Nanny Knows Best

Nanny Knows Best
Dedicated to exposing, and resisting, the all pervasive nanny state that is corroding the way of life and the freedom of the people of Britain.

Tuesday, March 29, 2005

No Sex Please We're Drunk

No Sex Please We're DrunkNanny has got rather fed up with the amount of sex in society, in fact she is rather fed up with sex a whole.

Nanny is a Vulcan, who adheres rigidly to the Vulcan practice of "pang-phar"; whereby you only have sex once every seven years.

To this end she has decided that booze adverts that imply sex, or improved sexual prowess after downing 10 pints, should be banned.

A couple may sit together and share affectionate glances, but there must be no eroticism or sexual contact. The guidance effectively insists on a six-inch space between lovers, though glamorous individuals may still be featured.

Similarly, films promoting liquor must not be linked with acts of daring, toughness, rowdiness or rudeness.

The popping of champagne corks is still allowed, but scenes of party-goers soaked in champagne are not acceptable.

Nanny's new guidance says:

"Alcohol should not be used as an aid to seduction or to enhance a person's attractiveness".

She also says:

"Linking alcohol with mild flirtation or romance is similarly allowed, provided that it is limited to gentle dialogue, facial expressions or body language that do not imply sexual activity has taken..

, or about to take, place."

Clearly Nanny doesn't get out much, as far as I am aware 90% of sexual congress in the UK only occurs after the downing of a few pints and vodka shots.

7 comments:

  1. Can you put up a link or two on this story, Ken?

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  2. Scott, it comes from The Times. If you go to their site and search, you should be able to find the exact page.

    Ken

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  3. Anonymous8:04 PM

    So you can open the bubbly at you wedding but not actually drink the stuff if you plan to consumate the marriage?!?

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  4. Can't find it now. The bloody Times has a useless archive service.

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  5. Anonymous2:22 PM

    I suppose I have just been nannied. I wanted to send a post to a friend, but your site said I had exceeded my e-mail limit. This is strange, because I haven't sent any e-mails from your site. It is also funny, because I had just read your posting of the computer vrs. the flight booking.

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  6. The workings of computers are indeed a mystery!

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  7. Nanny... You are a woman after my own heart! I agree with you 100%!

    By the way... I'm approaching year 6. And feeling interestingly calm and clear. ;)

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