Nanny Knows Best

Nanny Knows Best
Dedicated to exposing, and resisting, the all pervasive nanny state that is corroding the way of life and the freedom of the people of Britain.

Tuesday, December 24, 2019

Merry Christmas



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Monday, December 23, 2019

Stormzy In a Teacupsky


Until the other day I was blissfully ignorant as to who Stormzy is.

Now, sadly, I am not!

I trust and assume I will again be blissfully ignorant of his existence in the coming days!


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Monday, December 09, 2019

Auntie Trims Her Tree


The Telegraph reports that Auntie has got rid of her Christmas tree.

The tree stood at the door of New Broadcasting House for just one week before it was cut up and carted off.

For why?

Apparently it was a “security risk”.

Maybe Auntie could have just moved it instead?

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Monday, December 02, 2019

Cats Accused of Racism



The Telegraph reports that Principal Ballerina Francesca Hayward, who plays Victoria the White in the Andrew Lloyd Webber adaption of Cats, sparked debate after a trailer was released depicting her with a face of white fur.

Fans took to Twitter to express concern and accuse the film of hiding the 27-year-old’s natural skin colour.

“She’s black?!” Tweeted one user, with another replying: “Wow. You cannot tell. That's deliberate and terrible.”

Here's a reality check, she's playing a cat not a human!

As she quite correctly says:
"The bottom line is, I'm playing a cat. There is no more discussion. I am a cat that's white, let's not read into it."
I am beginning top wonder if large sections of the human race have absolutely nothing to do in their lives, other than look for fault and offence?

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Thursday, November 28, 2019

Irony Klaxon - Bags For Life Increase Plastic Usage


Oh dear, it seems that whilst sales of "bags for life" rose to 1.5bn last year the amount of plastic used by supermarkets also increased to 900,000 tonnes.

It seems that people regard "for life" as meaning disposable.
 
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Tuesday, November 26, 2019

Nanny Bans Bollocks


Two anti-Brexit campaigners claim they were pulled over on to the hard shoulder of the M25 and told by police to remove a slogan from their car.

Passenger Peter Cook said the officer was "extremely aggressive" towards them over the phrase "bollocks to Brexit".

The BBC quotes Mr Cook:
"He said it [the slogan] was a public order offence, he insisted we remove the signage on the hard shoulder of the M25."
Essex Police said the force was trying to establish what happened.

Correct me if I am wrong, but doesn't ex Speaker Bercow drive around with a similar phrase on his car?


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Monday, November 11, 2019

Students Favour Conformity Over Free Speech


The Times reports that fewer than half of students consistently support freedom of speech and two fifths favour censorship and no-platforming of controversial speakers, research has shown.

A “culture of conformity” may also be having an effect on undergraduates, who are often too intimidated to espouse unpopular views on campus, according to a report by the think tank Policy Exchange.

It is disheartening, to say the least, that those who are at university favour closing their minds to ideas that they consider "controversial".

The report recommends that Universities should:

1. Adopt an academic freedom commitment, such as the Chicago Principles, that clearly states that ‘debate or deliberation may not be suppressed because the ideas put forth are thought by some or even most members of the University community to be offensive, unwise, immoral, or wrong-headed’.

2. Appoint an Academic Freedom Champion (AFC), reporting directly to the Vice-Chancellor, with the power to investigate complaints of political discrimination across the Higher Education Institution (HEI), and to recommend actions as appropriate.

A closed mind sees nothing!

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Friday, November 08, 2019

Nanny Bans "It"


Commiserations to the pupils at Rudyard Kipling Primary School, Woodingdean, were reportedly told they could no longer touch each other while playing at break time.

It has left children feeling “bored” at break times, while some parents say it will turn their children into “snowflakes” because they are being mollycoddled.

The Argus reports that a letter sent home to parents by the headteacher Joanne Smith said it follows concerns about “play fighting and rough play” that were “causing some children to get upset”.

She said games such as “it” and “team it” had “escalated” and said a new “gentle hands” rule was in place at the school.

It included teaching children “lots of new games” that follow the gentle rule.

Whilst Mrs Smith has told parents it does not mean children cannot touch each other, parents say their children were told not to touch one another.


