Nanny Knows Best

Nanny Knows Best
Dedicated to exposing, and resisting, the all pervasive nanny state that is corroding the way of life and the freedom of the people of Britain.
Showing posts with label toilets. Show all posts
Showing posts with label toilets. Show all posts

Thursday, July 28, 2022

Brighton Council In The Shite


 

Despite being a holiday destination, despite next week's Pride (when around 400k people are expected to descend) and despite wanting to host next year's Eurovision, Brighton Council refuse to do anything about the appalling lack of open/functioning public toilets on the seafront.

Many weeks into the summer and the public toilets east of Brighton Pier generally remain closed.

On the occasions when they are open they are filthy, have no toilet paper or soap. Seafront traders and tourists have complained daily to the council, but to no avail (eg see this Facebook group).

The council sits on its hands in the hope that the problem will simply go away of its own accord, and that people will be bored complaining about it. 

The irony is that the council took over responsibility for running the toilets last year, and from then on it was downhill all the way!

As I have noted before, councils are worse than worthless!

Yesterday, 6:08 PM
Yesterday, 6:09 PM
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Tuesday, March 06, 2018

Toilet Rules of Engagement



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Friday, March 02, 2018

Japanese Nanny's Toilet Training Pictures



Six pictograms, including one illustrating a stylised bottom, have been accepted as the global standard for the use of electric toilets.

Japan's Kyodo News Service says that the six illustrations have been accepted by ISO, the International Organization for Standardization, to show users which buttons to press when operating high-tech Japanese toilets and bidets.

All clear everyone?

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Friday, January 12, 2018

A Chilling Vision of The Future - Digital Facial Recogniton For Toilet Paper

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Monday, April 18, 2016

The Dangers of Hand Dryers

Oh for the good old days of a grubby damp cloth towel on a roll!

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Tuesday, March 22, 2016

Toilet Advice


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Tuesday, October 07, 2014

Prats of The Week - East Sussex County Council

I have heard of some truly daft ideas in my life, but this one takes the biscuit for utter fuckwittery.

Harbour Primary School in Newhaven has decided, or rather East Sussex County Council has decided, to introduce unisex toilets.

For why?

In order to prevent transphobia!

Ignoring the fact that transphobia in primary school kids is hardly the most pressing item (given how shitty the world is becoming), do the people in East Sussex County Council really think that primary school girls want to share their ablutions with primary school boys?

Seriously, what are these people thinking?
 
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Tuesday, April 29, 2014

The Nappy State


I see that the Nanny state has finally achieved what it always wanted, namely being so heavily relied on by her subjects that people want Nanny to wipe their arses.

Such is the sorry state of affairs in our schools, where a survey carried out by the National Foundation for Educational Research found that children are still wearing nappies in class after the age of five in hundreds of schools across the country.

In fact teachers have reported pupils as old as 15, who have no medical conditions or developmental issues, but are unable to use the toilet on their own.

Nine per cent of heads and senior staff who responded said that in the past year a child aged between five and seven had worn a nappy to their school.

The figure was five per cent for classroom teachers.
Four per cent of heads and senior staff said that in the last year a child aged seven to 11 had worn a nappy to school.

Anne-Marie Middleton, a deputy head teacher from Dover, is quoted by the Telegraph:
“We’re seeing more and more children wearing nappies. We find that more and more children have an issue with toilet further up the school. I know of one 11 year old who has to wear pull ups at night. It can really place a strain on teachers. It stops lessons.”
It has nothing to do with poverty, but is down to the fact parents have given up on parenting and have passed the buck to the state. Ms Middleton says that pupils come to school without many basic skills including toileting, or being able to use a knife and fork or hold a paintbrush.

The findings in this survey are not new, a similar one was conducted in 2012:
"A recent survey carried out by Education and Resources for Improving Childhood Continence and The Association of Teachers and Lecturers (ATL), an interesting combination of bodies!, found that there is a worrying increase in the number of children who are still in nappies when they start primary school.

