Nanny Knows Best

Nanny Knows Best
Dedicated to exposing, and resisting, the all pervasive nanny state that is corroding the way of life and the freedom of the people of Britain.

Monday, September 03, 2007

Prats of The Week

Prats of The WeekIt has been wee while since I have awarded my prestigious, and internationally renowned, "Prats of The Week" Award.

This week it goes to Nanny's chums in West Mercia Constabulary, who have come up with brilliant plan to reduce bicycle theft on their beat.

They are going to requisition cycles that have not been properly locked up!


Yes, that's right, they will take away any unlocked bicycle that they find on their beat and impound it...thus making it impossible for the bike to be stolen, as it has already been...ahem.."requisitioned".

Brilliant isn't it?

Just one small fly in their oinkment, the plan is utter bollocks!

The force admits that cyclists who leave their bikes unsecured have not broken any law, and say they will eventually be returned.

Therefore please tell me how they can justify this, or indeed have the right to confiscate a legally placed piece of third party property?

Acting inspector Paul Crumpton said:

"While we clearly anticipate objections

from some quarters, we believe it is now time

to take strong action in bringing home the

message to cyclists that it is in their interests

to be far more pro-active in looking after their property.

Bikes used to be fairly inexpensive items,

but nowadays we are talking about high-tech

machines that can cost up to £5,000

and sometimes even more.

Admittedly, to consider removing bikes

before criminals do is very much a shock tactic,

but we believe that, if people do not start

securing their property, it will quickly

make many riders think longer and harder

about how they safeguard their bikes

By the above reasoning we can expect policemen to be breaking and entering, and removing TV sets etc, just to show how easy it is.

If a member of the public discovers their bicycle missing, they should report it to the police, who will then compare it to bikes already held in the property store at Worcester Police Station in Castle Street.

There would be no fee for retrieving a bike from police and owners would be reunited with their property as quickly as they could attend the police station to identify it.

West Mercia Constabulary, well deserving Prats of The Week.


  1. DocBud2:44 PM

    Cyclists shouldn't waste their time retrieving their bicycles, they should simply report them as having been stolen and demand that the police arrest and charge the offender who took the bike without its owner's consent, for that is what it is, theft pure and simple.

  2. Anonymous2:46 PM

    Is there any compensation available for the trauma of having your bicycle misappropriated by the police.

  3. It could only happen in this country.
    The lunatics have finally taken over the asylum and locked us all in with them.

    LET ME OUT!!!!!!!!!

  4. grumpy10:17 PM

    What do you do if
    a) your expensive bike is damaged while it's being ridden back to the nick,
    b) it gets nicked from the police compound,
    c) some bent copper takes a fancy to your bike and nicks it for himself?

  5. teqjack3:38 AM

    "There would be no fee for retrieving a bike" until next month, when it will be decided that someone should pay the expenses of cartage and storage - and wasting the time of the police, who can not be used for actual crimes, which in turn will mean a different force must be established, funded, and staffed to take over this onerous duty.

  6. The owners should think themselves lucky that they have not been threatened with prosecution for fly-tipping.

    Bu ton the other hand if the police would adopt the same concept for garden waste, wheelie bins, old beds and bedding, used kitchen units, worn out tyres and building rubble - oh, and used three piece suites - they might just be doing at least something for the benefit of society.

    Of course if I wanted to legally obtain a nice expensive bike free of cost I could wait for the bike patrol, nick the security equipment just before they arrived, wait for them to take it away then hot foot it down to the nick and 'identify' it. Presto, one 5 grand bike FOC.

    Amazing really.