you will be arrested!

The enemy of the people is the state and its local lickspittles the councils.

A Surrey Police spokesman gave a meaningless response, saying that their "actions were proportionate throughout the arrest procedure" and subsequent enquiry.

Brain dead bureaucrats who choose not to think about what they are doing always trot out the line that "procedures were followed". They ignore the bleeding obvious point that the procedures may well be bollocks, and that people should use their brains and take the initiative when dealing with the "real world".

Sadly the wrong people are employed by Nanny in the wrong jobs, and the people of Britain are suffering as a result of this.

There will be a reckoning though, as those who live and work in the real world react against the increased taxes and demands being made upon them by Nanny to support her ever burgeoning public sector.

Nanny's child centric policies assume that all adults are paedophiles, unless they pay to prove otherwise. This creates a very nasty and unhealthy divide between children and adults, which is contributing to the feral nature of some of Britain's streets; as adults and children split off into their own little self contained worlds.

Nanny is the child abuser here, not the British public.

BTW, it's a Tory council of course.

Here's David Cameron's email to tell him what you think: camerond@parliament.uk

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Prats of The Week - Navestock Parish Council

My Oh My!

It has been a good long time since I last awarded my internationally renowned and acclaimed "Prats of The Week" Award.

This week it goes to the brain dead members of Navestock Parish Council. As we all know local councils, and their ilk, tend to not to "add value" to their local communities. However, this bunch "take the biscuit" as they clearly are intent on "subtracting value".

The brains trust that occupy the parish council decided that potholes in the road were a "natural" traffic caling measure. Therefore...and here's where the plan goes off the scale of loopyness..why not leave the potholes unrepaired?

Brilliant!

A scheme that is a sure fire winner!

With one fatal flaw..

It is bollocks!

1 The council collect taxes from local residents to maintain the basic infrastructure. What is the purpose of the taxes, or indeed the council, if holes in the road etc are not repaired?

2 Potholes are dangerous, to cars, bikes and pedestrians.

3 Cars swerve around potholes, thus posing a greater danger than simply travelling in a straight line at 30mph.

4 The cost of leaving the holes unrepaired, in terms of insurance claims for damaged cars, bikes and broken ankles will far outweigh and alleged savings in repair costs.

All in all Navestock Parish Council are a complete bunch of prats, and well deserving of the my "Prats of The Week" award.

FYI, work has now begun to repair the roads in Navestock. Essex County Council, which has responsibility for the area's roads, not unsurprisingly took the opposite view and have promised to fill in all potholes "as soon as possible".

I assume that the members of Navestock Parish Council will be resigning?

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The Grim RIPA - Local Government Spies

Not for the first time on this site has our old "friend" The Regulation of Investigatory Powers Act 2000 (RIPA) appeared with the depressing inevitability of an unloved season.

Recent figures obtained from 400 councils show that thousands of council staff have been authorised to use RIPA, which according to Nanny was meant to be used against terrorists, covertly keep a watch on local voters et al.

Seemingly 20% of those using the powers were below senior management grade, and few of our "respected" and "trusted" local authorities demonstrated that they checked as to whether the powers were being used appropriately.

The figures show that 182 local authorities employed 1,615 staff who had used the powers 10,133 times in the past five years.

Less than 10% of surveillance missions resulted in a prosecution, caution or fixed penalty notice.

The powers were also used on 451 investigations into fly-tipping investigations and on 88 cases of unlawful dog fouling.

Other reasons included "establishing the identities of those taking fairy lights from a Christmas tree", "illegal sale of shellfish" and "unauthorised internet access by staff".

Maybe our own Home Economics Minister (sorry, Home Secretary) would have benefited from her council spying on her husband...thus preventing him from claiming for watching porn, and defrauding the public purse?

The point being that by using these powers for trivia, Nanny and her braindead chums in the local councils are eroding the public's trust in the political system and making a mockery of the legislation intended for the prevention of terrorism.

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Braindead Councils - Again!

This is a fine example of the unthinking jobsworth attitude that contaminates local councils (and indeed central government).

