Nanny's Gestapo

Nanny really hates smoking, maybe she had an unfortunate experience with a cigarette in her childhood?

Anyhoo, as we all know, Nanny is implementing new powers effectively criminalising smoking in public.

Now banning something is all well and good, but actually policing and enforcing the ban is another matter.

That would require some considerable resources.

As we all know the police are already working flat out chasing those who drive too fast; they then have to worry about lesser offences, such as burglary and robbery, before they could even hope to enforce a smoking ban.

Have no fear, Nanny has a cunning plan.

Nanny's new best friend, Caroline Flint, the Reich health minister has announced an "intelligence-led approach to enforcing the law".

What precisely does Frau Flint actually mean by "intelligence-led"?

Well, in a nut shell, Frau Flint will recruit a network of informers who will be encouraged to report breaches the ban in places such as; company smoking rooms, bus shelters and the outsides of office blocks made no-smoking areas.

Those who transgress will be fined £50.

There will also be penalties for companies that fail to display "No Smoking" signs in areas newly outlawed.

Establishments that attract repeated complaints could be subject to "sting" operations by council enforcers.

Frau Flint confirmed that the policy would be vigorously enforced, with the assistance of informers from the public.

The Reich Minister went on to say:

"I don't think we are talking about brigades of people out on the streets..What we are talking about is an intelligence-led approach to enforcing the law."

The Reich Minister will place the burden of enforcement on councils, which will receive extra money for the task; with informers calling a telephone hotline manned by officials at the town hall.

Those of you with even a rudimentary knowledge of history will recall that this form of "intelligence gathering" formed the bedrock for the Third Reich. People were encouraged to inform on each other; as such political debate was stifled, as no one could trust their friends neighbour's or families.

The system was used by many to pursue private vendettas and to pay off old scores. The same will happen here.

Nanny has gone too far this time.

It is now up to us all to ensure that this disgusting proposal is wrecked, and made to be unworkable, by overloading the system with false reports of smoking.

Those of you who wish to raise the above issues with Reich Minister Flint should email her at flintc@parliament.uk