Teachers find their lessons increasingly disrupted by having to "clear up accidents".

For why?

It seems that some parents now believe that it is the state's role (ie schools) to provide toilet training!

Some schools have even been forced to put on parent workshops to help with toilet training
."
Even the most primitive and slow witted of life forms on this planet manage to train their offspring wrt toilet matters (eg a cat uses a tray, a dog uses the neighbour's garden, a rat uses the local KFC etc).

How is it that the most "intelligent" life form on the planet now cannot even manage to do that?

Now myth has become truth, Nanny really does wipe your arse!


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Friday, August 23, 2013

How To Defecate Efficiently

I am gemused to see that Stanford University has revealed a new study that shows squatting is the proper and recommended way to go to the bathroom. This conclusion is not unique, Henry L. Bockus in Gastroenterology, the standard textbook on the subject, is quoted by Medical Diagnosis:
"The ideal posture for defecation is the squatting position, with the thighs flexed upon the abdomen. In this way the capacity of the abdominal cavity is greatly diminished and intra-abdominal pressure increased, thus encouraging expulsion ...".
Indeed, societies outwith the Western one which we inhabit (eg France, Asia Pacific) have squatted for centuries.

Why is squatting so much better?

The answer lies with the puborectalis muscle which acts as a sling for your rectum and maintains continence. When we sit down on the toilet, the hold on the rectum is loosened, but only partially. In a squatting posture, the hold is completely relaxed, allowing for an easier release of your bowel.

The modern toilet, rather than the modern diet, is to blame for all manner of ailments including; constipation, haemorrhoids, and appendicitis

Does this mean we should redesign our Western toilets?

Will Nanny send around the Bottom Inspectors?

No!

Simply place a stool (the sitting kind!) under your feet when you are next astride the toilet, and you will be able to squat in comfort upon the throne!

Simples!

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Wednesday, July 10, 2013

The Dangers of Foxes



I was gemused to read an article in the News Shopper about an alleged incident between Anthony Schofiled and a fox, whilst Mr Schofiled was sitting upon the toilet in his home in Catford.

Mr Schofield claims he was quietly going about his business in the little boys’ room on July 1 when the mangy creature strutted in before mauling him, his partner and his pet cat.

The startled 49-year-old leapt up from the bog with his trousers around his ankles before pursuing the creature around the living room in a farcical fox chase.

Quote:
"I didn’t even have time to wipe myself.

I just had to chase after it. It was so quick.

The fox had pushed its nose through the door. I jumped off the toilet.

In the meantime it had run into the front room and got the cat.

It had the cat round the neck. She was in shock, bleeding from her face.

It locked itself onto my arm but still had the cat as well. "It was unbelievable - the strength in the little thing.

There was blood everywhere.

It was like a struggle for my life." 
He added:
"It was so frightening.

It was like a wild animal."
Errmm..foxes are wild animals are they not?

This is exactly the sort of thing that happens when you ban hunting!;)

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Monday, April 15, 2013

Nanny's Toilet Safety Administration



My thanks to a loyal reader who shared with me a rather bizarre lavatorial experience that he had the other day at East Grinstead railway station:
"Recently I decided to use 'the facilities' at our lovely brand spanking new railway station building in East Grinstead. 

The new building boasts 2 unisex cubicle toilet rooms, suitably equipped also for disabled passengers. However, the doors to both were locked and could only be opened by requesting assistance from a Southern Railways employee. 

So I enquired of the ticket collector at the barrier why this was so, and he informed me in all earnestness that this was down to 'new health and safety' regulations. 

I am not quite sure whose health or safety this was designed to protect, nor am I aware of any new HSE directives. 

Have you come across anything?"
Has anyone else experienced similar lavatorial health and safety issues?

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Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Nanny Wipes Your Arse



Loyal readers are well familiar with feeling that there are some in this country who will not function, even at the most basic level, without Nanny holding their hand and wiping their arse.

Well, be careful what you say for it has become fact!

