Ker Farking Ching - The Great Speed Course Con

Last Friday I wrote that police have more than doubled the amount they collect from running speed awareness courses since 2010.

It also appears that police are so keen to sell these courses, that they are conning motorists by failing to make clear how drivers could inadvertently leave themselves uninsured by taking part in them.

The Telegraph reports that insurers have admitted they treat speed awareness courses the same as penalty points, and it is now feared that failing to declare taking part in course could invalidate drivers' policies.

The courses, which cost between £80 and £150, allow drivers to avoid penalty points on their licences. However, campaigners claim that this lulls many motorists into a false sense of security that they do not have to declare the course to insurers, in the hope their premiums will not rocket for a speeding-related offence.

However, insurers usually operate a “catch all” clause in their policies about keeping them informed about factors which may affect your driving, and failing to declare a course could lead them to cancel cover in the event of an accident, experts said.

Ian Belchamber, a campaigner who runs an anti-speed camera campaign in Dorset, said:

“The police’s actions are potentially resulting in people driving uninsured because they haven’t told motorists to tell their insurers about the speed awareness course. 

I would make sure your insurer knows you’ve been on a course regardless of whether they specifically ask for that information. 

If you are involved in an accident and the insurer looks into your history and sees you’ve been on a speeding course they could say ‘You didn’t tell us about this, you’re not covered’.

The police don’t want people to know this because they make a lot of money out of the courses.”

The Telegraph can confirm that two companies set up with close links to the now-defunct Association of Chief Police Officers are now entwined with the organisation’s successor, the National Police Chiefs Council (NPCC).

An NPCC spokesman said Suzette Davenport, the chief constable of Gloucestershire Police, sits on the board of the National Driver Offender Retraining Scheme (NDORS), which registered a £44 million turnover last year for providing safety awareness courses.

A director of NDORS is Meredydd Hughes, the former chief constable of South Yorkshire, who was responsible for road policing at Acpo until he was caught speeding at 90mph in a 60mph zone in 2007, and stepped down from the role.

He is also a director of another company in the sector, Road Safety Support.

Ker Farking Ching!

Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.

Visit The Joy of Lard and indulge your lard fantasies.

Show your contempt for Nanny by buying a T shirt or thong from Nanny's Store.

www.nannyknowsbest.com is brought to you by www.kenfrost.com "The Living Brand"

Visit Oh So Swedish Swedish arts and handicrafts

Why not really indulge yourself, by doing all the things that Nanny really hates? Click on the relevant link to indulge yourselves; Food, Bonking, Gifts and Flowers, Groceries

Ker Farking Ching - Speed Awareness Courses Fund The Police

Following on from yesterday's article about Bedfordshire's Police and Crime Commissioner (Olly Martins) wanting all drivers who travel at more than 70 miles per hour to be fined in order to raise money for the police, the Telegraph reports that police have more than doubled the amount they collect from running speed awareness courses since 2010, despite a warning from ministers to stop raising revenue from speeding offences.

While the money collected from speeding fines goes to the Treasury, police forces are able to keep what they charge for running speed awareness courses, around £100 a time.

The vast majority of motorists prefer this option over a fine, because they avoid having points added to their licence and thereby keep their insurance premiums down.

In recent years, there has been a huge increase in the number of people attending such courses, as forces across the country recognise the financial benefits. In 2010 the number of people attending National Speed Awareness courses was 447,724, but by last year that figure had more than doubled to 1.19 million.

Ker Farking Ching!

Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.

Visit The Joy of Lard and indulge your lard fantasies.

Show your contempt for Nanny by buying a T shirt or thong from Nanny's Store.

www.nannyknowsbest.com is brought to you by www.kenfrost.com "The Living Brand"

Visit Oh So Swedish Swedish arts and handicrafts

Why not really indulge yourself, by doing all the things that Nanny really hates? Click on the relevant link to indulge yourselves; Food, Bonking, Gifts and Flowers, Groceries

Ker Farking Ching - Speeding Fines Used To Raise Revenue

As loyal readers know, Nanny and her chums love to use fines as means of raising revenues.

Hence it should come as no surprise at all to learn that Nanny's chum, in the form of Bedfordshire's Police and Crime Commissioner (Olly Martins), wants all drivers who travel at more than 70 miles per hour to be fined.