Penny Batkin was driving Freddie, her four year old disabled son, to a children's hospice in Richmond. On the way there he began to gasp for breath so, not unreasonably, Mrs Batkin pulled over onto the pavement to help resuscitate him.

Can you guess what happened during this incident (FYI Freddie recovered)?

Yes, that's right, her car and her actions were recorded on camera by traffic wardens.

Can you guess what happened after that?

Yes, that's right, she received a £100 fine for parking on the pavement!

Now not unreasonably, given that she explained to the council what had happened, Mrs Batkin assumed that Richmond Council would waive the fine.

Can you guess what the council did, dear readers?

Yes, that's right, Richmond council refused to back down despite receiving her letter of explanation which had the support of her GP.

The appeals officer quoted a section of the Highway Code, and insisted it had been unnecessary to park on the pavement.

Needless to say, once the story hit the media, Richmond council were forced to eat crow and backed down. They have now cancelled the parking ticket.

I won't use the words in public that I am thinking of wrt the council officers who tried to fine Mrs Batkin. However, I will say this, unless people really stand up to these jobsworth braindead bullies, the councils and their lackeys will walk all over us.

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Nanny Bans Latin

Nanny's thought police in certain local councils have donned their jackboots again, and are trying to ban certain "elitist" words from being used.

Nanny has taken exception to the use of Latin words, in her view they are elitist and discriminatory (ie her lousy educashun system has failed to provide people with enough wit and brains to look the words up, or know what they mean). As such Nanny has banned her employees from using them, and wants them to use much longer phrases (in English) instead.

Isn't funny how dead headed bureaucrats feel the need to use more words than really necessary when speaking?

Maybe they don't want us to understand what they are talking about?

Isn't that elitist as well?

Nanny's chums in Bournemouth Council, which has the Latin motto Pulchritudo et Salubritas - beauty and health -, has listed 19 terms it no longer considers acceptable for use eg:

- ad hoc
- bona fide
- status quo
- vice versa
- via

Clearly Nanny regards us being highly ignorant if she believes that we cannot grasp what the above words actually mean (especially when used in context), or could it be that her educashun system is now in fact turning out ignoramuses?

The alternatives proposed by Nanny are of course much more complex and cumbersome:

- 'for this special purpose' in place of ad hoc
- 'existing condition' or 'state of things' instead of status quo

As Mary Beard, a Cambridge professor of classics, said:

"This is absolutely bonkers and the linguistic equivalent of ethnic cleansing.

English is and always has been a language full of foreign words. It has never been an ethnically pure language."

Salisbury council has asked staff to avoid the phrases ad hoc, ergo and QED (quod erat demonstrandum), and Fife has banned ad hoc as well as ex officio.

We have become a nation of illiterates!

When you don't know the meaning of a word, use a dictionary to look it up!

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Length Matters

You know how it is sometimes said that "length doesn't matter"? (Not that I have ever heard that myself you understand).

Whilst that may be true for human relations, that is most certainly not the case when dealing with Nanny's local councils and their binmen.

Gordon Morris, from Southwick Wiltshire, found this out to his cost recently when his binmen refused to walk a staggering 18 inches to collect his green waste.

West Wiltshire District Council have issued an edict that states that wheelie bins must be within one metre of the kerb before they are collected. Mr Morris claims that his wheelie bin would block the pavement if he followed the rule. Therefore he places his bin 18 inches away on his driveway.

Herein lies Mr Morris's mistake, he has assumed that Nanny uses common sense.

She doesn't!

The brain dead people who set these rules do not have any ability to think laterally, "out of the box" or act with any form of imagination. The rules must be followed at all times, no matter what the cost.

You can guarantee that if he blocked the pavement with the bin, the council would then have sued him him.

Mr Morris though is not a man to give up, and had a bust up with his council (who in theory work for the council taxpayers). He has now been given "dispensation" to place the bin with only the wheels on the pavement.

Bin crews now only have to walk an extra nine inches to collect the bin!

