Nibble Nanny's Nuts

Hoorah!

It appears that nuts are in fact good for you!

The BBC says that eating half a handful of nuts every day could substantially lower the risk of early death, a Dutch study suggests.

Previous studies had already indicated a link with cardiovascular health, but this is the first to look at specific nuts and diseases.

Maastricht University researchers found a 23% lower chance of death during the 10-year study in people eating at least 10g (0.3oz) of nuts or peanuts a day.

There was no benefit for peanut butter, which is high in salt and trans fats.

This does of course present a dilemma for the ever growing number of people who believe that they or their children are allegedly nut allergic.

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Nuts Are Good For You!

Oh dear, given that seemingly an ever growing number of people are nut allergic (thus requiring Nanny's ever present "this product may contain nuts" warning), a recently published scientific paper in the New England Journal of Medicine may be somewhat confusing to Nanny.

People eating nuts once a week are 11% less likely to have died during the study than those who never ate nuts.

Up to four portions was linked to a 13% reduction in deaths and a daily handful of nuts cut the death rate during the study by 20%.

Lead researcher Dr Charles Fuchs, from the Dana-Farber Cancer Institute and Brigham and Women's Hospital, is quoted by the BBC:

"The most obvious benefit was a reduction of 29% in deaths from heart disease, but we also saw a significant reduction - 11% - in the risk of dying from cancer." 

Please be advised that this article contains no nuts!

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Nibble Nanny's Nuts

I was hugely gemused to read over the weekend that Nanny had exceeded herself wrt her own stupidity and blind subservience to rules and regulations.

Step forward the Food Standards Agency (FSA), which ordered Booths (a supermarket chain) to withdraw its own brand of Whole Hearted Roasted Monkey Nuts from its shelves.

For why?

The bags did not warn that the contents may contain nuts!

Well, OK, to be specific the bags didn't warn that they may contain peanuts; thus posing a risk to those with a peanut allergy.

That's all very well, except that "monkey nuts" is the term used to describe peanuts that have the shell/pod still intact!

In other words the bags did specifically tell people that they contained peanuts!

FFS!

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Nibble Nanny's Nuts

My thanks to loyal reader and Facebook chum Steve Hall, who has allowed me to share this example of Nanny nut nonsense that he and his 3 year old son had to endure.

In Nanny's view, the odour of nuts presents a clear and present danger to those with nut allergies:

"Had to go and pick are 3 yr old son up from school today because we gave him a peanut butter sandwich for his lunch and the school couldn't risk him breathing on a child with a peanut allergy. so they didn't think it was fair to put our son in a room on his own (quarantine !!!!) so would we pick him up. pmsl nanny state Britain at it's very best."

Doubtless there are those who will say that nut odours do cause an allergic reaction. However, they do not, facts contradict fantasy and hysteria.

As per Kids' Health:

"..just the smell of foods containing peanuts won't produce a reaction because the scent does not contain the protein."

As ever, Nanny was talking bollocks!

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A Load of Old Bollocks!

It never ceases to amaze me how some "professional" research promulgated (today's word of choice:)) by Nanny is clearly a load of old bollocks.

A couple of recent studies carried out in the UK warn of the dangers of drinking freshly squeezed fruit juices.

For why?

Seemingly the sugar content is very high.

Well now, that may be true. However, as the old adage goes, so long as you eat and drink a variety of things in reasonable quantities you are unlikely to kill yourself.

Surely the way to counteract the sugar would be to add plenty of salt to the juice?;)

Anyhoo, not content with warning of the dangers of juice, the research goes on to advise us that we should in fact eat more dried fruit.

Eerrrmmm...wouldn't the dried fruit actually contain the same amount of sugar as the squeezed variety?

Oh but what do I know? I'm not a professional researcher/scientist.

Oh, by the way, the research was presented at the World Nut & Dried Fruit Congress.

Aha!

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Nuts!

Despite the remarkable failure of BAA to keep Heathrow, one of the world's busiest (yet truly awful) airports, open during the inclement weather my partner (Eva) managed to fly back from Stockholm yesterday without any delay or fuss.

How?

Oh, simple, she flew Norwegian Air to Gatwick (an airport not "managed" by BAA).