Olly proposes turning on speed cameras permanently across stretches of the M1 motorway network, catching everyone who exceeded the limit.

Motorists would then be forced to pay a £100 fine as well as having points added to their licence, or could opt instead to attend a speed awareness course, costing £90.

Is this concern about speeding driven (pardon the pun) by a desire to improve road safety?

Is it fark! 

It is in fact being used as a means of raising millions of pounds in revenue for the police.

Olly is quoted by the Telegraph: 

“If motorists do not like it then they can always stick to the speed limit.”

The catch all phrase of those who are blind to reality, and who use the law to drive their own personal agendas.

Olly claims that he had been forced into suggesting the scheme, because his force was at financial breaking point and fining speeding drivers could help Bedfordshire retain 25 officers it would otherwise be forced to lose.

It will raise £1M!

When the police, council or government use fines as a means of raising revenue to pay for themselves the concept of impartial law enforcement, innocent until proven guilty and commonsense fairness is thrown out of the window.

The police will now be incentivised to use other means of raising revenue, and for new laws to to be passed that people can break and be fined for!

Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.

Visit The Joy of Lard and indulge your lard fantasies.

Show your contempt for Nanny by buying a T shirt or thong from Nanny's Store.

www.nannyknowsbest.com is brought to you by www.kenfrost.com "The Living Brand"

Visit Oh So Swedish Swedish arts and handicrafts

Why not really indulge yourself, by doing all the things that Nanny really hates? Click on the relevant link to indulge yourselves; Food, Bonking, Gifts and Flowers, Groceries

Nanny To Charge For Driving In The Rain

As loyal readers know, and often state, insurance companies are ever "keen" to reduce their requirement to payout when something goes wrong or charge the earth for "peace of mind".

Thus it should come as no surprise to learn that they have come up with a splendid wheeze, whereby driving when it rains will now be counted as a "risk" that requires insurance companies to increase their premiums on car insurance.

Easy money given the UK's weather!

So how will this little "wheeze" work then?

By using data from “black boxes” installed in cars that monitor speed, braking and acceleration; in order to score a driver based on their risk.

The technology, already offered by insurers Axa, Admiral, LV and Insure The Box, is about to start monitoring the weather. 

Ice, rain hail and snow will all be seen as risks, because the conditions are more likely to result in an accident.

The boxes will use data from The Weather Company, an American forecaster equivalent to the UK Met Office. The technology can create a "scoring algorithm" by assessing the conditions during a driver's journey.

All very well and dandy, except that:

1 Weather forecasts, even American ones, are generally crap.

2 People tend to need to drive in the rain for such mundane things as going to work, hospital, shopping etc etc.

At this point I can hear you ask, why get these black boxes?

Well at the moment they are voluntary, users are incentivised to have them for a discount to their premiums. However, I am very sure that in a few years' time once there is a critical mass of people with them, the insurance companies will insist on everyone having them.

All in all another means of making money out of those who are honest enough to insure their cars.

Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.

Visit The Joy of Lard and indulge your lard fantasies.

Show your contempt for Nanny by buying a T shirt or thong from Nanny's Store.

www.nannyknowsbest.com is brought to you by www.kenfrost.com "The Living Brand"

Visit Oh So Swedish Swedish arts and handicrafts

Why not really indulge yourself, by doing all the things that Nanny really hates? Click on the relevant link to indulge yourselves; Food, Bonking, Gifts and Flowers, Groceries

Happy Plastic Bag Tax Day!

Today sees the imposition of Nanny's 5p (minimum - watch out for retailers trying to screw you) plastic bag tax in England.

Staff at major retailers will ask you to pay the charge at checkouts. At self-checkouts, you will be asked to declare how many bags you have used and the charge will be applied (make sure you lie).

The charge applies to “single-use” thin plastic bags – the technical specification is:

• unused
• plastic
• has handles
• 70 microns thick or less

It does not matter how big the bag is, so even small plastic bags you might be given when you buy your lunch are included.

The law does not actually specify how much the bags should cost, but retailers have been told to charge at least 5p.

If you are getting food delivered from a major supermarket, Asda, Sainsbury’s, Waitrose and Tesco will give you the option of a bagless delivery, or a flat rate of 40p. Morrisons and Ocado are charging 5p for each bag used, but will pay 5p for every bag returned.