A letter from Mrs Smith to parents states:
To clarify, ‘Gentle Hands’ does not mean ‘no touching’. The children are of course allowed to hold hands or play clapping games with a friend should they wish to.

Gentle Hands simply means playing games outside that do not need to be physical.

This will ensure the playground is a happy, safe and calm place where everyone can enjoy their lunchtime running around and getting the exercise we know is important to them.”
I take it rugby etc is banned at this school?

A non scientific observation/query raises its head, as schools seek to cover kids in cotton wool and ban contact sports, "it" etc how is it that the levels of street violence appears to be escalating?

Could it be that by banning these games Nanny is breeding a generation of kids/teens who can't cope with reality, or control their emotions, and resort to hysterical violence when reality bites?

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Tuesday, November 05, 2019

Safety Advice For Guy Fawkes


As loyal readers know, this site does not normally dispense safety advice.

However, as it is Guy Fawkes, I would like to suggest to those of you intending to have some fireworks tonight to use the traditional bottle or tube launching pad for your rockets not your arse!

The above photo is apparently genuine, and has given rise to the Royal Society for The Prevention of Accidents warning:
"It doesn’t take a bright spark to know that fireworks are not to be toyed with."

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Tuesday, October 29, 2019

Painkillers Help Depression?


Now here's an interesting thing, it seems that taking two painkillers a day can reduce the symptoms of depression, a study has suggested. The findings have prompted calls for trials on whether over-the-counter pills could be prescribed for mental health disorders.

Scientists reviewed 26 previous studies to look at the effect of anti-inflammatory drugs, including ibuprofen and aspirin, on the symptoms of “major depressive disorder”. These include low moods and the inability to feel pleasure.

Researchers from the University of Science and Technology in Wuhan, China, found that the drugs were 79 per cent more effective at eliminating symptoms and 52 per cent more effective at reducing their overall severity than a placebo.

The problem, I suspect, will come when Nanny will decide that because those with depression may need a prescription to obtain painkillers (that are currently sold "over the counter") then all painkillers will be subjected to an "only by prescription" order irrespective of the reason for needing the painkiller.

Or am I being just a tad too cynical?

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Monday, October 28, 2019

The Dangers of Poppies


As loyal readers know Nanny always manages to stay one step ahead of the health and safety game, by moving the goal posts.

Case in point being her ban on large sized poppies being attached to lampposts in Stalybriudge Greater Manchester.

Last year large scale poppies were attached to the lampposts, and residents assumed the same would happen this year. Unfortunately, Nanny has moved the goalposts.

The Sun reports that shopkeeper Peter Taylor was astonished to receive the refusal letter which read:
I regret that we are not able to support your request . . . last year was a ‘one-off’ to commemorate the centenary for the end of the First World War.

The council has stringent health and safety guidelines it has to comply with including stress and push testing of lamp columns.

This is a service we would need to procure and we do not have the budget for it.
For the record, each poppy weighs no more that a plastic picnic plate.

Parish Councillor Neil Allsopp is quoted:
It’s a ludicrous decision. This is when we recognise the sacrifice that men and women made for this country.

I can’t believe the mentality and the lack of feeling of the people behind it. May they hang their heads in shame.”
Thameside District Council have not provided a comment.

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Friday, October 25, 2019

Oxford University Bans Clapping


It seems that mankind's tradition (it goes back to at least the 6th century BC) of clapping when showing approval has fallen foul of Nanny and her minions.

Students at the University of Oxford have voted to ‘replace clapping’ with a silent wave because it ‘could trigger anxiety’.

They are instead being told to use ‘jazz hands’, where they wave their hands in the air.

The new rules will apply at student union events, and if successful, rolled out to other societies and events.

This makes the students of Oxford look utterly ridiculous.

How did mankind survive before 21st century Nanny and her minions came along?

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Thursday, October 24, 2019

America Really Has No Sense of Irony


Source

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Wednesday, October 23, 2019

Irn-Bru Sticks Two Fingers Up To Nanny



Nanny's sugar tax levy had forced Irn-Bru to mess with its recipe, much the the consternation of its loyal customers.

As such, the company has decided to stick two fingers upo to Nanny and produce a limited batch of its original recipe (containing sugar) from 1901.