A recent survey carried out by Education and Resources for Improving Childhood Continence and The Association of Teachers and Lecturers (ATL), an interesting combination of bodies!, found that there is a worrying increase in the number of children who are still in nappies when they start primary school.

Teachers find their lessons increasingly disrupted by having to "clear up accidents".

For why?

It seems that some parents now believe that it is the state's role (ie schools) to provide toilet training!

Some schools have even been forced to put on parent workshops to help with toilet training.

It is important to note that these findings do not relate to children who are ill, or who have special needs. They relate solely to the fit, able bodied and well (mentally and physically).

Ye gods!

Even the most primitive and slow witted of life forms on this planet manage to train their offspring wrt toilet matters (eg a cat uses a tray, a dog uses the neighbour's garden, a rat uses the local KFC etc).

How is it that the most "intelligent" life form on the planet now cannot even manage to do that?

Now myth has become truth, Nanny really does wipe your arse!

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Monday, June 08, 2009

The Dangers of Hand Driers



You know how all those companies that manufacture and market hot air hand driers have for so long pummeled home the Nanny type message that they are more hygienic than towels and paper?

Well, here's a funny thing, they're not!

Aside from not drying your hands at all efficiently (how many time have you had to finish the process off by wiping a still dripping paw on your trousers or skirt?), they spread more bugs than a bog standard (no pun intended) linen/paper towel.

One paper (Ngeow YF, Ong HW, Tan P. Dispersal of bacteria by an electric air hand dryer. Malays J Pathol. 1989 Aug;11:53-6.) found that air dryers dispersed marker bacteria in a radius of three feet and onto the investigator's laboratory coat.

Another study (Rebecca Montville, Yuhuan Chen and Donald W. Schaffner, Risk assessment of hand washing efficacy using literature and experimental data, International Journal of Food Microbiology, Volume 73, Issues 2-3, 11 March 2002, Pages 305-313) found that hot air dryers had the capacity to increase the bacterial count on the skin, and that paper towel drying decreased skin bacterial count. This is agreed upon by another study (Gould D. The significance of hand-drying in the prevention of infection.

Nurs Times. 1994 Nov 23-29;90(47):33-5) found that the mechanical action of paper towel drying removed bacteria, which is something hand dryers cannot do.

Pah!

What brought all of this bubbling to my mind?

Well, believe it or not, I have Nanny to thank. My partner Eva, who is currently on a teaching course, advises me that there is some form of government public health information out there advising us how to best wash our hands (wrt MRSA and Piggy Flu); seemingly Nanny cautions against hot air hand driers.

I have always felt that hand driers were a complete waste of space, now I have scientific evidence to back up my prejudice!

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Friday, October 03, 2008

Prats of The Week - Nanny Bans Sexual Toilets

Prats of The WeekThis week's "Prats of The Week" Award goes to the students' union of the University of Manchester, which has "de-gendered" union toilets.

Temporary signs have been erected (can I say erected?) which now make the "ladies" simply "toilets", while the "gents" have become "toilets with urinals".

The new signs are there to help those transgender students, who complained that they were uncomfortable using the men's toilets.

The student union said it was needed to tackle transphobia.

Women's officer (why do women need an officer?) Jennie Killip told the BBC:

"If you were born female, still present quite feminine, but define as a man you should be able to go into the men's toilets - if that's how you define.

You don't necessarily have had to have gender reassignment surgery, but you could just define yourself as a man, feel very masculine in yourself, feel that in fact being a woman is not who you are
."

All clear now?

University is meant to prepare people for real life. In the real world toilets are labelled according to sex (except for a few pubs in Sweden, where they are multi sexual).

How does this help transgender students when they become adults, and have to live in the real world?

The students' union of Manchester University, well deserving Prats of The Week!

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Friday, November 09, 2007

The Law is An Arse

The Law is An Arse
Can any please tell me how, in any right minded society, this absurd claim should be allowed to go anywhere near a sensible court?