The legislation applies to all types of shops, but only to retailers with more than 250 employees. However, watch out for your local shop trying to make extra money.

Where, oh where, does the money go?

Wherever the retailers wish!

Yes, that's right, wherever the retailers wish.

In other words they can keep it!

Nanny "expects" retailers to donate the money to worthy causes, and will be asking for reports on where the money goes.

"It's OK, the £1.5 BILLION bag tax is going to charity" pic.twitter.com/4yyn4PIJMU

— Old Holborn (@Holbornlolz) October 5, 2015

Needless to say Nanny gets her share too.

How?

Via VAT, Nanny has predicted an income of £19m a year from the VAT charged on the bags.

Ker Farking Ching!

Happy Plastic Bag Tax Day Everyone!

Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.

Visit The Joy of Lard and indulge your lard fantasies.

Show your contempt for Nanny by buying a T shirt or thong from Nanny's Store.

www.nannyknowsbest.com is brought to you by www.kenfrost.com "The Living Brand"

Visit Oh So Swedish Swedish arts and handicrafts

Why not really indulge yourself, by doing all the things that Nanny really hates? Click on the relevant link to indulge yourselves; Food, Bonking, Gifts and Flowers, Groceries

Nanny Berates Boris's Bike Backie

Oh dear, Boris Johnson has fallen foul of Nanny and her health and safety zealots.

For why?

He gave his wife, Marina, a "backie" on his bike while cycling in London.

Cue the howls of outrage from safety campaigners who were quick to point out that giving a backie is illegal under the terms of the 1998 Road and Traffic Act. Offenders can be fined up to £200.

Seemingly footage of Boris and his wife was obtained by the Sun newspaper (which I would have thought had its hands full with other footage at the moment). It was shot by passengers in a passing car, as the couple cycled along a road in North Kensington.

They can be heard in the video asking Boris (source BBC):

 "Mate, you all right? Saddling, that's a good one, eh?

You're not allowed to do that, mate."

Kerching as they duly pass on the footage to The Sun!

Meanwhile many cyclists happy break the law everyday, by running red lights and hurtling down pavements at breakneck speed endangering anyone who has the temerity to get in their way!

Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.

Visit The Joy of Lard and indulge your lard fantasies.

Show your contempt for Nanny by buying a T shirt or thong from Nanny's Store.

www.nannyknowsbest.com is brought to you by www.kenfrost.com "The Living Brand"

Visit Oh So Swedish Swedish arts and handicrafts

Why not really indulge yourself, by doing all the things that Nanny really hates? Click on the relevant link to indulge yourselves; Food, Bonking, Gifts and Flowers, Groceries

Lancashire County Council's Nice Little Earner

My thanks to a loyal reader who pointed me to the absurd nonsense perpetrated by Lancashire County Council, wrt newly painted double yellow lines.

James Callan and his partner Lauren live in a 1995 built house with a driveway, that does not have a dropped pavement outside.

For reasons that are unfathomable, council workers decided to paint some double yellow lines outside their driveway recently.

Problem?

Yes!

Apparently everytime the couple park their car in their own driveway they now face a fine of £1,000.

They have been told they are breaking the law by using the driveway as it is inside the yellow lines, and by attempting to drive on or off their own land they will be making an illegal "vehicle crossing".

 

Ker Farking Ching!

Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.

Visit The Joy of Lard and indulge your lard fantasies.

Show your contempt for Nanny by buying a T shirt or thong from Nanny's Store.

www.nannyknowsbest.com is brought to you by www.kenfrost.com "The Living Brand"

Visit Oh So Swedish Swedish arts and handicrafts

Why not really indulge yourself, by doing all the things that Nanny really hates? Click on the relevant link to indulge yourselves; Food, Bonking, Gifts and Flowers, Groceries

Fines For Tardiness

I see that Nanny has come up with a wizard wheeze for raising money, namely fining parents of kids who are persistently late for school up to £60.

Ker Farking Ching!

Easy money!

Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.

Visit The Joy of Lard and indulge your lard fantasies.