Robin Barr, who unearthed the recipe, is quoted by STV:

"The 1901 recipe has aged beautifully over the last 118 years.

For a limited time, we'll be producing a premium 'old and unimproved' Irn-Bru 1901 just as it was enjoyed by our first fans.

This is Irn-Bru as you've never tasted it. It's a chance to enjoy a unique and authentic piece of Scottish history - but don't hang about, we don't think it will be around for long."

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Monday, October 21, 2019

Nanny Wants Shops To Hide Booze


Edinburgh's Deputy Council Leader, Cammy Day, is taking his Nanny instructions from the Children's Parliament (and no, I don't mean Westminster).

The Children’s Parliament issued a report in which children as young as nine voiced concern about the high visibility of alcohol in everyday life. The Children’s Parliament report published last month called for alcohol to be made less visible in shops and on TV, and the removal of adverts from billboards and an end to alcohol firms sponsoring events where children are present.

Day is seeking a meeting with Community Safety Minister Ash Denham on the issue.

Well here's the thing:

1 What the fuck is the Children's Parliament (other than a PR exercise)?

2 This is an adult world, run by adults. The visibility of alcohol in shops is not a matter of concern for children.

3 Hiding the booze won't change people's consumption in any way!
 

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Thursday, October 17, 2019

Decent People Doing The Police's Job



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Wednesday, October 16, 2019

Man Who Flies Round The World To Race Cars Hypocrisy Klaxon


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Monday, October 14, 2019

Racist, Sexist and Ageist - His Parents Must Be So Proud!

Someone tell him that, unless climate change hasn't killed him off, he will one day become an old white man!

UPDATE

Twitter have deleted the above tweet from XR, because it breaches their rules!


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Ban Air Miles To Reduce Flying


It seems that a report by Nanny's climate change advisers recommends that air miles schemes should be banned because they encourage excessive flying.

The ban would affect millions of customers of British Airways, Virgin Atlantic and other airlines that have loyalty programmes. The report by Imperial College London for the Committee on Climate Change says that frequent flyers, who earn the most air miles, should be targeted as Nanny seeks to meet its emissions reduction targets.

Call me old fashioned, but wouldn't a simpler way to reduce flying be to tax it more?

Those of us with air miles know full well that they are not particularly useful as many flights (particularly at popular times) don't accept them, as such you invariably find that your air miles have aged off the system or you end up using them on vodka.

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Friday, October 11, 2019

We Are Big Brother


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Thursday, October 10, 2019

Nanny To Ban Eating on Public Transport


Professor Dame Sally Davies, Nanny's Chief Medical Officer and food nazi, wants to ban people eating on public transport.

For why?

Seemingly it will make us slimmer.

Well, if I could be bothered to waste my time on thinking up various reasons why this is bollocks list them here (eg it won't work people will remain fat, some people need to eat on public transport eg diabetics, it is unenforceable etc etc).

However, I will simply save my time and yours by saying:

FUCK OFF TO NANNY!

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Monday, October 07, 2019

The Velvet Hand in The Cotton Wool Glove!

Were any other member of the public to park their car illegally, or to cause an obstruction, there would be hell to pay!


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Thursday, October 03, 2019

Extinction Rebellion Pollute The Environment With Fake Blood


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Tuesday, October 01, 2019

Meat Doesn't Pose a Cancer Risk


Despite the world and his wife lecturing us that meat causes cancer, and that we must cut down, new research indicates that it makes bugger all difference to the chances of you getting cancer if you cut down on meat eating or not!

Colour me "surprised"..NOT!

Needless to say, Nanny and her acolytes are not best pleased when confronted with facts.

The World Health Organization has classified red and processed meats as cancer-causing. Public health bodies worldwide urge people to limit their intake of red and processed meat to reduce their cancer risk. The NHS advises that people who eat 90g of meat a day – equivalent to three thin slices of roast meat – should cut down to 70g.

As such, these lecturing busybodies will ignore science and continue to tell us to cut down.

Oh, and let us not forget that Nanny has a new string to her anti-meat bow, namely the alleged environmental impact of eating meat.

Sigh!
 
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Monday, September 30, 2019

A Sorry State of Affairs!

How has it come to this?