Her journey though was not without an element of Nannyism.

On board the flight she was about to open a chocolate bar that contained nuts.

Can you guess what happened next children?

Yes, that's right, she was forbidden from opening it.

For why?

Seemingly, somewhere on board was a person with a nut allergy.

Now if this person was sitting next to her, was going to lick the bar or sniff in the nuts I could understand the concern. However, this was simply not the case.

An overreaction yes?

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Nuts!

It is official, Nanny is nuts!

Rather, let me put it this way, she is nuts about nuts.

George Hall-Lambert, aged 11, has been banned from his new school because he has a nut allergy.

George went to the new school (Howden School and Community College in Goole) for a mere 4 days, before Nanny's minions told him to stay away until a "risk assessment" was carried out. Seemingly he has been labelled a "health and safety hazard".

Pass the sick bag someone!

Mrs Hall-Lambert, his mum, is having him taught at home now whilst Nanny frets about the nut issue.

George was diagnosed with the allergy when he was 18 months old. He was pupil at the village primary school, where no problems arose.

However, when he transferred to Howden School and Community College Mrs Hall-Lambert told the school of his allergy, and the junior school forwarded a file with notes on his medical condition.

Mrs Hall-Lambert then said:

"He had only been there four days

when I was called into school to

see the head teacher as a matter of urgency.

He told me he was asking me to take George

home as the school had no policies in

place to deal with George's nut allergy.

He said the school needed to carry out

a risk assessment and an analysis of

George's situation to see what could be done.

In the meantime he is out of school indefinitely.

They won't let him back in school

until everything has been sorted out

and he is classed as safe.

If he went back now they say

he would be a health and safety risk."

To whom for fark's sake????

Surely, a simple solution would be for the school to ask Mrs Hall-Lambert to sign a waiver absolving them of any responsibility for any cock up relating to nut issues?

George carries a special pen-like device which he has been taught to inject adrenalin into his thigh should be suffer a sudden allergic reaction, which he has never had to use.

If he suffered a large anaphylactic shock, however, it could render him unconscious and in need of assistance. He wears a tag around his neck to alert people of his medical condition which also includes a latex allergy.

Andrew Williams, headteacher of Howden School, said:

"We are working with the parents,

health professionals and representatives

of the local authority to reach an acceptable

solution to this situation as soon as possible.

My main concern is to ensure that we meet

the health and welfare needs of all students

in our care to deliver a high quality education."

The East Riding education authority said the school was following local authority and Government guidance "in ensuring that George can access his entitlement to education in a safe environment."

Bureaucratic bullshit!

All that is needed here is some common sense to be exercised by the school, local authority and George's parents.

Sadly, in nanny's Britain, common sense is somewhat lacking these days!

Nuts

Am I the only one on this planet who finds the hysteria over the so called "nut allergy" to be a tad errrmmm...nuts?

Cadbury Schweppes was forced for the second time in two years to recall thousands of chocolate bars. A printing problem had led to the omission of nut allergy warning labels from 250g Dairy Milk Double Choc bars.

The Double Choc bars are produced on a production line that is used to make other products containing nuts, and there is, therefore, a risk of contamination.

I am in no way criticising Cadbury, but seriously though...how many millions are likely to die if a Double Choc bar (which does not contain farking nuts anyway) were to be inadvertently eaten by those allegedly with this so called "nut allergy"?

Let's Get Dirty

It seems that living in our sanitised and sterile Nanny cocoon is in fact rather bad for us.

There has, over the past 30 years or so, been a steady rise in the number of people claiming that they are allergic to all manner of things, from housemites to nuts.

Needless to say some of these claims are in fact hysterical BS, caused by the modern cultural fad for looking for reasons to excuse laziness, idleness, bad parenting and fussiness with food.

However, there has also been a rise in the number of people with genuine allergies.

Epidemiologists are theorising that the benefits of modern life, such as mains water supply, improved drainage and the greater cleanliness that is now de rigeur has caused us to become weaker when it comes to our responses to outside stimuli such as mites, animals, dust and nuts.

In Eastern Europe people continue to live in close proximity to animals, as such the incidence of the common forms of allergy remain low.

