HEATWAVE ALERT CODE RED

According to our ever reliable weather forecasters, the UK is set for a mini heatwave for the next day or so. Temperatures could, theoretically, reach 30-35 degrees.

Really!?

Needless to say Nanny has gone into red alert and is frantically warning everyone to take care, remain hydrated and not to leave the house if they are "vulnerable".

I wonder how it is that we have survived warm weather before Nanny came along to tell us what to do?

Just dress sensibly, drink liquids (yes our bodies will tell us that!) and open a window or two.

I dare say we might get through the next few days warm weather in one piece!

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Auntie Bans Titty

Oh dear I see that the dunderheads from Auntie have taken a dislike to the name of one of the characters from Arthur Ransome's Swallows and Amazons.

When BBC Films announced it was to remake Swallows and Amazons, it stressed that the production would stay true to Arthur Ransome’s classic.

However, one of the Walker children has been renamed after it was decided a character called Titty would provoke too many sniggers.

Instead, she will be called Tatty Walker, which in itself is worthy of a snigger or two!

Prats!

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Booze Matters

New research shows Irish and UK consumers are paying the most for alcohol in Europe - Uk consumers paying 65% mor than the average.

— Paul Charity (@PaulCharity1) June 26, 2015

Given that we are paying way above the European norm for our booze but, allegedly, drinking like fish (can a fish drink?) why does Nanny insist that raising prices is the cure all for our modest intake of booze?

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The Right To Offend

Commiserations and respect to Micky Quinn, landlord of The Fleming Arms on the Isle of Wight, who has managed to irk Nanny by use a pub A board to write politically incorrect musings.

The signs say things such as ‘Feminism is soooo cute’, ‘Can dyslexics read Welsh?’ and 'Fat people are harder to kidnap – stay safe’.

Mr Quinn is quoted by The Metro as saying that insists he ‘just wants to make people laugh’ with his boards.

However, he said:

‘Someone said they were offended we used the word kidnap because people get kidnapped every day.

The police rang me and said there’s nothing they can do about it but can I hurry up and put a new sign up.’

A spokesperson from Hampshire Constabulary confirmed the reports.

‘We have received two complaints from members of the public about signs displayed on Binstead Hill in Ryde, Isle of Wight.

No criminal offences have been identified at this time.’

That being the case Mr Quinn can carry on writing his non pc messages.

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Sunscreen Kills Sperm

As we endure a typically mediocre June (weatherwise) it is gemusing to see that the use of sunscreen, so hyped and pushed by Nanny and pharmacies etc, is in fact endangering men's sperm.

Research found that just 25% of young men were producing good quality sperm, and the average volume had declined by a quarter since the 1940s. The findings, presented at the European Society of Human Reproduction and Embryology’s annual meeting in Lisbon, prompted warnings from doctors that consumer lifestyles may have created a toxic environment for men.

Dr Niels Jorgensen, a consultant at the Department of Growth and Reproduction at Rigshospitalet, in Copenhagen, said is quoted by the Telegraph:

“Modern life is having an impact because we are exposed to so many chemicals and we don’t know what they do.” 

Chemicals found in sun cream, cosmetics, frying pans, cars, foods and even in items of clothing could all increase risks to sperm, he suggested.

He went on to say:

“We are advised to protect ourselves with these sunblocks but it seems when you go to the laboratory and test some of these chemicals they can interfere with the sperm function.

If I was to advise my own family I would say don’t use it.” 

Given that the British summer is usually crap anyway, I have found Nanny's obsession with sunscreen to be perverse to say the least!

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The Dangers of High Heels

It seems that despite the obvious, some scientists have devoted time and energy to studying the effects of wearing high heels for a long period of time.

They have come to the obvious conclusions that:

1 You should take them off every so often, and

2 Don't run in them.

As per The New York Times:

"A new study published this month in The International Journal of Clinical Practice, researchers at Hanseo University in South Korea turned to a handy recruit group: young women at the university studying to become airline attendants who were required to wear high heels to class, since they would have to wear them if hired by a Korean airline. With each passing year, from incoming freshmen to seniors, the women would have one additional year of heel wearing behind them, making it easy to track physiological changes.

So the researchers invited 10 young women from each class to the lab and tested their balance with a wobbly board and the strength of their ankle muscles using computerized exercise machines.

The results were interesting. Compared with the freshmen, who were generally new to wearing heels, the sophomores and juniors displayed greater strength in some of the muscles around their ankles, particularly those on the inside and outside of the joint.

This difference between new and experienced heel wearers suggests that “wearing high heeled shoes may at first lead to adaptation and increased strength,” as the ankle responds to the stresses placed upon it by the unfamiliar shoes, says Jee Yong-Seok, a professor of exercise physiology at Hanseo University, who led the study.

But the senior women, who had been wearing heels the longest, showed weakening of those same muscles, compared even with the freshmen, as well as much weaker muscles along the front and back of the ankle and dramatically worse balance.