Show your contempt for Nanny by buying a T shirt or thong from Nanny's Store.

www.nannyknowsbest.com is brought to you by www.kenfrost.com "The Living Brand"

Visit Oh So Swedish Swedish arts and handicrafts

Why not really indulge yourself, by doing all the things that Nanny really hates? Click on the relevant link to indulge yourselves; Food, Bonking, Gifts and Flowers, Groceries

Nanny Bans Fags In Cars With Kids

Karl Astel

English Nanny will, as from 1 October, ban drivers in England from smoking in their cars if they are carrying children as passengers. 

Break the law, and Nanny will fine you £50.

Kerching!

Wales already bans this, but Scotland hasn't yet. Therefore, feel free to light up as soon as you cross the border.

Quite how Nanny expects to enforce this, given that people merrily text and use mobiles etc hither and thither when driving (when they shouldn't) is beyond me. Doubtless a loyal band of snoopers will rise up and help Nanny collect her fines.

Coming soon, I assume, we may expect an attempt to ban smoking in our own homes.

As a loyal reader noted, this passive smoking shit was invented by one of Hitler's henchmen!

Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.

Visit The Joy of Lard and indulge your lard fantasies.

Show your contempt for Nanny by buying a T shirt or thong from Nanny's Store.

www.nannyknowsbest.com is brought to you by www.kenfrost.com "The Living Brand"

Visit Oh So Swedish Swedish arts and handicrafts

Why not really indulge yourself, by doing all the things that Nanny really hates? Click on the relevant link to indulge yourselves; Food, Bonking, Gifts and Flowers, Groceries

Industrial CCTV - Ker Farking Ching!

 

As I have noted many times before on this site, councils are reluctant to face budgetary reality; ie they refuse to cut their coat according to their cloth.

Instead they use us as passive "milch cows", taxing and fining us to the brink of bankruptcy.

Fines are a favoured means to extracting money as Brandon Lewis, the local government minister, has noted. He has drawn attention to the fact that councils are using CCTV to issue motorists with parking fines on an “industrial” scale.

Big Brother Watch  has found growing numbers of local authorities are using the cameras to monitor parking offences and other traffic contraventions, in the five years to the end of March 2013 drivers have been fined at least £312M because of these cameras.

At least 36 local authorities across England and Wales are using static CCTV cameras and at least 58 are using cameras mounted on cars.

Lewis is quoted by the Telegraph in response to the report:

“It is clear that CCTV is being used to raise money in industrial volumes for town halls, breaking the constitutional principle that fines should not be used as a source of revenue.

Unreasonable parking charges and fines push up hard-working people’s cost of living.

If parking is too expensive or difficult, shoppers will drive to out of town supermarkets or just shop online, undermining the vitality of town centres and leading to ‘ghost town’ high streets.

That’s why the Government intends to clampdown on this clear abuse and misuse of parking CCTV.”

Emma Carr, deputy director of Big Brother Watch, said:

“The fact that no councils publish proper statistics about how these cameras are used highlights that many know that their CCTV operation is about raising money, not about public safety.

The Government rightly wants to reign in this unjustified surveillance, so councils are turning to desperate arguments about public safety to justify their cameras, despite having absolutely no evidence to back up their claims.

The use of CCTV and spy cars for parking enforcement should be banned.”

Peter Box, chairman of the Local Government Association’s economy and transport board, pooh poohs the suggestion the CCTV is being used to raise revenue:

“It is frustratingly familiar to hear Big Brother Watch again peddling the myth that councils are enforcing parking regulations just to raise money.

Road safety campaigners, schools, disability and pedestrian charities and councils have all come together to warn the Government that banning CCTV parking enforcement will put school children and disabled pedestrians at risk and worsen road safety.” 

Well, he would say that wouldn't he?

Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.

Visit The Joy of Lard and indulge your lard fantasies.

Show your contempt for Nanny by buying a T shirt or thong from Nanny's Store.

www.nannyknowsbest.com is brought to you by www.kenfrost.com "The Living Brand"

Visit Oh So Swedish Swedish arts and handicrafts

Why not really indulge yourself, by doing all the things that Nanny really hates? Click on the relevant link to indulge yourselves; Food, Bonking, Gifts and Flowers, Groceries

Ker Farking Ching - The Greed of Councils

As we greet 2014, in the hope that it will be bearable, let me congratulate Brighton and Hove council for being in the top five of councils ranked by how much money they raised via parking charges and penalty notices in 2012/13.