Graham Hall, a convicted murderer who sexually assaulted his 76 year old victim as she lay dying after receiving over 50 stab wounds, is demanding £50K in compensation because he has had to "slop out" his prison toilet as a result of a breakdown in the plumbing.

In this odious little man's view, this experience is a breach of his human rights.

Hall has been given permission by a judge to sue The Ministry of Justice, and is thought to be receiving legal aid.

A Ministry of Justice source said:

"His case is a test case,

and if successful,

it will allow 40 other prisoners to make similar claims.

All prisoners have toilets which work properly

and there is no slopping out.

But if the night sanitation system fails,

they cannot be let out of their cells

because some of them are too dangerous.

When a toilet breaks down in a home in the UK,

people will use a bucket of water to slop out

until they can get it fixed.

They don't sue
."

When people lose all respect for the law, society breaks down.

Those who the gods wish to destroy, they first make mad.

We must be truly mad!

Friday, June 22, 2007

Nanny Bans Barometers

Nanny Bans BarometersOnce considered to be a harmless, and rather quaint, object in people's homes; the barometer is now deemed by Nanny, and her acolytes, to be a major threat to mankind.

This time Nanny is being helped in her evil work by the "mother of all Nanny's"; the interfering, overpaid, unwanted, ineffective, bureaucratic and totally useless members of the European parliament.

(Editor's note: please feel free to add to the list of adjectives to describe the European parliament, and it's members).

Euro MPs (God bless their little cotton socks!) have decided to ban traditional barometers.

For why? I hear you ejaculate over your banned eggs (can I use the word ejaculate at this time of the morning?).

I shall tell you.

Barometers contain mercury, mercury is evil; therefore barometers must be banned.

The EU, dear readers, is working on banning all products containing mercury in the EU.

Recent Photo of KenPersonally I don't know what the fuss is about, I well remember playing with mercury in the school labs (rolling little globules of the stuff around the lab work surfaces etc); as you can see, it never did me any harm!

Anyhoo, Nanny Knows Best!

The EU's environment committee has rejected a bid to exclude barometers from the ban, needless to say the ban will also affect thermometers (what are you mean to insert into your orifices now, to check your temperature with?) and blood pressure gauges.

An amendment to the law supporting the continued manufacture of mercury barometers was passed in the European Parliament last November, but not supported by the member states.

Kudos to one member of the EU parliament who shows some vague signs of intelligence, British Conservative MEP Martin Callanan, he said:

"So the many thousands of people

up and down the country that have

an existing barometer cannot get it

repaired and will therefore throw it

away which will result in more

mercury entering the environment
."

Quite!

Where exactly is one meant to dispose of one's stock of mercury then?

Should I pour mine down the toilet then?

Should I sell it to a third world country?

The people need answers!

British Labour MEP, Linda McAvan, true to form as an acolyte of Nanny welcomed the ban:

"Research has shown that even at low doses

mercury is extremely harmful to human health
."

Madam, I refer you to my comment earlier about playing with mercury in the school labs.

On the subject of harmful substances, that I don't notice Nanny rushing to ban, what about the emissions from car engines?

That, I guarantee you, does more harm to our health and the health of the young than any number of mercury barometers.

Will Nanny be banning cars, car fumes and emissions?

Will she fark!

Once the legislation is adopted, manufacturers will have two years to switch to alternative ways of making thermometers, barometers, blood pressure gauges, marine instruments, and devices such as hygrometers for measuring humidity.

Some wall clocks have also traditionally been made with mercury.

The EU claim that it will not be illegal to own an old mercury barometer.

Pah!

I spit upon their promises!


How long will they keep their word on that then?

Friday, April 20, 2007

Nanny Bans Chests

Nanny Bans ChestsNanny is going back to basics, do you recall that John Major doomed his Prime Ministership by doing the same?

However, this time the "back to basics" campaign is nothing to do with toilets (or is it loos?...ah well, I guess that I will never be able to marry into the royal family for not knowing that) or road cones.

This time Nanny is going back to the halcyon days of the British Empire, ie the Victorian/Edwardian period, when people covered themselves and their chair/piano legs up from top to toe.