In fact, all of the upperclasswomen had worse balance than the freshmen, even as some of their muscles were strengthening.

What seems to have been happening, Dr. Yong-Seok says, is that the ratio of strength between the muscles on the sides of the ankles and those at the front and back became increasingly unbalanced over years of wearing heels, contributing to ankle instability and balance problems and eventually to a decline in the strength even of those muscles that had been stronger for awhile.

This finding is somewhat worrisome, says Neil Cronin, a biology professor at the University of Jyvaskyla in Finland who has studied heel wearing and wrote the recent review of related science.

Strength imbalances in the muscles around a joint, he says, particularly those around the ankle, “are known to increase injury risk in other muscle groups,” such as those in the hamstrings or upper leg.

Neither he nor Dr. Yong-Seok suggests that women eschew heels, however.

Dr. Yong-Seok does recommend that people who often wear heels strengthen their ankles whenever possible with simple heel lifts, for which you stand barefoot and then rise onto your toes repeatedly; and heel drops, during which you stand on the edge of a stair and slowly lower your heel over the edge.

Dr. Cronin also suggests slipping off heels while sitting at your desk, since wearing the shoes, even when not moving “can alter the resting length of the muscles and tendons around the ankle,” which could destabilize the joint and increase the risk of injury.

He also strongly advises against running in heels. The impact forces created “would be concentrated over a small region of the foot in high heels, creating regions of very high pressure,” he said, meaning foot pain. Plus balance and biomechanics are compromised, making running in heels “a very inefficient way to move.”"

In short, if you apply some common sense you will be fine.

Coming soon, a study on the effects of walking in bare feet on broken glass.

 

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Nannyism In The USA

An interesting view on the Nanny state from the USA:

"Raise your hand if you survived a childhood in the 60s, 70s, and 80s that included one or more of the following, frowned-upon activities (raise both hands if you bear a scar proving your daredevil participation in these dare-devilish events):

1. Riding in the back of an open pick-up truck with a bunch of other kids
2. Leaving the house after breakfast and not returning until the streetlights came on, at which point, you raced home, ASAP so you didn’t get in trouble
3. Eating peanut butter and jelly sandwiches in the school cafeteria
4. Riding your bike without a helmet
5. Riding your bike with a buddy on the handlebars, and neither of you wearing helmets
6. Drinking water from the hose in the yard
7. Swimming in creeks, rivers, ponds, and lakes (or what they now call *cough* “wild swimming“)
8. Climbing trees (One park cut the lower branches from a tree on the playground in case some stalwart child dared to climb them)
9. Having snowball fights (and accidentally hitting someone you shouldn’t)
10. Sledding without enough protective equipment to play a game in the NFL
11. Carrying a pocket knife to school (or having a fishing tackle box with sharp things on school property)
12. Camping
13. Throwing rocks at snakes in the river
14. Playing politically incorrect games like Cowboys and Indians
15. Playing Cops and Robbers with *gasp* toy guns
16. Pretending to shoot each other with sticks we imagined were guns
17. Shooting an actual gun or a bow (with *gasp* sharp arrows) at a can on a log, accompanied by our parents who gave us pointers to improve our aim. Heck, there was even a marksmanship club at my high school
18. Saying the words “gun” or “bang” or “pow pow” (there actually a freakin’ CODE about “playing with invisible guns”)
19. Working for your pocket money well before your teen years
20. Taking that money to the store and buying as much penny candy as you could afford, then eating it in one sitting
21. Eating pop rocks candy and drinking soda, just to prove we were exempt from that urban legend that said our stomachs would explode
22. Getting so dirty that your mom washed you off with the hose in the yard before letting you come into the house to have a shower
23. Writing lines for being a jerk at school, either on the board or on paper
24. Playing “dangerous” games like dodgeball, kickball, tag, whiffle ball, and red rover (The Health Department of New York issued a warning about the “significant risk of injury” from these games)
25. Walking to school alone

Come on, be honest.  Tell us what crazy stuff you did as a child."

The full article can be read here.

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Waterloo

Happy Waterloo Day! http://t.co/nS1oc6V3m7 #Waterloo200 pic.twitter.com/tM0KiqsCrU

— Ken Frost (@ken_frost) June 18, 2015

Two hundred years ago the Duke of Wellington defeated Napoleon, and saved Europe from dictatorship.

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The Hypocrisy of The Guardian

If the Guardian dislikes privately-educated Oxbridge types, why does it hire so many?http://t.co/na5J5WEEQe pic.twitter.com/EyOHkm3g3T

— Steerpike (@MrSteerpike) June 16, 2015

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Do You Have Tight Nuts or a Rusty Tool?

You just don't see adverts like this anymore!


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A Generation of Teetotallers!

Contrary to what Nanny would have us believe, it appears that the younger generation is opting to be teetotal.

The proportion of teetotal young adults (16-24) in Britain UP over 40% between 2005 & 2013. @ONS

— Mark Easton (@BBCMarkEaston) June 12, 2015

Now I am really worried about them!