The council though are not best pleased with his victory, and have warned (as they are a spiteful bunch of c**ts) that his bin was too heavy. They have ordered him to take some of the leaves and twigs out, because they may fall on operatives as it is being emptied onto the van "which was a health and safety issue".

It's a farking joke isn't it?

How dangerous is a leaf?

Mr Morris pays £1800 a year in council tax to be treated like this by petty minded Hitlers and jobsworths.

It is high time for a serious and nationwide council tax payers' strike, and to kick twats like these out of office asap.

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Only in Sweden

I don't normally write about Nannyism abroad, as we have more than enough of it here.

However, the story about birthday party invites to a child's birthday party in Sweden (my old domicile 1996-2000) made me spit out my imaginary cup of coffee all over my imaginary trousers (I write very freely when I sit at this keyboard;)).

An eight-year-old boy in Lund handed out invites at school to his friends for his birthday party. However, he chose not to invite two of his classmates.

Fair enough!

Not in Sweden!

The boy's school says that he has violated the children's rights, they confiscated the party invites and complained to the Swedish Parliament. The school argues that if invitations are handed out on school premises then it must ensure there is no discrimination.

The boy's father, quite rightly, has lodged a complaint with the parliamentary ombudsman. He says the two children were left out, because one did not invite his son to his own party and he had fallen out with the other one.

A verdict on the matter is likely to be reached in September.

How long I wonder before the brain dead morons running this country try the same thing here?

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Nanny Bans Three Little Pigs

You know folks, initially I had thought of awarding my prestigious "Prats of The Week" award to this shower; but then quickly realised that this is far worse than mere "pratism", it goes into knobhead territory.

What am I talking about?

I shall explain.

Do you recall your childhood days, when you read the story of the three little pigs who built houses of straw, twigs and brick in order to fend off the evil wolf?

A nice, harmless story.

Not so in Nanny's eyes.

For you see, dear reader, the word pig is offensive and evil.

As such, Nanny's thought police in Becta (Nanny's educational technology agency) have banned the story lest it offend Muslims.

A digital book of the tale depicts the pigs as builders, and was up for a book award run by Nanny.

The book "The Three Little Cowboy Builders" is published by Shoo Fly. The BETT awards are run by Becta, Emap Education and the British Educational Suppliers Association (Besa).

Needless to say, the judging panel, consisting of Nanny's finest brain dead thought police, didn't like it one bit. They said that "the use of pigs raises cultural issues".

Pass the sick bag someone!

What planet do these knobheads come from?

The judges refused to shortlist the product which, by the way has already won awards, and for good measure said that "The Three Little Cowboy Builders" might also "alienate parts of the workforce (building trade)".

Blaaaargh!!!

The judges, in a remarkably patronising and divisive tone, said that they had "concerns about the Asian community" and insisted "the use of pigs raises cultural issues".

As a result, they "could not recommend this product to the Muslim community".

They also had a go at the stereotyping in the story of the pigs:

"Is it true that all builders are cowboys, builders get their work blown down, and builders are like pigs?"

-Do these knobheads live in the real world?

-Do they actually know any Muslims or builders?

This absurd ban does nothing to improve "cultural" relations, and further isolates Muslims by tarring by association them with the intolerance and narrow mindedness that clearly the judges of this panel are wallowing in.

I have nothing but contempt for this judgement.

Where first you burn books, next you will burn people.

Here are the names of the joint chairmen of the judges:

Ray Barker
Director, BESA

Dave Hassell
Director, Education Content, Becta

Here are two email addresses where you can write to the BETT knobheads to give them your views on this subject, please make sure that you do:

-bettawards@becta.org.uk

-bettawards@emap.com

Future BETT awards should be boycotted by all publishers.

Here is Christopher Walken reading the original Three Little Pigs.

Nanny Bans Ponies

Nanny is a fearful old lady, she is easily scared by even the merest mention of risk. That is all well and good, live and let live that's what I always say. Unfortunately, Nanny decides to transfer her fears to the rest of us.

The latest things to scare her are Shetland ponies.

Yes, that's right, Shetland ponies!