It seems we have become far too clean.

The irony being that the one area which should be 100% spotless, namely hospitals, Nanny has allowed to become absolutely filthy.

Funny that, isn't it?

Anyhoo, the lesson is clear; let's get dirty!

Nanny Bans Mince Pies

In keeping with the season, you will undoubtedly not be surprised to hear that Nanny has banned mince pies.

Rather, Nanny's health and safety Gestapo have ordered that a risk assessment of mince pies be conducted before she allows a Christmas party to take place.

Nanny's jobsworth lackeys in Craven Council have decreed that the organisers of the Embsay Christmas party (a village in the Yorkshire Dales) must perform a risk assessment of their mince pies, or their party will be "nixed".

Nanny's council have also ordered that posters will have to be displayed at the party, warning villagers that the pies contain nuts and suet pastry.

I know that there is currently a world wide nut phobia, as "little Timmy" once got one stuck in his throat. However, since when was suet a health and safety issue?

As if that were not enough, it seems that there has to be a thermometer thrust (can I say thrust at this time of the day?) into the hot chocolate, in case it is too hot.

How did we manage before the invention of thermometers?

Come to think of it, what if the thermometer contains mercury?

Ooh, it doesn't bear thinking about!

Steve Dobson, who is organising the event, said that he learned of the regulations after writing to Craven District Council to ask if he could use a car park outside Embsay village hall to hold the free party for the community.

Now you see folks, that was his big mistake.

Never, ever, tell Nanny what you are about to do; because she will always come along and try to spoil the party or stop you.

Why?

Simple, the sort of people who involve themselves actively with Nanny (such as jobsworth council lackeys etc) could never make anything of their lives in the real world. The only way that they can justify to themselves their existence on this planet, and to give themselves some sense of self worth, is to impose their fears and petty rules on the rest of us.

As I have said before, there is no value or useful purpose to local councils; we would be far better off if they were restructured into oblivion.

Anyhoo, Mr Dobson had planned a fireworks display, mulled wine, Santa's grotto and free mince pies (which would have been made by Nanny's arch enemy the good ladies of the Embsay and Eastby Women's Institute).

You know the sort of thing, nothing unsafe about any of that.

Not until Nanny came along.

Mr Dobson said:

"The council gave me a huge list of things we had to do.

I wrote back, a little bit tongue in cheek,

asking if I really had to risk assess free mince pies

and a brass band, and they said yes.

Everything we do, from putting tinsel up

to providing refreshments has to be assessed.

We have to consider the dangers involved,

that someone might choke on their mince pie or have a nut allergy.

I also understand that Santa may need a Criminal Records Bureau check.

For a small Dales village we found it a bit of a joke really.

It's gone from us hoping to use a bit of council property for a community party,

to needing the same sort of planning

we would have to put in for the Great Yorkshire Show."

Mr Dobson rather wisely is now considering moving the party to private land, elsewhere in the village. The trouble is, he has put his head above the parapet. Nanny will try her best to muscle in on that as well, and I bet charge him for the privilege.

Craven Council's director of community services, Jonathan Kerr, said:

"We support these community events

and we try to help local communities organise them

and make sure they are as safe as possible."

The astute amongst you will observe that the above statement, in the context of the problem, is meaningless.

Nanny does not even bother to try to pretend to justify her actions any more.

Breathtaking arrogance!

Feel free to tell Craven Council what you think of them via these routes:

-General contact contactus@cravendc.gov.uk

-Jonathan Kerr's PA lrichardson@cravendc.gov.uk

-The thirty councillors of Craven are listed here, Craven Council, together with their email addresses:)

Nanny's Nuts

Conker season is upon us once again, as such along with the tradition of small boys throwing sticks at trees to knock down the conkers we have come to expect the now annual tradition of Nanny interfering with our nuts.

In previous years she has tried a few of her old tricks, see Conkers 2004.

Now this year she has gone one step further, and actually got the police involved!

Kiya Jayne, Charlie Richardson and a couple of other boys aged between 7 and 11 from Littlehampton (can I say Littlehampton on a public site?) were following the time honoured British pursuit of conker collecting. This involves throwing sticks into the conker tree to knock the conkers down to the ground.