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Friday, September 20, 2019

Nanny Tolerates Incitement To Violence

Call me old fashioned, but doesn't this constitute an incitement to violence?


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Wednesday, September 18, 2019

India Bans Vaps


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Tuesday, September 17, 2019

Nanny's Fat Shaming Makes Things Worse


James Corden makes a very good point:
"It's proven that fat shaming only does one thing.

It makes people feel ashamed and shame leads to depression, anxiety and self-destructive behaviour - self-destructive behaviour like overeating.

If making fun of fat people made them lose weight, there'd be no fat kids in schools."
Nanny might want to consider that she has added to the problem, rather than helped people improve their health.



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Thursday, September 12, 2019

Trump Bans Vapes Not Guns


Seemingly vapes are more deadly than guns!


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Wednesday, September 11, 2019

Nanny Bans Fireman Sam


Fireman Sam has now been deemed outdated, and has been banned from promotional material by  Lincolnshire Fire and Rescue (LFR).

LFR made the decision after it received negative feedback regarding Sam not being inclusive enough. The character had previously been used by the fire service for station open days and advertising materials.

Instead LFR has introduced new mascots in the form of gender-neutral blue, red and yellow fire extinguishers called Freddy, Filbert and Penelope.

Chief fire officer Les Britzman is quoted by the Independent:
Firefighters nationally and residents locally have raised some concerns that ‘Fireman Sam’ doesn’t reflect the fire service today, in terms of both the job itself and our workforce.

It’s important to us that our open days and community events don’t make anyone feel excluded and therefore we took this decision."
They are rather missing the more relevant point, that as Sam is made of plastic he would melt as soon as he went anywhere near a fire!

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Tuesday, September 10, 2019

Nanny To Ban Watches In Exams


Watches are now so sophisticated, that Nanny feels that all watches should be banned from exam halls to discourage cheating. Thus says an inquiry into the extent of malpractice in exams taken by pupils across the UK.

Smart watches, connected to the internet, are already banned from use by students taking public exams.


The review, commissioned by exam boards, says it is becoming difficult to distinguish between hi-tech and traditional watches.

Review chairman Sir John Dunford called for a "blanket ban" on watches.

In my day, the best you could do was write some answers on your wrist, or stuff a piece of paper into your tie (programmable calculators had been banned).

It is a fair point, but I cannot help to feel that if a child successfully manages to cheat (without being detected) then that child is destined for high political office or a senior executive role!

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Thursday, September 05, 2019

Nanny's Snack Tax


As per the Guardian:
"A snack tax of 20% on biscuits, cakes and sweets would have “a huge impact” on obesity levels in the UK and be more effective than the current levy on colas and other sugary drinks, say experts."
These "experts" do know that 20% VAT is already levied on snacks don't they?

Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.

Visit The Joy of Lard and indulge your lard fantasies.

Show your contempt for Nanny by buying a T shirt or thong from Nanny's Store.

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Visit Oh So Swedish Swedish arts and handicrafts

Why not really indulge yourself, by doing all the things that Nanny really hates? Click on the relevant link to indulge yourselves; Food, Bonking, Gifts and Flowers, Groceries

Monday, September 02, 2019

Free Parking In Brighton For All!


Brighton's beloved Green/Labour council have granted free parking for all (anywhere you want)..apparently!

See story here.

Welcome to Skidrow-On-Sea!

Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.

Visit The Joy of Lard and indulge your lard fantasies.

Show your contempt for Nanny by buying a T shirt or thong from Nanny's Store.

www.nannyknowsbest.com is brought to you by www.kenfrost.com "The Living Brand"

Visit Oh So Swedish Swedish arts and handicrafts

Why not really indulge yourself, by doing all the things that Nanny really hates? Click on the relevant link to indulge yourselves; Food, Bonking, Gifts and Flowers, Groceries

Friday, August 30, 2019

David T C Davies Nails It!



Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.

Visit The Joy of Lard and indulge your lard fantasies.

Show your contempt for Nanny by buying a T shirt or thong from Nanny's Store.

www.nannyknowsbest.com is brought to you by www.kenfrost.com "The Living Brand"

Visit Oh So Swedish Swedish arts and handicrafts

Why not really indulge yourself, by doing all the things that Nanny really hates? Click on the relevant link to indulge yourselves; Food, Bonking, Gifts and Flowers, Groceries

Friday, August 23, 2019

Cannibalism To Save The Planet


I will leave this here....

Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.

Visit The Joy of Lard and indulge your lard fantasies.

Show your contempt for Nanny by buying a T shirt or thong from Nanny's Store.

www.nannyknowsbest.com is brought to you by www.kenfrost.com "The Living Brand"

Visit Oh So Swedish Swedish arts and handicrafts

Why not really indulge yourself, by doing all the things that Nanny really hates? Click on the relevant link to indulge yourselves; Food, Bonking, Gifts and Flowers, Groceries

Thursday, August 22, 2019

Brexit Makes Auntie Squirm


Last night's 10PM news broadcast from Auntie was, for once, quite amusing.

As she always does Auntie launched into a report about no deal Brexit, and the possible food and medicine shortages arising from no deal Brexit.

Yet, despite her best efforts, the professionals she interviewed in both the food and medicine industries said that there would be no shortages and that the matter was in hand.

It was a delight to see Auntie squirm and look so deflated!

Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.

Visit The Joy of Lard and indulge your lard fantasies.

Show your contempt for Nanny by buying a T shirt or thong from Nanny's Store.

www.nannyknowsbest.com is brought to you by www.kenfrost.com "The Living Brand"

Visit Oh So Swedish Swedish arts and handicrafts

Why not really indulge yourself, by doing all the things that Nanny really hates? Click on the relevant link to indulge yourselves; Food, Bonking, Gifts and Flowers, Groceries

Tuesday, August 20, 2019

Cauliflowers Are No Laughing Matter!


Kudos and sympathies to Swedish comedian Olaf Falafel, who has won Dave's "Funniest Joke of The Fringe" award at the Edinburgh Festival with the niche culinary pun.

He took the title with the gag:
"I keep randomly shouting out 'Broccoli' and 'Cauliflower' - I think I might have florets".
It is from Falafel's show It's One Giant Leek For Mankind at the Pear Tree (a pub I used to imbibe in regularly when I was a student there in the early 1980's).

Sympathies though to Mr Falafel, who fell foul of the charity Tourettes Action which said the joke was not funny and had received calls to its helpline with people complaining about the gag.

They want him to apologise.
 

Proof, if ever it were needed, that humour will always offend someone.

Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.

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Show your contempt for Nanny by buying a T shirt or thong from Nanny's Store.

www.nannyknowsbest.com is brought to you by www.kenfrost.com "The Living Brand"

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Why not really indulge yourself, by doing all the things that Nanny really hates? Click on the relevant link to indulge yourselves; Food, Bonking, Gifts and Flowers, Groceries

Friday, August 16, 2019

Chlorinated Chicken Crisis Resolved


Those of you fearful of eating American chlorinated chicken, that will be force fed you post Brexit, need fear no more.

Simply rinse it under the tap in British chlorinated water!

Oh..hang on a minute....


Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.

Visit The Joy of Lard and indulge your lard fantasies.

Show your contempt for Nanny by buying a T shirt or thong from Nanny's Store.

www.nannyknowsbest.com is brought to you by www.kenfrost.com "The Living Brand"

Visit Oh So Swedish Swedish arts and handicrafts

Why not really indulge yourself, by doing all the things that Nanny really hates? Click on the relevant link to indulge yourselves; Food, Bonking, Gifts and Flowers, Groceries

Thursday, August 15, 2019

Racist Fried Chicken Box Message


As to whether an anti knife crime message on the inside of a fried chicken box will help lessen knife crime, I cannot say.

However, to call it racist implies that only non white people eat fried chicken; which is in itself appears to be racist.

I eat fried chicken, and have done so since I was a kid (though I have never carried a knife).

Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.

Visit The Joy of Lard and indulge your lard fantasies.

Show your contempt for Nanny by buying a T shirt or thong from Nanny's Store.

www.nannyknowsbest.com is brought to you by www.kenfrost.com "The Living Brand"

Visit Oh So Swedish Swedish arts and handicrafts

Why not really indulge yourself, by doing all the things that Nanny really hates? Click on the relevant link to indulge yourselves; Food, Bonking, Gifts and Flowers, Groceries