The Perils of Petunias

Nanny, I think, must be suffering from hay fever; that at least can be the only rational explanation for her bizarre banning of petunias and hanging flower baskets.

It seems that for the last seven years Ian Collins, landlord of the Ring of Bells pub in Norton Fitzwarren, has adorned the front of his pub with a stunning display of hanging baskets and window boxes.

Ian has won numerous prizes, including Prettiest Village Pub on four occasions, and he has visitors from around the world to see his floral displays.

However, all this means now't to Nanny's chums in the local council.

The health and safety officials of the council have decided that the hanging and wall-mounted baskets and pots, are a clear and present danger to people. Seemingly some of the petunias and begonias have spilled onto the pavement, and walkers have had to step into the road to avoid them.

Ooh...how dangerous!

Mr Collins has been told to take down his petunias.

Er 34 people die each day in Iraq because of Nanny's efforts to make the world safer, why on earth is she bothering herself with this nonsense?

Nanny also claims that Mr Collins's baskets are hanging below the 8.2ft minimum height, laid down by health and safety regulations, and people could bang their heads on them.

Er could people not just duck their heads?

On that subject my own delightfully useless council, Croydon Council, may like to take a stroll down Dingwall Road (which resembles a post nuclear attack); and try to walk fully erect (can I say erect?) under the trees that "adorn" the wasteland by the side of the railway car park.

You can't be erect, you have to bend your head.

Time they were cut boys!

Anyhoo, I digress, Mr Collins said:

"I have done this for seven years and we have won the Prettiest Village Pub in the Taunton Deane area four times.

I have never heard any complaints and in fact it has been just the opposite.

People compliment me on the display as it brightens up the village. We have had people from Jamaica and America who take pictures to send home.

I spend about £500 a year on flowers but I enjoy doing it because it allows me to put something back into the community."

The problem for Mr Collins, and the rest of us, is that Nanny hates the idea of people doing things on their own initiative.

You see that would mean that we were thinking for ourselves...that is not allowed these days.