Can you guess what happened?

One of Nanny's chums in the police intervened, confiscated their conkers and gave them a formal documented stop and search notice!

To add insult to injury, when the boys went back to the same tree the next day to get some more conkers (since the police had confiscated their original haul) they were confronted by the same policewoman.

The parents were told that the tree had a preservation order, and was on private property.

Yet, when challenged, the council then admitted that this was in fact untrue.

Bending the facts to suit the action of their police is hardly the correct thing to do is it?

Nanny's Sussex Police said:

"We confiscated a large bag of conkers.

The forms are a necessary form of bureaucracy

to ensure parents are aware we have spoken to their children."

Twats!

I am sure that the streets of Littlehampton are free of all crimes; there are no assaults, robberies or drug related incidents.

That is the only way that I can imagine that Nanny could possibly explain why her police force found the time, energy and inclination to confiscate a bag of conkers.

Small boys have been throwing sticks at conker trees for centuries in Britain, the trees have managed to survive and thrive without Nanny's "help".

It is hardly surprising that some children grow up with a major disrespect for the law.

Tuck Off!

Nanny's obsession with svelte waistlines shows no sign of abating. She has issued yet another edict about how unbelievably fat we are becoming, and yet again is trying to interfere in our eating habits.

This time she is targeting school children. In a spectacularly naive move, Nanny is instructing schools to stop selling junk food and instead make children eat seeds.

Yes that will work!

As Samuel Johnson once said:

"A small boy in search of vitals is an abomination".

The thought of Nanny trying to satisfy young appetites with a handful of seeds is really beyond a joke. Unless the seeds were coconuts, I really don't think that this latest "initiative" will suck-seed (get it?..come on folks I'm really trying here!).

Anyhoo, Nanny's friends in the School Food Trust (SFT) have issued draft guidelines that say nuts, seeds and yoghurt drinks should replace crisps, chocolate and fizzy drinks in tuck shops.

Nanny is going to introduce laws to stop children eating sweets and chocolate, that will be among the toughest in the world.

Ironically this new "initiative" comes just days after the Audit Commission attacked Nanny for her indecision and lack of leadership, over the implementation of measures to curb child obesity.

Nanny will ban crisps (which, by the way, are a very good source of vitamin c), but for some strange reason will allow cakes and biscuits. Erm aren't cakes and biscuits fattening and bad for the teeth?

Nanny's chum Dame Suzi Leather, chairman of the SFT, said that the rules, to be introduced from September, were necessary because children were eating too much sugar, fat and salt with "little or no nutritional value".

Quote:

"They [the new rules] cannot succeed if pupils are surrounded with chocolate, crisps and drinks that fill them up with sugar and fat during the school day.

Anecdotal evidence suggests that when these products are removed, behaviour improves and this could also have implications for better learning."

There you are folks, Nanny makes up rules based on anecdotes, not scientific fact!

Dame Suzi is not just content with banning vending machines and altering tuck shop menus, she is also going to poke her nose into children's lunchboxs. Nanny will issue lunchbox guidelines, telling parents of what should be included in a healthy diet.

Not her business!

Now here is why all of these rules will fall down:

1 Children are given large sums of pocket money each week by their parents. The children use this to buy "banned food" off school premises. My local store, owned by my friend Karim, is awash with kids buying Jamaican patties, chocolate and crisps when there is a school break.

2 The majority of a child's calorie intake takes place outside of school.

3 The poor diet of children is largely down to the muck being fed to them by their parents. How does Nanny intend to deal with that?

4 It is not the state's job to regulate what people eat. If parents are too stupid or lazy to feed their children properly, the responsibility for their children's ill health rests with them, not with the state.

5 When I was a child I ate a full breakfast, school lunch, dinner and a supper; all of this was washed down with 3 pints of milk a day. I am now 43, in excellent health and indeed am slim and "athletic" (yes ladies it's true:)).

5 These people did not become great British icons by eating nuts and seeds:

Nuts!

My compliments to Tesco who have decided to take the piss out of Nanny, by "enhancing" their food labelling.

Milk bottles now contain the very pertinent warning that they "Contain Milk", and packets of nuts are emblazoned with the legend "Contains Nuts".