Nanny's gimlet eye has fallen upon a herd of 20-year-old Shetland ponies, who reside in the Sussex Horse Rescue animal sanctuary. These ponies have no history of violence or of attacking members of the public. However, Nanny's chums in Horsham District Council have told the sanctuary that it cannot take the ponies to greet children in the street because they are too dangerous.

The council have decreed that Sussex Horse Rescue need an insurance policy of £5M, before the ponies are allowed to mix with human beings on the street.

Horsham District Council are of the belief that a child may be maimed by one of the ponies. Has anyone ever heard of a pony maiming a child???

The charity cannot afford the higher premiums, and will therefore abandon its "meet and greet" scheme which of course used to be one of its best money earners.

Pauline Grant, of Sussex Horse Rescue, said:

"We just can't believe it.

It is going to make a lot of difference to us.

We do it not only to make the money,

we also attract people to our sanctuary.

We have been doing this for 20 years and

we've never had an accident.

We have got two Shetland ponies we use, Sparky and Sinbad,

they are both in their 20s, and two donkeys, Cocoa and Ann.

They are very good-natured."

Nigel Haverson, head of public health and licensing at Horsham District Council, said:

"We have looked at other licensing authorities

and we take advice from insurance and risk people.

Five million pounds is the lowest we can ask for.

When you look at claims settled, they are regularly

four or five million pounds by the time

you take all the costs into account."

A council spokesman added:

"The council is responsible for licensing activities

in Horsham town centre, including charity collections and events.

Licences are required to protect the public in

terms of health and safety and from unfair trade.

A great many such activities take place in Horsham

throughout the year and normally everyone understands

why they need to be fully licensed."

I suspect the "understanding" of which they speak, is in fact a resigned shrug of the shoulders and a "realisation" that the council has them by the gonads.

The council base their demand for insurance cover on the fear that if someone is maimed by a pony, that person will sue the council.

Tell me, why would the council be sued in this case and not the owner of the donkey instead? Is not the council assuming too many responsibilities here?

Why does the insurance premium rank so highly for such a placid creature, and such an unlikely incidence of maiming?

Has a real "risk assessment" by the insurance company really been done; or are the insurance companies merely ripping off the hapless insurees?

Does anyone in our "beloved" and "respected" local councils ever think to ask these questions?

Are members of our local councils simply brain dead automatons?

Nanny Bans Yews

When you walk down the street, have you ever wondered about the threats to your general health and safety that lurk in the seemingly innocent shrubbery that surrounds you?

Fortunately Nanny is here to look after us!

She has made full risk assessment of the shrubs and foliage that we take for granted, and has decided that Yew hedges pose a clear and present danger to our existence.

That at least is what Nanny's trolls in Avonmouth Council have decided.

Yew hedges growing near a city play area have been ripped up, because the council decided that they could poison a child.

Earth, if eaten in sufficiently large quantities can also be poisonous; would they have that removed from the planet as well?

The hedges were planted around Blaise Castle's new cafe and play area, which opened in May last year. I would note that the cost of planting was around £5K.

However, they were removed because Nanny's braindead jobsworths have received a complaint from a busybody parent who claimed that the needles from the hedges were poisonous and should not be allowed close to a children's play area.

Proof, if ever it were needed, that some people should not be allowed to have children.

Council workers have now ripped up the Yews in the "danger area". The irony is that there are other areas where this most dangerous of plants is still allowed to grow.

Nanny's trolls in the council now admit that the hedges are more likely to be a danger to cows and horses than humans, but decided ripping them out was the "safest" thing to do after the complaints.

One resident, Mrs Santry,vented her spleen at the council saying:

"How absolutely ludicrous when there are fully grown yew trees all around the estate,

not to mention belladonna also known as deadly nightshade, in the woods,

poisonous fungi in the autumn,

dogs mess,

sticks,

stones,

lakes."

City council spokeswoman Kate Hartas said:

"Yew is poisonous but it also tastes foul, so it would take a very determined person to eat enough to hurt themselves.

Nevertheless, the council decided that,

as the cafe is very close to the children's play park,

the safest thing would be to remove it."