Brighton and Hove trousered £16.3M last year, the most of any authority outside London.

Green councillor Ian Davey, the council's lead member for transport, was quoted by The Argus:

“The council does not make a profit from parking, nor do we set out to make a surplus. 

Our policy on parking is reflected in our sustainable transport programme which aims to tackle poor air quality, keep the city moving, manage parking availability and improve road safety.”

Whatever the council may say, many of Brighton's businesses rely on tourists; if the council is too greedy wrt parking charges, they will simply visit other towns instead.

Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.

Visit The Joy of Lard and indulge your lard fantasies.

Show your contempt for Nanny by buying a T shirt or thong from Nanny's Store.

www.nannyknowsbest.com is brought to you by www.kenfrost.com "The Living Brand"

Visit Oh So Swedish Swedish arts and handicrafts

Why not really indulge yourself, by doing all the things that Nanny really hates? Click on the relevant link to indulge yourselves; Food, Bonking, Gifts and Flowers, Groceries

Another Day Another Cash Cow - Ker Farking Ching!

I see that Nanny has found another easy way of raising money to fund her bloated bureaucracy. This time it involves a whole new set of on-the-spot fines for various newly created motoring offences.

Lane hoggers and tailgaters, I fully agree that both types of individual are a scourge on the roads, can now be can now be punished with on-the-spot police fines of £100 plus 3 points.

Whilst this is all very fine and dandy, if it reduces the number of genuine offences, the fact that the fines can be administered without the "hassle" of going to court means that there is an almighty temptation to issue these fines willy nilly.

The AA are of the view that around 33% of all drivers actually risk being fined; if this statistic is true it doesn't say much for the quality of driving in this country, and it offers Nanny a remarkably easy cash cow to target and slaughter at her leisure.

Among the offences police are expected to focus on, according to the BBC, are:

• Driving too close to the vehicle in front

• Failing to give way at a junction (not requiring evasive action by another driver)
• Overtaking and pushing into a queue of traffic
• Being in the wrong lane and pushing into a queue on a roundabout
• Lane discipline, such as needlessly hogging the middle or outside lanes
• Inappropriate speed
• Wheel-spins, handbrake turns and other careless manoeuvres

People can still challenge the fines in court, if they wish.

Let's see how this all works out then!

Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.

Visit The Joy of Lard and indulge your lard fantasies.

Show your contempt for Nanny by buying a T shirt or thong from Nanny's Store.

www.nannyknowsbest.com is brought to you by www.kenfrost.com "The Living Brand"

Visit Oh So Swedish Swedish arts and handicrafts

Why not really indulge yourself, by doing all the things that Nanny really hates? Click on the relevant link to indulge yourselves; Food, Bonking, Gifts and Flowers, Groceries

You Know When You've Been ASBO'd

As loyal readers know Nanny and her minions absolutely love adding new laws to our county's already overburdened statute book, based on the false notion that more laws improve the quality of life and reduce criminal behaviour.

One such avenue regularly pursued by Nanny is that of our dear old "friend" the ASBO.

Step forward Nanny's Anti-Social Behaviour, Crime and Policing Bill, which will give local authorities the right to outlaw certain activities from designated areas.

Public Space Protection Orders (PSPOs) will create new crimes in certain localities, and could be used to prosecute activities such as spitting and begging.

Now all of this is all very well and dandy if it were really going to improve the quality of life etc within a designated area. However, there are a number of problems with such a zealous approach to adding to our statute book:

1 Such powers will, I guarantee, be abused by over zealous officials from our "respected" local authorities to clamp down on whatever irks them at the time.

2 Such powers will be used by local authorities as another means to milk their hapless local electorate via fines (ie it will be another "ker farking ching" tool).

3 Do we not already have numerous laws that deal with begging, street drinking, abusive behaviour and other general annoyances?

4 The rules that already exist are not enforced by the police, why should we expect any further rules to be enforced (other than as a means of milking the local population dry)?

In short the rules will not improve the quality of our lives, but will be abused by petty minded officials with axes to grind and budgets to fund.

Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.

Visit The Joy of Lard and indulge your lard fantasies.