Needless to say, you can never please everyone; David Reading, director of The Anaphylaxis Campaign, said that the "bleedin' obvious" labels undermined the seriousness of the problem of food allergies.

Quote:

"It is utterly ludicrous.

People obviously don't need to be told that milk contains milk or that bags of nuts contain nuts.

That just undermines the seriousness of allergies.

People will laugh."

I think that was the point!

What really troubles me about the "rise" in allergies, that people claim afflict themselves and their offspring, is how on earth the human race managed to survive for the last 150,000 years or so if we are allergic to so many things?

Do you think that it is possible that some of this "rise" in allergies may in fact be attributable to some lazy, indulgent parents who succumb to their childrens' whims; simply because they are too lazy to train their children to eat what is put in front of them?

Just a thought:)

Nibble Nobby's Nuts

There are occasions when Nanny misses a trick, I admit that those ocassions are rare.

However, One such example of her missing a chance to enforce her prudish views on us is demonstrated by the marvelously amusing advert for Nobby's Nuts.

The advert stars none other than seventies pop legend Noddy Holder.

Viewers can watch Noddy being "attacked", in a particular manner, by some men in a pub who get things a little muddled with regard to Nobby's and Noddy's Nuts.

The ad is an absolute hoot, but the advertisers are wary about Nanny's chums in ASA trying to ban it; so they are only airing it after 9PM

However, given ASA's actions in the past I wouldn't put it past them trying to ban it.

Therefore I recommend that you make the most of the opportunity, and watch it here: Nibble Nobby's Nuts.

Nanny's Nuts

Nanny's obsession with banning the time honoured sport of conkers, received a two fingered salute this week.

It emerged, that despite many of Nanny's friends in schools across the country banning conkers, one school in Croydon not only allowed the game; but in fact held a conker tournament.

The Head of Park Hill Junior School, in Croydon, held a conker championship last week.

100 children took part in the week long conker championship, which pitted pupils from the lower and upper schools against each other during break times.

Even more alarming to Nanny, the children were allowed to supervise themselves during the early play offs. Parents gave advice and tips to their children on how to enhance the performance of their conkers.

The finals of the championship were overseen by members of staff.

Headteacher Bill Yearley said that this game, along with others, was a good way of keeping the children out of mischief.

The overall winner was year five pupil Saolan Doyle-Finch.

A spokesman for the school said:

"They (the pupils) have acted in a very responsible and enthusiastic manner and great fun has been had by all."

An engraved cup will be presented to the winner, and the school hopes to make the conker championship an annual event.

My compliments to the teachers and pupils of Park Hill Junior School for sticking two fingers up at Nanny, and her team of spoilsports.

No conkers were harmed during the writing of this article.

Warning

Warning This Site Contains Nuts!

Those with nut allergies should navigate away now.

Nuts!

As predicted on this site, the conker season this year has proven to be a fertile ground for Nanny and her acolytes to impose their perverted views on the British public.

It seems that, following on from the Black death in the Middle Ages, the latest life threatening plague to hit the UK is nuts.

Nanny and her acolytes have worked themselves up in to such a frenzy over nuts, that even the humble conker (which Nanny hates anyway) has been classified as a nut.

It is reported that Veronica O’Grady, Head teacher of Menstrie Primary Clackmannanshire, has banned conkers from her school.

The reason being that “health experts”, so she claims, have advised her that conkers may be a risk to children with nut allergies.

The ban was announced in the school newsletter, which said that pupils should not bring nuts (including horse chestnuts) to school.

Quote:

"We have several pupils in the school who have allergies or conditions that affect what they can eat and be exposed to..To help keep all of our pupils safe, please ensure your child doesn’t bring nuts or nut products to school. This includes tree nuts such as chestnuts."

However, it seems Nanny has over reached herself yet again. The National Anaphylaxis Campaign, a charity for people with life threatening allergies, has called the ban an “over reaction”.

At worst children with nut allergies, who handle horse chestnuts, may develop a slight rash.

I would ask this question, why are people allowing their lives to be blighted by Nanny and her sycophants in this way?

Come on people, act up and fight back!