Nanny Bans Ties

Full marks to John Peckham, head teacher of Bramhall School Greater Manchester, for being a bit of a sissy girl when it comes to health and safety.

He has decided that the wearing of real ties by his pupils is way too dangerous, so he has banned his pupils from wearing knotted ties because he says they could pose a safety risk.

Clip-on ties, like those worn by police officers, are now the order of that day at Bramhall High School in Stockport.

Precisely how many thousands of children die each year because their tie strangles them?

Pillock!

Learning to tie your own tie is one of life's great benchmarks, taking you from dribbling infant to fully fledged sprog.

Nanny Bans Granny

Nanny has such an obsession with health and safety that it really ties her in knots when she tries to interact with the real world.

She can't get it through her head that you cannot eliminate risk.

Take for example the care of the elderly, and Nanny's home carers who visit the homes of the elderly to help them out with chores, provide basic home help and to see that they are alright.

Edna East, a 99 year old great grandmother, who is all of 4ft 9ins tall and weighing in at around 7 stone relies on the visit of carers for general chores and for helping supervise her climb up the stairs.

Nanny has now put her nose into this, and decided that helping to supervise a 4ft 9ins, 7 stone, elderly lady up the stirs presents too great a threat to the health and safety of the carers.

Seemingly, there is a risk that someone might fall down the stairs.

As such, she has banned the carers from helping supervise Mrs East up the stairs.

There is of course a risk that she might fall down the stairs, but there is a risk that I might fall down the stairs today too..what am I meant to do about that then?

Shit happens...PERIOD!

Nanny has told Edna, and her relatives, that they must instead spend money on a stair lift. This of course could, under extreme circumstances catch fire, collapse etc; ie there is still a risk of injury.

Why then has Nanny issued this edict?

Simple, she wants to offload the risk and responsibility onto someone else. In other words, she doesn't actually care for the health or well being of Mrs East; Nanny only cares about herself, Nanny is callous and cold.

Suzanne Singer, Mrs East's daughter, who looks after Mrs East at her home, said that the policy as "absolutely barmy."

Seemingly Enara Community Care, the firm contracted by Oxfordshire County Council to provide care provision, carried out a risk assessment (they pop in and out during the day); that's when the trouble started.

Whenever I hear the phrase "risk assessment", I instinctively reach for my revolver!

Four weeks after the risk assessment, Mrs Singer received a letter from Enara Community Care telling her of the decision.

Mrs Singer said:

"How ludicrous can you get?

My mother is still perfectly able to climb the stairs

with just a little bit of supervision.

Surely the main role of her carers was to ensure her safety.

To say they can't help her because of a possible injury risk is barmy.

How risky is it to help an elderly woman up the stairs?

They said she could fall on a carer and injure them

but she's never fallen before.

You could understand it if she was clinically obese

but she never goes beyond seven stone.

It's stupid, mindless bureaucracy."

Mrs Singer said that when she contacted the council about Enara's policy, she was told to install a stairlift or spend more time with her mother.

Quote:

"I was absolutely astonished.

My husband Roger and I are very busy people,

we both have our own practices and we can't be here all the time."

Nanny doesn't give a stuff!

Personally speaking, if I ever become elderly and infirm and feel that I might have to ask Nanny for help I will most definitely be reaching for my revolver!

Nanny Bans St George

Nanny has got her knickers in a twist over St George again.

This time she is getting worked up over the flag of St George, and its supposed racist connotations.

Nanny's chum Anne Owers, the Chief Inspector of Prisons, has banned staff at Wakefield jail from wearing ties pins featuring the Cross of St George.

It seems that she is worried that some of the prisoners residing at Her Majesty's pleasure there, Ian Huntley the Soham killer is one, may feel that the pins are a racist insult.

The reality is of course different.

The pins had been bought by officers to support a cancer charity.

Ms Owers was not moved by this, in a report on the jail Ms Owers said:

"While we were told that these had been bought in support of a cancer charity there was clear scope for misinterpretation.

Prison Service Orders made clear that unauthorised badges and pins should not be worn."