Show your contempt for Nanny by buying a T shirt or thong from Nanny's Store.

www.nannyknowsbest.com is brought to you by www.kenfrost.com "The Living Brand"

Visit Oh So Swedish Swedish arts and handicrafts

Why not really indulge yourself, by doing all the things that Nanny really hates? Click on the relevant link to indulge yourselves; Food, Bonking, Gifts and Flowers, Groceries

By Gum

I am genused to see that Nanny's chums in Milton Keynes Coucnil have become so enraged with the blight of disgarded chewing gum on the streets of MK that they intend to ban it and fine people £80 for depositing it on the streets akin to the rules in Singapore (although there you can be flogged as well for leaving it on the pavements).

All well and dandy, except that if you read what is being considered it appears to be a tad more heavy handed than simply fining people for littering the streets with gum.

After8, part of Milton Keynes city centre management, is considering banning it and using "gum police" to enforce the ban. As per the Huffington Post:

"This would be bigger because it will be introduced across the whole of Central Milton Keynes over a one to two mile radius. We are still looking into how we would enforce it but we are getting lots of positive feedback on social media. Whether it means there will be gum police, or a different employee taken on to enforce the gum ban, we are looking into it."

A "slight" overreaction wouldn't you say, given that there are already anti littering laws in place?

Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.

Visit The Joy of Lard and indulge your lard fantasies.

Show your contempt for Nanny by buying a T shirt or thong from Nanny's Store.

www.nannyknowsbest.com is brought to you by www.kenfrost.com "The Living Brand"

Visit Oh So Swedish Swedish arts and handicrafts

Why not really indulge yourself, by doing all the things that Nanny really hates? Click on the relevant link to indulge yourselves; Food, Bonking, Gifts and Flowers, Groceries

A Remarkably Stupid Idea - Drinks All Round!

I am hugely gemused to see that Nanny's absurd plans for minimum booze prices have fallen apart.

Cameron's daft idea (he seems to make plans on the hoof without ever thinking them through) has been kicked into touch by the Treasury.

For why?

It would reduce tax receipts.

As per a source in the Treasury:

"A remarkably stupid idea”. 

Aside from the Treasury's views wrt tax revenues, I have written many times before about why this idea is bollocks; here, for example, is what I wrote in November 2012:

"As I have noted many times before, this will not work:

1 People will brew their own illegal hooch.

2 Hardened drinkers will continue to buy booze.

3 It will encourage more binge drinking on cheaper shite.

4 It is the thin end of the wedge, as Nanny will continue to increase the minimum price.

5 It will be used as an excuse to set minimum prices for other "vices" that Nanny disapproves of.

6 It will be used by the single issue obsessives as an excuse to launch a moral crusade against alcohol and to try to ban it altogether.

Meanwhile Nanny continues to enjoy taxpayer subsidised booze in Westminster!

This is simply a method used by Nanny to raise revenue to pay for her perks, privileges and lifestyle.

This is not Conservatism with a small "c", this is state dictatorship infringing on our rights to live our lives as we wish to.

Cameron is not a Conservative, he is a state interventionist."

Meanwhile there has been no official announcement yet from Nanny about the fact that the plan has been abandoned.

Drinks all round!


Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.

Visit The Joy of Lard and indulge your lard fantasies.

Show your contempt for Nanny by buying a T shirt or thong from Nanny's Store.

www.nannyknowsbest.com is brought to you by www.kenfrost.com "The Living Brand"

Visit Oh So Swedish Swedish arts and handicrafts

Why not really indulge yourself, by doing all the things that Nanny really hates? Click on the relevant link to indulge yourselves; Food, Bonking, Gifts and Flowers, Groceries

Fontastic News For Huhne

On the subject of speeding, if only Huhne had been aware of this gemusing debacle by Nanny he might have not had to lie his arse off.

My funny bone was severely tickled by the announcement by the Crown Prosecution Service that speed signs on sections of the M42 had been breaking Nanny's rules about speed signs for the last six years.

It seems that the font was wrong and that the signs (erected - can I say "erected" before the watershed? - by Nanny's Highways Agency) showed mph numbers taller and narrower than they should have been, failing to comply with Nanny's own traffic regulations.

Needless to say lawyers now want any penalties which were handed out over the course of the six years the signs were in place to be quashed, arguing they are not legally enforceable.