Nanny is outraged at the amount of flesh that is publicly on display these days, specifically in the summer months. She is not bothered about what the ladies wear, but is highly concerned about the predilection (can I use a word containing "lic", so early in the morning?) of the cream of British manhood to remove their shirts and expose their pale pink flabby beer guts.

I have to say, I am inclined to agree with Nanny that the sight of wide open empty rolling beer guts is not a pleasant sight for man nor beast.

However, quite how you can legislate against it or enforce a "no chest" policy is beyond me. We aren't a fanatical religious state are we?

Anyhoo, practicalities have never stopped Nanny from coming up with some serious time wasting ideas. Nanny's chums in local councils are considering imposing new local laws banning the exposure of chests and beer guts.

These new laws, how many we do have, would stop men stripping off their shirts in crowded town centres and give powers to police to remove any who defy the cover-up laws.

It's not as though the police have anything better to do is it? After all, there are no crimes in Britain's urban centres these days!

Seemingly Nanny is going to try to use the Anti Social Behaviour concept to ban topless guts. Do you see how politicians bend and twist laws, intended for one thing, to suit their own purpose?

The "masterbrain" behind this "wheeze" is former local government minister, Nicholas Bennett.

Quote:

"There is a problem.

In my part of the country we are trying

to revitalise the main shopping precinct.

But one of the things that is depressing

for anyone going shopping is the numbers

of shaven-headed men, mainly in their 30s and 40s,

who seem to think people want to see their torsos
."

Whilst I can empathise with the sentiment, I cannot see how in reality this could be enforced. The baring of torsos is down to "public standards" of "good" and "bad" behaviour. The best way to effectuate change in this respect is to make such behaviour socially unacceptable, thereby shaming people into conforming.

We are already overburdened with petty and vindictive laws, how many more does Nanny intend to impose on us?

Saturday, October 14, 2006

Money Well Spent

Money Well SpentNanny loves to spend our money on her "pet projects", it's so easy when it's not your own money to indulge yourself isn't it?

However, even by Nanny's wasteful standards this spending spree takes the biscuit.

Nanny's good chums in Havering Council have spent the last 12 months, and £10,000 of taxpayers' money on conducting a very serious and time consuming investigation.

What were they investigating then Ken? I hear you ask.

Seemingly the planning meetings of the council were being disrupted.

How were they being disrupted?

Someone saying "baa".

I kid you not!

Nanny got herself into a right old huff over this, and decided to track down this most evil of miscreants.

The result?

Twelve months and £10,000 down the toilet later, and Nanny has compiled herself a fine report amounting to a staggering 300 pages.

Unfortunately, the prime suspect is no longer a councillor and is, therefore, outwith being spanked by Nanny (those three words will generate this site some interesting hits from the search engines:)).

Seemingly this sorry tale of waste began last September during a planning meeting, when an application was being heard to put a mobile home on a farm housing rare breeds of horses and sheep.

The discussion was interrupted by a male councillor making "baa-ing" noises.

Coun Jeff Tucker, who represents the area where the farm is, got himself into a huff and reported the incident to the Standards Board for England which, in turn, referred it back to Havering council for investigation.

The probe (can I say probe?) has come up with four suspects, who will be interrogated by the standards hearings sub-committee in November.

One of the suspects, Denis O'Flynn, a former Labour councillor and deputy mayor, said:

"This has been an extremely expensive example of the worst kind of council bureaucracy.

The fact that this investigation has cost so much time and money is the height of stupidity
."

Quite!

Congratulations to Havering Council, who have won my Prestigious Prats of The Week Award.

Feel free to drop them a note via this link info@havering.gov.uk teleing them of their award.

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

Nanny's Toilet Spies

Nanny's Toilet SpiesYesterday, being the anniversary of 9/11 and the attack on the Twin Towers, Nanny and her chums did their level best to remind us all that she is working for our benefit in trying to win the so called "war on terror" and ensuring that the "battle for civilisation" is won by the "good guys".