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Resignations

Now that Sir Tim Hunt has resigned for his comments, maybe Bahar Mustafa could resign from her university for her #KillAllWhiteMen joke.

— Mark Sparrow (@MarkGSparrow) June 11, 2015

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Nibble Nanny's Nuts

Hoorah!

It appears that nuts are in fact good for you!

The BBC says that eating half a handful of nuts every day could substantially lower the risk of early death, a Dutch study suggests.

Previous studies had already indicated a link with cardiovascular health, but this is the first to look at specific nuts and diseases.

Maastricht University researchers found a 23% lower chance of death during the 10-year study in people eating at least 10g (0.3oz) of nuts or peanuts a day.

There was no benefit for peanut butter, which is high in salt and trans fats.

This does of course present a dilemma for the ever growing number of people who believe that they or their children are allegedly nut allergic.

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Welsh Nanny Bans E Fags

I see that Welsh Nanny has decided to ban people using e fags in enclosed spaces (including lorries and taxis) as from 2017.

Based on no scientific evidence whatsoever, Nanny has decided that the sight of someone wafting on a vap (I believe that to be the term for it) in an enclosed space may encourage kids to smoke real fags.

I think that is utter bollocks, given that an e fag looks nothing like a real fag!

More to the point, what have the dimensions of the space in which you vap got to do with the likelihood of a kid deciding to start smoking real fags?

It is ridiculous and unenforceable!

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Nanny Bans Pleasure

Nanny's best friend Theresa May has decided that we are all enjoying ourselves far too much, and wants to put a stop to it.

Her particular ire is targeted thusfar against so called "legal highs", which are chemical concoctions designed to produce similar effects to illegal substances.

Nanny has, over the past few years, been merrily banning these as soon as they hit the market. However, no sooner as one ban is put in place another variation on a substance is devised and sold perfectly legally.

Thus Nanny May is having no more of it and, despite there being no credible scientific research whatsoever about the dangers or otherwise of these substances, she has decided to push through a bill that bans them all (irrespective of whether they have been invented yet).

How can you ban something that has yet to be created?

Simples!

You ban ALL substances that are "psychoactive substances" (ones that give you pleasure, for want of a better word).

There is a wee problem with the proposed legislation.

It is in fact the worst piece of legislation (technically and ethically) ever drafted by any government in living memory.

For why?

Well did you know that tea, coffee, nuts, scented pillows etc all come under psychoactive substances?

Yes they do!

Thus there are (for the moment) exemptions eg alcohol (as long as it contains no other psychoactive substances), nicotine, tobacco and caffeine are “exempt substances”, as are medicinal products. However,  the bill appears to render the production of any new psychoactive drug for research purposes unlawful.

Additionally, butane gas, petrol, glue etc are not on the list of exemptions; despite the fact these are used by some people to get high.

Oh and the legality of efags (designed to weane you off real fags) is also questionable.

Thus the bill is pile of old shite!

I had expected this sort of bollocks from a coalition of Labour and the Scottish Nazi Party (had they won the election), but not from a Tory majority government with more pressing issues to focus on.

What the fark are May and her bill drafters on?

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Her Majesty is Not Dead

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Auntie Farks It Up Big Time

It appears that Auntie has inadvertently, and incorrectly, tweeted an announcement about the demise of Her Majesty.

Auntie is expected to issue an announcement shortly explaining her fark up!

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Lancashire County Council's Nice Little Earner

My thanks to a loyal reader who pointed me to the absurd nonsense perpetrated by Lancashire County Council, wrt newly painted double yellow lines.

James Callan and his partner Lauren live in a 1995 built house with a driveway, that does not have a dropped pavement outside.

For reasons that are unfathomable, council workers decided to paint some double yellow lines outside their driveway recently.

Problem?

Yes!

Apparently everytime the couple park their car in their own driveway they now face a fine of £1,000.

They have been told they are breaking the law by using the driveway as it is inside the yellow lines, and by attempting to drive on or off their own land they will be making an illegal "vehicle crossing".

 

Ker Farking Ching!

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Prats of The Week - Peta

Oh dear how sad to see that there is no end to the prattery of some organisations.

Step forward Peta (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) who have decided that a pub founded in the eighth century in St Albans has a name that is very uncool for the 21st century, and which Peta want banned.

Peta want Ye Olde Fighting Cocks to be renamed Ye Olde Clever Cocks to "reflect compassion for animals". Cue complaints about sexism!

Peta director Mimi Bekhechi is quoted by the Telegraph:

"Changing the name would reflect today's rejection of needless violence and help celebrate chickens as the intelligent, sensitive and social animals they are.

Today, kind people are appalled by the thought of forcing birds to fight to the death and more people than ever are making the compassionate choice not to eat chickens, either." 

That has of course got fark all to do with the name of a pub!

There are surely enough real issues wrt actual cruelty to animals that Peta should be devoting its time and money on, not this absurd waste of time.

Peta, well deserving Prats of The Week!


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