Police have stopped using the signs as a means of enforcement and dropped prosecutions it was intending to pursue on the stretches of road affected. However, before they stopped prosecuting speeders (or rather "alleged" speeders) at least 11,000 motorists had already received fines and convictions since the first of the signs went into operation in 2006. 

 

Funnily enough Nanny's Highways Agency said it was first made aware of concerns about three years ago but believed they did conform to the regulations; ie Nanny ignored the fact that she was breaking Nanny's own rules!

 

Why would that be?

 

Ker Farking Ching!

 

Anyhoo, if anyone is reading this in Huhne's cell block please pass him a copy of this article.

 

Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.

Visit The Joy of Lard and indulge your lard fantasies.

Show your contempt for Nanny by buying a T shirt or thong from Nanny's Store.

www.nannyknowsbest.com is brought to you by www.kenfrost.com "The Living Brand"

Visit Oh So Swedish Swedish arts and handicrafts

Why not really indulge yourself, by doing all the things that Nanny really hates? Click on the relevant link to indulge yourselves; Food, Bonking, Gifts and Flowers, Groceries

Nanny's Bouncers

My sympathies to the elderly members of the Sandyford and Goldenhill Residents' Association who planned to hold a singalong concert at their local community centre, in order to raise money to keep the centre open.

Sadly for them Nanny's chums from Stoke-on-Trent council insisted that they hire two bouncers for the door.

Why?

Because there was to be a bar.

Now I can understand that requirement if the event was to be attended by teenagers et al. However, the attendees were expected to be in the 70's and 80's.

Needless to say this insistence that there be two bouncers on the door has put the financial mockers on the event, as the council want to charge £100 for supplying the bouncers.

A cynic might wonder if the council were deliberately trying to sabotage any fund raising activities in order to shut down the community centre.

NB: a decision on the future of the centre will be made in the coming months, after the council looks at its profit and loss.

Ker Farking Ching!


Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.

Visit The Joy of Lard and indulge your lard fantasies.

Show your contempt for Nanny by buying a T shirt or thong from Nanny's Store.

www.nannyknowsbest.com is brought to you by www.kenfrost.com "The Living Brand"

Visit Oh So Swedish Swedish arts and handicrafts

Why not really indulge yourself, by doing all the things that Nanny really hates? Click on the relevant link to indulge yourselves; Food, Bonking, Gifts and Flowers, Groceries

Prats of The Week - Bristol City Council

Hoozah, 'tis another Monday morning; and therefore time to award one of my prestigious, and internationally, renowned "Prats of The Week" Awards!

This week it goes to Bristol City Council, who have combined prattery with a wee bit of ker farking ching.

Anyhoo, for why am I awarding the council this award?

Just ask Abus, a Bristol bus company, whose drivers have been issued with parking tickets for....can you guess children?

Yes, that's right, waiting in city centre bus stops!

Ker farking ching!

Abus owner, Alan Peters, told the BBC that the council agreed his buses could wait at quiet stops before picking up passengers.

However, Nanny's chums from Bristol City Council said that tickets were issued when buses were pulled up for more than five minutes due to "considerable demand" from operators.

Mr Peters said over the past two years, his drivers have been issued with an average of one parking ticket per month, the majority of which he has successfully appealed against.

"Ninety per cent of the tickets have been rescinded but I still have to write the appeal and sometimes go to a parking tribunal. It's all time-consuming."

Bristol City Council gave a jobsworth meaningless response:

"We are aware of the situation with Abus and have advised them of the current situation with regards to enforcement action. 

We are looking, as stated, to finding a working solution."

Bristol City Council, well deserving Prats of The Week!

Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.

Visit The Joy of Lard and indulge your lard fantasies.

Show your contempt for Nanny by buying a T shirt or thong from Nanny's Store.

www.nannyknowsbest.com is brought to you by www.kenfrost.com "The Living Brand"

Visit Oh So Swedish Swedish arts and handicrafts

Why not really indulge yourself, by doing all the things that Nanny really hates? Click on the relevant link to indulge yourselves; Food, Bonking, Gifts and Flowers, Groceries

Brighton's Incompetent Ker Farking Ching!

As loyal readers know, Nanny and her minions in her local councils love to find ways to charge the merry hell out of her "loyal" subjects/taxpayers.