Nanny is speaking with forked tongue; it is not about safety at all, it is in fact about making us totally reliant on her so that we will not even be able to wipe our backsides without her assistance.

Life is all about learning to cope with risk and disaster, by trying to eliminate risk (which is of course impossible) Nanny is ensuring that future generations will grow up without the necessary survival instincts and skills for living a full and rewarding life.

Do yourselves a favour this coming May and stick two fingers up at your local council and Nanny, by voting for the candidates who totally reject the Nanny state.

If you live in Croydon, or know someone who does, then vote CRACC.

Prats of The Week

Normally my prestigious Prat of the Week Award goes to an individual.

However, I am prepared to make an exception in this case and make a multiple award to Brighton and Hove council.

They are currently insisting that a dead man give notice of his intention to leave sheltered accommodation.

Frank Gajewski died the other week, but his family must keep paying rent, despite clearing the property so that somebody else could use it.

A four-week notice period "is a legal requirement", explained a council spokesman.

Have you noticed how councils seem to only employ narrow minded, braindead, jobsworth bureaucrats?

Well done lads, you are Prats of the Week!

The Dangers of Fruit

Nanny is a strange and tormented old soul. On the one hand she berates us for our poor diet of chips, burgers and pizzas; whilst imploring us to eat 5 portions of fruit and veg a day.

Yet, on the other hand, she has now decided that fruit presents a clear and present danger to our health.

It seems that Nanny's trolls and goblins in Scotland who work in some of her "educahsional" establishments there, are worried about the threat that free fruit given to their pupils poses to their delicate charges.

It seems that the danger lies not with the flesh, but with the pips. A recent study, carried out for the Executive by the Scottish Centre for Social Research, identified an underswell of worry and concern about the dangers of fruits.

One respondent said:

"We tend not to use stone fruits because of the safety issues. Orange pips fall into that category."

Many of the school staff who responded to the study said that their specific safety concern was fruit stones.

As well as worrying that the delicate and fragile creatures that they attempt to teach would choke to death, some teachers were concerned that they could slip over on dropped fruit, or be allergic to it.

A spokesman for the Executive said that the children were still receiving free fruit, whether it had pips in or not.

"It is up to individual schools what fruit is served. The important thing is that children eat it."

According to the report, 14% of respondents had some fears over health and safety issues. Most worrying were the hygiene aspects of preparing, storing and handling the fruit.

Mankind has managed to survive and flourish for the last 150K years or so, quite happily side by side with fruit.

Why, may I ask, do we now need to fear fruit?

A crucial part of growing up is about learning how to handle accidents and mishaps. Children who are wrapped in cotton wool grow into immature pathetic adults who are incapable of looking after themselves, and who rely on the state for every little thing.

It seems that the real threat to the health and safety of the children comes not from the fruit, but from the brain dead trolls who work in some of Nanny's schools.

The Dead Hand of Bureaucracy

Nanny, not content with setting hospitals ever more demanding targets, has set up over 100 organisations with the power to carry out inspections.

These “added value” inspectorates include:

-Clinical supervisors
-Auditors
-Ombudsmen
-Risk assessors

Needless to say, each time an “inspector calls”, hospital staff find their precious time being diverted to pay homage to the demands of the men from the ministry.

The consequence being that patients’ healthcare suffers; as the “dead hand of bureaucracy” ties up resources, and stifles any initiatives aimed at improving the well being of patients.

Given the number of inspectorates, it is not surprising to learn that their inspections often overlap.

However, to expect them to co-ordinate their reviews is asking too much. The inspectorates are run by “brain dead” automatons, who relish their opportunity to wield “power”. They have no intention of giving up their new found authority.

Nanny claims that the bureaucracy will be “streamlined”. Needless to say this is “Nanny speak” for obfuscated. Apparently a “concordat” of inspectorates will be set up to co-ordinate the information gleaned from inspections, the alleged aim being to speed up the inspections.

I suspect that this “concordat” (whatever that means), will merely add yet another layer of bureaucracy to the already overburdened health service.

What Nanny seeks to destroy, she first regulates and inspects to death.