A cynic might argue that attacking Iraq, which was not responsible for the 9/11 slaughter, was a rather strange way to "protect us".

A cynic might also argue that a more effective means of lessening the chances of terrorist attack would be to allow the natural fissures and rivalries within Islam to be exposed from within, and for the extreme elements within the various factions (eg extremist Sunnis, extremist Shias etc) to fight it out amongst themselves and to kill each other, rather than for us to unite them by bombing civilian targets in the Middle East.

The most effective way for these fissures to be exposed, and for the "united" extremists to be thrown back to their natural state of trying to kill each other, would be for all of our troops to be removed from the Middle East and for us to stop buying oil from the Middle East.

However, what the fuck do I know?

Nanny has proven, by the fact that we all feel so much safer than we did a few years ago, that she really does know best.

On that note, she has been working hard to try to ensure that our flights are less likely to be blown up or highjacked.

By the way, I know that facts are something that Nanny really abhors, but do you realise that it has been at least 25 years since a British flight has been highjacked?

Maybe Nanny has been over reacting wrt her ever increasing security clampdowns?

Anyhoo, Nanny has decided that planes need CCTV and sound recording devices installed...yes Nanny really does have a fetish for CCTV!

Researchers in Britain and Europe are looking at technology that would introduce a network of microphones and cameras throughout aircraft, including the toilet, which would be linked to a computer.

This computer would be "trained" to pick up suspicious behaviour.

Precisely how a computer distinguishes between "ordinary" toilet activities, and suspicious toilet activities is beyond me. That being said, Catherine Neary of Bae Systems is very confident of the scheme's success. Bae is one of the British participants in a £24 million European Union project Safety of Aircraft in Future European Environment.

Ms Neary said:

"It would pick passengers who are behaving oddly or in an unruly manner.

They may appear nervous, or could be getting up while the plane is taxiing.

If someone looks as if they are praying,

the microphones would be able to tell if they were by picking up key words
."

Adding:

"There are likely to be cameras and microphones in the toilet,

because that is where terrorists go to assemble bombs.

If people know they will be safer,

they will be happy to accept the sensors,

but we are considering the legal implications of this
."

Oh yes, I can really see this working!

CCTV is all very well, but it is invariably used "post event" to catch/prosecute the criminal after he has done the dirty deed. Unless you have "real time" human observers monitoring the plane, who are able to intervene pre attack, then this system is worthless.

I also suspect that the Mile High Club may be a tad annoyed about this too, or maybe not?

I don't know about anyone else, but I for one will be closely inspecting the facilities and the bowl the next time I answer the call of nature.

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

The Naked Civil Servant

The Naked Civil ServantEver wondered why Nanny needs to employ over 7 million trolls in her public sector empire?

Simple, they're all shagging and fighting each other!

It turns out that Nanny's minions in the Rural Payments Agency (RPA) Newcastle have been caught indulging in rumpy pumpy in toilets, during office hours (who does that remind you of?), and of wandering around naked.

One person has already been sacked, and officials have begun an investigation.

Aside from the obvious, what I find most alarming about this is that these morons allowed themselves to be caught on CCTV. What does this say about the quality of intellect of the people that Nanny hires to work for her (oh sorry I mean us...we do of course pay these people's wages!)?

Seemingly, staff have been caught leaping naked from filing cabinets, having sex in office toilets, holding break-dancing competitions during working hours and fighting in a reception area.

The RPA claim that their mission is to:

"be a customer focused organisation delivering high quality services,

including processing payments and receipts,

conducting inspections and recording animal identification,

to government and the rural community
."

Er, quite!

Much like most other people in Nanny's ever growing empire, they don't give a toss for the public (ie the people who pay their wages). This attitude comes from the very top.

Maybe, given the seemingly endemic "take the piss" culture in the public sector, I have been too hard on the Smooth Talking Bar Steward?

Seemingly he was, after all, only following normal custom and practice within the public sector.