The easiest method, favoured by councils, is that of parking charges.

Loyal readers with good memories (unsullied by drink and other substances) may well recall that in May I wrote of Brighton council's greedy plans to charge the hell out of visiting motorists along the seafront, by charging £20 per day for people parking along Madeira Drive.

Ker Farking Ching!

Anyhoo, all this greed is all very nice and dandy if the humble taxpayers actually pay the price and hand the money over.

However, there is a wee fly in Nanny's oinkment wrt charging people for parking in Brighton.

It seems that parking meters in Brighton and Hove do not accept new 5p and 10p coins, introduced at the beginning of 2012.

For why?

The council have not bothered telling the devices to take them.

To add to the parking fiasco, a mere 50 parking meters in Brighton accept card payments.

Well done lads!

Nanny's chums at the Treasury are unimpressed, an insider told The Argus (Brighton's local rag) that councils had been warned far in advance of the change and advised to re-calibrate their machines.

Quote:

“There is really no excuse.”

Brighton council are, of course, unrepentant:

“Our parking machines do not accept the new 5p and 10p coins. 

We took this into account when setting the new tariffs we’ve brought in, with the result that all our tariffs can now be paid without having to use the new coins. 

We have put notices on all our machines asking people not to use the new coins, and we will be replacing the redundant coin slots as and when individual machines need servicing. 

We’re also looking to make things easier for residents by introducing more cashless payment options for parking, such as by card or by phone, over the next year or so.”

My view is simple, if Nanny and her chums intend to screw us at least they should do it efficiently!

Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.

Visit The Joy of Lard and indulge your lard fantasies.

Show your contempt for Nanny by buying a T shirt or thong from Nanny's Store.

www.nannyknowsbest.com is brought to you by www.kenfrost.com "The Living Brand"

Visit Oh So Swedish Swedish arts and handicrafts

Why not really indulge yourself, by doing all the things that Nanny really hates? Click on the relevant link to indulge yourselves; Food, Bonking, Gifts and Flowers, Groceries

Monkey See, Monkey Do

As loyal readers know only too well, Nanny loves to use her rules and regulations as an excuse to charge us money (eg parking fines, street enforcement fines, music licences etc etc).

Sadly it is not just the state that uses rules and regulations as an excuse to rip us off, the private sector has also taken to copying Nanny as well. Step forward Monarch Airlines, which has an "interesting" take on what constitutes a health and safety issue; as Zoe Hammond found to her cost recently.

Ms Hammond was flying back at night from Turkey on Monarch, and felt a little chilly on the plane. She, like any other passenger on a cold plane, not unreasonably asked for a blanket.

Can you guess what happened next children?

Yes, that's right, the stewardess told Ms Hammond that she could not be given a blanket for health and safety reasons.

What?

Since when?

However, it doesn't end there.

Can you guess what then happened children?

Yes, that's right, the stewardess was happy to sell Ms Hammond a blanket for £5.

Ker Farking Ching!

Ms Hammond, tired and cold, gave in and paid. However, on her return to the UK the Mail reports that she raised the issue with the Health and Safety Executive (HSE).

A spokesman said:

"HSE have contacted the CAA and they have confirmed that there is no legal requirement to prevent a passenger having a blanket to keep them warm. Cabin crew from Monarch Airlines allegedly made the claim about health and safety

There are no health and safety regulations to prevent an airline providing blankets. It would be helpful for the airline to explain the real reasons for their decisions rather than attributing it to health and safety.

This is a blatant case of health and safety being used gratuitously as a cover up for poor customer service and/or a commercial decision.

It is clear that there is no health and safety concern given that blankets are available - at a price. The airline should have the courage to explain and stand by the real reason for its decisions."

As the old saying goes "monkey see, monkey do", the private sector is emulating the state wrt greed, fraud and dishonesty.

Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.

Visit The Joy of Lard and indulge your lard fantasies.

Show your contempt for Nanny by buying a T shirt or thong from Nanny's Store.

www.nannyknowsbest.com is brought to you by www.kenfrost.com "The Living Brand"

Visit Oh So Swedish Swedish arts and handicrafts

Why not really indulge yourself, by doing all the things that Nanny really hates? Click on the relevant link to indulge yourselves; Food, Bonking, Gifts and Flowers, Groceries