Nanny should remember the old adage, drummed into me whilst I was studying to be a Chartered Accountant, "substance over form"; ie look at the reality behind the facade.

Nanny Deploys Enver In Fight Against Terrorism

Dear old Blairy Poppins, despite spending £1800 a day on make up to cover up his stress, is turning into a very worried man since the recent terrorist bombings in London.

In fact Blairy is so worried, that he has decided to deploy one of his most fearsome weapons in the "war against terrorism".

What can this be? I hear you ask.

None other that Enver Hodge (Nanny's Employment Minister).

You remember Enver don't you?

She had something of a success in the 1980's and 90's with her childcare policy in Islington. In Islington a number of children, in Nanny's care, were abused by some 32 members of staff; yet Hodge did not act. Indeed when the Evening Standard started to report the issue in 1992, she accused it of "gutter journalism".

She then managed to further pour salt in the wounds, by writing to the BBC in 2003; claiming that one of the victims, Demetrious Panton, was "extremely disturbed". Needless to say this dim-witted outburst backfired, and Hodge had to apologise and pay £10K to a charity.

In addition to allowing systematic abuse to occur, whilst under her "watch", Hodge managed to bankrupt Islington council. During her period in office she made sure that her own children were kept well out of the clutches of Nanny, by sending them to fee paying schools.

Her nickname, coined by her own staff, during this period was "Enver Hodge"; a reference to the Stalinist dictator of Albania.

To read more about Enver visit The Enver Hodge Approach To Parenting

Therefore, as you can see, Enver is a fearsome weapon indeed. The terrorists should be shaking in their shoes.

As such Blairy has commissioned her to "help" Muslim youths improve their employment opportunities.

Somehow or other Nanny has got it in to her head that unemployment causes people to go out and blow up their fellow citizens.

Funny that, I don't remember any bombs going off when unemployment was over 3 million!

Anyhoo, Enver has told a seminar in London that it is vital to discover why young Muslims with promising starts fail to get jobs.

According to independent research discrimination is one problem, but strong family ties and an unwillingness to relocate also play a part.

Enver said that it is important to find ways of encouraging young Muslims to feel integrated into British society, in the light of the terrorist attacks in London on 7 July.

Sorry Enver that is total bollocks.

The solution to the lack of jobs and alienation felt by the Muslim community, and indeed the means to prevent future attacks, lies within the hands of the Muslim community themselves; it is not for Nanny to interfere and make matters worse.

By singling our Muslims for special treatment, Nanny:

1 Shows fear

2 Is rightly or wrongly perceived to be rewarding illegal behaviour

3 Further alienates the Muslim community by making them out to be victims, in need of special treatment

4 Causes resentment from the non Muslim community

I suggest that Blairy and Enver visit In Your Face and read "The Cricket Test Revisited" for more details.

The Dead Hand of Bureaucracy

Nanny, not content with setting hospitals ever more demanding targets, has set up over 100 organisations with the power to carry out inspections.

These “added value” inspectorates include:

-Clinical supervisors
-Auditors
-Ombudsmen
-Risk assessors

Needless to say, each time an “inspector calls”, hospital staff find their precious time being diverted to pay homage to the demands of the men from the ministry.

The consequence being that patients’ healthcare suffers; as the “dead hand of bureaucracy” ties up resources, and stifles any initiatives aimed at improving the well being of patients.

Given the number of inspectorates, it is not surprising to learn that their inspections often overlap.

However, to expect them to co-ordinate their reviews is asking too much. The inspectorates are run by “brain dead” automatons, who relish their opportunity to wield “power”. They have no intention of giving up their new found authority.

Nanny claims that the bureaucracy will be “streamlined”. Needless to say this is “Nanny speak” for obfuscated. Apparently a “concordat” of inspectorates will be set up to co-ordinate the information gleaned from inspections, the alleged aim being to speed up the inspections.

I suspect that this “concordat” (whatever that means), will merely add yet another layer of bureaucracy to the already overburdened health service.

What Nanny seeks to destroy, she first regulates and inspects to death.